


The 2nd Circle

by Holochan, Sallsmum



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Abandonment, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Human, Bullying, Confusion, Dark Magnus Bane, Dark Past, Depression, Dirty Talk, Emotional Slow Burn, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Magnus Bane, Jealousy, Lust, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus Is Hiding Something, Masturbation, Misunderstandings, No Strings Attached, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Possessive Behavior, Raphael Santiago Has Feelings, Raphael and Magnus are not brothers, Seduction, Self-Destruction, Self-Discovery, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Sexual Discovery, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Shameless Smut, Shy Alec Lightwood, Texting, Therapy, Unrequited Love, mention of depression, wink wink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-04-06 20:28:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 127,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14064942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holochan/pseuds/Holochan, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sallsmum/pseuds/Sallsmum
Summary: “Are you always this intense?” He asked him, not turning around.His voice had a distinct waver to it, it surprised him that he could even get the words out at all.“Mostly. But never like this.” Magnus’ voice was the direct opposite of his.It was low and deep and steady and made Alec want to groan out loud. It was so god damn husky.“Turn around.” Magnus said and Alec closed his eyes for a few seconds before attempting to face him without moaning.He managed to make it, even though his legs felt like jelly and saw him ease off where he had been leaning against the back of the door.********A shy Alec Lightwood doesn't know what he's in for when he meets the mysterious and dark club owner, Magnus Bane. Has he bitten off way more than he can chew for his first relationship?





	1. A Leap Of Faith

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first co authored fic and i couldn't be happier than having my girl writing it with me. Her ideas are the absolute best, I just flesh them out a bit.  
> She deserves just as much credit for this as I do, even though she says she doesn't. Well done, baby. xx

“All set for tonight, bro?”

Alec Lightwood looked back at his best friend, Jace. He wasn’t getting out of this, was he?

The whole thing had started about twelve months ago, when Jace had moved from their small country town. The day that he had told Alec that he had secured a position at one of the big news papers there and he had a month to find an apartment and pack, was the worst day in Alec’s 28 years. Jace Herondale had been his best buddy since the first day of school. How they had became such fast friends, Alec had no idea. They were complete opposites.

 

Jace was loud, vibrant, always wanting to be centre of attention. Alec had been the shy little kid that was trying his best not embarrass himself by bursting into tears and calling out for his mother. He had sat alone in the noisy playground and even though he had known most of the kids all his life, he had kept to himself, nibbling on his sandwich like a mouse. 

 

Jace had spotted him and at first, when Alec had seen him heading for him, he was terrified that he had been coming over to give him a hard time. He had shrunk back, wishing the ground would open up and swallow him right then and there but Jace had been so nice, it had completely thrown him.

 

From that day on, they spent each break together, trading lunches and snacks and talking about anything and everything from their favourite TV shows to video games. Jace took on the roll of his protector and advocate and did his best to try to get him to join in playground games and sports activities. Sometimes he was successful and other times he wasn’t. 

Alec had come out of his shell a little, but he still reverted back to his introverted ways a lot of the time.

Of course, Alec’s parents didn’t approve of his new friend. Both Maryse and Robert Lightwood were teachers at the high school and extremely conventional and straight laced. Never ones to call a spade a shovel, they believed that children should be seen and not heard and that 6 years of age wasn’t too young to start working towards a college degree.

 

Alec had only one other sibling, his sister Isabelle. She was five years his senior and even at 11 years old, was showing the first signs of rebellion against their conservative parents. Izzy had more of Jace’s personality, outgoing, outspoken, out there in general really but she did really well in school, so their parents couldn’t ride her too much over things. They had worked out a few years before that they needed to give Izzy a little more leash than what they had originally intended because if they didn’t, she went ahead and did something that went against the grain anyway.

 

It return, Izzy kept up her school grades and went to church and Sunday school every weekend.  
Now Alec was in school, Izzy was too far ahead of him to acknowledge that she had a quiet little brother. That suited Alec, it saved him worrying about her coming and giving him a hard time. The only time he saw her was when they walked to school together in the mornings and then Izzy would be waiting for him outside his classroom in the afternoons to make the return trip.

In spite of his parents complaining about Jace being a bad influence and that Alec should find more appropriate friends, the two of them stuck together. 

He had managed to coax Alec out a little but by the time they started high school, Jace had sort of resigned himself to the fact that his best friend was always going to be more interested in reading a good book than going to the local mall and hanging out with other kids.

Puberty only seemed to widen the gap between their personalities but somehow, they still remained friends. There was another difference that started to present itself around that time as well. Alec had began to realise that he didn’t share his friends new found interest in girls. At first, Alec thought it was something to do with his quiet personality but when he found himself stealing glances at the captain of the football team and the cute guys on the swim team, he knew it was more than that.

He and Jace shared everything together, telling each other things that not even their parents knew but this, this was something he didn’t reveal about himself. He didn’t think of Jace in that way, but he had a feeling that Jace would get weirded out about it and end up dumping him. 

He had no other friends so that just couldn’t happen.

The only other thing that would have been worse than Jace finding out was his parents. He hated to think what the upstanding Maryse and Robert Lightwood would do if they knew they had a gay son. He shuddered at the thought of it.

To Jace, high school was one big social event and he spent his time there experiencing as many ‘firsts’ as he could. First girlfriend, first time getting drunk, first time smoking a joint, first car, and of course, first time having sex. He tried his best to get Alec to check these milestones off his own list, but Alec avoided nearly each one like the plague. 

He was there for some of Jace’s however. He remembered the party that he had been dragged to at one of the popular kid’s house where Jace had managed to tick two of the things off his list.

Alec had spent most of the night in a corner, sipping water from the tap because he didn’t trust anything else that was on offer, even the bottles of soda and watching Jace getting drunker and drunker by the minute, girls hanging off his shoulders like fashion accessories as he held court over most of the room.

It was Alec that had hauled him to his feet when he was too far gone to be able to stand on his own and it was Alec who had dragged his drunk ass inside the dorm room, the back way so they wouldn’t get caught and it was Alec that sat with him on the bathroom floor, holding the door shut so no one else could get in while Jace ‘recycled’ the contents of his stomach and from the amount and frequency, two other people’s as well.

 

For Alec, college was spent trying to keep his best and only friend out of trouble as much as he could and pretending to be someone he wasn’t. They did graduate, Jace just scraping through, both earning journalism degrees. Alec had always wanted to write but he knew that it wasn’t practical to just sit in front of a computer trying to write the next best seller, he had to make a living somehow and at least this way he could combine a need with a want.

Jace had started applying for jobs in the city straight away but Alec had gone back home and started working in the little newspaper office in their hometown. He told himself that he was happy, but he wasn’t, and he kept telling himself that one day he would leave, but with every month that passed, he stayed put.  
Jace had been like a caged lion in the six months that he had spent back home before he got the job in the city. 

Alec wanted to work with him, but he couldn’t do it, instead, Jace got a job behind the bar at the local tavern.

But it ended up being like giving a pyromaniac a box of matches and he ended up drunk at the end of nearly every shift after having ‘a few drinks’ with the other barman and the waitresses. 

Alec was worried that he would wear himself out before he got a job, a day he both hoped would come and would it never arrive. 

By the time he had actually gotten the position at the paper, it was his welcome that had been worn out and most of the town had been glad to see him go. Including Maryse and Robert. Alec had tried to deal with the fact that he had lost his only friend in the world and the only person how ever tried to pull him out of his shell and done it with any success.

Izzy was long gone by then, living her own life in the city so he had the distinct pleasure of living with his parents whose idea of a good night was to listen to classical music and read books. In silence. Even Alec was livelier than that. 

On top of the feeling of utter loss, he had to deal with their regular snide remarks about him and that he was far better off without Jace. Now his work at the small paper didn’t satisfy him in the least and everything about their small hometown started to rub him the wrong way.

 

Jace was calling nearly every week telling him that he should get his ass to the city and live a little and eventually, it got to him and he agreed. Much to his parents’ disgust.

So here he was, working with Jace at the paper and sharing his apartment with him that consisted of three rooms. He had bought a pull-out sofa after one night of sleeping on the floor, one night in the old armchair that Jace had gotten from somewhere and then one night in the narrow double bed with Jace. Urgh, that had just been way too weird. He had never been attracted to his friend but sharing a bed just felt wrong. They had gone shopping the next day.

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose.” Alec said as he shut down his computer.

Jace had discovered this club in the year before he had moved and was now a regular there.

Alec had never set foot in anything racier than the local tavern back home where Jace had once worked so a full-on night club had his anxiety working overtime.

 

They took the train back home and started to get ready. It was a Friday night, so it was probably going to be busy and according to Jace, nothing got going until around 10 so they were going to head for a nearby pizza place beforehand.

Alec showered and then dressed in a good pair of jeans and a long sleeve dark blue button-down shirt. He looked in the mirror at his reflection; midnight dark hair still messy from the shower, large hazel eyes, clear and hopefully didn’t look as nervous as he felt. His bottom lip slightly deeper pink than the top on where he had been unconsciously chewing it from his unease.  
He thought about shaving as he saw the dark shadow around his upper lip and jaw but decided not to. The scruffy look was in apparently.

 

He was pulling on a pair of black boots when Jace emerged. He wore a plain white shirt and dark jeans, he was obviously dressed to impress tonight.

They took a cab down to the pizza place where they found that there were quite a few people who had the same idea as they did. After waiting for 20 minutes they finally got a table and squeeze into the narrow little restaurant and ordered something off the menu called the kitchen sink. Alec gave Jace a dubious look.

“It’s fantastic, man, you’ll love it.” He assured him.

“So, what’s the name of this place we’re going to?” Alec asked him as they sipped sodas and nibbled bread sticks while they waited.

“It’s called The Second Circle. Queer name, I know but its such great place. Kevin from work told me about it not long after I moved here and I’m so glad he did.” Jace told him.

“Someone knows their Dante.” Alec said just as their order arrived. Alec’s dark brows went up. Now he got the reason behind the name. He doubted there wasn’t a single food group not represented on it. It smelt divine though. 

He noticed Jace looking at him in confusion as he took his first bite.

“Who knows what now?”

Alec rolled his eyes. Partly from the taste of the food exploding on his tongue and partly because of Jace’s ignorance when it came to literature.

“Dante? You know? The nine circles of hell? The divine comedy? We read it in school, well I did. Each circle represented a different sin.” He could tell Jace was none the wiser,but he let it drop.

“So, don’t hold me in suspense, man, what is the second circle?”

“Lust.” Alec said, around a mouthful of pizza. Jace gave him a cheeky grin and a slow nod. 

Finally, something he could relate to.

“Oh yeah, now I get it.” Alec shook his head. If there had been amusement parks, video games and porn sites themed around their prescribed reading list at school, then Jace might have topped the class.

They finished off their food and after another 10-minute wait in line to actually pay for it, they finally started down the street towards the club.

Alec had never been in this part of the city before and he looked around him. A lot of the buildings looked old and somewhere in varying stages of refurbishment while others had businesses in them. The lighting wasn’t the best around here and it seemed the further they went, the less there was. 

Alec was starting to wonder where the hell this place was and what exactly Jace was leading him into.  
They walked down a block that seemed to be nothing but half-finished renovations the street lights now ended at the last corner they crossed. From up a side street on the left, there was the intermittent flashes of light, mostly red, lighting the black surface of the street. A murmur of voices was coming from the same direction, and as they got closer, Alec could see a group of about 6 people milling around the corner from the light source. If it hadn’t been for the pulsing light, he would have thought it was just a group of people hanging out together. 

In the dark. 

At 11 at night.

They reached the opposite corner from the others and Alec realised that there were far more than just a few friends holding up a brick wall. They were the tail end of a line that must have been 100 people strong. He heard Jace give snort of laughter.

“Told ya it was cool place. Come on, I can jump the queue. I got VIP status a few months ago.”

The walked down the block and Alec saw where the light was coming from. There was a single door set in the brick wall with bright neon above it.

Two circles bathed the door and the mountain that was masquerading as a human being in bursts of bright blood red light. The name of the club wasn’t visible anywhere, the only sign being the two slightly overlapping circles with the second one sporting a set of pointed horns and a long pointy ended tail.

The mountain was wearing all black and Alec noticed that the same logo sat over left-hand side of his long sleeve shirt. When they reached the start of the line, the bouncer’s eyes spotted Jace and he acknowledged him with a single nod of his large head before Jace flashed a laminated card at him and he opened the door. 

 

The base beat of the music was pounding up the narrow hallway that was only lit with glowing red discs set into the floor. Alec felt the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. He really did feel like he was descending into some other world. The music was pulsing through the walls of the corridor and he could feel it moving through him as well.

He followed Jace through a heavy dark curtain and into a huge space that was filled with people. 

More of the red discs faded in and out where they were scattered around the floor giving whoever was standing near them an unearthly red glow. The massive bar looked to be built on a series of screens which were flashing images that looked to be satanic in nature, but they only appeared for a few seconds before they were gone and replaced with others. Alec blinked and looked away.

It was messing with his eyes. Not to mention his head.

“Hey, come on, let’s get a drink.“

Alec hadn’t realised that he had stopped until Jace was talking right in his ear, so he could be heard over the music.

He followed him again and they found a narrow gap in the bodies that were lining the thick black bar top that sat above the screens. Alec had never seen so many different types of alcohol. The back wall of the bar was backlit through red glass. 

Bottles of every shape and description stood on glass shelves in front of it. There must have been at least eight bartenders serving the constant stream of drink requests. They were all dressed in tight black t shirts with the same double circle logo on the front. He couldn’t help noticing how good looking they all seemed to be not to mention toned. 

Alec swallowed and hoped that no one had seen him ogling them like a kid in a candy store.

Jace got the attention of the nearest server and he leaned in over the stone bar top towards him. For a few crazy seconds, it looked like he was about to kiss Jace on the cheek but Jace just gave him their order for two beers. 

Alec was relieved, he thought Jace was going to make him try some crazy cocktail that he was watching being prepared and put over the bar to the other patrons. The contents of the different shaped glasses every colour of the rainbow and in various combinations of such. Two bottles were uncapped and stood before them and Jace tapped Alec on the arm and jerked his head to an area to the right.

They made their way through the crowd, skirting the dance floor which was twice as big as their apartment, and to an area that was covered in tall round tables and high stools. They found an empty spot and sat, watching the dancers on the floor. Jace poked his shoulder.

 

“So, what do think?” He said, leaning in and talking loudly.

Alec just shook his head, He didn’t really know what to think. He had never seen anything like it before and he felt completely out of his element. 

In the semi darkness and the flashing lights around the dance floor, everyone looked like they had stepped off the pages of some glossy fashion magazine. He didn’t know if it was a trick of the light, or lack thereof, or if they all really were that perfect. Bodies moved and swayed together in time to the music, in groups or in pairs. Other gathered together around the rest of the room leaning in close the be heard over the throbbing beat of the music. 

Alec glanced around the room and saw several couples mashed together in the shadows, mouths working hungrily at each other’s, with no regard for where they were. He watched as one couple pawed frantically at each other, every now and then a beam of light flashed over them and Alec could see a girl with long dark hair pinned to the wall, while her partner had his face buried into the side of her neck. Her head was back and eyes closed and lips parted. She had one long leg curled around his hip a deadly looking spiked heel shoe covered her foot. One hand was clutching the back of his shirt and the other was lost in the short dark hair on the back of his head. 

Just then, she tilted her head forward once more and slowly opened her eyes. Two large dark eyes locked onto Alec’s and a curve formed on her full lips and she winked at him, making Alec feel extremely embarrassed for looking in the first place. He turned away and decided to keep his eyes off any more dark corners.

 

“How about we hit the floor?” Jace yelled at him, taking a final swig of his beer. Alec looked at him in disbelief. Was he serious?

“Come on. Bro, look around you. No one cares who you are with, as long as you’re having a good time it doesn’t matter.” Jace said getting off the stool.

He was right. Alec had noticed that there were almost as many same sex couples as there were men and women couples, but it still didn’t help him feel any less self-confident. 

Jace didn’t know he was gay and it sure as hell didn’t look like anyone else would give a shit if he was anyway. It was just that he had never been open about it in any way. Now, if he could get this right, he was about to be a gay guy pretending that he was straight.

Marvelous .

He knew there would be no point arguing with Jace, this he had learned from experience. He took several spine steeling mouthfuls of his beer and then got off his stool and followed Jace onto the crowded dance floor.

Jace found the beat straight away and immersed himself in the music, moving his body like an expert. Alec on the other hand, felt like he and three left feet and a body that just didn’t want to cooperate. Luckily for him, he had the excuse that he had very little space around him due to the number of other revellers, so he had to contain his movements, unlike Jace who was throwing himself around with little thought for anyone else.  
.  
The song changed, and a strong techno beat filled the air. It was so strong that Alec could feel it pulsing through the floor under his feet and through his chest. He didn’t recognise the song, but it must have been a popular one because the space suddenly got even more crowded.

Even though he was tall, 6 feet 3 inches, he felt lost in among the other dancers as arms waved in the air. He had to admit, the beat was easy to get caught up in and he felt some of his stiffness leaving him. He had been too busy looking around to realise that Jace had become the blonde meat in a two-girl sandwich. Both the girls had long dark hair and dresses that had Alec wondering how they had gotten into they were that tight, not to mention short.

Jace was doing his best to give each one some individual attention and Alec was starting to feel like the third wheel, well forth wheel technically. One of the girls rang a hand through the front of her hair, pushing the long swinging strands back from her face and she turned to give Alec a steamy smile, her eyes traveling from his face to his feet in two seconds flat.

Yeah, great, this is what acting straight got him. He gave her a nervous quick smile and hoped that it didn’t look anything more than friendly.

Jace took notice just then and gave him a wide grin and combined it with an eyebrow wiggle. 

Yeah, not helping. 

The girl now turned completely away from Jace and her friend and started moving towards Alec. 

God, this was beyond awkward.  
He did his best to keep up with her as she swayed her hips, pushed out her chest, running both hands through her hair, like she was emerging from a pool and wiping the water from her skin. It was a s sexy as hell, but unfortunately the concept was lost on Alec. 

The song ended but then merged right into another one. 

All of a sudden, the crowd began to part, and Alec was forced to move back on the opposite side to Jace and the two girls. He had no idea what was going on and he looked to Jace for help but be was too busy entertaining his dance partner.

Everyone was moving to the beat of the song where they stood,and all heads were turned to the right. There were a few cheers from the other end of the floor where Alec couldn’t see, they seem to be travelling up either side of the aisle that had been formed.

Jace and the two girls obviously had a better angle than he did because Jace was clapping his hands and nodding and although the music was too loud for his voice to be heard, Alec could see him forming the words “yes, yes” as he watched whatever it was that was happening.

A minute later, he found out.

A man was dancing his way up the centre of the floor, his moves were fluid and cat like almost professional. 

Two girls followed him dancing in unison with each other like back up dancers to the star performer. And he sure was that. 

Alec couldn’t look away as he gradually came closer. He had dark hair, cut extremely short around the back and sides but longer on top. A dark forest of gelled spikes covered the top of his head and didn’t move an inch as he moved.

He had small features, dark brows, the prettiest eyes that Alec had ever seen in his life that were slightly turned up at the outer corners. A perfect mouth was surrounded by a dark goatee, but the lighting wasn’t good enough to see his true skin tone. But from the way the strobing coloured lights were hitting him, it was something special.

The guy looked like he had just stepped off the pages of a Milan runway. A dark coloured shirt that fit his toned arms to perfection, the material straining on his biceps and his arms moved. His torso was covered in a waistcoat and his sexy hips were cladded in a tight-fitting pair of black jeans. Pointed toe boots finished the look.

Alec was too stunned to move. The guy was the hottest thing he had ever laid eyes on. 

The only question now was……

Who the hell was he?

The heavenly creature moved so that he was now right in front of him, Alec blinked, when did that happen?

God, he was even hotter than before. 

Alec was mesmerised. He couldn’t take his eyes off him and he knew he was staring and probably looked like a cod fish, eyes wide mouth open. But he couldn’t seem to help himself. The man spun around on the ball of one booted foot and ended up only about five inches from his face. Alec felt his breath die in his lungs and he was sure his heart stopped.

A slow smile curved the perfect mouth as those beautiful dark eyes held his gaze before dropping down lower then coming back up. If Alec had been in his right mind he would have been mortified at being so blatantly checked out but being completely under this guy’s spell had shielded him from that.

“Pretty.” He said in a slow sexy drawl.

Alec couldn’t believe that he had heard that word over the thumping beat of the music. It was as if the room had gone dead silent for the few seconds. But he knew it hadn’t.

A long slender finger came up to stroke the side of his cheek and it left fire in its wake. A jolt of lightning ran from Alec’s cheek right to his crotch, making his jeans feel instantly tighter.

Oh.

Alec was vaguely aware of a slight touch on his chest. He hadn’t realised that he’d trailed a finger from the side of his jaw to the top of his chest, until he felt his skin tingle in its wake.

He smirked and then led the rest of his followers off the dance floor and into the crowd. Everything crashed back around Alec in an assault on his senses. He actually winced as the music made his ears throb and his chest pound. Or maybe that was something else. 

He felt a hand clapping him on the back and he blinked himself back into full consciousness.

“Whoa! Fuck, man! That was crazy!” Jace was yelling at him once again.

“Wha…?”

Alec was still trying to rid his brain of the last of the fog that had engulfed it. He heard Jace laughing.

“Come on, I don’t know about you, but I need a drink after that.” 

He touched his arm and he followed him off the floor and back to their table. Jace went back to the bar to fetch another two beers while Alec steadied himself on the tall stool. 

His mind was racing at a thousand miles an hour. Fuck, had that just happened? 

Now that it was over, it felt more like something out of a dream. A deep dark fantasy that he only allowed himself to have on the rarest of occasions. Had he said anything to the mysterious stranger that would embarrass himself further? He searched his mind, putting the scene on rewind.

No, he hadn’t. 

Thank god for that at least. But wait, saying absolutely nothing was probably just as bad. 

Urghhh, he was such a dick.  
Jace returned and put a beer down in front of him. He picked it up and took several mouthfuls before putting back on the table again. Fuck, he needed that.

“So, dude, seems you have a fan.” Jace said, a cheeky grin on his face.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you and the boss man. Seems he took a liking to you.”

“What do you mean boss man?” Jace wasn’t making sense to him at the moment.

“The guy that practically eye fucked you, that was Magnus Bane, man. He owns this place.”

Alec felt the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. Holy shit! The owner, really? He looked around him with a fresh perspective. The place was massive and everything in it was top end and state of the art. The guy had to be loaded or in a serious amount of debt to afford this place.

“He pulls that little floor show at least once a week. I’ve only ever seen him do it one other time but from what I’ve heard, he’s never given anyone special attention like he did you. Ha, pity you’re straight man, or I’d be telling you to go for it.” Jace laughed and took a swig of his beer.

Alec gave a nervous laugh and pretended that his remark hadn’t worried him. Fuck, if he only knew.

“I mean, the guy’s a total player. Always got chicks hanging off him when he bothers to show his face. Still not a hundred percent sure what team he plays for but hey, when you have the money he does, you can do whatever the hell you like, right.” 

Jace was nodding his head in time to the music and watching the two girls that they had been dancing with earlier. They were putting on quite a show themselves, trying to get he and Jace’s attention once more. 

Obviously they had manage to snare Jace but Alec was still reeling after his encounter with the mysterious Magnus Bane. He couldn’t seem to get the man’s handsome face out of his mind and felt completely rattled by the whole thing. 

He had never been approached by a man like that before but then again, he had never been anywhere like this before.

“Hey, you wanna hit the floor again? I think our dance partners want another round.” Jace slid off the stool.

“Nah, I’m good for a while, I think. Listen where are the restrooms in this place?” Alec said, finishing his beer. 

Jace pointed him the right direction and he headed towards the doorway he had shown him.

He was glad he wasn’t in dire need to pee because the line was at least ten people long. Fortunately, or unfortunately, it gave him way too much time to think about Mr Bane. 

He shivered as he remembered that rich timbre to his voice when he had told him he was pretty. Another first. 

No one had ever described him as THAT before. 

He hadn’t had any experience with meeting guys before and he had never had one compliment him like that but he was fairly certain, telling another man that he was pretty wasn’t an entirely straight thing to do. Well, he didn’t think it was, anyway.

He finally got to the head of the line and noticed the symbols for men and women on the doors. The Ladies’ room which was on the opposite side to the men’s had the word ‘Saints’ under the symbol with a little halo around the top of the ‘S’ while the men’s room had “Sinners’ on it. The end of the last letter had been extended to look like a pointy tail. 

He was definitely sensing a theme here.

He pushed to door open and found himself in a bathroom that was bigger than their apartment and seeing no places at the row of urinals, he took a cubical instead. He shut the door and slid the latch across and unzipped his jeans and discovered that apparently another part of his body hadn’t quite finished remembering their meeting with the club’s good-looking owner. It took a few seconds before he started to do what he had come in here for and he tried to clear his mind of that face. But it seemed that his brain had short circuited and was stuck on a loop of the whole incident.

He got to the part where he had touched his cheek and once again, his skin blazed. He had heard of muscle memory, but this was ridiculous.

It was right about then that he suddenly thought about the slight touch to his chest. He reached up to lay his hand over the spot as if by doing so the moment would be repeated .

He touched the soft material of his shirt and felt something firm in the pocket.

Huh ..

Alec frowned and reached inside and pulled out a black business card. The now familiar logo of the club was embossed in red along with the name Magnus Bane, in a formal looking font underneath. An address which must have been for the club and a phone number was printed under that, slightly smaller. 

He felt his heart skip a beat as he looked at the name. It hadn’t just been a random touch. He turned the card over and written in a thin silver ink were the words, “Call me, tonight” and yet another phone number, this one looked like it belonged to a mobile.

Alec felt his pulse racing as he stared at the flowy looking script. The guy had nice handwriting,

Alec stared at the card in his hand and all that it meant. It felt more like a command than an ask. He liked it.

The sound of the stall next him being opened and locked brought him out of his thoughts.

By the time he got back to their table, Jace was still on the dance floor with the two girls. The one that had been dancing with him earlier looked quite happy playing second fiddle to her friend. Apparently, they were fine to share.

Alec took a mouthful of his beer and looked around, his eyes scanning the crowds. What was he looking for, exactly? Or better yet, who? 

He might have been in denial about a lot of things, but it wasn’t stopping him from seeking out the owner of the business card. It was a near futile exercise; the place was way too crowded, and the lighting was way too low to be able to see anyone clearly and god only knew where Magnus Bane might be hiding.

Alec glanced back at Jace but he was way too occupied with the two girls to notice what he was doing. For a few mad minutes, Alec actually considered getting up on top of the round table so he could peer over the top of heads but that was really taking things too far. 

He should just give up now and forget about it. 

He was reading way too much into a scribbled note on a business card and there was a voice inside his head that kept telling him that he knew he was way too chicken to actually dial the number.

He decided to give the room one final sweep and he was just about to look away, he froze.

He found him. 

Once again, his heart stuttered, and he couldn’t look away. Magnus Bane was sitting with a large group of people on an elevated section of the club that was on the other side of the dance floor. Alec could only get momentary glimpses of his fine form as the people moved back and forth in front of him as they danced.

He was sitting on a sofa and the two girls that had been dancing behind him were either side of him but there were others perched on the arms of the chair as well as a few men standing behind him.

Everyone around him was talking and laughing, sipping multi-coloured drinks and looking like they were having the time of their lives. Magnus, however, didn’t look like he was engaging in any conversations. Alec thought he looked like a king surveying his kingdom, the strobe like glimpses of him he got through the crowded dance floor made him think he was searching the room for someone.

Alec tore his eyes away and chided himself.

Christ, Magnus Bane was staring right back at him. Intensely. He seemed focused, unfazed, his gaze was piercing, it controlled his entire body, he couldn’t flinch nor move an inch, Alec was in every possible way Magnus’ prey.

He didn’t want to look Magnus’ way, but his eyes had taken on a life of their own and he saw the delectable Mr Bane sitting there on his ‘throne’, looking highly amused by his obviously uncomfortable state.

Alec was glad that the distance and the darkness of the room would hide the fire engine red that his face had become from him. Magnus looked away and then said something to one of the men that were standing behind him and the guy nodded and left while Magnus went right back to watching him, a slow smile curving those delicious looking lips. 

He had his chin resting in the palm of one hand as his elbow was supported by the edge of the chair right next to the girl’s butt.

Alec began to feel extremely self-conscious and tried to look away. He picked up the beer bottle again and was going to take a sip when he remembered that it was empty. Maybe he should go to the bar and get another one. He had never been much of a drinker, but for the first time in his life, the prospect of getting drunk wasn’t such a bad idea.  
A guy in a tight black T shirt with the double circles on it suddenly appeared beside him and took a tall glass that was filled with a dark liquid and a cherry wedged in the rim off a tray and sat it before him.

“For you, sir. Compliments of Mr Bane.” He said.

“Oh I-I er, I didn’t order…..” He was totally flustered and wasn’t sure exactly how to react. Yet another first, having a drink bought for him.

“I know you didn’t sir. It’s a gift, from Mr Bane.”

“But he didn’t have to do that, I should pay…..” But the guy held up a hand and he felt silent.

“The only payment that is required, is your name and your phone number, sir.” The guy produced a business card, the same one as Alec’s, and a silver pen and placed it on the table before him. He stood watching him, clearly expecting Alec to do as the card demanded.

Alec didn’t know what to think at that point. Magnus Bane struck him as a person who got what he wanted, when he wanted it. And quite frankly, he wasn’t totally opposed to the idea.

The bar man shifted his weight from foot to foot, getting antsy. Alec felt bad for making him wait. He looked across to the other side of the room where Magnus was sitting, and he felt a shiver run down his spine as he locked eyes with him once more. The elegant dark brows arched in an unspoken question and Alec felt his mouth go dry. 

There was something about this guy that left him baffled. 

 

Before he lost his nerve altogether, he picked up the pen and wrote his name and number on the back before pushing it across the table to the man who smiled and gave him a nod and left.

Why had that just felt like he had sold a piece of his soul to the devil himself.


	2. First Encounter

Alec had no idea what was supposed to happen next. Did Magnus expect him to call or text him straight away or was he intending to do it? Why did all this have to be so hard? He had no idea what the rules were, if any.  

 

As if to answer his questions, Alec felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Mystery solved.

 

**Hello, Alexander. It’s Magnus. I would have called you but it’s way too noisy in here.**

 

Alec’s fingers were shaking so badly he had to make several attempts at typing the words on screen. 

 

**Yeah, it is. I’m surprised that the DJ isn’t deaf by now.**

 

**That’s why he wears headphones, Alexander.**

 

Alec felt his face heating. He stole a sideways glance towards the area that Magnus was sitting in. He looked up from his phone and gave him a bemused look. Alec’s eyes snapped back. Something about this guy had him on edge.

 

**You must be new in town ..**

 

Alec would normally of been hesitant about telling a stranger anything too personal but somehow he found himself typing.

 

**Yeah, I’ve only been here for two months.**

 

**I thought so. I’d have remembered that face.**

 

**Is it that bad?**

 

Alec stared at the screen in disbelief, No Alec you didn’t actually write that.

 

**It’s stunning**

 

Alec couldn’t help the small warm thrill that ran through him at that point. He could feel his face heating a little from it.

 

**Thanks.**

 

He felt like a nervous adolescent. Hadn’t this been what he had always dreamed of doing? Talking to another guy? Fuck, he was even tall dark and handsome. Urgh, the cliché of it wasn’t lost on him, as shaken as he was.

  
  


**Come sit with me**

 

A thrill rang down Alec’s spine, like someone had just poured a glass of ice water down his back. He was starstruck, sit with him as in sit next to him, to be able to touch him even, that was surreal.

 

**Well?**

 

Alec looked across the crowded dance floor again and felt the jolt fire through him when his eyes somehow connected to Magnus’. 

 

It was almost like there was no one else between them, no dancers swaying and moving to the thumping beat of the music, no people standing around the fringes of the floor, watching, talking, drinking. No one. How was that even possible.

 

Alec could see that Magnus still had his entourage. They all looked like they were just waiting with baited breath for his next words, dying to get his attention back on them.  Maybe Magnus should do just that if he needed so many people surrounding him.

 

**You look like you’ve got your hands full over there.**

 

**I can handle one more**

 

Alec had little doubt that this man could handle a great many things.

 

**I’d be afraid that I’d suffer in comparison.**

 

**You have no idea how good I could make suffering feel.**

 

Oh fuck.

  
  


Alec swallowed and looked over at him. The atmosphere in the club plus the low lighting should of hindered his ability to see his face with any clarity, but those two beautiful dark eyes were boring into him and analyzing every twitch of discomfort on his face, it was making him as uneasy as those words made him aroused. 

 

His whole body was shaking now. Jesus, He had no prior experience whatsoever, never even spoke to another man like this before, never seen anyone so charismatic, so mysterious, so fucking hot, and he felt so out of his depth. 

 

But he wanted to, he craved to be seen, to be looked at the way those eyes looked at him, to be taken apart by simple, short texts sent by a completely non simple man.

 

All he had been capable of was treading water and now he found himself in the deep end and he was floundering. Badly. He was sure that even seasoned professionals would have trouble handling the enigmatic Mr Bane let alone a beginner like him. 

 

Time to leave this party, Alec, before you get carried out.

 

**I have to go now. Sorry.**

 

Alec pushed the send button and watched at Magnus read his last text. His reaction was unexpected.

 

He put his head back and laughed. He might not of been able to hear him over the noise which had suddenly gotten to ear splitting level, but somehow he could hear those chuckles inside his head. So glad he could amuse him like that. Magnus straightened his neck and looked back at him again, a broad grin on his perfect face. He gave him an “oh well” kind of look and then turned his attention to his phone again. Alec’s pinged in his hand once more.

 

**Sure, run Alexander!**

 

Alec read the text and didn’t know whether to be insulted by it or not. He really wanted to look back over there but he had to fight it.

 

He wouldn’t have been able to stand it if he had looked over and saw him staring at him again. His heart was pounding and right now all he wanted to do now  was get the hell out of there.

 

He put his phone back in his pocket and looked for Jace. He was still on the dance floor, blond meat in a brunette sandwich.

 

Alec threaded his way through the other people to be the only person on the floor that wasn’t dancing. Wouldn’t be the first time.

 

“Jace, We should go. It’s getting late.” He yelled to him. He had no idea what the time was or how long they had actually been there for but it was a fair guess. Jace kept dancing but looked over at him with a pained expression.

 

“Are you kidding, man? Things have just gotten interesting.”

 

“I really need to go, Jace. I’m not used to late nights like this.”

 

Jace rolled his eyes and shook his head. The two girls giggled, “What are you? 80 years old? Stick around, I’m sure Melanie and Beccy here could make you forget about what time it is.” Jace grinned  at the girl with the long straight hair that had been flirting and dancing with Alec earlier. She didn’t seem to too concerned about his attentions now. If Alec had cared, he might of felt a little hurt over this, but it was more like relief.

 

“I have to go, Jace. Are you okay to get home?” 

 

“Go on then grandpa, I’ll be fine. Maybe I’ll see you in the morning. Sometime.”  He was running his hands up the sides of the other girl now. Melanie or was it Beccy, was pressed in tight to his back, her body contouring with his. Clearly she didn’t have a jealous bone in that lithe body of hers.  She obviously played well with others.

 

Alec gave Jace a scornful look before he left the dance floor and headed for the exit. 

 

As he reached the end of the bar, something made him stop and look back, however.

 

Magnus Bane was staring right at him, like his eyes had been on him the whole time. The intensity of that look even from this distance, was doing things to Alec that usually only happened when he was alone and in bed late at night. 

 

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and he shuddered. He knew full well who was texting him.

 

He was out the door and half way up the block before he felt like he could breathe again. He hadn’t even realised he had been holding his breath until then and he sucked in great lungful of it, like he’d been suffocating. 

 

His heart was pounding still and his ribs were aching from the effort he was putting in to stay conscious and upright. Magnus Bane had taken the legs right out from under him.

 

His mind was racing and it was like trying to catch a single butterfly in a room full of thousands attempting to pin a single thought down. He needed to get back to the apartment and sit in the dark and think. He had fled out the door without any thought as to how he was going to get home and now he had another problem; being in a strange neighbourhood in the early hours of the morning and not having a clue as to where the nearest train station or bus stop was. Alec looked around him. 

 

This wasn’t really the right part of city to find yourself in when you had only been here for a couple of months.

 

He was just considering going back to the club to see if he could get some assistance, maybe from the flesh coloured hulk at  the door, when a cab appeared from down the dimly lit street and pulled up beside him. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up. 

 

The door opened and a middle aged man in a baseball cap got out, “Your name Lightwood?” He asked.

 

Now Alec was really starting to worry. He’d seen enough horror movies to know that it was never good when a complete stranger knew your name, not to mention the fact that a cab had mysteriously turned up just when he had needed one.

 

He must of looked as wary as he felt because the driver held his hands up in mock surrender.

 

“It’s all good, my man, I got a call from a……” He man looked down at the screen of his phone, “Magnus Bane, said there would be a, and I’m quoting here, tall good lookin’ guy that looks like a serial killer has been chasing him, standing up the block from the 2nd circle club. That would be you, right?”  The guy looked rather amused.

 

Alec felt his nerves go from defcon 8 to maybe a solid 3. His first thought was to tell this guy to call the smart ass Mr Bane back and tell him to stick his cab ride but that would be sort of shooting himself in the foot. He needed to get home, and the means to do so was right in front of him. He had little choice in the matter.

 

“Yeah, it’s me, I guess.” He said to the driver.

 

“Well alright then, get in.”

 

Thankfully, the driver wasn’t as loquacious as he thought he might be on the 30 minute ride home. It gave Alec the chance to settle his mind a bit and get a hold of his still jangling nerves.

 

No one had ever disarmed him his entire life as much as Magnus Bane had done tonight in a matter of minutes. 

 

He remembered the unread text on his phone, and feeling braver now he was heading away from the club, he took out his phone and read it.

 

**We are not done yet with each other.**

 

Alec sucked in a breath loud enough that the driver eyed him in the rear view mirror. 

 

When they arrived at the apartment building, Alec got his wallet out to pay but the driver told him it had also been taken care of. Alec felt a chill run through him as he got out and searched his pocket for the spare set of keys that Jace had given him.

 

By the time he got the front door, he just wanted to collapse somewhere. It had been a hell of a night. He wasn’t used to this much excitement. He made it inside and folded himself up on the sofa. Now he was home and not running on adrenaline, the whole experience felt unreal; it was like one of those dreams that still lingered long after you had woken up, but a dream just the same. 

A small vibrating ping from his pocket got his attention.

 

**Are you home?**

 

Alec sat up quick enough that it made him feel a little light headed. It seemed that Magnus wasn’t quite ready to let him out of his clutches just yet. He had to remind himself that he hadn’t actually laid a finger on him. But that wasn’t quite right, was it. Alec found his hand travelling to his face where Magnus had trailed a finger down his cheek on the dance floor. The skin blazed again and his nerves jangled.

 

**Yeah, Thanks for the cab. You didn’t have to do that.**

 

Alec hoped that would be the end of it but another ping told him otherwise.

 

**Of course i did, it’s 1:30 am**

 

Alec gave a start. Was it really that late? For the first time all night, he looked at the time on his phone. God, no wonder he felt dead on his feet.

 

**You were safer out there anyway, Talk soon.**

 

Alec stared at the screen until the screen went black. He sucked in a breath and got up off the sofa and checked the door, making sure the lock was in place. It was a stupid thing to do really. The guy had no idea where he lived.

 

And you honestly think a guy like Magnus Bane couldn’t find you? He has your name and phone number, doesn’t he?

 

Alec’s inner thoughts berated him and his rookie move of giving a stranger in a new city enough information to be able to track him down with little effort.  

 

He scrubbed his face in his hands and then got up and pulled the sofa bed out, getting the sheets and blankets off the other chair to put on it. He needed to sleep and then in the morning all this will feel like it hadn’t really happened. Maybe.

  
  


Alec woke feeling a little groggy the next morning. It was silent in the apartment and he could tell that Jace hadn’t made it home by the way the door to his bedroom was still open. 

 

He probably spent the night with Melanie. Or Beccy. Or both. He sat up and grabbed his phone to look at the time and saw it was 10.30. He really had slept late. But then again, he wasn’t usually up at 2 in the morning either. He’d only been here a couple of months and he was already on city time.  

 

His phone pinged and vibrated in his hand and he tapped on the message, thinking it was probably Jace letting him know where he was.

 

**morning**

 

Alec felt his skin tingle. A single word did that to him. It hadn’t been some crazy dream.

 

Alec wasn’t sure yet what he wanted it to be. He stared at the screen, trying to get his still sleepy brain to kick into gear and work out whether he should answer him or not. 

 

It seemed that some part of him was working  because he found himself texting back.

 

**Good morning**

 

**Gonna come by the club tonight?**

 

Alec might have been still confused and unsettled by all this attention, but he knew for sure he wasn’t ready for another dose of Magnus Bane so soon.

 

**No, I can’t.**

 

**Can’t or won’t**

 

It was like this guy could somehow read his thoughts. He was starting to feel  his nerves returning already and he hadn’t even gotten out of bed.

 

**I have other things to do.**

  
  


He shouldn’t have to give any explanations to this guy. His personal life shouldn’t be any of his business.

 

**Things? Sure.**

 

Alec felt his nerves were shorting out. Magnus Bane was extremely self assured. He was definitely the type of person that got what they wanted when he wanted it. He doubted there would be too many people out there that had said no to him. And lived to tell the tale. He couldn’t handle this again so soon. He hadn’t had time to think about it yet.

 

**I have to go. We’ll talk later.**

 

Alec pressed send before he realised what he’d written. Shit! He hadn’t meant to say that. He threw the phone down on the bed beside him and rubbed his eyes. 

 

He really did need time to go over this in his head. Even though his deepest wish had  always been to find someone he could be with, he hadn’t counted on meeting someone like Magnus Bane. Someone who knew exactly what he was doing and had probably had more partners than Alec had hot meals. 

 

Being with someone with more experience would have been fine, but this guy struck him as being in a league of his own. What he saw in Alec, and why he was pursuing him he had no idea. He was no one special. That club looked to of been filled with people that had way more potential than he did. 

 

Better suited.

 

Alec didn’t think Magnus looked to be the type of guy that went out on picnics or strolls along the beach at sunset. He didn’t know much but he got the sense that the guy had dark qualities about him. Maybe it was because of the club and the whole devil/hell theme of it all. He felt a thrill run through him at the thought of seeing Magnus sitting up there on his sofa surrounded by his ‘disciples’, beautiful dark eyes boring into his.  

His heart jumped in his chest and he knew that somewhere, somehow, there was a part of him that was drawn to that sinister side of things. 

 

He felt his cock jerk under the covers and start to thicken. That part of him was more than happy to seek his attention. Then his phone pinged on the bed.

 

**Okay.**

  
  


Alec felt a wave of heat run through him and he laid back against the pillows on the sofa. Why did he suddenly feel like he was that character in the movies that you always screamed at because they were about to enter the spooky old house or walk through the dark woods in the pitch black knowing that it was fraught with danger but they went ahead and did it anyway?  He had no idea where this was headed but he knew one thing. 

 

He could feel himself being drawn to Magnus Bane, like a moth to a flame but unlike the moth, he knew that the flame might be his demise but something told him things were way out of his control where this sexy stranger was concerned.

 

When Jace finally dragged his ass back home later that afternoon,  of course he wanted all the details of Alec’s night. Somehow he was labouring under the impression that Alec had ulterior motives for wanting to go home when he did. Alec was happy to set him straight. Jace had been a little disappointed in Alec’s uninteresting explanation so decided to set sail right into a full and detailed description of his own night and the two for one deal he had struck up with Melanie and Beccy. 

 

Alec tried to look interested but his mind was preoccupied with other things. Or rather, other people. Well, just one other person. Try as he might, it seemed that Magnus Bane was determined to invade his thoughts and he had been thinking of little else since their text messages this morning.

  
  
  


Jace and Alec decided on a quiet night in and that meant movies and Chinese take out. They laid around on the sofa watched some action movies with Jace’s phone going off every few minutes with texts from various people including Melanie and Beccy. It seemed that the two girls weren’t finished with him either.

 

“The girls want to meet up somewhere, how about it?” Jace said after he had missed the majority of the second movie that had been watching.

 

“No thanks, two late nights in a row would wipe me out.” Alec said. The last thing he wanted was to have to deal with the sight of Magnus sitting there gloating after seeing him come back again. He wasn’t ready to give him the satisfaction of that. 

 

Then, as if he had known once again that he had been thinking of him, Alec’s phone buzzed.

 

**Come by. Now.**

 

This wasn’t an ask, it was a command. Thank god Jace was preoccupied with his own phone to notice that Alec was on his.

 

**I’m sorry. I Can’t.**

 

**You need to be here, I’ll send a cab.**

 

Alec felt the corner of his mouth twitch up as he repressed a grin. This was more fun than he thought it was going to be.

 

**You’d be wasting your time and money. I’m not even home.**

 

**Don’t lie to me, Alexander.**

 

The last text gave him the chills. His eyes flicked up to Jace who was grinning like an idiot at his phone. Blissfully ignorant. A small mercy.

 

**How do you know that I am? Do you own a network of spies as well as the club?**

 

Where he was getting the balls to do this he had no idea but he was running with it.

 

**I can tell**

 

Alec sneered at the screen. Okay, he was at home, but he hated that Magnus was right.

 

**I had no idea I was so open to be easily read.**

 

He could almost hear the laughter over the text screen. He could just see the mighty Mr Bane sitting among his groupies, telling them what Alec had just wrote and all of them having a good laugh at his expense.

 

**No, I’d rather have you spread open in my bed, by next week.**

 

Alec stared at the screen in disbelief. He couldn’t believe Magnus had just wrote that. The arrogant asshole. 

 

His earlier light mood was now replaced with a mix of apprehension and anger. Who the hell did this guy think he was? Well, that wasn’t going to happen, that’s for sure. He wasn’t going to be like all the others he had probably done this to and just fall at his feet so he could drag him off to his bed. He wasn’t going to become yet another notch on his headboard.

 

He didn’t care how fucking hot he was or what the thought of those perfect lips would feel like on his own. 

  
  
  


The rest of Alec’s week consisted of work, texts from Magnus, eating, and sleeping, not in that order. 

 

The morning texts started on Sunday and kept up for the rest of the week. Each morning there was a

“good morning, Alexander” on his phone screen the moment he opened his eyes. 

 

Then there was nothing more from him until about 8 at night. Magnus was a nocturnal creature it seemed. He didn’t know if the club was open each night or what he did, but he sent him messages each night. They would start out subtle; how was his day, did anything interesting happen that sort of thing, and then he would always manage to catch him off guard with something that always got his heart racing.

 

One such conversation started out as such:-

 

**I bet you played a lot of sport in high school.**

 

**No, I didn’t actually. I was more the debate club.**

 

**What a waist.**

 

**Ha ha, yeah, don’t think so.**

**How tall are you, Alexander?**

 

**6 foot 3 inches, why?**

 

**A perfect fit**

 

Alec sat there staring at the screen of his phone, grinning like an idiot. At the same time the guy had him in a whirl; how did he go from being all commanding to soft and sappy in an instant. It was a mystery.

 

Jace had given him a concerned look ”So what’s got you so amused? He asked. 

Alec just shook his head. He certainly wasn't ready to share anything about this with Jace yet. He gave him a quick shake of his head. 

  
  
  
  
  


By Friday, Alec had worked up the courage to ask Magnus out for coffee. It seemed innocent enough to him, a way to get him out of his comfort zone and see the real Magnus Bane and what he was like away from the club.

 

As usual, there was the morning text from him so Alec decided to press his luck and see what happened.

  
  


**I was thinking that we should go out for coffee tomorrow morning. Maybe actually talk face to face for a change.**

  
  


Alec typed out his request and hit the send button right after Magnus’ morning greeting.

  
  


**I don’t do daylight hours**

  
  


Alec felt a little disappointed about Magnus not taking him up on his offer. He was sure that had he known how much courage it had taken him to actually ask him, he was sure that he might of relaxed his rules for once. 

 

**Come by tonight.**

 

But then again, maybe he wouldn’t. he was no one special to him, after all.

If you were no one special, then why had he been texting you all week? Alec chose to ignore his little inner voice this time. It didn’t know everything.

 

**I’ll think about it.**

 

**Give in. Come.**

  
  


Alec wasn’t sure what to say to that in reply so he just left it unanswered. Once again, somehow Magnus had looked inside his head and pulled out his deepest thoughts.

 

He wasn’t sure what it was that had made him go from thinking that he never wanted to set eyes on Magnus Bane again, to secretly longing for his touch. The man occupied nearly every waking hour and quite a few sleeping ones as well. Even Jace, who had been wrapped up in his own love life had noticed that he was preoccupied with something.

 

Alec had just told him that he was still getting used to the move to the city and the new job. He knew that one day, he was going to have to have a serious conversation about his sexuality with Jace, whatever the outcome. 

 

He owed him that. But at the moment, being the object of some mystery man’s attentions and the 180 that his life had taken in the last two months was more than enough to deal with.

 

Alec felt his memories of Magnus were getting stale, being almost a week old now. He could feel is resolve to keep the guy at arm’s length for longer had some serious cracks in it and it was getting harder and harder to deny himself what he had been dreaming and thinking about for the majority of the week. 

 

It was hard to think no, get away, when all you wanted to say way please, come here.  Alec was starting to feel like an over tightened guitar string, knowing that it was only going to take one more turn of the knob to make him snap and go flying towards Magnus and those lips he had been craving the taste of.


	3. First Time Privileges

Jace strode into the club, hoping that his single status wouldn’t stay that way for long. It wasn’t the first time he had arrived here on his own but he had never left that way. He had done his best to try to get Alec to come with him but the guy had seemed way too distracted for some reason. Come to think of it, his old pal had been acting a bit squirrelly all week, especially today. Even at work his mnd hadn’t been in the game which wasn’t like Alec at all.

 

He went to the bar and ordered a beer, surveying the crowd for any familiar faces. Apparently, Melanie and Beccy both had late shifts at the hospital they were both student nurses at tonight so they were out. The place was crowded as always for a Friday night but so far, he couldn’t see any of his regular accaintences. Oh well, the night had just started. He was sure his luck would change soon.

 

Jace turned his back to the crowd and faced the bar, watching the constant motion of the bar tenders as they took orders and made drinks.

 

“You, you’re his friend, aren’t you?”

 

Jace frowned and turned around to the voice behind him. It sounded familiar somehow but…… Fuck! Magnus Bane.

 

In all the times he had come here, he had seen the club’s owner nearly each visit but he had never spoken to him before. It caught him completely off guard and he stared at the serious face before him. What had he said to him? Magnus rolled his eyes in exasperation.

 

“You’re Alexander’s friend?” He yelled at him over the top of the music.

 

“Yeah, I am what….?”

 

“ Is he here?”

 

“Ah, no, he isn’t, Why do you….”

 

“Never mind.” Magnus turned on his heel and walked off, leaving Jace wondering what the hell had just happened and why one of the richest men in the city was asking about his best friend. 

 

He was about to take out his phone and text Alec when one of his club buddies spotted him and came over, trailing a girl in a tight red dress behind him. Maybe she had a friend.

  
  
  


Alec had started off his quiet Friday night on his own by reading one of his favourite books but it wasn’t long before all he could think of was Magnus’ remark about doing just that. The longer he tried to ignore the thought and stick with it, the more the words started to jumble on the page and he found himself having to read each line twice.

 

He glanced over at the cup of coffee sitting beside him on the little end table and it was enough to get the better of him and he gave up completely. He started feeling restless, and he got up and tipped the remains of his cup in the sink before going back to the sofa and turning on the TV. If he couldn't concentrate on a book, then maybe watching something would take his mind off things.

 

The universe somethings had a ay of rubbing your nose in things and tonight it was no different. He searched for a movie to watch and it seemed that the only thing each channel wanted to play was some old romantic comedy or love story. If he didn’t know better, he would of sworn it was Valentine’s day. After about 20 minutes, he gave up on that as well. When Jace had tried to talk him into going to the 2nd Circle with him earlier, he had been so sure he was doing the right thing and staying away. He was still having doubts about the idea of pursuing anything with Magnus, in spite of the fact that he had filled his head all week.

  
  


Now that he had gone and he was alone, completely alone with his thoughts, he was questioning his reasoning behind his decision. How did he know that being with Magnus was a bad thing if he never tried in the first place?

 

He had always had a tendency to overthink things and this was no different. He had lost count at the number of times he had done it over different things, only to be sorry afterwards that he hadn’t gone through with it. He had come out here to start a new life, to get out from under his parents’ conservative lifestyle and maybe even have the guts to be the person he really wanted to be. 

 

Ignoring his ever growing need to feel Magnus’ touch and maybe having some sort of relationship with the sexy club owner wasn’t doing that. It was just repeating what he had come to the city to try change about himself. It had to stop. It was time to take that first step into a world he had only ever dreamed about and hope that there would be ground under his foot when he did.

  
  


He was showered, dressed and in a cab and heading for the club in less than 30 minutes. He willed himself to keep his nerve but every mile they travelled that took them closer to the club, the faster his heart was beating. 

 

What if Magnus wasn’t there tonight? He had told him that he wasn’t coming, after all. Maybe he should text him and tell him of his change of heart.

 

He got out his phone and thought of what he should say. It was several drafts later that he decided that the simple was the best way.

 

**I’m coming.**

 

Short. Simple . And to the point. He watched the screen for a reply and every second that ticked by, felt like an eternity. He was just starting to think that Magnus wasn’t going to answer when he heard the phone ping and he jumped in spite of himself.

 

**Come straight to me.**

 

Alec felt the grin spread over his face. It looked like he wasn’t the only one that had been thinking about this all week.

 

He arrived at the dinghy part of town with its near nonexistent lighting and old run down buildings and saw the line of hopeful people, waiting to get in. The driver dropped him off at the corner and he paid him and got out. He watched the cab drive off into the darkness, feeling like he had just lost his life line back to the safety and security of his old life. 

 

He looked down at the glowing double circles above the plane black metal door and took in a deep breath. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

He reached the door and gave the same man mountain as last Friday night his name and he nodded and pulled open the door for him amid some groans and complaints from the people in the line. He walked down the hallway, and couldn’t tell if it was the deep thud of the music coming from the club or it was his heart that was pounding in his chest. He was so nervous right now he wasn’t sure how he was still moving forward.

 

He reached the interior of the club and it felt like he hadn’t left since last Friday. It all looked the same. But it wasn’t. It might of looked like nothing had changed, but it felt different somehow. He swallowed hard and thought about going to the bar first before heading towards Magnus’ sofa but he had been told to go straight to him, so that’s exactly what he was going to do before his new found nerve failed him.  

 

Alec threaded his way across the floor and through the crowd, not even thinking about where Jace might be or who he might be with. He made it to the dance floor and started cutting across it. It would probably of been a better idea to go around but the path of least  resistance seemed the better idea tonight.

 

He was half way there when he saw him and he froze. Was it even possible for the guy to look hotter than he had a week ago? Magnus was sitting on the sofa, flanked with other people once more. Alec wasn’t sure if they were the same ones as last week and frankly, he didn’t care.

 

Magnus’ eyes found his and he locked his gaze on him. He unfolded his frame from the chair and casually strolled towards him as if it seeing him there was not a big deal. Alec somehow got his mind and feet in sync once more and met him in a couple of steps.

 

If he was happy to see him, it didn’t show; Magnus’ face gave nothing away as they faced off at the edge of the dance floor. He gestured towards a set of stairs that ran along the wall behind the seating area and started heading in that direction. 

 

Alec followed him.

 

They still hadn’t said a word to each other and the tension was mounting.

 

Alec followed Magnus up the dozen or so steps and waited behind him as he entered a code to unlock the door. He pulled it open and Alec followed him inside and into a well appointed office.

 

The walls were a deep blood red and the large desk was covered in piles of paperwork. A filing cabinet sat in one corner and a  black leather sofa faced the desk against the wall. 

 

Magnus walked over to lean his backside against the edge of the desk. The door clicked shut behind Alec and the sudden quiet was deafening. He stood there before him, barely breathing and wondering what the hell was going to happen next.

 

Magnus’ eyes took him in, roaming over every inch of him like he was appraising a great work of art. Alec had no idea what to do. At the moment he didn’t think he could get his legs to move even if they wanted to anyway. His whole body was practically vibrating with a magnet like pull towards him, his mouth felt like the sahara desert.

 

Magnus eased off the desk and walked towards him, like a predator stalking its prey. Alec’s eyes followed him as far as they could as he walked behind him and he heard a soft noise of a body leaning against the door. He had to break this silence, it was killing him.

 

“Are you always this intense?” He asked him, not turning around. His voice had a distinct waver to it, it surprised him that he could even get the words out at all. 

 

“Mostly. But never like this.” Magnus’ voice was the direct opposite of his. It was low and deep and steady and made Alec want to groan out loud. It was so god damn husky.

 

“Turn around.” Magnus said and Alec closed his eyes for a few seconds before attempting to face him without moaning. He managed to make it, even though his legs felt like jelly and saw him ease off where he had been leaning against the back of the door. 

 

His arms had been folded over his broad chest, the dark material of his long sleeve shirt pulled deliciously over the swell of his biceps and as he stood before him, he dropped his arms to his sides and came towards him.

 

He stopped onto a few inches from his body and Alec could feel the warmth of his body as it radiated towards his own. God, he was going to lose it any second now. 

 

Magnus raised a hand and trailed a finger down the side of Alec’s face, setting his entire body of fire.

 

“I’ve been thinking about you all week.” His finger traced his jaw line and then down the side of his neck where his hand hovered over his throat, like he was about to wrap it around his throat. Alec stopped breathing. 

 

Fuck.

 

“Me too,” Magnus’ hand twisted around his neck and Alec felt those burning fingers skim the skin of his nape, setting him on fire, demanding more, more of a confession, more words, more noises, just more, it was a soft grip, and a firm one at the same time, that kind of a touch that would make you confess your deepest secret. So he did confess it, “I couldn’t get you out of my mind, Magnus.”

 

Suddenly, Magnus’ mouth was slammed against his in a blistering kiss that had him seeing stars. His hands came up to cup Magnus’ face as he felt his on the side of his neck. Some how they ended up going back towards the desk and Alec wasn’t being forced down onto its messy surface by Magnus’ hard warm body. God he felt so good. This kiss made him forget a life before Magnus, or without him for that matter.

 

Magnus pressed into him, standing between his legs, the drag of their lips and the slightest skim of Magnus’ tongue was making this the most intense first kiss ever. Alec could feel his body becoming pliant underneath him and he moaned around his tongue as it finally filled his mouth. Those lips were even better than he had thought they would be and all of a sudden, he couldn’t get enough of them.

 

He never raised his head until he felt Magnus reach between them and start to undo the button of his pants he had worn. His cock was straining at the front of his boxers now, even though there was still some lingering nerves, he had never wanted anything more in his entire life as he wanted to feel his hand on him right now. 

 

He groaned as he heard the zipper being pulled down and his hips tilted up to try to meet his touch. He wanted this so badly. But Magnus stopped and pulled back.

 

Alec wanted to scream with the frustration as he lay before him panting, eyes glazed with pure animalistic lust, he wanted him, wanted anything and everything with him, from him, god he would give himself willingly to him in a blink of an eye.

 

“Not in here.” Magnus’ voice was deep and husky and it was sending bolts of electricity firing through him.  

 

He straightened up and took Alec’ hand and pulled him up from the desk and kissed him hard once more, long enough that he could feel his knees buckling. He pulled back again and without his eyes leaving Alec’s, he reached down and pulled up his zip and did up the button. His fingers lightly brushed the hard bulge, separated by a few millimetres of fabric and Alec moaned and leaned in towards him.

 

“Magnus I……” He started to say and Magnus gave him a smouldering grin. He took his chin in his fingers and bit his bottom lip, making Alec want to melt.

 

“I’m taking you to my loft.”

 

Magnus grabbed his hand and led him to the door. 

Magnus dragged Alec through the crowded club, completely ignoring the looks they were getting. He was still feeling the after effects of that kiss and his lips were still on fire from it.

  
  


Jesus. He felt like he had been partially drugged with something as they moved through the club, lightly brushing other bodies as they went and every time he did, it made Alec’s skin tingle. 

 

He was vaguely aware of Magnus taking out his phone with one hand and texting something before they made it to the front door but he was too dazed to think to clearly about it.

 

The cool night air hit them and he heard the surprised gasps of the people still awaiting entry at the sight of Magnus Bane outside his club.

 

A rare sight, apparently, from the looks on the faces near them. There were even people taking photos with their phones. If he had been in right mind, Alec would of mortified by the secondary attention he was getting in Magnus’ wake.

  
  


A large black car came down the narrow street and it pulled up in front of the stunned crowd and a driver in a black suit got out and opened the back door. 

 

Magnus dragged Alec in beside him and in minutes they were reversing back out, faster than Alec would of thought would have been a safe speed and with a spin the wheel, they were heading further into the city.

  
  


Alec was fighting for breath as he sat on the other side of the back seat from Magnus, who looked to be more interested in what was outside the window than him. His mind was shot from the whirlwind of emotions he felt from what had just happened inside the club and in Magnus’ office and now they were sitting like two strangers that had never met before. 

 

It was like going from zero to 100 in two seconds flat only to come to a complete stop. 

 

He wanted to say something so badly, vent what he was feeling, let that buzz seep away from underneath his skin and spread between them. Alec wanted to feel him again, once was never going to be enough.

  
  


Alec fought the urge to break the silence between them. But something was telling him to remain silent. It was then that ne noticed Magnus’ hand on his thigh. It had a death grip on the material of his black pants, so much so that the knuckles were going white.

  
  


He was mesmerised by the sight of that hand as he got strobing flashes of it everytime they sped passed a light from outside the car. 

 

He wasn’t the only one who’s suffering.

  
  
  


The twenty minutes it took to get to where they were going seemed interminable and the car had barely stopped at the curb out the front of a high class apartment building when Magnus slid from his seat grabbing Alec by the wrist out and away from the car. He hadn’t even waited for the driver to do his job.

  
  


He entered a security code and then went in. Alec had very little time to take in his surroundings before he was pulled into a wood panelled elevator and they were making their ascent. Magnus had let go of his wrist and was now looking at him with a completely carnal expression. Desire dripping down his luscious lashes, Alec was seconds from hitting the floor. 

 

Dear god, the man was smouldering. And the thing was, he felt the same way.

  
  


Alec  was fighting what he was feeling inside with everything he had. He had never felt such pure need for another man, in his life.

 

The guy was a walking sin. His eyes roamed over him, taking in the glowing skin, the wide blown eyes, the oh so subtle heaving chest and the distinct bulge in the front of those tight pants. 

 

Suddenly, the lift came to a stop and the door pinged open.

 

“Go.” Magnus ordered him, his voice deep and husky. 

 

Alec wasn’t sure which way he was meant to head but Magnus came up beside him and led the way to the left and they went to the furthest door down the carpeted hallway.

 

Now Alec’s nerves were really going to town on him. He wanted this so badly but the anticipation of it was killing him. The door opened and they went into the cool silence of the spacious loft. Alec needed to channel his nervous energy and there was only one thing that he knew would cure him of the raw emotions he was feeling right now.

 

Gaining strength from parts unknown, he walked slowly up to Magnus where he had just turned from shutting the door and putting his hands on his broad shoulders, he shoved him back against the hard surface and trapped him in his arms, his hands flat against the door beside his head. He saw a flash of heat pass over Magnus’ face the second before he crashed his mouth down onto his with a deep moan.

 

That’s when all hell broke loose.

 

The heat of the kiss caught hold, and burst into flame, as he took him with wide open movements of his mouth. Magnus was kissing back just a hungrily, and his tongue was exploring the surface of his, adding fuel to the already blazing fire between them. 

The loft had been quiet but now it was filled with the sound of heavy breathing and hard wet kisses. Their chests scrubbed together through the fabric of their shirts, making a delicious friction that only served to create more need. It wasn’t enough. Somehow, Alec thought it would never would be.

 

The wet sounds of lips, tongues and teeth were making him cave to the intensity of it, driving him crazy, and it wasn’t long before he felt his hands fumbling for the buckle of his belt. It should have been a work of mere seconds but his hands were shaking so much he was all thumbs. He finally got the buckle undone and was about to undo the button when he heard Magnus suck in a breath and his hands came up to halt his progress.

 

Alec pulled back and looked at him, wondering why he had stopped him.

 

“Is this your first time?” he questioned warily, his chocolaty eyes looking straight into his soul, “With a man I mean”

 

“Yes, why?” Alec didn’t see the reasoning behind question. 

 

“Don’t you think we should talk first?”

 

Alec wanted to say yes, he desperately wanted to, talk that is. As Magnus suggested, but his body didn’t, it yearned to be touched, he thirsted for his body to be touched with  desire as he knew Magnus would unmistakably deliver. He often heard how amazing sex felt, how sex was a surreal experience, and every fibre of his being craved it. The best part was, they hadn’t even done anything yet, and already it was mind blowing. He didn’t know much about it at all, but he was pretty certain having the right partner made all the difference. 

 

So Alec reached back to him, rolled his hips in response, he wanted his pleasure now, he wanted Magnus to press into him with no regard of “talking” or “consideration”, he wanted him to be a slave to his desire, and to bore that right into him.

 

“Magnus. no talking, no holding back because you’re worried about it being my first time. I want us to forget everyone and everything that came before this moment.” Alec pressed his fingers into his biceps soothing them a second after and sliding his hands up and down Magnus’ arms, “Please,” he quivered, wanting nothing else but to feel those strong arms envelope him, “I want you.”

 

Magnus was staring back at him in shock but behind those two fathomless dark orbs, flames were burning out of control. Alec had no idea where that had just come from and even his own voice had sounded foreign to his ears. 

 

The look of surprise didn’t last long on Magnus’ face and something more carnal and basic took over and the sight of it made Alec swallow hard. Fuck! The man was gonna kill him.

  
  


Magnus waisted no more time and took Alec by the shoulders and spun him around and slammed him against the door. The rounded silver knob hit his hip, but he didn’t care. He pushed  into his body, flattening the side of his face onto the smooth wooden surface and bringing his hands up to put them flat on the door beside his head. He could feel his heart hammering against the hard surface as Magnus began to rub his erection against his ass. 

  
  


He closed his eyes, willing himself to stay upright.

 

This. This is what he wanted. He moaned.

  
  


Magnus’ mouth started on the back of his neck while his hands moved around to the front of his chest to work on the buttons of his shirt. “You want me?” He was mouthing and nipping at the skin at the base of his neck sending bursts of electricity firing through him. “Since when?” He got the buttons halfway undone before he ran out of patience and took the fabric in his hands and yanked them apart, the remaining buttons flying off in all directions.

  
  


Alec groaned and felt his cock jump inside his underwear. Fuck, he was so close to coming already and he had barely laid a hand on him. 

 

Magnus tugged the shirt down over his shoulders hard, hard enough that he had little choice but to put his arms down and let the ruined garment slip from his body. He heard Magnus make a noise that could only be described as a deep rumbling growl and he sucked in a breath, trying to ready himself for god only knew what.

  
  


He jumped when he felt his hands roaming over the skin of his back, sending showers of sparks running through him. “Tell me..” Alec whimpered and pressed his face into the door, bracing himself. 

 

“From the first moment i set eyes on you.” 

 

He sensed his body shudder behind him, strangely enough his own words had the same effect on him.

 

Strong probing fingers slid around to his chest and he felt Magnus’ mouth bite down on his shoulder as he shifted his fingers in the thick dark patch of hair that covered his pecs. “You are killing me with that mouth Alec.” 

 

He hissed in a breath as he tugged at the silky strands and sunk his teeth into the ridge of his shoulder. Pain had never felt so good.

  
  


Magnus trailed his wet mouth towards the centre of his back, giving the hypersensitive flesh broad swipes of his tongue, tasting him and all the while increasing the pressure of his rock hard cock into the swell of his ass. Fuck! He had never wanted something so bad in all his life before.

  
  


One hand was staying fisted in his chest hair while the other slowly descended to the waistband of his pants. Alec could hardly breath as he felt the nimble fingers undoing the button and then the zip. Magnus was pressed hard up against him now, his chin resting on the slope of his shoulder so that a sea shell like roar of breath was the only thing he could hear. Breathing down in small warm puffs right onto his skin, teasing him with the tip of his tongue every now and then. God, If he kept that up he was gonna come right, there and then.

  
  


A hand wedged itself between the front of his pants and his underwear, cupping his cock and he whimpered, “i wanna make you scream for me.”

 

Magnus’ slurry  tone was setting fire to his insides and making his mouth water. Oh Jesus, he was right on that edge and it was only going to take the merest skin to skin contact to set him off.

 

And he got it.

 

“You wanna come like this, Alec?”

Magnus moved his hand up and then under the waistband of his tented boxers and Alec’s previously closed eyes flew open and his mouth went wide as he felt him grip his throbbing pole and tug at it gently. He whimpered as he heard Magnus suck in a breath and say,” Fuck.” And he knew that he was fast reaching the outer limits to his will power. He was moaning continuously now, unable to stop himself and then Magnus found his trigger.

 

The hand left his pulsing cock and cruised around the soft skin of his hip before cupping the curve of one butt cheek and he felt his whole body drawing up in anticipation of what was about to take place. One long dextrous finger pushed between his cleft and with a soft groan, Magnus brushed the digit up and down passed his tight entrance.

The climax powered through him and he gave a loud shout as he came with hot sticky heat into magnus’ hand as it came back to hold his pulsing cock, hoping, just hoping that he could stay upright on his shaky legs.

  
  


He panted through the waves of pleasure as it flooded every inch of his body and Magnus continued to press his own urgent erection into him, extending the duration of it. It was mind blowing. Alec shoved his ass back into the touch, almost like a reflex, desperate for more of the same. 

  
  


“I want to taste you.” Magnus rasped, and his gravelly voice made Alec moan and shiver all over.

  
  


Without giving him a moment’s rest, Magnus grabbed him around the biceps and slammed his back against the door, knocking what little air was left in Alec’s lungs out of him. He took hold of the waistband of his pants and boxers and gave them a sharp tug, exposing his half hard boner to the cool air of the loft. Alec sighed and tilted his head back against the door.

 

“Fuck Yes.” 

 

The sensation of Magnus’ hot wet mouth on the tender skin of his cock made him yell and he looked down and saw Magnus taking nearly his full length into him.He banged his head back against the wooden door, hard enough that he saw stars for a few seconds. He couldn’t catch his breath it was so intense. Within minutes he had gone from half spent to fully erect once again. He could hear his moans echoing around the open space of Magnus’ home and couldn’t believe that he was being so loud.

 

“You made me scream all right!”  Alec rasped, trying and failing to catch his breath.

 

Magnus let him fall from his lips with a wet pop and smiled up at him.“Wait until I’m inside you, Alec.” He purred and then immediately took him back into his mouth, curling his tongue around the swollen head and making Alec grip the door handle for support. “And, you taste as good as you sound.” He worked him until he was iron hard and leaking precome and so desperate for release he was going cross eyed. Right when Alec thought he would make him explode, Magnus pulled off and stood up.

  
  


“Clothes Off. Bedroom. Now.” It wasn’t a harsh command but an order nonetheless and even in his dazed state, Alec did as he was asked, toeing off his shoes and kicking off his pants and underwear where they had pooled around his ankles.

 

Magnus towed him towards a set of sliding black screen doors at the other end of the room off the living area. He hit a switch near the door as the entered and a soft light flooded the room.

 

A large four poster bed was the focal point and was made in a lacquered black wood, the posts carved in a barley sugar twist. The bedding was a fire engine red and shiny, like satin and Alec felt its cool touch as he was pushed back onto it. 

 

Magnus stood before him, not saying another word but taking the back of his shirt and pulling it over his head before working out of his shoes and removing his own tight-fitting pants and underwear.

 

Alec gasped as the light hit the curves and contours of his sculpted torso. The man was a work of art. His cock flexed at the thought of how good he was going to feel, mashed against him, filling him. Taking him.

 

Magnus got up on the bed, prowling across till he reached the middle looking like an apex predator. Alec laid before him, panting, wanting, desperate. He grabbed both his legs and hauled him towards him, his back sliding along the slippery surface. His ass mounted his thighs and his legs fell open in complete surrender to him.

 

“Those legs.” Magnus growled and grabbed his arms, pulling him up so that their chests slammed together. He took Alec’s parted bottom lip between his teeth and tugged it hard and felt their duel erections rub deliciously together.

 

“God you are so hot.” Magnus’ chest vibrated against his as he moaned without abandon. 

 

“Fucking kiss me.”  Alec pleaded.

 

Magnus covered his mouth with his. They melded together, Alec’s chest scrubbed against Magnus’ smooth one creating fabulous friction and lighting up their insides to near boiling point. 

 

Hands carded through hair, tugging just enough to make it hurt so good. But it wasn’t enough. 

 

Alec needed more.

 

He demanded more. 

 

He was so wrecked by it all he couldn’t focus on anything but what it would feel like to have him inside him. 

 

“Fuck Magnus, I need you in me. I can't .. I can’t….” He heaved as he pulled back from him searching his handsome face for the answer he needed.

  
  


Magnus didn’t reply but pushed forward so he was laying on his back before him and stretched over to pull open the draw in the night stand. He took out a tube and flipped the lid, squeezing a generous amount of gel into his hand.

  
  


Alec held his breath waiting for that touch that he knew would set him a blaze once more.  

 

Magnus reached between his open legs and applied the lube pushing its silky wetness into his cleft and over his entrance. Alec groaned and bucked his hips. God this felt fucking spectacular. Magnus gave him a slow smile as he ran the tip of his finger around the outskirts of the tight little muscle. 

 

“Relax for me.” He pushed the tip just inside him and Alec gasped, but it was only the initial shock before he unclenched and waited for more. Magnus pushed his finger further in, feeling his body clamping down on him unable to decide whether he should stay,or he should go. Alec made a noise down deep in his throat and he took it for permission to keep going.

 

Once he had sunk to his knuckle, Magnus added a second finger and had Alec writhing before him, going out of his mind with sensory overload. Yes, he had thought about this all week, but he hadn’t imagined that one man could be as fucking sexy as this.

 

“Oooh, You feel so good.” Alec sobbed when a third finger stretched him beyond belief.

 

He felt the loss of those slender digits, so deliciously rubbing at his walls, when Magnus withdrew to position himself above him, hard cock poised to take their place.

  
  


He pressed forward, letting Alec’s body get used to the new sensation an agonising inch at a time. Alec tensed at first, the burning sensation taking him by surprise. He could feel his muscles working on Magnus’ thick length as it began its descent inside him. The head went in and Magnus grunted an “Oh God.” and gritted his teeth. Alec’s first instinct was to fight the fullness of the stout intruder, but he forced himself to relax and felt the muscles give way to allow Magnus to sink further in. When he reached his full length, he paused, and Alec got a handle on the feeling of fullness he was experiencing. 

 

He fucking loved it.

  
  


He looked up to his lover but noticed that Magnus seemed to be looking anywhere but at him, which was concerning for someone that had barely taken his eyes off him all night.Alec felt his insecurities come rushing back to him.

  
  


“Magnus, what’s wrong? Do you regret….”  A shake of his head cut Alec off before he could finish the sentence.

 

He leaned down, putting more strain on his already bulging biceps and kissed him hard before running his tongue over his full bottom lip. Alec hummed and felt his walls grip around his cock.

 

“You’re tight, Alec,” He hissed through clenched teeth. ”And I want this to last. For both of our sakes.” he gave a testing roll of his hips coming to an abrupt stop, thighs trembling, “See, Fuck give me a second.”

Alec now felt beyond weirdly amused. He clenched his muscles, squeezing Magnus’ cock inside him until he heard him take in a hissing breath between his clenched teeth.

 

“Fuck, Alec, stop.”

 

“But i need you to move. I’m dying here.” 

 

A dark look covered Magnus’ face and burned into Alec. “ be. Careful. Of. What. You. Wish. For.” He mouthed ever so slowly, and Alec frowned, not sure what he meant. He was about to ask when he felt him starting to withdraw and slam back into him filling him to the core.

Alec screamed into the room, the feel of it taking his breath and robbing him of the last of his remaining sense. Magnus gave a small laugh and shot him a vulpine smile,“Told you.”

  
  


Magnus kept up the punishing pace, loving the way Alec yelled his pleasure, the tightening sensation of his body as he filled him to his base each time. He knew he wasn’t going to last long, but that was alright. They had the rest of the night of make up for it and his own moans joined Alec’s as they moved together, sandwiching Alec’s jerking erection between them.

 

“Oh Fuuuuck!!” Alec was out of his mind. He was one giant raw nerve, and everything felt heightened somehow. He could feel that wondrous build up starting in the pit of his stomach and with each punishing thrust, Magnus was making it climb higher. 

 

He felt like his insides had been turned into liquid heat and his skin was tingling all over. He could feel the steady drip from his throbbing cock where it was being pushed against their bellies and he couldn’t get his mind to deal with the duel sensation of his imminent orgasm and the way his ass muscles seemed to be primed and ready to go with it as well.

  
  


“You feel so good around me Alec.” Magnus drilled into him particularly hard and it nudged something deep inside and Alec gasped as he felt himself teetering right on the edge of one hell of a climax. He felt him pull back, only the swollen head still remained before he rammed him again and reached the mystical spot. Alec cried out at the top of his lungs and felt himself start to free fall.

 

Magnus pulled back one last time and with a guttural yell, smashed back into him full force and arched his back as he began to flood Alec’s core with wet heat. Alec lost his breath and hung into Magnus as he felt his own orgasm rip through him, rendering him blind and deaf. 

 

“Oh My God!!” Alec whimpered, he felt his own release pumping hotly between them and his muscles spasming around Magnus, milking him for every drop.

  
  


Magnus slumped forward, still taking his weight on his hands but pressing further into Alec’s slippery wet chest as it heaved to get as much oxygen into him as he could manage.The room was very silent after their combined shrieks of ecstasy had been sated enough to leave them feeling spent and heavy limbed. 

 

The only sound now was their breathing coming back to a more normal rhythm.

 

Alec forced his eyes to open from where he had been forced to let them close, so he could deal with what he had just experienced and looked up at Magnus. His lips curved in a slow smile and he tilted his hips a little.

 

“Jesus, Magnus I can feel you in me. Your come dripping out of me, Fuck,” He said, all inhibitions long gone now. As if to emphasise the point his tightened his ass, squeezing his soft length where it still lay buried inside him. The effect was instant, and he felt him beginning to swell again. 

 

Magnus growled and rested his head on Alec’s damp chest, heaving. ”You can’t say things like that to me.” He took his nipple into his mouth and sucked the little nub into a firm peak. Alec groaned and gave a lazy roll of his hips.

 

“Fuck, I can stay inside you forever.” He drawled, kissing along the centre of his chest, tasting the salty tang of his sweaty skin. He looked up into his heavy lidded hazel eyes and flexed his cock inside him.

 

“Wanna go again, baby?” Magnus purred, starting up with a slow pace making Alec moan and tighten his grip on him.

 

“Yes, Yes..” And he pushed up into him with more pressure now, wanting to feel that fabulous fluid slide of him as he moved inside him. The fact that he didn’t pull out after he came the first time inside him was blowing Alec’s mind away, he felt his hole dripping with come and that big, wonderful cock slide easily into him, he was greased up from the inside with his own personal lube, and that alone had him on edge, so he took a hold of the base of his cock and squeezed, he wanted to enjoy this as much as humanly possible.

 

They took their time, and it made everything more intense, more special. Magnus didn’t let up on him, however, and by the time the were both dripping with sweat, throats almost red raw from passionate screams, the gloves were off and it was no holds barred. 

 

Alec didn’t think it would of been possible to come that hard and have it feel that sensational twice in a row but it did. Jesus, it did. They had been more coherent this time, Magnus telling him how good it felt to feel his body enveloping his and the way it was making his mind go to mush.

 

“So so fucking big, Magnus. You’re splitting me open, Oh I love it.” He had drawled as his lover had glided in and out of his greasy entrance. But by the time they were both seconds from coming once more, there was only caveman like grunts  and growls before they joined each other in the stars and then slowly floated back to earth once more.

 

Alec was sure that no one’s first time could be better than his. 

  
  


He had felt his whole world shift on its axis and he was reborn  a completely different person. The best part of the aftermath of such powerful orgasms, was getting to feel the heavenly weight of Magnus as he practically fell onto his chest as it worked to regulate his breathing once more. 

 

He rubbed his cheek in the damp dark hair, one hand covering his pec and unconsciously brushing over the small hardpoint of his nipple. They lay together smiling softly, just enjoying each other’s touch.

  
  


“I’m so completely wrecked right now.” Alec said, slowly running his finger tips up and down Magnus’ spine. He loved how soft his skin was but so firm at the same time. 

 

He heard him give a short chuckle.“Sleep?”  He raised his head and rested his chin on the hand that lay on his chest.

 

“Yes, totally.” 

 

“You were stunning.”

 

Once again, Alec wasn’t used to taking compliments, and he sure as hell hadn’t had one about his skills as a lover before. He looked away shyly. He might of felt changed in many ways, but there was still some of the old introverted Alec left. He felt Magnus’ fingers take his chin and turn his face back to him. He was looking at him seriously.

 

“You were.”

 

Alec felt his already warm skin heating. Maybe he had been better at this than he thought if Magnus was insisting that he was good. 

 

He flexed his butt muscles and winced a little. He wondered if he was always going to feel this sore afterwards. After feeling the burn he wanted to savour it. He liked it, loved the idea of it.

  
  


“Humm, don’t wanna get hard again.”  Magnus mumbled as he slowly and carefully slid out of him and lay beside Alec.”Food.”

  
  


Alec turned his head to look at him.“Really? Now? I don’t think i can go anywhere if i wanted to and it's got to be late. I don’t know what would be still open.” Magnus laughed and turned his head and kissed him.

  
  
  


“No, I mean go out to the kitchen.” He sat up and gave Alec’s hip a playful slap. It hadn’t hurt, but he yelped anyway.

 

“Get that gorgeous ass up.”  Magnus took his hand and tugged a boneless Alec into a sitting position, he winced, that soreness is going to be a problem. He groaned after it, damn he was feeling so heavy and relaxed right now, still slightly giddy, though eating something did sound tempting.

  
  


He let Magnus drag him out to the kitchen that was off the other side of the living area. It was only when they were half way across the room that he remembered that they were naked. He faltered and caused Magnus to stop.

  
  


“Problem?” He asked, arching one elegant brow.

  
  


“Well, yeah, for one, i'm kinda all sticky and greasy, and for another, I’m not really used to wandering around in the middle of the night naked.” Alec was starting to feel more and more self conscious about his raw state. So much for the new him. 

 

Magnus looking him up and down like he was something good to eat wasn’t helping.

  
  


“Complaining.. Complaining..”

  
  


Alec didn’t know whether to be amused or turned on by his exaggerated statement, the way he talked, there was something sinister about it, dark and so fucking mysterious, he talked so little without giving anything away, but his few words had Alec hanging on them like a lifeline.

 

His voice was an enigma.

  
  


Magnus took him into the kitchen and turned on a light that was on the stainless steel exhaust fan above the hot plates, lighting the small space just enough to be able to see what they were doing.

  
  


He went to a draw and took out a dish cloth and then took it to the sink and turned on the water. He went back over to Alec who had been standing by the large double door fridge waiting. He held out his hand for the damp cloth but Magnus didn’t give it to him.

  
  


“i’ll make it quick.” He wiped the warm cloth over the shiny stains on Alec’s lower belly slowly grazing his fingernails on his crotch  making him take in his breath. 

 

He felt his cock twitch and he immediately felt embarrassed about his over eager body part.

 

Surely it’s needs had been met enough for the night at least. He caught Magnus smiling and he looked up at him, before wrapping the soft cloth around the half hard girth.

 

Fuck!

  
  


“You have a really nice cock.” He purred and leaned in to kiss him full on the mouth. The kiss had enough heat in it that he immediately forgot about his burning cheeks.

  
  


Magnus occupied his lips and tongue while he let him go to glide the cloth around to his backside, groaning into his mouth as his hand slipped between his cleft. As he wiped over his tight little entrance, “And god this ass.” Magnus latched onto bottom lip and sucked it hard, making Alec almost forget his own name.

  
  


Magnus growled and Alec winced a little as he flexed his glutes and a twinge of pain radiated from it. He hadn’t realised it before now because Magnus was still buried inside him but yeah, he was feeling a lot tender.

 

“‘m sore.” he grumbled puffing out his cheeks, definitely fishing for comfort kisses. 

 

“I know.” 

 

And comfort kisses he definitely got.

  
  
  


After giving his own lower extremities a quick wipe, Magnus dumped the cloth into the sink and then turned his attentions to their original purpose for coming out here in the first place. 

  
  


Alec was still feeling a little self conscious about his bare ass but not quite as much as before.

  
  


Magnus went to the fridge and pulled it open, considering their options. Alec stood behind him.

  
  


For a single guy, he had a very well stocked fridge. The shelves full of bottles and plastic containers and the drawers down the bottom looked well supplied with fresh produce as well.

  
  


“There you are.” He reached inside and pulled out a white square box that looked like it had come from a bakery. 

 

The bright light shone on his handsome features as he lifted it from the shelf and then closed the door. For the first time, Alec could see his skin had a golden hue about it. so sexy.

  
  


Magnus put the box on the counter and opened it, licking his lips at the contents. He reached in and brought out a fancy frosted cupcake. Alec grinned broadly. He would never of thought the enigmatic Mr Bane had a sweet tooth.  

 

Magnus held it up and gave him an enquiring look.

 

“So, can I tempt you Mr Lightwood?” He said saucily. Alec took the sweet confection from him and laughed.

  
  


“Why do I feel like you’ve just handed me some piece of forbidden fruit?” He said, looking at the little cake with it’s tower of frosting and shiny red cherry on top of it. Magnus got himself a cake from the box and was just about to take a bite of it when he went over to where Alec was leaning against the fridge door.

  
  


“This, baby, belongs to me.” And he plucked the cherry from the top and popped it into his mouth. The meaning wasn’t lost on Alec, even though his brains were still trying to come back online after being thoroughly rattled. 

 

He felt his face heating again and tried to disguise it with a mouth full of cake. The chocolate flooded his taste buds and he moaned in spite of himself. 

 

Magnus had gone back over to the counter and hoisted himself up on the dark stone surface.

 

“This is so good Magnus.” Alec said, licking frosting from his top lip. Magnus was watching him intently and then took his finger and swiped a generous dollop of the frosting off his own cake and put it in his mouth, slowly sliding the finger in until it reached the base. Alec felt a shiver run through him.

 

Frosting was so fucking sexy. 

 

Magnus’s frosting was so fucking sexy.

  
  


Alec had a thought that just maybe he was letting his dick do his thinking for him but when he slowly brought his finger back out before sucking back between his lips again, he knew that his waking cock had the right idea.

  
  


He walked over to where he was sitting, his breathing starting to deepen. Magnus pinned him with those deep dark eyes of his and never let him go. He withdrew his finger once more and took another swipe of frosting but this time, it wasn’t going in his mouth. He lowered his hand and smeared a trail of it from his belly button to his rapidly thickening erection. And then leaned back on his hands. Alec felt his knees wanting to give way. 

  
  
  


That was the hottest thing he had ever seen anyone do with food before.

  
  


He put the remains of his cake down on the counter beside Magnus. Then put his hands on his knees and pulled them apart so he could stand between them, He bent forward and took his first taste of something much more sinful than a cake. 

 

He gave the warm soft skin of his belly a wide swipe of his tongue and loved that Magnus sighed loudly and tilted his head back.

  
  


“Lower.” He whispered and Alec was happy to comply.

  
  


He mouthed and lapped at the beautiful golden skin that was covering a set of well defined muscles. From the lack of any hair, Magnus looked to be a manscaper and it suited Alec’s purposes just fine. 

 

“Hmmm…”

 

He cleaned the sugary cream from him right to the base of his now solid cock and paused, looking up at him just as Magnus’ head came back up.

  
  


“Lower.” This was more of a growl, deep, dark and guttural. The sound shot through Alec and went straight to his own cock, this man would bring anyone to their knees with a single word.

  
  


He ran the tip of his tongue about halfway along the throbbing shaft and Magnus was having trouble sitting still now. His breathing was getting noisy and he had sat up further so that he could watch Alec at work. 

  
  


Alec didn’t know if it was the thought that he was licking frosting off his cock or that he was being watched doing it that was sending fireworks shooting through him, but whatever it was had him painfully hard.

  
  


He paused as he took his mouth off him, readying himself for what he was about to do. He felt Magnus’ hand reach down and slide through the hair at the side of his head.

  
  


“Fucking lower.”

  
  


Alec’s heart gave a shuddering thump before it stopped beating, he wanted to feel him inside his mouth so badly. So he bent his head and took the crown of Magnus’ wide cock into his mouth, gliding over his lips and then moaned as the taste of sugary frosting and golden skin filled his mouth. Only just started and already he was loving it.

 

“slowly, baby, ease onto it.” Magnus crooned softly, his hand going to card through Alec’s messy thatch of dark hair.

  
  


Alec took his advice, even though his first thought was to try to take his full length, with his mouth full already, it might be best do as instructed. He pulled back and then took more of him, trying to relax his throat as much as he could, he didn’t want to ruin the moment by gagging and Magnus was more than a mouthful.

  
  


Little by little and inch by inch, Alec slowly let him glide back and forth over his tongue and hearing Magnus’ increasingly louder moans were telling him he must be doing something right.

  
  


“Fuck, Alec, you’re a natural.” Magnus sounded breathy and hot. The praise and the sound of his voice spurred him on, made him bolder.

  
  


Alec was only about two inches from being able to take his full length now and his tongue curled around the girth of him, washing the last of the frosting from the smooth surface. He pulled back, letting his teeth scrape along the hard shaft and he heard Magnus cry out and his cock jerked between his lips.

 

“So good!”

 

Alec wanted to smile but his mouth was stretched to capacity at the moment and he glided back down, this time, sheathing his teeth with his lips and applying more pressure than before. 

  
  


He worked up and down the full length, proud of the fact that he could now take his entire length down his throat without gagging. 

  
  


Magnus had relaxed back into it again his soft keening noises filling Alec’s ears.

  
  


“Suck.” He whimpered, his hand still sifting through Alec’s hair.

 

Oh, okay. It was all a learning curve.

 

He pulled back and this time, drew in his cheeks and cupped his tongue under the fat shaft and sucked hard. Magnus jerked fisting his hair. 

 

Another two back and forth bobs of his head  and Magnus was squirming on the counter top, holding Alec’s head firmly so he couldn’t let him go. 

 

A salty tang was beginning to coat his tongue now and he knew Magnus was close to coming.

 

In his mouth.

Down his throat.

 

He got to taste him now, fuck.

 

He increased his speed and the pressure of his lips and sucked as hard as he could. He could feel Magnus drawing himself up, seconds away from release. His hand tugging furiously in his hair and the other taking his weight on the counter, as he leaned back, head tilted, and eyes screwed up tight.

  
  


“I-I I’m so fucking close!” He hissed through clenched teeth, Alec slid along his cock, his tongue tracing each and every one of the veins and ridges as they stood on the surface and after lavishing attention on the leaking head, he plunged down, taking him right to the base.

  
  


Magnus sobbed into the cool air of the kitchen and pulled his hair so hard, his scalp stung and shot warm hot jets of salty heat to the back of Alec’s tongue. He struggled to take it down, but he was loving the feel of it gliding down his throat and feeling the steady jerk of Magnus’ erection in his mouth. 

  
  


Magnus held his head onto him until the last of the orgasm subsided and he was left breathless and panting on the counter. 

  
  


When he released him, Alec pulled off, letting his softened cock fall from his lips wetly.

  
  
  
  
  


Later on, Alec was taken off guard when they laid in bed together that night, staring at the sleeping form of this magical man, lips slightly parted in an adorable pout glistening with moisture.

  
  


He was so beautiful like this, and as exhausted as Alec found himself feeling he couldn’t even blink, in the rush and excitement of it all he failed to appreciate how heavenly this man was, that floppy silky hair covering a cute beauty mark on top of his eyebrow, tight hard bulging muscles underneath a soft and flawless skin. 

 

Alec sighed flipping onto his back staring at the ceiling, his fingers trembled slightly when he realized how much his heart was already falling for him, he closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind, maybe think of something else other then the man laid out beside him.

 

His eyes opened, and even though he fought to think about anything else but Magnus Bane, he was failing dismally. He had been all week, the man dominated his every waking moment.

  
  


He drew in a breath and gave in, he slid his arm around his waist, automatically Magnus clung to him intertwining their legs together burying his face in Alec’s neck.

 

Alec’s heart was beating in overdrive and he felt his bottom lip tremble.

 

Why did he feel like he was about to get his heart broken?


	4. Reality Bites

Alec woke with a groan, the sunlight coming through the window spread across the bed. He frowned as the world’s most annoying sound filled his ears, what the hell was that? Then he remembered he’d set  the alarm on his phone, calling his attention to the fact that it was a work day. Terrific.

 

He gave a sigh before looking over to the sleeping form beside him, he didn’t want to leave the warmth of Magnus’ luxurious bed just yet, but that alarm wasn’t going to stop itself so he hauled himself off the bed and grabbed his phone, silencing it. 

 

But then it hit him,  he’d be going to work, in yesterday’s clothes, showerless, was that even a word? He never thought he’d be doing the walk of shame. Fuck. Yet another first in a long list of firsts that had only began the day before.

 

After he got dressed and made himself as presentable as possible, he headed to the door, as quietly as possible. He was reaching for the door when he paused; shouldn’t he talk to Magnus before leaving? what would he even say.

 

It was a hook up obviously, a one night stand.

 

Whatever it’s called these days.

 

Was it?

 

On a whim, he turned back to Magnus’ bedroom, searching for a suitable thing to say to him once he got there. He reached the side of the bed and gazed down at Magnus as he slept on, seemingly still unaware that Alec had left his side. 

 

Magnus was on his back, body half covered with a silk sheet, abs and V line on display, the outline of his manhood was bulging under the soft material, naked underneath. He felt himself shudder.

 

He was sexy even fast asleep.

 

“Magnus,” he whispered, gently nudging his shoulder, “I need to head out to work, do you need anything?”

 

He couldn’t help but smile at the little scrunch Magnus did with his nose, and chuckled at the way he screwed his eyes up even tighter then grumpily drew his head under the covers and mumbled, “Light .. Curtains..”

 

Obviously he was not a morning person, so Alec didn’t push him any further into waking. He went over to the window and pulled the curtains together until the room was darkened, the only  light coming from the open door.

  
  


Alec allowed himself a final indulgent look. Magnus seemed more settled in the gloom, as if he were a nocturnal animal, only happy when the sun went down. It was then that Alec realised that he had only ever seen him in this setting. 

 

He walked to the door closing it softly behind him and when he got outside, he turned his face to the warm morning sun. It felt good to feel it on his skin.

 

God they were truly opposites.

 

**

  
  


“where have you been?”

 

Alec winced when he sat down in his desk, that soreness he had been ignoring was now going to give him a hell of a time. Nonetheless, he smiled, yesterday has been the best day of his life and entirely worth any discomfort he might be feeling.

 

It surprised him that one night could bring him such pleasure and happiness. His inexperience and lack of self esteem had held him back from so much, and now he knew what he’d been missing. 

 

But Magnus had drawn him out of himself, reaching that side of him that he’d kept hidden all these years and empowering him.

 

“Alec!” Jace shouted, making him jump, and he turned to see his friend frowning at him. He really wasn’t in the mood for one of Jace’s lectures, he just wanted to stay in the haze of his post orgasmic bliss.

 

“What?”

 

“I said, where the hell were you last night?”

 

“I was home, where do you think I was! Where were you?!”  He fired back at him.

 

Alec hoped circling the question would be enough to throw Jace off the scent. He knew full well he had started his evening at The 2nd Circle, but he presumed that the rest of his night would of been at Melanie or Becky’s place.

 

“Well, since you asked, the club was..”

 

As jace began to drone on about his exploits for the night, he could feel his mind drifting off again. It only took the word “club” and he was right back there again.

 

Magnus.

 

His office.

 

The loft.

 

Their first time.

 

He clenched his ass and winced in pain, he was so sore from where Magnus has been inside  him.

 

Hard.

 

Deep.         

 

Fuck.

 

He felt his cock swell; he’d never been like this before; this sensitive, this responsive, up until now, he’d been sexually dormant. He had spent his teenage years closeted, his early twenties with no intimacy whatsoever, and he’d been fine with all of it, but now even the thought of a silky goatee decorating a set of small pink lips had him hard as a rock, at work, next to his best friend, the same one who was still rattling on about his escapades last night.

 

Typical Jace. The crazy part of it was, the guy hadn’t noticed that Alec had drifted off into his own little world. 

 

A naughty little thought came into Alec’s mind. He had been feeling last night’s effects since he woke up and he really wanted Magnus to know how he felt right now.

 

**Whenever I sit or move I feel you, I feel where you have been**

 

Alec gave a small grin as he hit the send button. 

 

“Have you been listening to a word i just said?” 

 

Jace’s changed tone brought him back to reality and he gave his friend a look like he’d been seriously offended.

 

“Of course I have but we really should make a start on these articles. They don't write themselves you know.” Alec gave the screen on his phone a final look before he tossed it onto the desk beside his computer. 

 

He really needed to ignore the pleasant ache in his nether regions along with any further thought about the man who had caused it and concentrate. He also ignored Jace’s disbelieving side ways look and began typing. 

  
  
  


Once home, he was craving a shower. It was already 8pm and all he wanted to do was to clean himself up and have a good night sleep. He fished his phone out of his pocket and took in a breath, there was a message, from Magnus.

 

He felt his cheeks burn hotly after remembering what he actually wrote in the spur of the moment this morning, god. He wanted to crawl into a dark room and never come out. He couldn't believe that he had actually send that text. Very un-Alec like.

 

With a quickening pulse, he clicked open Magnus’ reply and flushed even harder, fuck.

 

**I promise when I’m done with you, even taking a breath will remind you of me and where I have been.**

 

A shiver ran through him as he poured over each and every word in the message. God, the man certainly knew how to press all the right buttons. He bit his lip, fingers paused over his phone, as he thought about a suitable reply. 

 

**Promise?**

 

So, there was going to be a next time? He felt his insides warm from the thought of yet another night of being fucked senseless by the mysterious Magnus Bane. 

 

Yes please.

 

There was only one thing that he had to remember, and that was this was what it was; there was no whispered commitments between them, no sappy declarations of endearments. Magnus didn’t owe him anything and he would be the same with him. Falling in love with someone like Magnus would be disastrous on an epic level. 

 

He wasn’t boyfriend material, or at least that’s what Magnus presented himself as, he would be someone to get off with, to have full on mind blowing sex with and nothing more. Alec just hoped that he remembered that.  

  
  
  
  


The rest of Alec’s week was frantic. Things at work has shifted into overdrive and he barely had time to take breath. Every night was the same; come home, shower, eat, say a few words to Jace about their day and then bed. 

 

Wash, rinse, repeat.

 

In one way, he was grateful, because it gave him less time to think about the fact that he hadn’t heard anything further from Magnus. He’d checked his phone on and off all day, every hour, on the hour, that Monday, and he could feel himself getting more and more disappointed each time, to the point where he had shoved his phone in his pocket and refused to look at it again for the rest of the day.

 

He had allowed himself to check it when he got back home, but there had still been no reply and he ignored the small twist in his guts. No strings, remember? 

 

So no promises, either.

 

Magnus ran a business, the guy was probably crazy busy and didn't have a moment to spare.

He kept telling himself that, anyway. The next day had been the same, and the one after that, as well.

 

He wasn’t pining, definitely not, but he was hoping to get a chance to take Magnus up on his offer, to renew that deeply pleasant ache that had now faded, and as much as he had disliked having to watch how he had sat down any time, he found himself missing the soreness.

 

As the week wore on, and in spite of being caught up with his job, there was other things he was missing as well. He found himself fantasising about a pair of perfect lips, as they ravaged his and filled his mouth with a hot wet tongue. 

 

He missed the  delicious feeling of another body, pinning him down and moving against his. Most of all, he missed the wide eyed wonderous feeling of Magnus’ hard cock as it bore into him, filling him completely. 

 

He missed every aspect of their hot,sweaty, filthy, unbounded sex.  God how he wished for that. Alec lost count of how many times he typed a three worded sentence into his phone and been so close to sending it only to delete it and scold himself for being this new level of pathetic. 

 

It was staring at him right now as well, that unholy little cursor, blinking at him ,next to those three tempting words he longed to say.

 

**I want you.**

 

It was Friday again, and he’d gotten to the point where he was sitting in a bathroom stall at work, staring at the screen of his phone, willing Magnus’ name to appear before him. For the umpteenth time, he deleted the words, and with a frown, Alec unlocked the stall and headed for his desk, throwing himself into his chair.

 

“Hey, quitting time, buddy. Fucking Friday at last and I need to chill and so do you!”

 

Alec knew what Jace’s next words would be and it wasn’t going to happen.

 

“we are going to the club and that is final.”

 

“No we aren’t.”

 

“Are too!!”

 

“Are NOT!”

 

“Are too!!!”

 

He was determined to stay strong. If Magnus Bane couldn't be bothered to call or text him, he was damn sure he wasn’t going to set foot inside his club. 

 

Three hours later, he found himself with his wrist up to the bouncer getting marked before heading inside The 2 nd   Circle. 

 

No fucking will power whatsoever.

  
  
  


From the moment they got inside, Alec felt his insides twisting and his pulse quickening. His eyes scanned the room, searching for that one face that he swore to himself he didn’t want to see. 

 

Jace was oblivious to it all, as per usual, and went straight to the bar to get them a drink. Alec couldn’t seem to stop himself peering into the darkness. What would he do even if he did see him there? Go up to him like some jilted lover and ask him why he hadn’t called? No fucking way, he wasn’t going to lower himself to that level.

 

Jace returned and they found a table, almost the same one they had sat at the first time Alec had come here. The first time he had seen Magnus. Had it really only been two weeks ago? It felt longer.

 

Jace called out a greeting to two girls that were walking passed. Not surprisingly, they seemed to know him already and he introduced them to Alec.

 

“Kristy and Georgia, this is Alec.” He said, and the girls gave him small smiles. He nodded back and managed to form a passable look of friendliness, even though he wasn’t feeling it. 

 

“How about we hit the dance floor?” Jace said, leaning in towards him so he could be heard over the music. 

 

Alec almost said no, but he knew if he let his sullen mood get the better of him, Jace would start asking questions that he didn't want to answer.

 

He followed Jace and the girls onto the crowded floor and began to move with the music. Kristy or Georgia, he wasn’t sure which, was pulling out all the stops to get him to notice her. She writhed and twisted before him, her large dark eyes looking at him from under heavily made up lids. He really wanted to tell her she was wasting her time, but he knew he couldn’t.

 

The night wore on, and Alec found himself both wishing he would see Magnus and hoping the night would end without him. He was on his fourth beer, the most he had ever drank in his life, and was feeling slightly fuzzy headed.

 

Jace had his face buried in Kristy’s neck and she was practically sitting in his lap. Georgia was trying to make conversation with Alec but she was getting very limited responses from him. He really wished she would just give up. 

 

He didn’t know what made him look up at that particular time, but all of a sudden, he was looking straight into the face of the one person he’d been both dreading and hoping he’d see. He had no idea how long he’d been staring at him like that from across the room but his gaze was so intense, it was making his skin prickle. 

 

Magnus didn’t even look like he was blinking, and the longer he was aware of his eyes boring into him, the more uncomfortable he got. Alec glanced at Jace, but he was too interested in Kristy and Georgia was looking at her phone; she had probably gotten sick of talking to herself.

 

Alec turned back towards Magnus and his face hadn’t changed, it was still zeroed onto his and looked more than a little murderous. Alec frowned. This was bullshit, he couldn’t and wouldn’t put up with this for the rest of the night. 

 

He didn’t bother telling the others where he was going, and just threaded his way through the crowded dance floor and went right up to where Magnus was sitting with an assortment of other people. Some guy had been talking  to him but he stopped when he got within arm’s length.

“Excuse me for a second,”  Alec shouted over the blasting music at him then turned to Magnus.

 

“why are you staring at me like that?”

 

“like what?” Magnus answered completely unfazed. 

 

Alec couldn’t believe this guy. He’d left him hanging all week, not a word from him, and now he had given him a look like he was mad at him for being with someone else, staring at him like that, like he didn’t know what that look did to him.

 

“like you have a right to me.” 

 

Magnus nonchalantly inspected his black polished nails.

 

“And you think I don’t?”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous!”

 

“Am I?”

 

Alec could feel anger rising in him, Magnus was being obtuse and he knew it. 

 

“Stop giving me these short ass answers and yes! you are being ridiculous!”

 

At that Magnus looked up at him, and for split second, something that could've been vulnerability flashed in his eyes. But it was gone the second he saw it. 

 

“I didn’t like what I was seeing.”

 

Alec’s heart skipped as he heard his words. Even though he was as mad as hell with him from the way he had ignored him all week, just hearing him say that sparked something inside him. But there was no way he was going to let it show. 

 

“Oh please! you have no right to me as much as I don’t have any to you! Okay so back off.”

 

“Okay.”  Magnus raised his eyebrows and then got to his feet, folding his arms over his chest.”Who’s she?”

 

“No one. We just met.”

 

“Sure.”

 

Alec rolled his eyes. Now he was pissed at Magnus’ attitude. 

 

“What do you care, I haven't heard from you in a week.”

 

There. He’d said it. What he’d been thinking all week. What had been bothering him since he hasn't answered his text message almost a week ago. 

 

He’d been under the impression that there was nothing between them but Magnus had been giving him the stink eye from across the room for god only knew how long.

 

“Alec….” Magnus sighed and then sat back down in the chair, slumped back against the padded back. “It’s best if you just go.” 

 

Alec felt his guts twist. Shit, what had he done?  Any hope he’d had of any further interaction again just died right there and then as he saw the look of disinterest on Magnus’ face. 

 

His heart sank, he wanted to stand there and argue the point with him, ask him why he was being like this with him, hadn’t their time together a week ago meant anything to him?  Surely he had felt the same way as he had about it.

 

He searched his eyes one last time for an answer to his question, hoping for something, anything. Eventually he sighed, fiddling with the sleeves of his shirt and drew a breath in turning on his heels.

 

“Message well received.”

Obviously, there was nothing there.

  
  


Alec went back to where Jace and the girls were sitting, totally deflated. Jace was still all over one of them and hadn’t looked like he’d even realised Alec hadn’t been there. 

 

“So, you know Magnus Bane? Wow.” Georgia said, sounding impressed. But Alec wasn't in the mood for any fangirling at the moment. 

 

“Yeah, sort of.” He said, trying to look anywhere but over to where Magnus was sitting. All of a sudden, the music was too loud and he wanted to be anywhere else but here. 

 

His thoughts were a mess, he’d been both hoping and dreading  for any sort of connection with Magnus since he’d given in to his weaker feelings and came with Jace to the club. Seeing him staring at him, even though he had looked mad, had been enough to raise his hopes.

 

But that had all come crashing down around him now. He wondered if this was really the end of things, that he wouldn’t get with him again.  That thought depressed him more than he cared to admit. 

 

Georgia leaned over towards him, leaning on the table.

 

“So, what’s he like?” She said, smiling.

 

Alec sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, he could feel a headache coming on. He definitely wasn’t in the mood for a game of twenty questions about him.

 

“Complicated.” He said steering clear of what he actually thought of him, and then he allowed himself a final look over to where Magnus was sitting, surrounded by his adoring fans. 

 

Alec felt his blood run cold as he watched him paying particular close attention to a girl that was draped over his shoulders. She looked totally under his spell as he was saying something to her, running a finger down the length of her arm. Alec felt like he was watching a train wreck, not wanting to look any further but unable to pull his eyes away.

 

He was about to look away when he saw him pull the girl into a kiss and it made his heart sink. He blinked rapidly and looked again, yes indeed, they were kissing, Alec could hear his pulse quickening along with their kiss, he couldn’t take any longer and he fished a couple of notes out of his pocket, threw them on the table and headed for the door, without another word to Jace or the girls.

 

Alec arrived back at their apartment after walking nearly half the way before finally hailing a cab. He didn't even bother to turn on the lights, he just stripped his clothes off, pulled out the sofa bed and dragged a pillow and blanket onto the thin mattress. 

 

His phone had started ringing about half an hour ago and he’d ignored it, sure it had been Jace wondering what the hell was going on with him and why he had just walked out without saying anything.

 

He reached for his phone and a shiver ran through him when he saw Magnus’ name on the screen instead. He wasn’t being petty but it hurt, seeing him with that girl, kissing, minutes after he was there talking to him, knowing fully that he was in plain sight for Alec to see what he was doing, and it hurt more that he didn’t care that Alec saw him.

 

He really wasn't ready to return his call. The thought of hearing his voice hurt too so no, he locked his phone and headed to the bathroom for a quick shower.

 

The warm water did nothing to ease away his tension as he’d hoped it would and he returned to his bed, just as tied up in knots as he had been before. 

He threw himself down on the mattress and sighed, giving his phone a final glance before he tried to sleep and forget this night had even happened. 

  
  


From : Magnus

1 Missed Call.

1 New Message.

 

By now he wasn’t surprised to see Magnus’ name on his phone, he’d locked it while the call was through, but what got his attention was the text, and honestly, he wasn’t looking forward to reading it, but he did nonetheless.

  
  


**I see that you left.**

  
  


Terse , short, emotionless again, Alec sighed, this used to intrigue him, make him want more, but now it just hurt.

  
  


**And I ‘saw’ that you have made your choice, now leave me alone Magnus.**

 


	5. Talk me down

 

Alec woke the next morning feeling grumpy and headachy and not sure why until he looked at his phone and saw several texts from Magnus.

 

**I have done nothing of the sort.**

 

**Could ask you the same question**

 

**Giving me the silent treatment, Okay.**

 

Alec frowned at the screen before he switched off his phone. Images of Magnus kissing that girl flooded his mind once more and his heart stuttered. He could not shake off the hurt that seized his heart and a good night sleep did nothing to ease it off either, Magnus had been a total asshole. So he was done with all that.

 

He showered and dressed for work and told himself that he wasn’t going to give in and look at anymore texts. He knew he was new to all of this but he deserved more, and Magnus had clearly shown him how little their night had meant to him, how little he had meant to him, and if that’s the way he wanted it, he could have it. 

 

Jace had arrived late to the office, stating that traffic had been the cause, but Alec knew full well that he hadn’t come home from the club. 

 

“You’re late.” Alec said to him as he got to his desk and switched on his computer.

 

“Thank you captain obvious and you could of been ‘late’ as well if you hadn’t of gone haring off last night. What’s going on?” Jace asked him. 

 

Alec knew that he would eventually have to have ‘the talk” with his friend at some point, but it certainly wasn't going to be now, or anytime soon, it seemed, now it looked like he and Magnus were a thing of the past. 

 

That thought didn’t fail to put him down even more, a small voice in his head was still whispering to him to take anything Magnus would give him.

 

“Bed hoping is your thing, not mine.” He said, not bothering to take his eyes off the screen.

 

“Wow, okay, sorry Saint Alec. But here’s a tip, maybe if you did a little of it yourself, you mightn’t be so freakin’ repressed.” 

 

Jace’s words stung a little and it was on the tip of his tongue to say something to the contrary, but the middle of a busy office was neither the time or the place. Alec clenched his jaw and went back to his work. 

 

By lunch time, he had mellowed a little and they went out to eat together. Alec still hadn't looked at his phone, an effort he was secretly proud of, even though the need to do so was making his fingers twitch.

He had to wonder what sort of a guy Magnus Bane was that he could so easily toss him aside. It was hard for him to get his head around, being that he’d never been with any other man before. But it had him a little worried about what others would be like. He hoped that wouldn’t be the case. Clearly Magnus had issues of some kind. 

  
  
  
  


It wasn’t until he got into bed that night, that he finally relented. His phone lit up with unanswered texts from Magnus. The man didn’t take no for an answer very well. 

Alec started reading through them noticing that indeed Magnus had been texting him throughout the whole day.

 

**9.15am**

**You can’t ignore me forever**

 

**9.30am**

**Well maybe you can**

 

**11.24am**

**You do know that girl meant nothing to me.**

 

**12.18pm**

**So again, no kind of a choice has been made.**

 

**12.30pm**

**You on another hand, Alexander, you are something else**

 

In spite of the fact that he was still sore at him, Alec couldn't seem to stop the way his skin tingled every time  he called him “Alexander”. He might keep telling himself that he didn’t want anything else to do with Magnus Bane, but deep down, he knew he did. 

 

4.03pm

**Come on**

 

4.27pm

**Alec.**

 

The last text was only ten minutes beforehand.

 

**I know you still want me, Call me.**

 

His insides gave a twist at his last message. Magnus sure knew how to to get to him. Their time together was still fresh enough in his mind that his head was filled with the highlights of that night. He sucked in a breath and tried to forget about it, that night had been dampened with what Magnus had done, and God. He wasn't ready to give in yet.

 

He was about to turn off his phone when it began to ring. The sound made him jump and he immediately felt like an idiot. He was almost going to ignore it, sure that it would be Magnus, trying to talk him into seeing him again but a look at the number told him it was Izzy. 

 

“Hey, bro, how ya enjoying the big city?” She said from the other end of the call. 

 

Alec had only spoken to his sister twice since moving here, so getting a call from her now was totally unexpected.

 

“Hi, yeah, it’s been a lot to get used to. What have you been up to?”  He asked her. Izzy had always been a bit of a rebel and tended to skip from job to job. He’d lost count at the number she’d had in the time she’d been here.

 

“Just got work in a club downtown, actually. It’s a crazy place, really dark, but it’s great to work at.” 

 

For a few minutes, the uncomfortable thought that it might be The 2nd Circle filled his head and he hoped to god that he was wrong. That would just be way too much to deal with. 

 

“Oh? Which one?” Alec found himself holding his breath and waiting for her answer. Surely the universe didn’t hate him that much.

 

“It’s called Pandemonium. Gets all the goth types, ya know, but as I said, it’s pretty fun to work at. You’ll have to come one night, you and Jace.” 

Alec let out the breath and smiled to himself. There must be hundreds of night clubs in the city and the odds of Izzy working for Magnus was pretty long on. Besides, if she had of gotten a job there, he was quite sure Magnus would put two and two together and tell him about it. 

 

“Yeah, we’ll do that. Jace’s only taken me to one place, so far. It would be good to go somewhere new.” 

 

He knew the second the words left his lips that he hadn’t meant to say anything to her about it. 

 

Oh well, too late now.

 

“Where’s that?” 

 

He could of lied and told her somewhere else but the trouble was, he didnt know anywhere else. 

 

“The 2nd Circle.” 

 

“That place is the bomb. I’ve never been but people I know have and they loved it. The owner is supposed to be something else.” 

 

Alec wanted to laugh. 

Yes, she could say that again.

 

“Yeah, apparently.”  Was all he said. 

 

“So, I have some news, actually. Mom and Dad are coming tomorrow and they want to see us. You up for that?” 

 

Great, not only did he have to deal with Magnus and his issues with him, now he’d have to contend with his parents. They were probably coming to make sure he wasn’t getting tattooed and joining a cult or something. Or worse yet, letting Jace corrupt him. 

 

“Ready as I’ll ever be. Are they staying with you?” Izzy laughed like he’d just told her the world’s funniest joke.

 

“Are you kidding? Mom wouldn't be seen dead in my neighbourhood. They’re getting a room in a motel and want us to have dinner with them. Unfortunately, I don’t have the excuse that i have to work, and seeing as i haven't seen them for awhile, i figured I should probably make the effort and I don’t believe in suffering alone. You have to come as well.”  She pleaded to him.

 

Alec sighed. Great it sounded like a really fun evening but at least if Izzy was there, it might just be bearable. 

 

“Fine. Text me the details when you get them and i’ll see you there.” He said said. 

 

They talked for a little while longer and then ended the call. Alec rolled over and tried to sleep; he was going to need all the strength he could get.

  
  


Restless night, plus dinner with parents, plus persistent one night stand minus a decent night’s sleep equaled tried grumpy Alec. And because of this, he stumbled through his morning half asleep. 

 

To start the day off, he had a message first thing from Magnus.

 

**Sleep well?**

 

Alec frowned as he read it. No, fuck you very much, I didn’t, and part of it was your fault.

 

He was in half a mind to text the exact words to him. But he still had just enough willpower to stop himself. 

 

**I dreamed about you last night**

 

Oh god

 

**We were in bed**

 

Alec might of had enough strength not to text him, but he didn’t seem to able to not read the messages, they kept flowing and he wasn’t strong enough to dismiss them.

 

**I kissed you, just the way you like it. Hard and messy**

 

Fuck, Magnus was determined to make this hard. He didn’t know why he was doing this to him when he had supposedly tossed him aside. 

 

**All over, your mouth, your neck, those thighs, biting the flesh inside**

 

Alec made a small noise in the back of his throat. He could feel his resistance getting weaker with each word on the screen.

 

**I wanted you inside me so bad**

 

Alec closed his eyes and tried to ignore the way his own cock was thickening. He was so weak when it came to this guy. He should of turned off his phone or deleted the messages, but he just couldn't do it. He had never had someone that told him how much he wanted him, nevertheless someone as ethereal as Magnus. 

 

It felt a thousand times better, to be wanted by him.

 

**And then I had you, want to know how?**

 

Alec groaned and fell back on the bed. Why had he let himself get dragged into this? He knew that his head was going to be filled with thoughts about Magnus all day now. Wondering how 

Magnus had him in his dream, and the possibility of making that dream happen.

 

It only got worse from there. Jace kept asking him what was wrong and he kept telling him nothing, until he snapped and yelled at him to stop asking he wouldn't let it go. 

  
  


He kept making stupid mistakes with his work and writing the articles he was working on took twice as long. He was painfully distracted, by dirty and equally innocent thoughts about Magnus, he wanted to fuck him and cuddle him later on, to have a cozy shower and then blow him later on, he blinked. He should stop, all of this was off the table now. And those arousing sexy texts that had him panting before were just adding to his fury now.

 

Alec really wanted to turn off his phone but he was waiting for Izzy’s text so he was forced to leave it on which even on silent, alerted him to any messages with a hard vibration.

  
  


**Come and meet me at the club tonight, i’ll tell you then**

 

**By the way, will not ask again.**

  
  


By lunchtime, Alec felt like he was going crazy. His resolve not to text back had completely failed. He couldn’t do this any longer.

  
  


**Why are you doing this to me?**

  
  


**Why aren’t you answering?**

  
  


**If your aim was to get me madder Magnus than you’ve achieved what you set out to do**

 

**Oops?**

 

Smart ass. Magnus had gotten to him once again. What was it about this guy that had him so weak and pissed at the same time. 

 

**I have plans tonight Magnus**

  
  


**Who is he?**

 

God, he never gave up, did he?

 

**That would be none of your business but it’s not a date. I have dinner with my parents and sister.**

  
  


**Come to the club afterwards.**

 

Alec almost told him no. He was in no great hurry to see him face to face. He was almost afraid of what that would do to him. 

 

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. They really needed to talk about this once and for all. Deep down, Alec could feel a small spark of hope that just maybe their time together wasn’t over after all. That Even Magnus didn’t want it to be over. 

 

Honest to god, Alec wanted him so much it hurt, everything about him, every little thing that involved him, and anything that Magnus would give him. He was pathetic, he was well aware, but he couldn’t stop this ‘thing’ that overtook him, and he was sure it had nothing to do with his inexperience.

 

It was a Magnus thing.

 

Fuck.

 

It was going to be a long day and an even longer evening. 

 

Izzy eventually texted him the details of where they were having dinner with their parents and of course, it was early so Alec knew he wouldn’t have time to go home and change before hand. 

 

He went into the bathroom before he left work and washed his face and used the deodorant he kept in his bottom drawer before going outside to hail a cab. 

 

He had told Jace of his plans, only so far as the dinner was concerned, and he had clapped him on the back and wished him luck. He was well aware of how difficult his parents could get.

 

Alec arrived near enough on time and went straight into the restaurant. He saw that his parents and Izzy were already seated and he joined them.

 

“Good evening, Alec. Nice of you to join us.” His mother greeted him. 

 

He was what, two minutes late than their agreed time? The woman was unbelievable. 

 

“Hello, mother, Dad, it’s nice to see you.” Alec said, taking his seat next to Izzy and ignoring the smirk she had on her face. 

 

“I would of thought that you could of at least worn a tie to a nice restaurant like this.”  Maryse sniffed, looking down her nose at her son’s slightly wrinkled shirt. 

 

“I didn’t know i’d be needing one, and the early dinner time didn’t allow me any time to go back home and change.” He explained, picking up the menu.

 

“Maybe you should consider moving somewhere closer to your work.” 

 

Alec’s skin prickled and he felt his frayed temper rising. He knew that this was a thinly veiled shot at the fact that he was living with Jace and his mother had never approved of him. 

 

“Inner city apartments are very hard to come by and a little out of my price range.” He told her.

 

“Then maybe you should think about getting a better job. One that pays more.” 

 

Alec felt himself bristle. Maryse had never liked his choice of careers, she had tolerated it at best. It made him wonder what she would think of Izzy’s new job.

 

“I like where I am and I do intend to get my own place eventually. How are things going with your work?” Alec asked her. He really wasn’t that interested in what either of his parents had to say about their teaching positions at the local high school but if it got his mother off his back about his own job, then he’d put up with it. 

 

All through dinner, Alec could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket and he was sure that it would be Magnus. The guy never let up. His parents seemed oblivious to his increasingly distracted state but  Izzy wasn’t. 

 

After the fourth text buzzed against his hip, he knew he had to answer him to get him to stop so that at least he had some chance of concentrating on dinner. He made an excuse about going to the bathrooms but instead he went out to the lobby to read the messages. 

**Alexandeeeeeer**

 

**This dinner must be important**

 

**God, still?**

 

**I want to see you, so bad.**

 

Alec felt a shiver run through him at the words in the last text. He wasn’t making things easy for him. He had no idea what he was doing to him, to a certain point Alec got sick of this, of Magnus getting hot and cold whenever it suited him.

 

**I’ll be there soon I hope, nearly finished dinner**

 

He had just pressed the send button and regardless of what he had been feeling, a small smile curved his lips for the first time in days when he heard a familiar voice from behind him.

 

“Oh, so who’s the lucky guy?” 

 

Alec jumped  and spun around. Izzy was standing there with her hands on her hips and one eyebrow raised, a quirky smile on her face. It took a few minutes for her words to sink in. She must of been reading over his shoulder. His sister was shorter than he was but the size of the heels she was wearing gave her the extra height.

 

“What?”  He was too rattled from the realisation of what she had said to say anything too intelligent. 

 

“You heard me. Who are you meeting, what’s his name?” 

 

Alec’s first impulse was to go into denial. This was a subject he had never disgust with Izzy before, let alone anyone else.

 

“I don't know what you’re talking about. I told some friends that I might meet up with them after dinner, that’s all.”

 

“Alec, you don't have to hide things from me. I know we’ve never been that close but it never stopped me from seeing the real you.” 

 

Oh god, they were really going to have this conversation here? Right now? Could this day get any worse.

 

He shook his head, still determined to deny everything even though her admission caused him a whole new level of unease.

 

“I don’t know what…” He started to say but she stopped him with a hand on his arm.

 

“Alec, it’s okay. I know you’re into guys. I’ve known for years. I’m fine with it. And don't worry, I would never say anything to Mom and Dad about it.” 

 

Wow, okay, so his sister knew he was gay. That was a revelation but it didn't worry him as much as he thought it would. It was more of a relief then anything. He felt a very small amount of weight being lifted from his shoulders.

 

“Thanks, Iz. I know you wouldn't do that to me. I’m kinda glad you told me. If Mom and Dad didn't approve of my job and who my friend is then they certainly aren’t going to be okay with this.”

 

Alec sighed. It was really nice to finally have someone to talk to about things. Maybe this was a way for them to be closer. 

 

“So, you didn’t tell me, who are you messaging?”

 

“I met him at the club I told you about. It’s kind of complicated.” he said. 

 

He didn't want to tell Izzy that it was Magnus Bane that he was talking about. That would only make things more difficult and Izzy knowing how he really felt was all too new just yet.

 

He ended up telling her what happened between them, leaving out the details of course, but being able to talk to someone about it all made him feel better.

 

“I think you’re doing the right thing by going to meet him. It sounds to me like you both still want to see more of each other and that’s okay. You just have to tell each other what you want, that way there won’t be any more misunderstandings.” Izzy said when he’d finished.

 

“Yeah, you’re right. It will be good to get things sorted out. Thanks for talking to me, Izzy.” He smiled at her.

 

“No problem, bro. I’m only a phone call away for future reference. We’d better get back to Mom and Dad before she calls the police on us and reports us as missing children.”  Izzy laughed and they headed back inside. 

 

Half an hour later, Alec was in a cab and on his way to The 2nd Circle. He was apprehensive about seeing Magnus again, even though inside he had butterflies in his stomach about it. But he did hope that whatever happened, it whatever it was between them got straightened out. At least he’d know where he stood with him then, good or bad. 

  
  
  


It all seemed familiar to Alec now, he felt like he had been coming here all his life, but tonight he came here with a purpose, Magnus was not letting this go and it made him giddy that he hadn’t forgotten about him, because he could have just deleted his number and went on to the next willing partner, not that he would hardly find one.

 

Once he was in, he immediately located Magnus, and that, the sight of him only, took his breath away. A rich deep purple shirt hugged his wide shoulders and nipped in at his waist where it was ticked inside the waistband of a pair of fitted black trousers. The neck was open to just below his chest and he noted the fine gold chain that glistened against his smooth skin. As always, his hair was on point, the short sharp spikes of it perfectly gelled in place. 

 

‘Maybe this was a bad idea.’

 

‘Kiss him.’

 

‘I should have talked to him on the phone.’

 

‘He looks amazing i want to touch him.’

 

All kinds of thoughts rushed through his numb mind, he was salivating and swallowing roughly, but a raised eyebrow prompted him into action and he stroud between dancing bodies, trying his hardest to manifest a strong confident facade to meet him.

 

He stopped within an arm's length from Magnus, tonight he was surprisingly alone in his usual spot, none of the half naked women or men that decorated his surroundings were here, and Alec dismissed a silly thought that it was because of him.

 

Magnus though, made no move to greet Alec, he didn’t stand up either, it didn’t upset him in the least, even the fact that he hadn’t looked at him yet, apart from the moment they locked eyes when he got into the club, it was such a Magnus thing to do.

 

“Come, sit next to me.” Magnus half shouted over the blasting music that filled the club, his voice bringing Alec back to the land of the living from where he’d been lost in his own thoughts. He scrunched his nose and cringed at how fucking loud the music was. 

 

He didn’t know how it was going to be possible to have a civil conversation in here.

 

“Or we should head to my office?”

 

No! No way. Of all the places to have this conversation, Magnus’ office wasn’t one of them. 

 

“No!!” he full on shouted, “Somewhere else, somewhere quiet.”

 

“Oh, someone’s eager.” Magnus smirked, and Alec felt his cheeks burn because of what he was insinuating. 

 

“Quiet but public, with people around,” he scoffed, he didn’t want to give him the wrong idea, he wanted them to talk, they needed to talk, he just wasn’t ready to be alone with him right now.

 

Without another word, Magnus stood up and winked suggestively at Alec before walking right passed him, of course, people stood apart to let him pass.

 

A king in his kingdom.

 

Alec scoffed once again, no wonder the guy had an ego as big as they come.

 

He followed him blindly through a long dimly lit corridor, where couples obviously thought it was decent to have sex against the wall, he almost choked when he saw two men dry humping against the wall, he shook his head and looked ahead, Magnus was looking at him over his shoulder quite amused with the whole situation.

 

Apparently the guy was used to stuff like this, he owned the place for fuck sake.

 

When a sudden cool breeze hit his face, he looked around, Magnus walked him out of the club to a back alley, neon signs were flashing above them; the only other person around  was a girl not too far from them engrossed in a phone call.

 

“You never did that?” Magnus startled him, he turned back to look at him, he was leaning on the wall so elegantly, and suddenly the shitty alley looked better now.

 

“Excuse me, I don’t follow? Did what?” 

 

“Dry humping.” 

 

Alec  swallowed hard but choked, and started coughing. This had come out of nowhere, it caught him off guard.

 

“Wha..”

 

“The guys,” Magnus pointed back with his thumb to the back door they’d just exited from.

 

“Back there, rubbing against each other, you know, dry humpin-”

 

“Okaaaaay i get it.” he couldn’t listen to another word regarding THAT anymore.

Thinking of those two guys was way too close to his own thoughts at the moment. 

 

Magnus snickered at that, waved him off with his hand and breathed a “whatever, later” under his breath.

 

He looked around the empty Alley now, the girl had disappeared, and weirdly enough he couldn’t hear anything but Magnus’ shallow breathing, the way his shirt scrunched when he moved the slightest bit against the wall, Alec didn’t know what to do with his hands while Magnus crossed his over his waist, so he fidgeted with his sleeves and then with the hem of his shirt to stop and tuck his hands inside his pockets.

 

He was contemplating what to say, he needed them to clear things up, follow Izzy’s advice, but his no brain to mouth filter never failed to surprise him.

 

“What is it that you want Magnus?”

 

God, fuck, he needed to stop putting his foot in his mouth, this was a very similar question to the one he asked when he last saw him, and dread overcame him, his heart jackhammered in his chest in anticipation, he couldn’t help but feel that tiny spark of hope getting crushed with the fact that this man was going to break his heart once he answered it.

 

“You.” Magnus simply stated, as if this was as clear as the sun on a shiny day, stating it as if Alec was a fool for not understanding it yet.

 

The thing is, he wanted him too, but he was fairly certain that want was a totally different concept for the two of them, he fisted his hands inside his jeans and he felt a bead of sweat drip down his neck making him shiver. Alec wasn’t sure if it was from the coolness of the night or from that silky voice saying ‘you’.

 

“I want you too it’s just….” Alec was interrupted from from what he really wanted to say, what he has been thinking throughout the whole night, that he wanted him truly in every possible way.

 

“Then where is the problem? I’m lost Alec.”

 

“I’m .. I don’t know .. I’m-” suddenly his shoe laces became much more interesting to look at.

 

Magnus pushed off the wall he was leaning on and got closer to him, he eyed him warily, “Was that your first time ever?” 

 

Alec shot his head up, his heart hammering inside his ribcage and his mouth went dry, when he finally got the courage to answer, music blasted from the door next to them as a couple of girls were heading out giggling to each other, he noticed Magnus taking a step back and then there was that dreadful silence again, he swallowed thickly and said, “Yes.”

Magnus seemed taken aback with his answer, his eyebrows shot up and he gave him a once over, from head to toe, then he laughed.

 

“How come? You’re gorgeous.”

 

“No one ever knew that I was gay, Magnus. In my family that would be a major issue. Besides, I never really had any interest in anyone else before.”

 

“Else?”  

 

Alec felt his cheeks heat up, he’d slipped and god he wasn’t regretting it, because he was interested in him, so much.

 

“Magnus,” he now took a step towards him, he saw how Magnus’ eyes widened a bit, and his lips parted a fraction, he gazed back at his eyes and continued, “I had been missing out in life, so much, and now i want to live fully, so indulge me and tell me, do you want me?” he breathed, once he got going he felt like there was no stopping him, “Because i’ll tell you something,” he got closer to him, now he could feel the heat radiating from his body, and could practically fucking count his eyelashes, and god those lights did wonders for his complexion, he was aching to touch him, “I want you, in any way i can get you.”

 

Suddenly, he was being grabbed by his shoulders and spun around. His back hit the wall of the club and his heart started to race. Magnus stepped closer to him, placing his hands over his chest, his touch even though it was through his shirt, was making Alec’s skin burn. Magnus’ eyes bore into his  before then dropped down to his slightly parted lips and then rose once again to meet his gaze. 

 

“You have no idea what you’re doing to me.” Magnus breathed against his lips, his beautiful eyes roaming over his face, and Alec felt his knees giving in, he felt his hand touch his cheek and god those light casual touches were sending him reeling.

 

He sighed and opened his eyes again and sucked in a breath when he saw Magnus’ eyes filled with a golden amber glow. It was beautiful and mysterious and totally captivating. He never saw anything like that before, it must have been the lights imitating their effect on them but they looked beautiful. 

 

“Magnus! your eyes are…” But the second the words were out of his mouth, Magnus had stepped back and screwed his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose. He kept going backwards, until he was now out of the glow from the lights of the signs. 

 

What just happened?

 

Alec witnessed a total shift in Magnus’ stance, his shoulders became tense, his posture was now rigid, his eyes were looking anywhere but him. And now he wondered if he’d said anything wrong.

 

“Magnus?” he asked quietly.

 

“We are two grown ass men, Alec. It’s obvious that we have a chemistry between us and i think we both got a lot out of our night together. You want to have that again, I get it and believe me so do I. The sex was fabulous but that’s all it was, sex. I can’t go beyond that. I want to experience more of you, Alec, more with you, if you can handle that then i don’t see a problem with us going on with it.” 

 

Alec was slightly stunned from his words. His whole demeanor had changed suddenly and that momentary glimpse of something else was long gone. In truth, it wasn’t what he wanted, wasn’t what he had hoped he would hear but he didn’t want to not have him in his life now, so he was willing to have the man anyway he could get him. 

 

He straightened his spine and stiffened his shoulders; Magnus wasn’t the only one who could put on a good front. The worst thing that could happen would be for Magnus to think he was weak and not able to have this kind of relationship, he could deal with his emotions on his own, but he didn’t think that he could deal with his absence at all. So he deflected, at least he did that most of his life, he was good at pretending.

 

“That is the most I’ve ever heard you say since I met you.” Alec said with a bitter laugh, he hoped that Magnus didn’t notice, but how could he notice, he didn’t even know him.

 

“That is the most I said in quite a long time, believe me.” Magnus laughed it off and shrugged, and the meaning wasn’t lost to Alec, he wondered about the thing that happened to him, that made this guy so closed off, he refrained from asking and just smiled.

 

“How about we seal this deal then.” Magnus continued, his posture relaxed once more and he beckoned Alec to him with a finger with its black polished nail.

 

“How about we shake on it.” he insisted.

 

Alec fought the urge to pull Magnus in once his palm touched his, to gather him in his arms and ask him who hurt him, to ask one more time for more with him, more than just sex. He wanted him like that for sure, but he wanted to be able to actually be with him after it, hold him, to be held by him, to maybe love him. 

 

But for now, this is all that he could hope to have with him and he would enjoy every second of it


	6. The Deal

Alec’s walk back home went in a blur, he didn’t even remember how long it took, or what route he’d taken. Because the only thing he was thinking about was Magnus.

 

That enigmatic guy was never far from his thoughts. After their agreement, it wasn’t entirely what he wanted but for now it was enough. He was sure of one thing though, that at long last his life had finally shifted in the direction he’d always wanted it to go and that finally, he would live it. The side of him that had always been hidden due to his upbringing, his parents, he’d repressed  and had never given himself the chance to explore it, and now he was 28 years old, he’d lost so much time over the years, so much of what he’d wanted, to feel what it was like to be with another man.

  
  


He felt lighter now somehow, now that he was finally getting the chance to have what he’d always wanted and be the person he’d always wanted to be.  A wide grin curved his mouth and the thought of it all lightened his step.

 

Once he was home, he dove head first into the couch, buried into the cushions, the grin still on his face. he pressed his face hard into it and let out a muffled happy scream, immediately feeling like a total idiot for acting like a teenager, but god, this was what he’d missed out on in highschool. Fuck, he didn’t care how stupid it was he just wanted to embrace it.

 

He sighed and laid back on the sofa, his thoughts going back to Magnus, and how their night had played out. The man wasn’t wrong when he said they had chemistry or that the sex was fabulous, because Alec believed that with every breath he took. That night was so engraved into his memory, it was easy for him to think about how Magnus felt above him, in him, his delicious weight pressing him into the mattress, his hot breath tickling his heated skin, god, his mouth on his.

 

Suddenly, he realised something about their time together that night that had been missing. His lips twitched up in a cheeky grin as he fished his phone out of his pocket.

 

**You didn’t kiss me**

 

He smiled and ran the tip of his tongue over his lips, and feeling rather pleased with himself, tossed his phone on the sofa and went to get himself ready for bed.

 

Once he was tucked under the blanket he noticed he had a text. 

 

**Did you want me to?**

 

Alec bit his lip and grinned at the screen, a swirling heat began to pool deep inside him, god five words and he was already getting hot and bothered, Magnus had the strongest effect on him, stirring up feelings that he’d never even known existed.

 

**Yes** . 

 

Alec locked his phone dropping it flat on his stomach, now all he could think about was how much he wanted Magnus to kiss him, and moment he’d flipped him and pinned him to the wall, he’d almost been able to taste his cocktail flavoured lips as they had hovered tantalisingly close over his. He brushed his half hard length under the blanket and moaned quietly.

 

**I’ll make a deal with you**

 

His curiosity diminished all kinds of further horny thoughts immediately and he quirked an eyebrow at his screen, a deal?

 

**Okaaay? What is it**

 

**Next time we see each other, if you don’t kiss me for the first hour i will treat you something i’m sure you have never done before.**

 

Now that surprised him, he had no idea how he’d handle this dare. Magnus was honestly the most beautiful man he had ever seen, and now that the thought of kissing him had filled his mind and was making him hard, he didn’t know if he could handle anything else, but the treat Magnus mentioned had him intrigued, he wanted to know what it was.

 

**But you have to tell me what i get in return**

 

**Yes or no?**

 

**Tell me first**

 

**Yes or no?**

 

Fuck, he was so stubborn, he knew he wasn’t going to give in to him no matter how hard he tried, so he gave up.

 

**Yes, but tell me about that treat, please**

 

**Now where is the fun in that, night Alexander.**

 

Alexander; he’d never of thought the sound of his own name would leave him feeling weak, but it did each and every time Magnus said it. He felt a little foolish for thinking that way about it, but it was special in a way, because no one made it sound like Magnus did, he noticed that he often used Alec too, but Alexander, it always made Magnus seem tender whenever he decided to use it.

 

**Good night Magnus**

  
  
  
  


Alec woke the next morning with a smile on his face. He felt so much better knowing that things had gotten sorted out with Magnus and on top of that, the ‘treat’ that he had told him about was making him feel excited. He picked up his phone and saw that there was a new text.

  
  


**I hope you slept well**

 

Alec’s smile widened as he began to type his reply.

  
  


**Yes I did, thanks and I had very pleasant dreams. I hope you did too**

  
  


**Dreams would infer that I slept, it’s not something I do all that often.**

  
  


**But you were sleeping like a baby when I left the other night.**

  
  


**Only because I had fucking amazing sex.**

 

**Now, go to work, I have things to do.**

  
  
  


Alec wondered if Magnus was being truthful or he was just been dramatic. Everyone needed sleep, even sexy club owners that kept strange hours. But he was kind of pleased with himself to think that Magnus had thought that their night together had been that good. It made him smile.

  
  


**When can I see you again?**

 

**Friday evening, come to the club**

 

**Will you tell me what my treat is then?**

 

**No. goodbye, Alexander**

 

Alec felt a shiver run through him. He wondered what it could be. He really had no idea but he felt like a little kid waiting for Christmas Day. He was still lying there contemplating a few possibilities when Jace came out of his room.

 

“Hey, are you still in bed? Get up, we’re gonna be… okay, what’s got you grinning like that?” He asked him, his hands on his hips as he stood looking down at his friend.

 

Alec immediately felt the heat rise in his cheeks and he sat up and went to get off the sofa bed. 

 

“Nothing. I’ll grab a quick shower and be right with you.” he mumbled as he grabbed a shirt and pants. He felt guilty for dodging Jace’s question but he’d been deflecting questions that had anything to do with his sexuality for so long now, it was second nature to deny it. 

 

As he washed in the shower, Alec knew that he really should tell his best friend the truth about himself. He’d come out to Izzy, and that hadn’t been the disaster that he’d thought it might be. He had no reason to think that Jace would be any different. He owed it to him. Not to mention that if he was going to be seeing Magnus on a regular basis, it was going to be way too difficult to keep trying to hide it.

 

On their way to the the office, Alec had an idea.

 

“Hey, I was thinking, we haven't had much of a chance to do something together apart from going to the club, since i got here. Friday is a holiday, why don’t we do something together, like we did back home.” He asked Jace. 

 

“Yeah, yeah, that sounds good. You haven't had much of a chance to explore the city, we could have the day together. Okay, let’s do it.” Jace said, smiling back at him. 

 

Alec grinned back. He had made up his mind that Friday would be the day that he came out to Jace, while it was just the two of them and they were relaxed and having fun. It would be the perfect opportunity and he could go to the club after that and feel guilt free for not having to lie about where he was going. 

 

Alec felt a little apprehensive for the rest of the week. He had been getting texts from Magnus each day, and he’d found himself still hiding them from Jace and only reading them when he wasn’t around. Jace might of been clueless about the reason behind his squirrelly behaviour lately, but he knew something was up with him.

 

Friday came and Alec was both excited for their day together but felt his stomach knotted at the same time. They decided they’d start their adventure with breakfast in the city so they took a cab into the centre. 

 

They found a great little cafe and as they ate, Alec found himself unwinding a little as they talked and laughed about their teenage years back home. It was great to be able to do this  again, he’d missed it. 

 

They walked through downtown looking in stores and window shopped at others. For lunch, they headed to the park and found a food cart that sold the biggest hot dogs that Alec had even seen. 

 

They found a spot on the soft green grass beside a large pond that had a big marble fountain in the middle of it. Ducks and other water birds glided over the water’s surface. There were families with little kids throwing pieces of bread to them at its edge. The day was clear and sunny and there was a soft breeze rustling the tops of the trees that shaded where they were sitting. It was the perfect setting. 

 

Now all Alec had to do was get up the guts to tell Jace what he had planned to. He was still mulling over how to broach the subject when Jace gave him an opening.

 

“So, are we on for the club tonight? I think Kristy said her and Georgia was going to be there. Hopefully you won’t go running off tonight. I’m pretty sure Georgia thinks your cute. Ha, god only knows why.” Jace joked, giving him a playful thump on the arm, accompanying it with a grin. 

 

This was it. There was no better time to tell him.

 

Alec smiled and then swallowed down his nerves. “Yeah, the club sounds good. I was sort of going there tonight anyway.”

 

“Really? Were you going to tell me or is that part of the reason you’ve been acting so weird lately.” 

 

Alec felt the guilt rise up in him again. He should've known that Jace wouldn't of been completely clueless about things. All the more reason to confess. He took a deep breath.

 

“Kind of. I- I sort of met someone.” He was hesitating again and he hated himself for doing it.

 

Jace’s face brightened. “Yeah? Well , good for you. Well you were sure sneaky about it. Maybe you should think about changing careers for the secret service. What’s her name?”

“It’s not a her. It’s a him. Jace, I’ve wanted to tell you this for ages now, but I never could. I’m gay.” 

 

As with Izzy, the words spilling from him made his sole feel lighter, even though Jace still hadn’t said anything in return, just saying them to him was cathartic. 

 

He watched Jace’s face for any sign of a reaction, both good and bad. His eyes darted back and forth over his, like he was trying to read it.Just when Alec started to feel really antsy, Jace gave a laugh and shoved his shoulder.

 

“Ha, ha, yeah right. Good one. You do have a pretty good dress sense but I’m not buying it. Nice try though. Come on, what’s her name? I probably know her anyway.” 

 

Oh god, he thought he was kidding. This wasn't the reaction he had envisaged in the thousands of times this scenario had played in his head. 

 

“Jace, I’m not joking. I really am gay. There is no girl. I’m actually meeting Magnus Bane.” 

 

He saw the reality of it finally sink in and his face lost it’s goofy grin. It worried him that Jace was looking at him like it was the first time he’d ever seen him but the truth was, it actually was. He mightn’t of suddenly changed in appearance, but things would now be altered between them, how altered was yet to be seen.

 

He’d gone quiet, a first for Jace who always had an opinion on every subject, and it was making Alec feel even more edgy. 

 

“Please say something, you’re silence is killing me.”  Anything would be better than this. Even if he yelled at him.

 

“How long?”

 

“What?”

 

“How long have you known that you were gay?” He could hear a hint of accusation behind the words, even though his voice was calm and even.

 

“Since i was about twelve or thirteen, I guess.” 

 

“Alec, I’ve known you since we were little kids, and you never thought to trust me with this?”

 

“Jace, you know where i grew up, what my parents are like. It took me years to get it right inside my head, to know that I wasn’t some kind of deviant which is what my parents would think if they knew. You were, are, such a good friend, my only one, in fact, and i didn’t want to run the risk of of feeling the same way.”  

 

Alec felt really bad now, especially hearing the small amount of hurt in his voice. He had been an idiot, he should of told Jace this years ago. Now he had jeopardized their friendship. 

 

Jace gave a sigh and moved closer to him and pulled him into his arms, hugging him tight. Alec was shocked. His friend had never been a touchy feely type of person, well, not with him anyway, this was really unexpected. Jace released him but kept his hands on his shoulders.

 

“Don’t you know that you can tell me anything? I’m well aware of what you’re parents are like, hey, I was right there with you, remember? You could've told me, man, it wouldn't of made any difference to us being friends.” 

 

The relief was instant. He really had been a total butt over this. He should of known better.  He gave Jace a weak smile.

 

“Sorry, bro.” 

 

Jace gathered him into his arms for another hug and this time, Alec relaxed into it, hugging him right back. They broke apart and Alec felt as light as a feather. For the first time that day, he noticed how beautiful and bright everything looked. He’d come out to his best friend and the world had kept spinning. It was all good. 

 

“So, Magnus Bane, ha? Wow, he made more of an impression on you that first night than I thought. But I’m sure i've seen him with girls before. How does that work?” Jace asked him.

 

Alec shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah i know, I guess he’s more Bisexual than straight out gay. It’s not something we’ve really talked about. It’s all kind of new.” 

 

“Well, you certainly have jumped into the deep end first up. Magnus Bane is a hell of a character. I’d really hate it if I had to confront the guy for hurting my best friend. I hope you’re being careful.”  

 

Alec couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips at the thought of Jace fronting up to Magnus and having a go at him about hurting his feelings. It was a slightly terrifying prospect, and he hoped that it would never be a possibility. 

 

“Yeah, It’s all good. We’re on the same page with all that sort of stuff.” Alec told him but deep down something quirked inside him. It wasn’t entirely true but close enough to the truth to be able to deal with it. 

 

The rest of their conversation mainly centred on Jace trying to dig information out of him on anyone that they both had known from the small town they’d grown up in. Alec vehemently denied liking any one but after a lot of coaxing, Jace got him to confess that he’d had a bit of a thing for one of their student teachers in high school. 

 

“I always wondered what was up with you that year. You had never paid so much attention in that class before. And here i was thinking you’d drank the kool aid and wanted to become the model student your parents always wanted you to be. It was all because you had the hots for the teacher, well, that’s a great relief.”  Jace said, giving a dramatic sigh. 

 

They both erupted in gales of laughter, in spite of Alec’s heated face giving away his embarrassment. The day had turned out even more special than Alec could of imagined it being. He was genuinely enjoying every minute. 

 

As they left the park, Jace suddenly stopped. “I just thought of something. I had Georgia  convinced that you were really into her after you ran out on us last time we were at the club. She was really looking forward to meeting up with you tonight. Would I be right in thinking I got that spectacularly wrong?” He said, looking back at him. Alec couldn't help the chuckle that bubbled out of him.

 

“Ah, yeah, you did. Don’t worry, I’ll explain it to her before I meet up with Magnus. The last time he saw me with a girl he wasn’t impressed.” 

 

“Uhuh.” Jace proceeded to drag him off to one of the high end men’s clothing shops after that, stating that he needed a decent outfit for his ‘date’ with Magnus  that night. Alec had started to refuse but Jace wouldn't take no for an answer. 

 

“Man, have you seen how the guy dresses? He’s always on point. You need to step up your game here, Alec. Get some decent club clothes happening.” 

 

Jace managed to talk him into a new silky shirt in a deep blue and a pair of pants that Alec argued were too small but the sales assistant and Jace assured him were just right. He even talked him into buying a pair of black leather boots that cost more than he had ever spent on shoes in a year. 

 

They headed back home after that and picked up a pizza to have before they went out. While Alec was dressing in his new clothes, he could feel his excitement mounting. The other night when he and Magnus had talked, seemed like years ago to him and it had certainly been way too long since he’d felt those warm soft lips of his on him. He found himself craving the feel of him, he hoped that their night would end up at Magnus’ loft.

 

The club was in full swing when they arrived. The beefy door man saw them coming and motioned them straight in. Sleeping with the owner had its advantages, it seemed. 

The place was fairly pulsing with the heavy beat of the music and there were people everywhere. Alec had barely had time to begin looking around for Magnus when he saw him walking towards him. His mouth went dry and knees grew weak just from the sight of him. He looked amazing and for a second Alec wanted to completely forget about any deal they had about not kissing.  

 

Magnus’ dark hair was in its usual spiked gelled style and he wore a dark red shirt that even though looked loose and billowy, fit him well in all the right places, especially where it was tucked into the waistband of his dark pants that hugged his narrow waist just right. 

 

Alec felt his whole body filling with warmth as he saw his eyes roam over him from head to foot and a slow easy smile pulled at his lips.

 

“You look special tonight. You have something to do with this?” He said, shifting his eyes briefly to Jace. 

 

Alec looked at his friend and saw the star struck look on his face. It was almost comical seeing him flustered and opening and closing his mouth like a fish. Before he could get out any discernible speech, Magnus cut him off.

 

“Feel free to go to the bar and get a drink, or two, or three,  they’re on the house. Just tell the staff I sent you and i’m sure those two ladies over their have been waiting for you.” They all turned to see Kristy and Georgia standing over near one of the tables, looking rather excited over the fact that someone they knew was talking to the enigmatic Magnus Bane. 

 

“If one of those girls was waiting for Alec, she’s going to be very disappointed,” He grabbed Alec’s hand. “I want to dance with you.” He gave Alec a look that almost brought him undone and he let himself be tugged towards the crowded floor.

 

The music was way too loud for any form of conversation,  and Alec had really wanted to try to get any hint about what his treat was going to be but that wasn’t going to happen. Just as they got there, Magnus turned to him and Alec’ eyes kept darting over to his luscious lips, the fact that he wasn’t supposed to kiss him made him crave it more.

 

the song finished and in the few seconds for the next one started, Magnus leaned in to him, his mouth right up against his ear.

 

“Remember Alec, no kissing me or attempting to kiss me for an hour.”  Alec went to open his mouth to say something but the heavy thud thud thud of the next song began and it was pointless. 

 

Magnus began to moved with the music, his toned body moving freely under the deep red shirt he wore. Alec felt out of place; he’d never been a very confident dancer, and now having a partner that was the centre of attention, made it even more difficult. 

 

Magnus looked completely at ease in the setting, of course, and bobbed and swayed to the rhythm with very little effort. He moved closer to Alec, and put his hands on his hips and motioned for him to look him right in the eye. 

 

The minute he did, Alec was transfixed. He felt himself getting lost in the two beetle black orbs. An sexy little smile played on Magnus’ lips and Alec wanted more than anything to take his mouth right there and then, but he knew he couldn’t. 

 

Little by little, he could feel himself letting go, feeling less stiff and self conscious. Magnus swayed a fraction closer into him and now Alec was smothered with that earthy exotic scent of his and he could feel it permeating his brain and making him feel like he was in a dream like state. 

 

He was now right up against him, his chest brushed against his and that slightly open mouth with its perfect pink lips, was hovering enticingly before his own.

 

Magnus said something but the loud music prevented him from hearing it, he saw him wetting his lips and coming closer to his ear, his hands holding Alec’s biceps in a tight grip, goosebumps flared all over his body when he felt his cool wet lips against his ear, his heart sped up. Alec could feel himself getting hard inside his pants; if this kept up he was going to lose the dare.

 

“Are you having fun?”

 

Alec answered with a smile and decided to let his hands do the talking. He put them on Magnus’ waist and then slowly slid them around and then up his back, following the indentation of his spine and loving the feel of the way his body moved under his touch. He moved his head closer to Magnus’ putting his own mouth beside his ear.

 

“Yes, with you touching me, I am.”

 

Magnus’ hands began to travel up from his hips and onto his sides. With each inch he covered, Alec could feel his insides heating and his skin tingling. How he longed for the feel of his hands on his skin again. It had been way too long since he had experienced that again.

 

Magnus’ touch was his undoing, he felt delicate fingertips skim over the hem of his shirt, rubbing against the sensitive skin there ever so slightly, his touch kept getting bolder and bolder until his palm was now flat on his belly. Alec tried to look down but Magnus’ other hand was now pinning his neck and head were he wanted him.

“Like this?” Magnus breathed into his ear, and though the music was loud he still heard a tinge of mischief in his voice.

 

Magnus was now pressed right up against him and he groaned as he felt the friction on his swelling cock, he was hard as well and with each beat of the music he began to thrust against him. 

 

“Or like this?”

 

Alec was panting, he was so turned on by Magnus’ whispers, with his body, his fluid moves, he felt the rest of the people around them fading away, his sole focus was now on Magnus and how he was making him feel. 

 

“Don’t you want to kiss me?”

 

Alec groaned. He wanted to kiss him now more than he wanted his next breath.

 

He reached out his arms and put his hands on his waist. Fuck, it was getting harder and harder to stick by that rule. They now moved as one, he was now fully in sync with Magnus and the music. Alec’ hands roamed over his back and the way the muscles rolled under his skin was making him weak in the knees. 

 

“So fucking much you have no idea!” he groaned right against his ear, he couldn’t resist grazing his teeth along his earshell, his body still sliding over Magnus’ matching the beat of the song.

 

Just when he thought he couldn’t stand it any longer without tasting him, Magnus broke free of his arms and with a look that set him on fire, he danced his way around him, his hand flat over his body, never losing contact, just to press his chest into Alec’ back, moulding himself to each and every contour. 

 

Alec was losing his mind; what made him think that he could go a whole hour without wanting to press his lips onto his? Magnus nuzzled into his neck and the tip of a warm wet tongue came out to lick at the sweaty skin and Alec wanted to fall to the floor. The sensation of it tearing through him like a bolt of lightning.

 

Two hands slid around his waist and made their way to rest on the waistband of his pants and he preyed to any god that would listen to him to make them go further down. He was desperate  to feel their touch now that Magnus wasn’t before him, rubbing his hardness against his. 

 

Someone must of been listening because next minute, the hands began to slowly sink down and Alec held his breath as he suffered their painstakingly slow progress to where he longed for them to be. 

 

He could feel a hard bulge pressing firmly into his butt now and it was catapulting him right to the edge of an orgasm. His cock was pulsing painfully inside the tight fitting pants and he cursed his decision to to let Jace and that sales assistant talk him into them. 

 

“Oh god.”

 

He threw his head back against Magnus’ and cried out when his hands began to cup his crotch and he knew whether he wanted to or not, he was going to come, and come hard. 

 

He swayed in time to the music and put his hand up to press Magnus’ head against his and just as he felt him simultaneously squeeze his erection and buck into his ass hard from behind. Alec felt totally out of control now, every inch of his body was one huge raw nerve and his insides had been set on fire. 

 

The desperate need for more was too great now, and all Alec wanted right then was to see Magnus’ face before his and have his hot body pressed hard against his crotch. 

 

Alec turned in his arms, his face now only milimetres from Magnus’ soft parted lips, he wanted to crash his against them, savour the taste of them. 

 

“You are so bad, this isn’t fair,” he hummed against his face, breathing in the sweaty exotic scent emanating from Magnus, he dragged his cheek along his chiseled jaw, “Are you gonna make me come?”

 

Magnus turned his head and gave the skin on the underside of his jaw a fat swipe of his tongue and Alec cried out, the sound taken by the high volume of the music. Magnus lifted his arms and rested them on Alec’s broad shoulders, now they were as close as two people could get on a dance floor, and it felt like heaven. Alec was completely lost in his heavy lidded eyes and he could practically see the flames blazing behind them.

 

Alec almost went to the floor when Magnus began to grinned his hardness against his. The friction shot electricity through him, lighting up his insides and making his need for him grow even more, he had no idea what took over him when he started thrusting back into him with much needed force, feeling the drag of Magnus’ cock against his, the feel of its hard outline rubbing against his, god it felt so good. 

 

He felt that delicious coil unfurling deep in the pit of his belly and he knew that it was only a matter of seconds before he was going to come. Their movements became more frantic, more viscous, their grinding sped up and Magnus’ hot hard breath was panting against his now sweaty neck, and it travelled up to his ear.

 

“Fuck Alec.” he moaned, Magnus’ voice was a wreck.

 

And it ruined Alec, that was all it took from him to lose it.

 

He screwed his eyes up tight and growled behind gritted teeth as he felt himself shatter into a million pieces. Even in the deafening music, he heard Magnus groan into his ear as he pressed hard into his length and a warm heat began to spread against him. 

 

Alec felt his own release dampening his underwear and he sagged against him, panting hard. Fuck, that was something else.  All he wanted to do was take his mouth in a hard searing kiss.

 

His foggy brain had forgotten about any deal that they had and he began to lean in but Magnus smiled and pushed him back, wagging a finger before his face. Alec was about to feel hurt by his resistance but then he remembered why he’d stopped him. 

 

He had a treat to look forward to.

 

Magnus looked as heavy eyed and satisfied as Alec felt and after he trailed a hand down the side of his face with Alec nuzzling into it, he pulled him in the direction of the back stairs that lead to his office. 

 

Alec slammed the door closed behind them. His orgasm had done little to dampen his arousal for Magnus and his whole body craved to feel his touch directly onto his skin. He wanted to feel those lips on his now more than ever. Magnus swept everything that was on top of his desk onto the floor with one swipe of his arm and Alec charged over to him and he pulled him close, his mouth hovering tantalisingly over his.

 

“Please tell me that fucking hour is up.” Alec pleaded, his need getting the best of him. He yelped when Magnus made a quick work of him and slid him on top of the desk, once his butt touched the cold surface of it he growled.

 

Magnus grinned and made a big thing out of getting his phone from his pocket and looking a the screen. Alec could feel the impatence mounting inside him like a volcano about to erupt. 

 

“You have exactly two minutes to go.” He said, way too pleased about the whole thing.

 

Alec gave a frustrated growl in the back of his throat. The man was going to kill him. 

 

“Two minutes? You’re gonna make me wait two minutes after what just happened down there.” 

 

“I’m not making you do anything, though,” Magnus pouted his lips, “do you have any idea how good you looked down there, coming like that.”

 

Alec felt his cock swelling again. Magnus was definitely going to end him. 

 

“Yeah? You don’t look so bad yourself. So where am I going to get my treat? In here?” He was trying to keep his mind off how much he wanted his mouth on his right now. This was going to be the longest two minutes of his life.

 

“Oh no, it won’t be here. We’ll be going to my loft.” The carnal grin that curved his lips nearly set Alec on fire all over again. And he sagged against his chest.

 

“Can’t I at least have a hint of what it might be?” Alec asked him. Magnus chuckled and traced a fingertip teasingly around the outline of his lips. He leaned into his touch and took his finger into his mouth, clamping down on it with his teeth. Magnus groaned and bucked his hips against him, sending fresh waves of pleasure through him. 

 

“No, no hints. And guess what?” Magnus looked at the screen of his phone. “Your time is up.” 

 

The second he heard the words, Alec crashed his mouth down on his, kissing him hard, open and wide. His lips sucking Magnus’ tongue without abandon, the sound of them panting in each other’s mouths was exhilarating.  A moan was swallowed up by their fierce need and Alec could feel himself being laid back onto the surface of the desk. 

 

It had been way too long since he had felt that wondrous weight pushing down on him and he felt like his body had been starving for it, for this, and so much more. 

 

They finally broke apart, Magnus lifting his head to look down at him with a gaze so full of fire, Alec wanted to melt. 

 

He groaned loudly as Magnus lowered a hand between them and rubbed over the damp bulge under his pants, his hips tilted up to meet his touch. He’d never felt a rush like this, he’d never been this horny before.

 

“I think it’s time for your treat.” He stood up and offered Alec a hand. “Coming?” 

 


	7. Don't Move

They left the club via a back door and Alec went to make a move on Magnus the second the door closed on the large dark car they had gotten into. Magnus held up his hands, pressing them against his chest and giving him a reproachful look. 

“Not yet.” Magnus told him. 

 

Alec sighed and sat back in the seat. It would have been easier to expect a freight train to stop on a dime.

 

“Okay, whatever you say.” He said, trying not to think too much about what those perfect lips had felt like just moments ago. 

 

“You are staying the weekend at my loft.” 

 

Alec looked over to him. Now, he hadn’t known that until now. 

 

“Then i need to let Jace know and stop by the apartment and get cloth…..” He started but Magnus silenced him with a raised finger.

 

“I don’t think you’ll need them anyway.” He sniffed trying to make it all sound casual and easy. Alec hadn’t know Magnus for long but he knew that where he was concerned, resistance was futile.

 

They arrived out the front of Magnus’ building and the car came to a stop and the driver got out to open their door. They rode the elevator up to the loft and Alec decided to try to probe Magnus for hints about what they were going to be doing. 

 

“So are you going to tell me anything about this?” He asked him, one eyebrow raised.

 

Magnus gave him a sly looking smile and shook his head. He was looking way too pleased with himself over this; leaning back against the opposite side of the lift, arms folded over his broad chest, one booted foot resting on its pointed toe beside the other one. 

 

“Patience.” 

 

Alec wanted to be anything but. 

 

The door dinged open, and they got out, heading for his door. 

 

Alec wanted to get there as quickly as possible but Magnus acted like he was going for a Sunday stroll through the park. 

 

It was driving him nuts. 

 

They got inside and Magnus closed the door. Alec had thoughts about slamming him up against the nearest wall but Magnus headed for the hallway and to his bedroom. 

 

Okay, even better, Alec thought, a smile curving his lips. 

 

Instead of pulling him towards the bed, Magnus went inside the large walk in closet and Alec frowned as he heard him opening and closing drawers. He emerged a minute later, carrying some clothes. He walked over to him and handed them to him.

 

“What..?” Alec began, but Magnus cut him off.

 

“We need to get cleaned up,” He stated. “Follow me.” Magnus was sounding a little business like and bossy. A heat shot through him. 

 

He liked it.

 

He followed Magnus back down a hallway and through a door. He flipped the light switch and Alec found himself in a huge bathroom. 

 

The walls were floor to ceiling textured cream tiles with a thin gold stripe running around the entire room. The dual sink countertop was pale marble and the sinks themselves looked like hand turned bowls on top of it. 

 

Elegant gooseneck gold taps with matching handles stood behind each one and behind that, a full width mirror that was divided into three. A massive oval shaped marble tub stood under a opaque glass window, and looked big enough even for Alec to get his six feet three inch frame into with little effort. 

 

Large creamy coloured fluffy towels hung on a rack that he noticed was heated and then there was a huge double sized shower. Both ends had benches in them and two large square shower heads were positioned overhead. A complicated looking control panel was mounted into the wall opposite the large glass door and Alec wonder what it might be for. Magnus saw him looking at it and smiled.

 

“There will be time for that later. You need to get cleaned up and change.” Magnus took a rich heavy silk robe down from a hook on the wall and headed for the shower, opening the door and getting in. 

 

Alec swallowed. Dear god, please tell him he wasn’t going to have to endure the sight of Magnus showering in front of him? That would be pure torture. 

 

Magnus made encouraging gestures with his hands as he began to undo the buttons on his shirt. He clearly expected Alec to do the same. Alright then. 

 

He tried to concentrate of undoing his own shirt but it was hard when he could see a growing amount of golden skin going on display only a few feet away.

 

Alec slipped out of his shirt and then took off his pants, leaving only his boxers.

 

“Get rid of them too.” A voice ordered from the shower, slightly echoey in the large glass space.

 

Alec took in a breath and pulled them down, and grabbed a thick white wash cloth from the pile beside one basin. He ran warm water and then after adding soap from a dispenser, and began to rub at the drying white marks on the skin of his lower belly. 

 

It was after that, when he had dried off and was pulling on the sweatpants that Magnus had lent him that he made the mistake of turning around. Dear god.

 

Magnus stood behind the glass, every glorious inch of him on display like some sort or brand new action figure, but naked, mint in box. Fuck if he wasn’t perfect.

 

He was halved turned away from Alec so he could get a good eye full of him. He marvelled at the way his shoulder and back muscles moved under his golden skin as he wiped down his body with a cloth. One smooth hip flexed as he worked his way down his thigh and onto his leg, his glutes flexing and making Alec’s mouth water. 

 

He began to think about what that part of his body would feel like under his hands, how his skin would taste if he mouthed at it while washing it with broad swipes of his tongue. He felt an involuntary shiver and felt his cock began to swell inside the sweats. 

 

Magnus had reached his feet, abs bunched as he bent double to reach them, before he noticed Alec watching him. He gave him a slow smile and began to straighten.

 

“Why don’t you go out and sit on the sofa and wait for me?” He said. Alec just nodded, his mouth had gone dry all of a sudden at the briefest glimpse of his considerable length. How he wanted to feel it moving inside him again. 

 

He went out to the unlit room, feeling fuzzy headed and horny, and collapsed onto the leather surface of the sofa. He had no idea what was coming next but his head was still too filled with images of naked Magnus to think about any possibilities. 

 

A few minutes later, a soft light came on somewhere behind him. He turned to see Magnus padding barefoot, towards him. He was wearing or half wearing, the heavy looking silk robe, its rich embroidered fabric hanging from his shoulder and it moved fluidly as he walked. 

 

As he got closer, Alec noticed that the front of it was open in a deep V right to his belly button, only the lower half of it was closed and secured around his narrow hips by a matching sash. Fuck if he didn’t look good enough to eat. The guy was a walking sin. 

 

As he came around the end of the sofa, Alec detected that exotic scent of his wafting around him and he closed his eyes, breathing it in. Nothing in this world had ever smelt so good. 

 

Magnus walked up to stand before him, not saying a word, and pushed in  between his knees, the soft material of his robe gliding soundlessly along the inside legs of the sweats.

 

Alec couldn't help but touch him, having that perfect form before him this close was way too much of a temptation to resist. He slipped his hand just inside the lower half of the robe and laid them on his legs, just above his knees. Alec watched his reaction as he slowly slid them up and wondered if and when he would try to stop him. 

 

“My god.” Alec whispered.

 

The higher he got the more his pulse raced and by the time Magnus put his hands down over his on the outside of the robe, he could feel the sweats tenting in his lap. He saw flames starting to blaze behind the two dark orbs and a very vulpine smile curved his lips. 

 

Magnus just shook his head slowly from side to side, before he began to move back, making Alec groan from the loss of the sensation of his closeness. 

 

“I want to ask you something, Alexander.” Magnus purred, his voice had taken on a whole new level of deep smoothness, and it made Alec’s pleasure levels soar to greater heights.

 

He was moving back towards the edge of the large dining room table and when he reached it, he stood between two chairs, he paused. 

 

He didn’t wait for Alec to answer him before he spoke again.

 

“Tell me,” He hoisted himself up on the table, sliding back on its polished surface. Alec was holding his breath, heart pounding. “Have you ever touched yourself while thinking about me?”

 

Oh holy fuck. 

 

His mouth went so dry he felt like he’d eaten nothing but sand in the last couple of days. He blinked rapidly for a few seconds, trying to get his voice to work. His first thought was to lie and say no, but the truth spills out of him.

 

“Yes, I have.” he managed to get out. He could feel his face heating. It was more than hot to admit it. 

 

Magnus leaned back one one bent arm on the table, one hand lazily brushing his fingers against his smooth chest just inside the robe. Alec swallowed but it didn’t help. His throat was as dry as his mouth.

 

“Have you ever thought that I might do the same thing thinking of you?” 

 

It got the better of Alec; Magnus looked way too sexy laying back there like that. He shook his head and began to get up but Magnus smiled and wagged a finger, tutting at him like a naughty child.

“No, no, no touching or moving, remember? Sit that ass down.” 

 

Alec did as requested, albeit reluctantly. He had a feeling this was going to kill him. 

 

Magnus leaned back once more and then deliberately slowly, he tugged at the knot in the sash that held the robe closed. He pulled it loose and let it fall from his slender hands and Alec’s heartbeat picked up, expecting to see what was hiding below his waist but the angle he was laying at kept the front of the robe closed.

 

Magnus rose to a sitting position and then rolled one shoulder and the weighty material slipped effortlessly off. One bulging bicep came into view, veins faintly crisscrossing the smooth surface. Alec closed his eyes for a brief minute, thinking how good it would be to trace their path with the tip of his tongue. 

 

He did the same thing with the other side and now he sat bare chested and beautiful before him, the remains of the robe pooling in his lap and around him on the table. Magnus picked up one side of the robe and with agonising slowness, took it from where it lay on his thigh. Now Alec could see his entire left leg, from toe to where it joined his hip. The tender skin where it creased at the top of his thigh looked so delicious. He imagined how good it would feel pressed against him and once more he felt his cock grow painfully hard inside his sweats.

 

When Magnus took hold of the remaining side of the robe, Alec felt himself stop breathing in anticipation. Hie eyes never left his hand as he watched him remove the last of the heavy material. 

 

Alec heard a groan and realised it came from him when the final fold of the robe came away and Magnus’ hard silky erection appeared. 

 

Somewhere in his hazy horny mind, Alec knew that this was his treat. Sitting here, before a sex god, watching Magnus slowly end him by touching himself. And he couldn’t wait.

 

Magnus watched him with heavy lidded eyes and ran the tip of his tongue over his slightly parted lips. His hand came up, fingers fanned out, and went to the base of his throat and then moved down to his upper chest, above his gently rising and falling pecs. 

 

He slid over each each well defined muscle, moving his hand as if it were owned by a lover, by him. Alec sat there and if he closed his eyes for a few precious seconds, he could almost believe that hand was his, revelling in the sensation of the soft smoothness of his body. But he couldn’t allow himself to do that for long, he didn’t want to miss anything.

 

Magnus’ hand had reached his abs and he noticed the way his fingers rippled over then on their steady progress downwards. Alec heard him let out a deep breath as he touched his lower belly, right above the shadowed area of his cock. 

 

Fuck me, any second now he was going to wrap his hand around its girth and and start working it right before him. He could feel his own hardness straining at the material of the sweats, desperate for similar attention. 

 

Magnus rose back up and then with his bottom lip clamped between his teeth, he took his hand away and pushed it into the pooled folds of the robe, bringing out a small tube. Jesus, lube, he had lube.

 

He released his lip before flipping the cap and squirting a good amount into the other hand. He looked at Alec, a small greasy smile that relayed the heat that he saw in his eyes, curved his mouth. 

 

“You want me to touch myself?” Magnus said, “Take off the sweats and t shirt. I want to see what this does to you.” He breathed. His palm full of clear gel stalled near his dick as he waited for Alec to do as he asked.

 

Alec got up on shaky legs, just long enough to pull down the sweats, before reaching behind him and getting a bunch of the t shirt and reefing it over his head. He dumped the discarded clothes beside him, and sat back, his erection bobbing stiffly before him. 

 

He grabbed the front edge of the sofa, squeezing the buttery leather hard, bracing for what was coming next. 

 

Magnus let out a soft deep moan as he fisted his hard shaft, twisting his hand so that his entire length was covered in the lube. Just the sight of seeing him holding himself like that was enough to send Alec crazy. He slowly blinked, mouthing ‘fuck’ silently to himself as he fought to keep his breathing even. 

 

Magnus looked back at him, dark eyes now looking black as midnight now. “I want to know how you touch yourself, fast or slow and steady.” he said, his rich warm honey voice sending fresh thrills running through Alec. It took a few seconds for him to be able to answer, his head was so fuzzy and his body was humming from the lust filled desire he was feeling.

 

“Slow, I’d do it slowly.” He managed to get out, in between panting breaths.

 

“Good.” Magnus half whispered, and he began to work his hand up and down his length, the squelching sound of the lube only adding to the act. 

 

Alec moaned and his head went back. His own dick was practically screaming for attention. His fingers were dug into the edge of the sofa so hard they were beginning to ache. 

 

This was the hottest fucking thing he’d ever experienced in his life and the most painful at the same time. He didn’t know how much longer he could go on for without either taking himself in hand or rushing at Magnus, flattening him on the table and driving his cock deep inside him.

 

“What are you thinking about, Alec? Tell me.” 

 

It amazed him that Magnus was still capable of coherent thought, because he was fighting to just remember his own name at that moment. He searched his addled brain for an answer. 

 

“You. I-I .. I’m- I think of you touching me,” he panted,  “kissing me, your mouth on me.”

 

‘Touching you where?” Magnus urged.

 

“Fuck. Everywhere.”  Alec, was squirming on the sofa now, “My chest, you just you anywhere, everywhere,” his cock jerked hard as his hips kept thrusting up looking for the delicious friction he was craving with every fibre of his being right now, “Me doing this to you, fuck, you’re driving me crazy.”

 

Magnus grunted and leaned back, taking his weight on one hand. He was still sliding his fist up and down his swollen shaft, root to tip, giving the tip a small squeeze with each pass. Alec could see the every vein , every ridge in its silky surface and made his mouth water. 

 

“Yess, keep going.” He growled. 

 

“I’m thinking about how fucking good you’d taste, that cock in my mouth.” Alec hummed and arched back in the sofa, making the leather groan underneath him. He felt drops of precome sliding down his cock, and he gave a groan of agony, as his need began to pool and boil low in his belly and knowing that he couldn't touch it was beyond painful.

 

“Fuck, i want you so bad right now.” Alec growled. He didn’t recognise his own voice anymore or the words that were spilling from it. 

 

Magnus cried out into the room that was now filled with the sounds of heavy breathing and low guttural moans. 

 

“Yessss” he hissed and sped up his hand. As Alec watched him dazed and on the brink of losing his mind, Magnus lifted his feet to put them on the chairs that were either side of him and then he groaned as he spread his legs wide open.

 

“Fuuuccckkk! Alec roared and threw himself back, hands gripping the back of the sofa. His jaw clenched a he gritted his teeth. He was so totally out of control now it wasn’t funny. His head thrashed from side to side and his shaky legs widened and he knew he was so close to coming he could practically taste It.

 

“You want me inside you, don’t you? Spreading yourself open in front of me like that.” Magnus groaned loudly. Alec licked his lips and nodded, noticing that pearly beads were beginning to ooze out from the straining head and he had never wanted to taste anything so bad before in his life.

 

He didn’t think he was capable of speech right then but somehow he found the strength.

 

“I’d ride you, this instant, feel you come,” Alec was whimpering intensely, he had no idea where these ideas and words were coming from but he didn’t want to stop, “filling me, feeling how it heats inside me time after time.” 

 

“God Alec!” Magnus roared and worked his hand harder, his legs shaking, his whole body shaking as it tensed, ready to explode. As out of control as Alec felt, he loved that his words could affect him so much and he sharpened his focus so he could continue to send him right to the brink.

 

“I loved that first night, when we fucked all night”  Alec closed his eyes briefly recalling how he felt that night,  “You made me so sore, I couldn't sit straight without thinking of you.” 

 

“But the best thing about that night was lying beside you afterwards, still feeling you leaking out of me and running down my thighs, it was so good.” Alec drawled the final words, making them sound twice as carnal and filthy as hell. 

 

Magnus made a tight noise in the back of his throat and grimaced hard as he pistoned his hand  hard. He threw his head back and screamed, as he came apart, shooting thick white spurts into the air and over his hand. Each of his muscles stood out in hard relief as his body worked to give him the release that he’d been waiting for. His cock jerked rhythmically in his fist over and over until he was spent, and falling back on the table top, chest heaving and moans still pouring from him.

 

“Oh my fucking god.” Alec whispered as he had leaned back against the sofa, arm thrown over his eyes as he replayed those final moments over in his mind. He was still hard and right on the edge, his balls were aching, wanting the same conclusion but somehow he hung on, still totally mind blown at what he’d just witnessed. 

 

He could hear Magnus breathing still coming hard from where he laid on the table. He removed his arm and lifted his head and stifled yet another groan of pleasure at the sight of him laying spent before him.

 

“Magnus, please, touch me.” Alec’s need to come had returned screaming back to him now. He was seconds away from grabbing his cock and working it the way Magnus had touched his so he could relieve himself of the pent up urgency that he was feeling right now. 

 

Magnus sat up on the table and looked at him with heavy lidded eyes. Just seeing him like that was killing him. He didn’t say a word, just got up from the table and walked towards him.

 

“Please.” Alec groaned and put his hands on his thighs, digging his fingers into the flesh and spreading his legs wide. 

 

“Argh, fuck, I want you so bad right now.”  Alec didn’t care if he sounded so whiny and needy, he was going crazy from the need for his long overdue orgasm.

 

“Shhh.” Magnus soothed and moved between his open legs. 

 

Alec was panting hard as he watched him slowly sink down to kneel before him on the floor. 

 

Oh fuck.

 

Magnus leaned forward, looking up at him under his lashes and Alec sighed, bracing himself for the sensation of warm wet mouth around him, but instead of feeling that, Magnus went for his groin and the super soft and hypersensitive creamy white skin. 

 

He mouthed at the crease between his belly and thigh, giving it small flicks with his tongue as he worked his way down. Alec cried out, bucking his hips and desperate for more. He wasn’t sure he was breathing at all right now, his whole body felt like one big raw nerve.

 

“I’m so fucking turned on, just do it already.” Alec pleaded, he was so on edge a couple of swipes with that skillful tongue and he’d be a goner.

 

Magnus lowered his mouth, taking in the first few inches of him and Alec hissed in a breath. Everything was ten times more intense at the moment and he was hanging on with every ounce of strength he had not to come right away. He’d been thinking about Magnus’ mouth on him for too long now to have it over in a few short seconds. As horny as he was, he wanted to last a little longer. 

 

Magnus eased up, running the tip of his tongue around the underside of his head and Alec moaned. He began to slowly sink down and around his hard shaft, lavishing as much of it as he could with flat swipes of tongue. 

 

When he had taken his full length, Alec held his breath and waited for the hard drawing pressure that was to come next. And he wasn’t disappointed. His hands shot out,carding through Magnus’ silky dark hair, as he came back up, sucking him hard. He wasn’t going to last much longer, he knew it, his inualtive grip on his self control was disappearing fast. 

 

Magnus  plunged back down, and then tightened his mouth before he sucked him hard once again and Alec felt himself losing control.

 

As he felt the tip of his cock hit the back of his throat, he screamed into the room, coming hard and hotly over and over, as he rode Magnus’ mouth in wave after wave of strong pleasure. 

 

Just the sight alone of his head between his legs, milking him for every last drop was enough to make him want to repeat everything all over again. 

 

He laid back into the sofa cushions, gasping for breath and totally wrecked. Magnus slowly released him and sat up. Alec sat up and looked at him with hazy vision. He slid slowly down and off the sofa, gathering him into his arms and burying his face into his neck. 

 

“Fuck that was so good.” He put soft sweet kisses onto the golden skin of his neck, loving the slightly salty taste of him and he could still smell that earthy scent of him that never failed to make him smile.

 

“You liked your treat, then?” Magnus said softly, and he put his arms around him as well.

 

Alec could of stayed like this forever. He got the feeling that Magnus did not allow this type of intimacy with anyone very often if not at all. He was beginning to realise what an outworldly mystery Magnus Bane was. 

 

He wondered if he’d ever done something like that with anyone else before, but something told him that this was a first for him as well. Alec’s insides warmed as he thought about the journey of self discovery he was about to take with this man and it intrigued him to think about the possibility of Magnus sharing some new experiences with him as well. He just wondered if they would end up at the same destination or if at some point their paths would separate. He hoped to god they wouldn’t. 

 

“I love it, thank you.” He whispered into his ear. He didn’t intend for it to come out as soft as it did.

 

All too soon, Magnus pulled away and stood back up. “I think it’s time we got some rest. Let’s go to bed.” He held out a hand and Alec took it, rising to stand beside him. He leaned in and kissed him hard, holding his hand to the side of his neck. He should of been exhausted but somehow he felt strangely invigorated.

 

“To bed, or to sleep?” He asked him, raising an eyebrow. 

 

Magnus rolled his eyes and groaned. “Just ease up there tiger. We have the whole weekend. I don’t want you wearing yourself out on the first night. Come on. Sleep.” 

 

Alec grinned and took Magnus’ hand and they headed for the bedroom. If this was the first taste of what Magnus had instore for him, he could hardly wait for the rest of the weekend.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think about Alec's treat? Do you think Alec enjoyed himself?
> 
> Magnus' past is a bit of a mystery still. Have any of you worked out his big secret yet? Do you think he is a Warlock or a vampire maybe? 
> 
> Alec clearly wants more from their relationship, do you think he will ever get it? 
> 
> \Hope you enjoyed this chapter and let us know what you think.


	8. Taste Me

 

Alec woke early from a restless sleep. He should of been well rested after the night he’d had before but he’d gone to bed still horny and curled into Magnus. His night had been spent dreaming of being with Magnus and even thought he was lying next to him, he couldn’t wait to be able to look into that handsome face once more. 

 

They had slept for a few hours, woken in the middle of the night, taken each other in hand, Magnus working him until he was so hard he was begging him to fuck all over again.

 

It was beyond good, Alec was sated, before he had slid to the bed, Magnus still buried inside him, falling into an exhausted sleep. He woke sometime in the small hours of the morning, it was still dark and he realised he was alone. 

 

He sat up, hearing movement out in the living room. He almost got up to go see where Magnus was but he was still feeling the effects of the night before so he sunk back down and closed his eyes. 

 

He’d slept but not well, he wished he was next to him. He missed the warmth of his body beside him.

 

Now as he fully woke up, he leaned up on one elbow, taking in the sight of the man next to him.

 

God he was beautiful. 

 

He was completely naked, of course, and on his back. One arm was bent up and laying near his head, the other draped over his stomach. His legs were wide apart, one knee bent. That glorious cock of his rested over his balls. He couldn’t help thinking that it should of been illegal for someone to look that provocative just sleeping in bed. 

 

He smiled to himself as a carnal thought filled his head. 

 

He rose slowly and carefully so he didn’t disturb him and moved in between his legs, his head level with his crotch. He took his weight on one arm and then reached out and took his softened length in his hand. He gave it a soft tug and looked up to see if he had woken its owner but Magnus slept on. Alec grinned. Okay, challenge accepted.

 

Alec applied a little more pressure as he began to work him up and down; Magnus might not be awake but his cock sure was. He loved the way he could feel it thickening in his hand, pressing against his palm and fingers, stretching his grip. 

 

He had him hard and ready and still Magnus hadn’t moved so he decided to up his game. 

 

Taking his weight on both forearms, he lowered his mouth down and took his swollen head into his mouth, sliding it between his lips. 

 

He groaned, God he tasted so good. 

 

He took his time bobbing his head up and down, going a little further each time. It wasn’t until he had reached his base that Magnus made the first sign of stirring. He tightened his mouth around his girth and dragged up and then back down with equal force and loved the soft moan that came from him. 

 

He looked up at him and saw his eyes softly flutter and a easy smile curve his lips.

 

“Fuck, Alec.” he breathed and bucked his hips up, pushing into his mouth. 

 

Alec was loving the silky smooth glide of him as he took him to the back of his throat. Magnus was starting to make deep keening sounds of pleasure and Alec could feel his own cock throbbing and wanting attention. 

 

By the time he had Magnus writhing and thrusting deep into his mouth, he knew that he desperately wanted more.  He pulled off him with a wet slurp.

“You’re so fucking sexy even when you are asleep.” He rumbled, looking up at Magnus who was laying back chest heaving and eyes closed. 

 

“Oh yeah? Well If you want to finish what you started then get up and close those curtains and that door. It’s too damn bright in here.” He breathed, his eyes still closed.

 

Alec felt a thrill run down his spine at the thought of all the possible scenarios that were about to happen and he got up right away and grabbed the heavy curtains to block out the strong morning sun. He allowed himself a final look at Magnus before he pull them across. 

 

The man was glowing. All that beautiful caramel coloured skin in the sunlight was a sin to waste. He noticed Magnus still had his eyes screwed up firmly and he was actually wincing.

 

“If you don’t close that fucking curtain, you’re going to be sorry.” He growled and Alec pulled it across, sending the room into dullness. It wasn’t until he had closed the door as well that Magnus finally opened his eyes. 

 

Alec got back to the end of the bed and climbed up onto the soft surface, moving to lay between his legs again. Magnus reached up and pulled him close capturing his mouth with his. Alec took his weight on his hands either side of his shoulders.

 

“When was the last time you topped?” Magnus breathed, tilting his head so that Alec could get to his favourite spot on his neck.

 

“Really?” Alec said hesitantly, he remembered their conversation in the alley a couple of days ago, and he reckoned that Magnus knew he had never been with anyone else, it wasn’t intentional for him to sound vulnerable but sadly it had, “ I thought you knew that you were my first.” 

 

“Oh.” Magnus began but Alec went back to his mouth, silencing him before he decided to ask anymore questions that had the potential to embarrass him. 

 

A few minute later, they were both hard and panting, rubbing their cocks against each other, wanting contact. 

 

“Get the lube from the drawer, it’s been a while for me so take your time.” Magnus said in between kisses and Alec stretched over to dig the tube out. He went to go back, this time, resting his full weight onto Magnus’ smooth chest but he rolled him so that they both lay facing each other. Alec frowned.

 

“You need to use this on me. Hold out your hand.” Magnus said, holding up the tube.

 

Alec did as he asked and he squirted a generous amount of cool clear gel into his palm. As much as Alec wanted to do this, he paused. 

 

“Touch me.” Magnus said, lifting his upper leg and draping it over Alec’s creamy white hip, opening himself up.

 

Alec moved closer to him and then reached down, putting his hand over his cleft before spreading the lube into him. Magnus sighed and closed his eyes before he opened them again to look at Alec lustfully, it was more then Alec thought he’d be able to stand. 

 

“Open me up.” He whispered to him and his tongue came out to lick his lips. Alec felt himself get harder than he ever thought possible and he began to gently glide his fingers up and down, brushing passed Magnus’ entrance.

 

Each time a finger grazed his rim, Magnus hummed in pure enjoyment and he began to tilt his hips along with Alec’s movements, letting his fingers press against the tight ring of muscle.

 

Alec could of come from just watching him like this again, but the thought of being with him like this, getting to have him beneath him, around him, was way too good to resist. With his next slide forward, he pushed his index finger into him to the first knuckle. Magnus moaned loudly.

 

“Yessss, more.” he purred, and Alec complied, sinking his finger in to the base. Fuck he felt so good. He could feel his muscles trying to grip his finger, trying to drag him in further. He started to move it, pulling back and then pushing forward. 

 

On the second withdraw, he added another lubed finger and Magnus growled, bucking into it, mouth open, head tipped back. 

 

“Jesus, your fingers feel so good inside me, I can’t wait for your cock.” Magnus breathed and Alec scissored them, deep inside, stretching him open wide. Magnus was writhing on the bed, totally lost in the sensation of it. He put his hand up to pull him in to his mouth and kissed him wide and hard, filling him with his tongue.

 

Alec was so aroused, he couldn’t wait any longer. He withdrew his fingers and rolled Magnus to his back, before laying between his wide open legs.

 

“Fuck me, Alec.” Magnus’ voice was low and deep and sounded so primal it chilled Alec to the bone. 

 

He took his hard erection in hand and positioned himself at his entrance. He watched Magnus’ reaction as he began to push forward and into the slippery tightness. He went in a far as his broad head and stopped, watching Magnus give the smallest wince as he filled him. 

 

The temptation to bury the rest of himself in was almost beyond resistance but he still had enough brain power to wait until Magnus’ body got accustomed to him. 

 

Magnus, it seemed, did not.

 

“I need the rest of that cock in me.” He said in between pants and Alec began to push further in. He groaned at the feel of his muscles squeezing him all around, trying to drag him deeper. He swore under his breath when he got to his base, Magnus had taken every inch of him. He moaned when he felt him flex, squeezing him again and again.

 

“God you’re big.” 

 

Alec nearly lost it right then and there, he felt a jolt of pleasure course through him and his balls tightened. God, the pressure of magnus’ walls seizing him in, and the dirty words coming out of his mouth were killing him, and he had to get himself in check otherwise he’d come way before they even got started.

 

“Move.” He growled and Alec began to pull back before slamming in again. Each time he did it, he pulled further back until he had almost slipped from him, before giving an experimental hard thrust. Magnus was moaning loud, his nails were engraving red marks on his chest before he gripped his back and met his downward thrust with an equally hard upper one. 

 

Alec thrusted hard, pinning Magnus in place, pressing inside of him relentlessly, hitting his core with each movement. Magnus’ fingers dug into his butt cheeks, trying to get as much of him into his tight heat as he could. 

 

Alec knew he was right on the edge of his orgasm, feeling the coiling ecstasy of it beginning to mount and he rode into him, grunting with the effort.

 

He pulled back, feeling Magnus’ body starting to spasm around him. He thrusted forward again and knew that it would probably be the last time before he exploded. He felt his body tense in anticipation as he pulled back and then with a cry he drove into him and hit him bottoming out before he felt himself beginning to shatter. 

 

“Magnus!!”

 

Magnus swore loudly as he reached his orgasm, adding to the flames that were already there. His ass clenched around Alec before he collapsed on top of him, spent and heaving for air.

 

Alec didn’t want to but he knew he should get off Magnus as he lay beneath him, his cheek against his chest, hearing his heartbeat slowly returning to normal. He went to roll off but Magnus held him tight.

 

“Stay.” He drawled and Alec saw a lazy smile curve his lips. 

 

They lay together for a long while, until eventually Alec rolled off and curled into Magnus’ side, before they both fell into a restful sleep.

  
  
  


Alec woke some time later, stretching and smiling as he looked over to the fallen Adonis beside him. Magnus was flat out on his stomach, the sheets had been worked off him and he looked stunning, even in the dullness of the room. 

 

Alec couldn’t help himself, he had to touch him. He leaned up, bending his head down to put soft kisses down the centre of his spine, reaching the pair of cute little dimples that sat either side, just above his well toned butt. 

 

He traced a finger down over the expanse of soft skin, feeling the hills and valleys of his muscles below the surface where they were bunched in his sleep.  All that power hidden under the beauty of his smooth skin. 

 

“What are you doing, Alec?” 

 

Magnus hadn’t moved an inch but clearly he had woken up, his voice had a sexy sleepy drawl.

 

“Appreciating a piece of art.” Alec said, leaning down to kiss the base of his neck and down his shoulder. Magnus gave a chuckle. He rolled over, taking his mouth with his before working his way down his neck, nipping at the tender skin.

 

Alec felt bursts of heat shoot through him with each tiny bite and found himself melting into each one as the sensation of it pooled low in his belly, making his dick come to life once more. It astounded him that he could want someone so much, waking up craving them and their touch, to need to feel that person’s heat beside him, in him. He wondered if this was what other people felt like with their lovers. It gave him a special warmth deep inside him and he couldn’t help hoping that Magnus would feel the same way about him.

 

“I wanna ride you.” Magnus breathed against his shoulder and he took Alec in his arms and rolled him so that he was he was the one on top. 

 

“Oh my god, I think you’re going to end me.” 

 

Magnus chuckled as he rose up, straddling his hips. He bent forward, taking Alec’s hands and pushed them onto the bed either side of his head. He kissed him long and hard, moving his hips so his still wet opening began to slide over Alec’s swelling cock. 

 

Alec groaned the sound getting eaten up by the heated kisses. Within minutes, his breath was deep and ragged and he was thrusting up, wanting the feel of Magnus’ body all around him once more. 

 

“Don't move your hands.”  Magnus growled. He rose up on his knees, reached around to take Alec’s erection in his hand and the position it at his entrance. Slowly, he lowered himself, and unlike when Alec had paused, this time he went straight down, sheathing him completely. 

 

Alec trembled beneath him, completely lost in the feel of that tight wet heat gripping him again. 

 

“Fuck, I’m not going to last.” Alec whined as Magnus began to ride him, up and down increasing his pace each time, working them both into a frenzy of burning need. 

 

It was taking Alec’s breath away at how quickly he was racing towards coming again. All too soon he was right there, knowing that at any second, he would lose all control Magnus rose up once more and them slammed back down and Alec began the delicious descent after being taken skyward. 

 

He plummeted back down, his mouth forming a gasp of surprise from his release but no sound crossed his lips, his voice had been taken from him. Over and over, Magnus spasmed around him as he poured himself into him.

 

Alec finally took in a breath like he’d forgotten to breath and went loose and boneless beneath him. Magnus fell forward, riding out the last of his orgasm on his chest, his cheek nestled on the damp silky hair of his chest. 

 

“I don’t- ugh fuck, told you I- .. wasn’t gonna ..” Alec panted but Magnus cut him off.

 

“Just don’t speak.” He said and they lay together, catching their breaths. 

 

“Can you?” Alec answered with a little chuckle.

 

Magnus edged his legs off the bed and stood up with a wince. Alec felt his cheeks heat up at what that wince implied, his face got more stained when he saw Magnus looking at him with an amused smirk.

 

“You still blush after you fucked me raw?” 

 

Stupid blush.

 

“Let’s take a shower.” 

 

They made their way lazily into the spacious bathroom. Alec was positive that some of his muscles felt strained, ones that he never knew existed in his body and he was yawning under the shower head and Magnus wasn’t any better as he  rinsed off the body wash he’d just covered him in.

 

The whole experience felt very endearing; it was Alec’s first time taking a shower with another man, and all he wanted to do was fight off his sleepiness and hold him under the stream of the warm and soothing water.

 

“Meet you back in bed.” Magnus said, as he got out of the shower and grabbed a towel.

 

When he got out, Alec wrapped a towel around his waist and stopped to dry his hair. Upon seeing his reflection he grinned, his neck and chest had purply bites and faint scratch marks, he brushed them with his fingertips and his heart resonated with such intense arousal that it made his breath catch.

 

He made his way out to the bedroom and stopped dead in his tracks. Magnus had discarded the towel he’d used, those muscles twitching while he rolled his shoulders several times, he was so graceful and alluring, Alec wondered for a second why was he standing so far away from him, without touching him.

 

Magnus flopped face down onto the bed and sighed, his naked body on full display, his hips arched slightly off the bed, hands buried under the pillow supporting his head, his long legs stretched and slightly bent and his ass, his luscious beautiful ass, all of this was making Alec’s vision hazy with pleasure, he unknotted the towel around his waist and got closer to the bed.

 

“Don’t even think about it.” Magnus groaned, his voice heavy with sleep and muffled by his pillow.

 

“What? I didn’t do anything.” Alec made his way effortlessly on the bed in between Magnus’ legs,  his own fatigue long forgotten. 

 

“You’re thinking it,” Magnus retorted, amusement lacing through his words along with that groggy voice. That lean body was driving Alec insane with want, so he skimmed his hand down Magnus’ spine, along the swell of his ass cheeks to where he wanted it to be, “Oh now, are we going to pretend you are not doing that.” 

 

Alec grabbed his hips and pulled him up until he was on his knees, he was beyond desperate to put his hands on him. Magnus’ elbows gave up and he flopped his head down onto the pillow once again with a keening shudder, Alec’s blunt nails were sinking into his flesh. New vigour threaded under his skin, he wanted to get his mouth on him.

 

“I don’t know, do you want to?” Alec mused, falling down the bed to position himself right between Magnus bent thighs. 

 

He kissed along the sensitive skin there earning a gasp from Magnus, “We can pretend that we’re just talking,” he kissed his way up his inner thighs while his hands parted his legs and settled on the back of his knees, his heart was thudding violently, “Or that we are...” 

 

“Uhuh..” Alec started kneading his ass vigorously, feeling the way the soft plump flesh molded in his palms, he was getting achingly hard, “.. That we’re eating...”

 

He suddenly parted his cheeks in a swift move and lashed his mouth right onto his awaiting hole, he pushed into it with his tongue and felt it swallow it easily. The fact that they just fucked, and Magnus was still loose and sensitive there made it a whole a lot better.

 

“Oooh shit!!” Magnus screamed into the room his chest heaving. Alec stopped his ministration in fear that he’d hurt him, but Magnus whined, turning his head to look at Alec, “That was it? We’re done pretending?”

 

“Do you want me to stop?” Alec licked a long stripe over his entrance, pressing maddening circles with his tongue over his hole.

 

“No.” Magnus keened, “Talking and eating sounds good to me.”

 

“Do they? Spread your legs for me then.” Alec diving back in, his skillful tongue was now tracing soft and wet patterns over his puffy fucked out pucker, he spread his cheeks wider now and saw his raw hole clench on absolute emptiness. Alec’s resolve was beyond gone at that moment, but he wanted to take his time, he wanted him to shake from the strong pleasure of it all, wanted Magnus to whine and cry out his name, and he wanted himself to delve in the satisfaction of bringing intense euphoria to his lover.

 

“God, fuck,” Magnus heaved in between pants, “Never done this before.”

 

At that Alec sucked his rim, tonguing his way inside to rub at his walls, his big palms massaging and teasing his cheeks, dragging them apart, he stopped and kissed his left cheek.

 

“Never done this? Are you sure?” he asked. His cool breath caressing Magnus’ opening making him quiver and whimper in response. He couldn’t believe it. 

 

“No. Oh fuck.” he cried when Alec plunged back in, lapping at his soft entrance messily, “Never after sex.” 

 

Alec continued making  good work out of licking his way through Magnus’ hole until it opened up for him again, he rolled up his tongue and pressed it as deep as he could, grazing its edge with his teeth.

 

“Yes ARGH!!” Magnus trashed and banged his head on the pillow, grasping the sheets pushing his ass back into Alec’s mouth shamelessly, “Alexander..”

 

This, this is what Alec wanted, to hear him whine and plead. But hearing his name moaned out loud like that, Magnus’ voice filled with lust and desire, it went straight to his cock and he felt himself throb. He pulled back to ease away the nearly erupting orgasm, tethering it from happening.

 

He traced the rim with both his thumbs and pushed them in him slowly, the stretch over his fingers was driving him crazy, and Magnus’ whimpers turned into wails. 

 

“Get your tongue back in Alec,” Magnus murmured, trying to rock back against his fingers. “Feels so good.”

 

Alec pushed his tongue in between his thumbs, holding him open, swirling it over his inner walls, he felt Magnus’ limbs shaking, so he needed to drive his tongue deeper into him, to reach as far as he could get. 

 

“Look at you, you’re so loose and open for me.” He pulled his thumbs slightly apart stretching his hole wider. Magnus’ hips shuddered and his thighs shook violently, then Alec sealed his lips over his pucker and sucked hard taking his thumbs out and pulling his cheeks further apart.

 

Magnus sagged against the bed, legs giving out, mouth open in a silent scream, but Alec didn’t yield, he hauled him up by the hips back onto his knees and put in his mouth over his abused hole, his tongue deliciously teasing his rim, fucking in and out of him and bringing the dirtiest moans spilling out of Magnus’ mouth.

 

Magnus’ heavy breathy gasps filled the room as time passed by, Alec was tongue deep into him, and the clenching of Magnus’ body around it was setting his insides on fire. The thought of Magnus coming solely on his tongue made him squeeze the base of his own cock to stop himself from coming.

 

He hummed against Magnus’ rim in appreciation, he wanted to tell him how good it felt to have him clutch onto his tongue like that but he couldn’t pull out, he couldn’t stop now, not when Magnus was grabbing him by the hair and pushing his face into his ass.

 

“I’m close!! Fuck..” Magnus swirled his hips against his mouth, “Yeees, just like that, don’t stop!”

 

Alec watched as Magnus shot up and bracing his torso on his hands now, rolling his ass in a  filthy grind of his hips, again and again, while Alec drove his tongue in him, sucking in unison at his entrance. 

 

Suddenly it all came to a stop when Magnus’ hips shuddered and his ass stilled against Alec’s face, his tongue trapped in a tight squeeze that had his balls aching, then a shout resonated through the room as Magnus’ hips started moving violently against him again, coming ruthlessly with a litany of “fucks” and “gods” and a faint resemblance of Alec’s own name.

 

The hand that had been gripping his hair tightly, was now grasping Magnus’ own silky strands when Alec looked up, and that was it, he felt spellbond and ensnared, the sight of Magnus’ sweaty back, ribs in strong relief from his deep panting, spine and back arched in a thrilling orgasm, fingers seizing his hair in a tight clutch while his head was thrown back in ecstasy. 

 

He grabbed his cock and felt the world crash around him at the sound of Magnus wailing his name in a choked sob.

 

“Alexander.”

 

His own orgasm ripped through him with a sharp stroke of his cock and he came hard, resting his face on Magnus’ thigh, trying and failing to catch his breath. This was phenomenal, like nothing he had ever felt before, but as always, everything with Magnus was.

 

His body ached tremendously, and his jaw wasn’t any better. The exhaustion from before came flooding back now and he collapsed where he lay, right between Magnus’ legs, heaving against the cool sheets. He smiled at the thought that this weekend was practically all about them fucking and sleeping, never leaving Magnus’ bedroom. He fucking loved it.

 

“Com.. -ere.” he somewhat registered Magnus saying, he pulled himself up to the top of the bed and crawled into Magnus’ embrace. He couldn’t utter a single word and surely Magnus couldn’t either, he tucked his face into the crook of his neck and closed his eyes.


	9. Dante's Effect

Alec woke up feeling restless. He wasn’t used to keeping such odd hours and even though he had just been through a cycle of exhaustion and then sleep, he found he couldn't stay in bed any longer. 

 

Magnus, however, looked right at home. He seemed to favour sleeping on his stomach, hands shoved under his pillow, broad shoulders bunched, creasing his golden skin. Alec had spent way too long just laying there admiring him as it was, he needed to get up for a while. 

 

He rose from the bed and looked for the sweatpants that he’d been wearing and remembered with a smile that he had stripped them off in the living room. He padded to the door and with a final soft look towards his sleeping lover, he opened it quietly and headed up the hall. 

 

It felt a little weird wandering around someone else’s place naked, he didn't even do that at home. But at the same time it was kind of liberating as well; it was like doing something not entirely legal and not getting caught. He grinned into the quiet room, he could get used to this. 

 

Maybe his and Magnus’ time together here could be clothing optional in the future. 

 

He found the pants and after a fond look at the table that still held the satin robe and the tube of lube, he pulled them on. 

 

Alec went over to where the robe was pooled on the table. He gave into a weak moment and picked it up, holding it to his face. Immediately his mind was filled with images of the night before, Magnus naked before him, him sitting on the sofa almost cross eyed with the need to touch him or himself. 

 

Fuck, that had been so good, it was beyond description. 

 

He’d never witnessed anything so exquisite before in his life. It made his skin tingle even his mind was still buzzing from it.

 

He went to the kitchen and decided to make himself another cup of coffee. While he was waiting for the machine to do its thing, he looked around. 

 

Magnus certainly lived in elegant surroundings. Clean lines and no fuss decorating had been applied well. The kitchen itself wasn't all that big but it had state of the art appliances and shiny stainless steel counters. 

 

The cabinetry was high gloss black and didn't look to have any signs of day to day use. Alec wondered just how often Magnus actually used it. Not very much from the pristine condition. 

 

He poured the coffee into a thick white mug that sat beside the machine and took it back into the living room. The heavy curtains were still drawn across and Alec went over to them and pulled them across. He was expecting light to flood the room but the cave like atmosphere remained. 

 

He frowned and opened the thick sheers that hung underneath and saw that there were block out shutters on the outside of the glass doors. He looked at the the other windows in the room, the ones that were high up on the wall and noticed they had similar shutters as well. 

 

Wow, okay, Magnus was really security conscious, he thought and he looked around and saw a panel on the wall beside the frame. 

He pressed the button and the shuttered rattled up like a garage door. He looked over towards the hallway. He hoped that the sound wouldn't travel into the bedroom and wake Magnus. But he didn’t hear the door opening so he let out a relieved breath.  

 

Little by little, the room brightened, revealing its contents. He hadn't noticed before, but it had been decorated in black, grey and white. Small accents of silver dotted the room in the form of lamo stands, small ornate boxes and even cushions on the sectional sofa he’d been sitting on last night. 

 

Very smart. Very classy. Very Magnus.

 

Alec took a tour of the room. Their personal lives were something they hadn't discussed with each other yet. Most of their time together so far had been all about sex, not that he was complaining. 

 

Alec looked at a set of black and steel shelves. The held a variety of decorator items; silver vases, black geometric shapes, large multi wick candles, a collection of what looked like antique trinket boxes and a very elegant looking metallic figurine of a slender woman, balanced delicately on one foot. 

 

There were even some old leather bound books on the lower shelf, copies of Shakespeare, Wordsworth and even a ornate volume of The Great Gatsby. Alec took it from the shelf and opened it. Holy shit, it had F. Scott Fitzgerald’s signature in it.  Alec’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. God, what would something like that be worth? Way more than he made in a year, he was willing to bet. He carefully closed the book and replaced it on the shelf. 

 

A series of prints hung on the walls. They looked like ancient illustrations all done in shades of black, white and grey to match the rest of the room. Alec studied them.

 

The first was of a group of robed men most of them were sitting but  some were standing. They looked like they were discussing something. The print itself was no bigger than an A4 sheet of paper but it had a black mat around it and an ornate silver “1” was printed underneath  the picture itself. 

 

The second was of a long haired man trying to get the attentions of forlorn looking woman, who was sitting on a ornate looking throne. A stylized number ‘2’ was under that. Alec was sensing a theme here. 

 

He followed them around the room, each one of similar style, each with a number under the old drawings. There were nine in total, all framed the same, all matted in black. Some had rather disturbing content; naked bodies strewn about writhing in pain, others in a vast ocean and the last print had a demon like figure as its focal point. 

 

Alec shivered, Magnus certainly had strange taste in art, not to mention somewhat morbid. 

 

He drank the rest of his coffee, and decided after seeing such dark images, he needed to feel the light once again. He opened the balcony door and went out. The sunlight on his bare skin felt good after the coolness of the apartment. 

 

Alec went over to the ledge and looked out at the city. 

 

\When people talked about million dollar views, this was exactly what they meant. The light reflected off the thousands of panes of glass in the surrounding buildings. Some shorter than the one he was standing in, others taller. He could hear the sounds of the city far below as people got on with their own brand of weekend. 

 

He thought about how nice it would be to share this scene with Magnus. He could just imagine them sitting out on the small table and chairs having lunch together enjoying the warmth of the sun and Alec admiring the way his golden toned body looked in the light. 

 

It was then that he realised that he had only ever glimpsed Magnus in the daylight hours and that had been very briefly. It was when he woke him up this morning, but it was short lived because Magnus asked him to shut the curtains. He remembered him turning down his offer for coffee not long after they had come together. 

 

He really was a nocturnal creature. 

 

He thought about him in his bed right now, sleeping soundly like it was something he normally did. Maybe it was normal for him to do it, the guy did own a nightclub, emphasis on the word night.

 

He probably worked all night, which made sense for him to be sleepy in the daylight hours. 

 

But there was something else nagging at him as well. Something about the apartment and it’s perfectly placed objects. He thought about everything he had been looking at a few minutes ago, and really apart from the rather creepy framed illustrations, everything looked normal. Alec frowned. Then what was it that was bugging him?

 

Then it came to him. 

 

Pictures, not the arty ones on the walls, there were no photographes anywhere. 

 

Alec went back inside and stood in the door and scanned the room, just to make sure he hadn't missed one somewhere. But there was nothing, not a frame, not an album, nothing on the fridge, nothing. 

 

Magnus must of had a family at some stage, even if it had only been him and his mom or dad even. But clearly something had gone pear shaped at some point that he didn't want any reminders of them in his home. 

 

Alec took a last look at the fading day outside before he closed the balcony doors. He took his cup to the kitchen and then headed up the hallway. 

 

He entered the nearly dark room and went over to the bed and sat down beside the still sleeping Magnus. He looked down on him. His head was turned towards him and there was enough of the fading sunlight coming in from the open doorway to see his features. 

 

He looked so serene like this, even a little vulnerable which he knew the guy would deny vigorously if he said anything to him about it. For a person who acted so in control all the time, Alec was beginning to think that there was a lot going on behind that handsome facade. 

 

He wondered, considering they were only supposed to be what was not much more than fuck buddies, if he would ever find out the reason behind the no light rule or the absence of family photos. He really would like to get to know this guy better.

 

Alec reached out a hand and gently swept a few strands of hair from his forehead. His fingertips lightly touched the skin and he got that all too familiar tingle up his arm. He wondered if there would ever be a time that wouldn't happen. 

 

He paused as Magnus stirred. Finally, he thought. 

 

Magnus stretched under the sheet, his shoulder muscles rippling enticingly under the skin.

 

“Hey, wakey wakey eggs and bakey.” Alec crooned. Magnus frowned before he slowly lifted his lids. In the half a second that it took for him to open his eyes fully, Alec thought he saw a hint of that gold that he had seen in the alley that night. But it was gone in a flash as Magnus screwed his eyes shut.

 

“Close the door.” Magnus ordered, holding up his forearm against his face. And Alec rose from the bed quickly and shut the door.

 

“And just for the record, I don't eat bacon. Or breakfast for that matter.” Magnus said, smiling, dark beautiful orbs staring back at him. Suddenly, Alec was being grabbed and pulled down onto the bed. His mouth taken prisoner by Magnus’. 

 

“Got bored? Or missed my cock?” Magnus said, hovering over him, eyes twinkling in the last of the light that was coming in from the hallway. 

 

“Um, yes I have. But aren't you hungry? You’ve been sleeping nearly all day.” Alec replied and then he had a thought. “Could we have dinner on the balcony? I bet it looks really good at night.” 

 

Magnus narrowed his gaze and sat up. “And how is it that you know I have a balcony?” 

 

Shit, now he’d said that, he’d think he’d been snooping around his apartment. He wouldn't of  called it snooping, exactly, more, like appreciating his surroundings. 

 

“Well I didn’t think that big heavy curtain was covering a brick wall. Plus i really wanted to see the sun for a while. You might like the darkness all the time but I don’t.” Alec said, giving him a playful poke in the chest. 

 

“I’m doing something wrong here if you have the energy enough to explore my apartment.” Magnus said, giving him a stern look which Alec wasn’t sure how to take exactly. 

 

Magnus pinned him to the bed, kissing him wetly before pulling back and sighing.

 

“How about that dinner you suggested?” 

 

Alec’s face lit up like a little kid at Christmas. It wasn’t exactly what he’d thought of but it was close enough. Magnus in the moonlight sounded really good as well.

 

“Yes, sounds perfect.” he said and they shared a final kiss before Magnus got up and headed for the bathroom shouting out behind him “Til the sun goes down though.”

  
  
  


They were now sitting at the table and chairs outside. The night was clear and warm, perfect balcony weather. Magnus had came back out to the living are, dressed in only a pair of loose pyjama pants and threw open the curtains, both sets, as if he was letting the morning sun in. 

 

After deciding on Thai take out, Magnus made them a cocktail each and they went out into night. Alec had been right about his earlier assessment of the view. The night time version was just as spectacular. Magnus held his glass up to Alec.

 

“Here’s to many more weekends like this one.” He toasted and they clinked glasses before taking a sip.

 

“Yes, definitely.” Alec agreed. 

 

They stood together at the ledge, watching the city come alive with its nightlife. Alec really wanted to ask Magnus about the lack of personal photos but he didn’t want to bring it up straight away. The moment was too nice to spoil.

 

“So, I was looking at your artwork before. You have interesting taste where that is concerned.” Alec said. Magnus smiled and nodded to him.

 

“You don’t like my Gustave Dore prints? They aren’t everyone’s taste but they have special meaning to me.” 

 

“Really? How?” Alec had originally asked Magnus about them to stow any further ideas he had about asking him anything more personal but now he was genuinely interested.

 

“They were done to illustrate Dante’s Inferno. Each one represents the nine circles of hell. I’m surprised you didn't recognise that when you knew about the work itself.”  Magnus explained.

 

Alec inwardly admonished himself. Of course, that’s why each one was numbered. The second one was the namesake of the club. 

 

“Of course, now I get it.” He said. 

 

They chated for a while longer before the food came and then they sat at the table and ate to the sounds of the city below them. After another couple of drinks, Alec felt a little more confident about asking magnus about things that were a little more personal. 

 

“You know, they say how someone decorates their home is a reflection on their personality.” He said, hoping to sound offhand and casual. 

 

Magnus looked at him from across the table, one eyebrow raised. “How interesting. So, what does it say about me?” 

 

It was a loaded question, Alec knew that. If he said anything too in depth straight away, he got the feeling that Magnus would shut down on him straight away.

 

“It says you like order, no fuss and you like to be in control.” Alec said. He might not know Magnus all that well but he knew that much at least. 

 

Magnus gave a slow nod of acknowledgment. “I can accept that. I do like to be in control. Except when you’re eating my ass like before, then I’m happy to give it up.” He waggled his eyebrows and gave Alec a cheeky smile. 

 

Alec could feel his face heating, he still wasn’t used to hearing such frank statements.

 

“You can ask me anything, you know. If you want to get to know me better.” He said, taking a sip of the remains of his cocktail. He really had no idea what was in it, but he was beginning to like them a whole lot.

 

“Why would I do that? I think I’m getting to know what i need to about you through our interactions,” Magnus gave him a confused frown. Clearly, this hadn’t been on his agenda; Alec tried to ignore the small pang of disappointment. Magnus had said that he wanted them just to be about the sex, superior sex, but just that, nonetheless and this seemed to confirm that. 

 

Alec shrugged his shoulders, hoping to mask the way his secret hopes had just lost altitude.

 

“I just thought that we should find out a little more about each other, you know, since we’re sleeping together.” 

 

Magnus gave a snort. “I’ve slept with my fair share of people, I don’t need more than their first names. Anything beyond that can be rather overrated.” 

 

Alec could see he had his work cut out for him if he was ever going to scratch the surface of the mystery that was Magnus Bane, he had this deep feeling in his gut that this was all an act.

 

He wasn't ready to give up just yet.

 

“But isn’t that a bit of a risk? What if I’m not who I appear to be, what if I'm some serial killer. Wouldn't you like to know?” 

 

Magnus gave a sigh and rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ll play along. Is your name Alexander Lightwood?”

 

“Yes, of course.”

 

“Are you a serial killer?”

 

“No of course not, why, do I look…..” 

 

“Good, that’s all I need to know. Now..” Magnus rose from the other side of the table and came around to stand in front of Alec. He took his shoulders in his hands and turned him so his legs were facing outwards, then he widened his stance and straddled his thighs, planting himself in his lap. 

 

Magnus draped his arms around Alec’s neck before leaning in and kissing him, softly at first but then gradually adding more force. Alec could feel his mind starting to wander, beginning to lose some of the determination to find out more about Magnus. 

 

“But wouldn’t you like to find out some of the small things about me? Like what my favourite colour is or what I like to eat.” Alec said, pulling back from his lips. Magnus didn’t seem phased by his words though and began to work his mouth down the side of his jaw and to his neck.

 

“What comes next, we hug it out and start chanting something?” He murmured against his skin.

 

“No, come on. Tell me.” He coaxed. Magnus made a sound of exasperation and looked up. 

 

“My favourite colour is red and my favourite thing to eat is you.Satisfied?” He went to go back to his mouth but Alec put a hand on his chest to stop him.

 

“No, come on, I’m serious. Tell me about yourself, tell me about your family.” Alec insisted.

 

Magnus stilled. “A second ago you wanted to know what my favourite colour was and now you want to know all about my family?” He went to get up from his lap and Alec felt panic chilling his insides. Clearly he had said the wrong thing.

 

“Don’t go, just tell me something about yourself, anything,” He looked up into his eyes, hoping to capture his attention and keep him with him, holding him by the hips and squeezing ever so slightly, rubbing circles with his thumbs trying to ease away his tension. “Please.”

 

“Okay, I’ve never told you my age. I’m 28, and I studied business at college.” 

 

It wasn’t much, but it was something at least. 

 

“Don’t you want to know the same about me?” Alec asked.

 

“Yes, sure, tell me.” 

 

“Okay, i’m 28 too, I studied journalism in college with Jace and it was the first time i lived away from home.” 

 

Magnus’ eyebrows shot up. “Really? I took you for the more independent type.”

 

“We came from a small town, and my parents were kind of strict, and they weren’t great fans of me being friends with Jace.” 

 

“Oh? And why not?”

 

“Jace has always been a bit of a rebel and my parents hated that about him. But in spite of all that, we stayed friends. He’s been my only close friend since childhood.”

 

Magnus laughed. “If they’d see you now, with a guy in your lap and knowing that you’ve just spent the last few hours in bed with me, fucking me senseless. I’d love to see the looks on their faces.” 

 

“Oh no you wouldn’t, believe me.” Alec paused for a minute, before saying.”Speaking of families…” He knew it was a giant risk, pushing him again, but he’d seemed to relax more. 

 

Magnus’ answer was to shift further into his lap so that now his crotch was rubbing enticingly against his. 

 

“You really want to talk about that now?” He purred and pressed against him as he dove for his ear, taking his lobe between his teeth. 

 

Alec felt himself grow instantly hard and he let out a soft moan, his hands slowly moving up his sides, gliding over his bare skin. 

 

“So what do you want to talk about?” Alec said, feeling himself beginning to drift off as Magnus’ mouth began to work its way down his neck.

 

“How about you tell me me whether you prefer to top or bottom.” He said, nipping at him.

 

“I liked being inside you but I love the feel of your cock in me. Filling me up.” Alec breathed, tilting his head and loving the way with each sharp nip of teeth, it shot jolts of electricity shooting through him.

 

“Fuck, and the thought of you fucking into me is making me so hard.”  Magnus whispered before he took a mouthful of his flesh and sucked it hard, making Alec groan out loud.

 

“I want you to tell me how it felt when I was eating you out.” Alec growled as he began to thrust up into him, loving that he could feel his firmness through his thin pyjama pants.

 

“God, I almost lost my fucking mind. You were so good, that mouth, so wet, so soft yet so firm. And when you used your teeth on me, God!”  He drawled, putting his head back and closing his eyes, losing himself in the memory of it. ”And that tongue, licking me open, amazing.” 

 

Alec’s heart was beating over a hundred by now, hearing those words out of his mouth, fuck that was something else, he couldn’t help but wanting to do the same.

 

“That first night, i can still remember how you were dripping out of me, your wetness soaking my thighs, how you were tearing me open and how i was sore and puffy for days after, thinking about how good it felt to have you in me, how much I wanted you back there the second you pulled out.”

 

He had no doubt now that Magnus was on edge right now, shivers ran up his spine when he leaned in and trapped his bottom lip between his teeth and pulled it out, Alec winced at the strong tug at his lips but his eyes darted to Magnus’, he chewed at his lip repeatedly and sucked it between his own after only to pull it back again with his teeth mouthing away words that came out muffled but clear as fucking daylight to Alec.

 

“This fucking filthy mouth,” he released his lip and Alec felt a hand travel against his skin towards his hair, and suddenly a moan was ripped out of his mouth when Magnus tugged harshly at his hair, “Tell me now, what is your ultimate fantasy?”

 

Every nerve ending in Alec’s body was on fire by now, the feeling of Magnus’ thick length against his, the throbbing vein in his own cock threatening to erupt any giving second, he wanted so badly to lose himself again in the feeling of Magnus touching him, he had only ever fantasized about being with someone like this, breathing in their scent and begging to be touched by them and touch them in return.

 

He couldn’t say it outloud like this to Magnus, he didn’t want to let him in on too much of what he was feeling, but he needed to voice it somehow.

 

“You,” he paused, this was too dangerous, he was terrified of what he was feeling right now, of what he was thinking, he vowed to himself that he would keep his heart in check, he was afraid to lose all this if he just stopped there, so he continued, the rest of his said fantasy was real as much as his true one was, “You, worshipping my body, your mouth all over me, you everywhere, while I can’t see anything, just feeling you against me.”

 

Magnus gave a guttural moan as he urged forward and smacked their lips in a searing kiss, it was filthy, messy and unbinding, Alec’ tongue was fighting for dominance, setting his very soul on fire. Just when he had began to feel lightheaded from lack of oxygen, Magnus pulled back with slight suck of Alec’ bottom lip and swiftly stood up from his lap. 

 

Alec wanted to scream from the lose of the feeling his body against his and he couldn’t think clearly enough to realise what he might be doing it for. God they had been going at it for more than 24 hours and still, he was feeling muzzy from everything Magnus does.

 

“Come. Now.” Magnus growled to him, holding out a hand to him. 

 

Alec took it, not questioning why or where they might be going. He let Magnus tow him through the softly lit apartment and back to the bedroom. His heart began to race as they neared the side of the bed. To think he was sated was the least anyone could imagine, but damn, he wasn’t.

Without a word, Magnus took the bottom of his t shirt and pulled it off over his head, throwing it unceremoniously to the floor before he reached around behind him, taking his mouth captive, and sliding his hands under the waistband of his sweatpants, following the swell of each of his ass cheeks, before he cupped them underneath, digging in his fingers.

 

Alec gave a groan of pleasure and pain as he felt his short nails digging into the tender flesh. 

 

Suddenly, his mouth was kissing down his throat, the drag of his sweats burning sparks of pleasure down his thighs, his raging erection set free at last. 

 

“Lie on the bed. Close your eyes.” Magnus said softly, and he did as he was told, without query. 

 

He was breathing hard as he put his head back on the pillows, his whole body feeling open and exposed. He still wasn’t sure what Magnus’ plans were for them right now, his mind was swimming with only one thing, how fucking inflamed he felt and how much he wanted him. 

 

Closing his eyes only made everything worse. He could hear the faint sounds of Magnus slipping out of his own clothes and the thought alone of him standing there, gloriously naked, made him wanted open them and look. But he screwed them up tighter, determined to stick to the rules. 

 

Next he heard a drawer open and close and then very soft foot falls coming back to the bed. His chest was working up and down as his body began to try and ready itself for whatever was coming next. 

 

He felt the mattress dip as Magnus climbed on next to him. He stilled and felt his breath hitch to a temporary stop when he felt something soft and cool being laid over his eyes.

 

“Raise your head, Alec. and relax, it’s only a blindfold.” Magnus told him, as he began to tie a soft knot behind his head. 

 

It was right then that Alec realised what was going on. Fuck, his fantasy. Magnus was carrying out his fantasy. Jesus, he was going to die. 

 

“Stay still, don’t touch anything, understood.” 

 

Alec nodded, he couldn’t trust his voice not to crack the way he was feeling right now. Every nerve ending in his body was tingling right now in anticipation of the first contact on his skin. This was what he wanted, what he had fantasized about, he was going to kill him.

 

When he felt it, he jumped in spite of the fact that he had been waiting for it but it wasn’t where he thought it would be. Magnus was running a fingertip up and down the sole of his left foot, while putting soft feather like kisses in the sole of his foot. The contradiction of sensations was doing crazy things to his insides but he was loving it all the same. 

 

He kissed his way up his ankle and started massaging his calf and he groaned in delight as he felt himself relaxing back into the bed even further. If Magnus only did this to him he could of happily laid there for the rest of the night. He was just starting to really mellow out when suddenly all his senses came alive once more. Something warm, wet and soft was working its way behind his knee. 

 

Alec would never of thought that his knee could be in anyway connected to his dick but apparently it was because with each swipe of Magnus’ talented tongue he could feel himself thickening. 

 

“You like that, huh?” Magnus purred, temporarily removing his mouth and now Alec could feel cool air on his damp skin and it made him want to shiver. 

 

“Oh. Yes, so much.” He said sucking in a breath, flicking out the tip of his tongue to wet his dry lips. He heard Magnus give a chuff of laughter.

 

“Good. I just got started,” He felt lightning shoot down his spine hearing Magnus’ words.,“Because..” Oh god that sinful voice, he had no idea how he was going to stand this torture on the rest of his body “I’m going to kiss every inch of you.” 

 

Magnus moved onto his left leg, and this time, Alec was waiting for it but the swirling sexy swipes of his tongue didn’t happen. He frowned behind the blindfold and was sorely tempted to lift it up and ask why he hadn’t but then his gasp in a breath as Magnus bit gently on the side of his calf. He started nibbling his way up to his knee and edged his way behind it, kissing the sensitive skin and rendering Alec into a moaning shaking mess.  

 

Fireworks went off behind his eyes as the near overwhelming sensation forced them closed. He hummed in pleasure and dug his fingers into the soft silky sheets, fisting them into his palms. 

 

Magnus was making his whole body pliant under him, a sharp contrast between bites and kisses was making him heave, his toes were twitching and curling, every kiss was southing his raging need, and shortly after, it would get lit up by the graze of his teeth biting into his trembling flesh, and god, he fucking loved it.

 

Magnus started on his thighs and by the time he got to the insides of each one, Alec didn’t think he could stand it anymore. He was panting hard and tensing, trying not to let this whole thing bring him completely undone but he could feel his tentative grip on his emotions slipping away. 

 

Magnus by passed his neglected cock and headed for his groin and the second he started lapping his way from the inside of his hip, heading downwards, Alec knew he had reached his breaking point. 

 

“Magnus! Urgh! No, that’s it. I can’t stand anymore,” He said, through gritted teeth. “Fuck .. I’m going to explode if you keep that up. I need you to come up here and kiss me.” 

 

Magnus halted his progress and looked up at him, giving a small chuckle.

 

“You’re so responsive Alec.Can we can continue this another time?” 

 

Alec sighed in relief; as much as he was enjoying this, he was glad that Magnus was stopping. 

 

He felt his fingers easing the soft blindfold from the side of his head and he leaned up so Magnus could undo the knot. He blinked a couple of times, his eyes getting used to the pale light in the bedroom once more. 

 

Soft gentle kisses soon turned into something much more heated as there bodies moved against each in union, that feeling of pure pleasure coursed through them once again.

 

Just before Alec fell asleep, nestled against Magnus’ warm body, he started thinking about his true deepest desire once more, that he would get to have him one day, that Magnus would be more than just this. He was already, god, so much more, Alec couldn’t name what he was feeling for him just yet, but he knew it was something he never felt before, and it was scaring him to death.

 

He wondered just long it would be before he would lose restraint over his heart, and that their current agreement would not be enough and he would need it to be more. Want it to be more, fuck, Alec sighs, skimming a warm hand over Magnus’ silky hairless chest, he already wanted it to be more, wanted to stare at his gorgeous face while he was sleeping and tell him how beautiful he was when he wakes up, kiss him and whisper sweet nothings into his ear.

 

Maybe love him, if Magnus would let him.


	10. I Fucking Miss You

Monday morning came around all too soon, and Alec found himself sitting at his desk in the office at 9 am wondering if he had just dreamed the whole thing or if it actually had happened. His scrambled brain and sore muscles assured him it had with each sudden movement. 

As he powered up his computer, he reflected on his and Magnus’ unforgettable time together. 

 

Saturday night had been spent tangled up in each other on and off until dawn. Magnus’ nocturnal waking hours gave him a lot more stamina than Alec had been able to muster and by the time the first signs of Sunday morning began to creep around the edges of the black out curtains in the bedroom, he’d been beyond exhausted.

 

Magnus had gotten out of bed and gotten them both a coffee before Alec finally succumbed to his tiredness and fell asleep, curled into his side.  He woke several hours later, with Magnus sprawled out beside him, soft regular puffs of warm air coming from between his slightly parted lips, lips that were still a little puffy and pink from their frantic hard kisses.

 

He’d gotten up then and showered, letting the warm water ease the soreness from his overworked muscles but loving the delicious ache of them. He pulled on the sweats and went out to get something to eat and opted for reheated leftovers from the night before. 

 

Magnus hadn't woken up yet, Alec knew he should go home and organise his stuff for work and hopefully see Jace and find out what he’d been doing all weekend.  

 

So he had gathered his clothes that he’d worn to the club. Pulling on his wrinkled clothes from the club, he felt the first pangs of sadness that this perfect weekend was drawing to a close and it would probably a whole week before he got to see him again. 

 

He called for a cab and then went back into the bedroom, gently brushed Magnus’ cheek to wake him. One heavy eyelid slowly rose, revealing a sleep softened eye. He looked so angelic like this, but Alec knew better than to comment on it. 

 

“Hey, sleepy head, I have to go. Thanks for the best weekend of my life.” Alec said softly, and leaned in to brushed his lips to his. 

 

“I’m glad. And it won’t be the last.” Magnus said, his voice still slurry from sleep.

 

“We’ll talk again soon?” Alec asked him. He hoped he didn’t sound too clingy about it. He knew that would be a mistake of monumental proportions. 

 

“I’ll call you tomorrow.” He said, his eye closing once again. Clearly, all their extra activities had worn him out as well. 

 

Alec put a series of small kisses on his lips, not wanting to leave them just yet. He wanted to remember their feel, how warm and soft they felt against his own, he knew it would probably be a while until they could be together again. He sighed, then whispering “bye”, he headed out the door and then down stairs to the waiting cab. 

 

He’d arrived back to an empty apartment, and felt a little deflated about finding Jace not there. It would of been kind of nice to of been able to talk to his best friend about what he’d been up to since Friday night.

 

Minus too many details, of course. 

 

He looked around the small space, his eyes going to the spare room that was, at the moment full of junk. It hadn’t worried him before about sleeping on the sofa bed but now he was in a relationship, well, sort of, he could see the value of having a room of his own. 

 

Jace had offered it to him when he arrived but at the time, he’d been hell bent on getting a place of his own. Now, after living here and seeing the cost of even a small single bedroom place, he knew it would make more sense to stay with Jace. He’d thought at first that he might get in his way, but if their two vastly different social lives were going to take them in opposite directions, then it didn’t look like it was going to be a problem. 

 

But Alec hadn’t gotten to talk to Jace until he finally arrived at work ten minutes late, wearing the same clothes he had been in when Alec had last seen him on Friday night. 

 

He plonked himself down at his desk, folded his arms on the keyboard and rested his head on them.

 

“So, burning the candle at both ends?” Alec asked him. 

 

“If by both ends you mean Kristy and Georgia together, yeah, I guess you could say that. And I’m holding you personally responsible, by the way.” He mumbled. Alec frowned.

 

“And why is that?”

 

“Well if you hadn’t gone running off to hook up with the wealthiest batchelor in the city then I wouldn't of had to of spent the weekend consoling the girl that was falling vastly in like with you and was devastated when I told her that you were gay.” 

 

Alec gave Jace a sour look and Jace grinned back at him. Yeah, right, sure that’s what happened. 

 

“Listen, I was thinking, am I still good to move into the spare room? I mean, the sofa bed is comfortable and all but……”

 

“How would you know? You haven’t been spending much time in it lately.” Jace said, leaning up and resting his head on his hand, a wise ass grin all over his face.

 

“Oh well if that’s the case, then I was going to ask you to come bed shopping with me after work today, but I guess I can take yours seeing as you’re at home less than I am these days” Alec fired back, rather pleased with himself seeing as he had about as much energy as a wet noodle today. 

 

“Yeah, yeah, okay, very funny. Yes of course the spare room is yours. And yeah we can go bed shopping… urgh, no, I can’t. I promised the boss I’d cover that charity basketball game tonight. Sorry.” Jace gave him a weak apologetic smile. 

 

Alec sighed. He was more disappointed that he wouldn’t be getting to spend some much needed time with his old friend than having to spend another week or so on the thin mattress of the sofa. Between work and their separate social lives, they didn’t get to see each other much these days.

 

Alec was still sitting there, pretending not to look disappointed, when a guy came up to them.

 

“Hey, jace, the editor wants to see you about tonight, is that okay?” He asked him. 

 

“Yeah sure. Oh, Thomas, this is my best friend, Alec.” Jace introduced. 

 

Alec managed a friendly smile and shook his offered hand, Thomas nodded and gave him a megawatt  smile, the guy was pretty tall, about the same height as himself, with medium brown hair. Alec noticed he had a couple of tattoos on both his forearms. 

 

He couldn’t help but wonder how would Magnus look if he had tattoos on his body. Thinking of him, Alec checked his phone. He’d hoped to have heard from him by now, before he went to sleep for the majority of the day. 

 

Jace hauled himself up from the chair before turning to Alec. “Hey, why don’t you come with me tonight seeing as you aren’t bed shopping. I’m sure I could wrangled an extra ticket for you?” 

 

It was tempting to say yes, but the way he was feeling, Alec was pretty certain he was going to run out of what little steam he had left by tonight anyway, even though it would of been a good chance to hang out.

 

“I don’t mean to butt in, but were you looking for a bed?” Thomas asked him, one eyebrow raised. 

 

“Yeah, I was.” Alec grumbled.

 

“I just got a new bed from this place on the other side of town. It’s a factory outlet so what they have is pretty cheap and they deliver for free in the city. If you wanted, I could take you there. It’s a bit out of the way so it’s not easy to find it on your own.” 

 

Alec hesitated. He’d only just met the guy and it seemed weird to him to just say yeah, let's go shopping together. Before Alec had a chance to try to ease out of the situation, and politely refuse his offer, someone called out Thomas’ name from the other side of the office.

 

“I have to go, but it was great meeting you Alec and the offer still stands about the shopping trip, just let me know if you want to go.” He said, smiling back at him, before turning to Jace “Dude good luck with that lame ass game.”

 

“Yeah, thanks.” Alec said before Thomas turned and headed away with a slight wave.

 

“You should take him up on his offer, man.”

 

“I don’t know the guy..” Alec said in disbelief. 

 

“Well, I do and he’s a decent guy, friendly and he offered to help you out, but if you wanna stick to that poor excuse of a sofa bed then be my guest.”

 

Alec glanced down once again hopefully at his phone, he would have asked Magnus to go with him to shop, they could even get some fun out of bed shopping, probably.

 

No, definitely they would.

 

But he had a strong feeling that Magnus would turn his offer down, even if he didn’t have an excuse for it, he would just refuse. And frankly Alec wanted to get his own room, get his clothes and stuff in some kind of order. He was sick of living like a guest in the apartment. He wasn’t going anywhere, it was time he established that.

 

“Alright, I’ll go, I can’t sleep on that thing for much longer.” Alec winced as he felt a dull ache in his back. Magnus’ large comfortable bed had been way too easy to get used to. 

 

“Gotten a taste of something better, huh?” Jace said, grinning at him. Alec shot him a sour look and gave him the finger.

 

But be was right. 

 

The thought of spending more nights on the thin sofa bed mattress wasn’t appealing. 

 

Alec contemplated shopping with Thomas for the rest of the morning and it was almost lunch time before his path crossed with him again and he pulled him up.

 

“Hey, I just wanted to say thanks for the offer and yeah, if you could go with me that would be great. I haven’t been here all that long and I need to get a decent bed before my back gives out.” 

 

Thomas’ face brightened. “That’s great. I look forward to it. I’ll meet you after work, yeah?” 

 

Alec smiled back, “Yeah, see you later.” Thomas waved and gave him a flash of his perfect teeth before he kept on his way. 

 

After spending most of his day with no message whatsoever from Magnus, Alec started scolding himself for even bothering to expect something like that from him. 

 

By the time he finished up his work, he was furious maybe this whole thing was a mistake, he was expecting a quick call or a text at least after spending a whole weekend with barely any clothes on and practically entangled in one another.

 

“Hey man ready to go?” Thomas was standing by his desk and Alec broke out of his thoughts, looking at the time. He’d been expecting the day to drag but it had slipped by really fast. 

 

“Yeah, sure am. Are we taking a cab or….” Alec began to ask.

 

“No, it’s all good I have my car.”  

 

Thomas told him and they headed for the employee parking lot.

Alec followed him across the lot and he led them to a neat dark grey sedan. Alec was about to take the handle when Thomas unlocked it and pulled the door open for him. 

 

He smiled and got in. 

 

The interior was as neat as the outside. 

 

“Okay, here we go.” Thomas said as he started the car. 

 

The half hour drive was spent in an easy conversation. Alec liked Thomas’ taste in music and they spent the time discussing their shared interest in it. Jace had been right, he really was a nice guy, and easy to get on with. He was a great travelling companion, asking Alec if he wanted the air conditioning turned down or if he wanted to get something to eat before they went to the store. 

 

The furniture place was huge and Alec was surprised to see the amount of cars that were there. It must be good to be so popular on a Monday evening. They parked a few rows back from the front and then got out and headed for the doors. 

 

“I wish I’d of known about this place when I was in college. The bed I had there tied me in knots. It was too short for me and I spent four years practically sleeping doubled up in it.” Thomas said, giving an amused chuckle. 

 

Alec smiled back at him. “So you went to school here?” walking through the different aisles in the store.

“Yeah, Lived here ever since. I miss my family, though. They live a fair distance from here and I really only get to see them on holidays or special occasions. I have two sisters that both still live at home. You?” 

 

Thomas was leading the way through the massive space, weaving their way passed the hundreds of furniture options, heading for the bedding section. 

 

“My parents are both teachers in the small town I grew up and I have a younger sister.” 

 

“ I’m the eldest too, so I know what that’s like. Well, here we are. What are you looking for exactly?” Thomas waved an arm at the nearly overwhelming selection of beds on offer and Alec was suddenly very glad that he hadn’t tried to do this alone when Jace couldn’t of come with him. 

Alec decided that a queen sized bed would be his best option and they started testing the variety of different mattresses. They sat on them, bouncing up and down, checking their firmness before they both laid out on a few, making sure the length was good. 

 

Thomas was great company and they were laughing and joking as they laid together on a dark wooden framed one that Alec liked the look of, when his phone began to ring. He got it out of his pocket and looked at the screen. 

 

Magnus. 

 

He sat up straight away and all the bitterness from earlier got a hold on him again, he was fairly distracted by Thomas’ great company but now, he felt his skin prickle, he checked the time on his phone, it was 7pm, he sighed and walked away from the bed before accepting the call.

 

“Yes.” he answered bitterly, he couldn’t hide how upset he was with him.

 

“Hello Magnus how are you, I’m fine thank you, how are you Alec?” Magnus shot back instantly and Alec felt his chest tightening, he sounded like he just woke up and now he felt guilty.

 

“How are you Magnus? You just woke up?” he asked softly, he liked the way he sounded when he was sleepy.

 

“Yes, are you out?” 

 

“You should check this one out, it’s really comfy, Alec.”  Alec turned at the sound of Thomas’ voice and silently pointed at the phone. Thomas gave a grimace and mouthed “sorry” before he walked off to look at the other beds. 

 

“Who’s that?”

 

From Magnus’ tone, Alec wasn’t sure how he was going to react to the news that he was out bed shopping with some guy. It gave him a small feeling of satisfaction to think that maybe he would be jealous.

 

“A friend from work offered to take me shopping so we are here looking at beds.” He held his breath, waiting for Magnus’ reply.

 

“Who needs a bed?”

 

“Me.” Alec answered quickly, his heart beating up to a hundred, it surprised him still how much Magnus affected him, but god he was hopeless.

 

“Uhuh, well have fun then.” 

 

The call ended before Alec got a chance to even say good bye and he stared at the black screen, with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. They’d had such a great weekend together, a perfect weekend, in fact, and now he was acting like he didn’t know him. Like all of that had meant nothing to him.

 

Alec felt his eyes water, he pocketed his phone and looked up to the ceiling, stretching them open to try to stop the tears of disappointment from falling. He hated feeling like this. 

 

He felt a tight grip at the back of his shoulder, when he turned he saw Thomas before him, a concerned look on his face.

 

“Hey, Alec, are you okay?”  

 

“Yeah .. Yeah .. It’s all good, let’s just choose something and leave.”

 

Alec just wanted this whole thing to be over and done with now. The fun had been taken out of it by Magnus’ phone call. 

 

“So, what do you think? You like this one?” Thomas said, trying to be helpful. He was standing beside the bed with the dark wooden frame and Alec nodded. 

 

The bed came in a package with the side tables and a set of shelves and they made their way over to the counter to arrange payment. He handed over his card and the guy organised delivery for the next day. Great. Something to look forward to. Another night on the sofa along with clearing out the stuff in the spare room. 

 

The trip back home wasn’t the light friendly one their previous one had been. Thomas seemed to respect the fact that Alec needed to keep to himself right now and only asked him if it was okay if he gave him a ride back to the apartment. 

They pulled up out the front and Alec put his hand on the door, ready to get out.

 

“Thanks for taking me tonight, Thomas, it was really nice of you.” Alec said, hoping not to sound as down as he felt. 

 

“Yeah, no problem. See you tomorrow?” 

 

“Yep. Talk to you then.”

 

“If you need help with the room let me know. I helped Jace settle into the place when he first came here.” Thomas began.

 

Alec’ head was swimming with Magnus’ related ideas he couldn’t concentrate on anything else for now, he just nodded and muttered out a thanks to the guy and shut the door behind him. He took the elevator up the apartment and once he was in he headed straight to the shower.

 

He stripped and got under the hot stream, he felt stupid, he was stupid for thinking anything good would come out of this ‘thing’ with Magnus. Yes, those couple of days were special, but only to him. 

 

He gripped his hair in frustration and tugged at it, tears threatening to stream down his cheeks. Fuck he was such a fool, Magnus must have had plenty of weekends like those, with different people, people who wanted the same things that he did.

 

He’d been stupid in thinking that he could possibly have more than what had been agreed on in the first place and he felt angry at himself for letting his feelings run away with him, all over one weekend together. 

 

And the worst thing was, he was falling for him, fuck.

 

He wiped his face and opened his eyes at that, god, what kind of a idiot had he been for falling for someone like Magnus, his first ever time with someone so detached and distant and clearly only thinking about his own needs and desires. 

 

He knew he was going to suffer, the moment he heard those words coming out of Magnus’ mouth, the only sex arrangement, but it wasn’t just sexual chemistry for him, he felt captivated with his persona, with his weird art taste, with that darkness he favoured and with the quirky smiles he gave whenever Alec brushed the side of his face.

 

He was falling in love with that silent impenetrable baffling man, the extravagant outfits that embodied him perfectly, a face adorned with khol and beautiful highlight, that confident unfazed attitude, completely unruffled and god damn sexy. More then so, he was falling for the barefaced striking sleepy guy he woke up next to. Those lingering eyes that held his in searing looks, the way he would chill Alec’ bones with one of those looks.

Alec felt like a stranger in his own skin now, shivers were spreading across his body even though he had dried off after the shower and was now fully clothed. But this feeling, it was lingering and abiding inside of him since he first saw him. It was pleasant at first thrilling even, he couldn’t believe he was that attracted to a guy, it never happened before. 

 

But now, it tied up his stomach in knots whenever he thought how indifferent was the guy that had him overwhelmed with warmth and love. Fuck. 

 

He quickly headed to the spare room and started tidying up in there, he needed to busy himself with chores or anything that didn’t involve his phone, or Magnus.

 

He flopped down onto the now made sofa bed, great he had to put up with another night on this fucked up sofa, he reached to get his phone from the table next to it, he had a missed call from Magnus, and two texts, also from him, his heart picked up and he felt his chest surge and seize, god he couldn’t get a break even if he begged for it could he?

 

**I need to tell you something**

 

**I see, I think you’re still busy**

 

So he called him after that first text, it must have taking him more than an hour to finish with that room, it was 11pm now, he did indeed lose track of time, so he texted him immediately wanting to clarify why he didn’t answer his call desperately. 

 

Yeah, fucking hopeless

 

**I was cleaning my room because the bed and the other stuff are being delivered tomorrow, that’s why I didn’t answer**

 

He felt his fingers twitch over the letters, slightly trembling, he hated feeling this tense and confused, he never felt hurt and desperately wanting to keep calm before. He didn’t know what kind of reaction he was trying to fish out of Magnus, but he was aiming at something other then carelessness.

 

**I’m going away for a week on business**

 

His heart sank, and he felt his eyelashes cling to each other from the wetness of his eyes at the thought that Magnus was done with him because that was what he understood from this text, he was trying to avoid him, maybe he had his fill and now he wanted absolutely nothing to do with him.

 

**If this is your way of avoiding me I must say nicely done Magnus.**

 

He hit send a tad harshly, and locked the phone.

 

This was killing him.

 

He couldn’t imagine the thought of not having him in his life, but fuck, how could he be so fucking careless, how could he do this to himself, trusting a random guy with his heart so fast.

 

**What?**

 

Alec read through blurry eyes just before locking the phone again, exactly,  _ what _ was he thinking getting involved with a guy that had people falling at his feet every night seeking his attention.

 

His phone started ringing and his own breathing ragged, like that call triggered more tears and no amount of self control could stop them, he was so tempted to just hang up on him but he couldn’t, inside of his fucked up brain something ached for the sound of his voice, and maybe if this was it between them maybe he’ll get to hear it one last time.

 

“Yes.” he mustered his collected voice and answered. He could hear the beat of the music in the background and the heavy puffs of air coming out from the other side of the phone and suddenly there was no more music, just the sound of slight panting through the phone, he surely went up to his office to talk to him, but he didn’t say anything yet.

 

He leaned back on the sofa bed and pressed the phone harder into his ear, he closed his eyes and relished on the steady sound of Magnus’ breathing, it reminded him so much of how he would breath when he’d be fully seated inside of him, the way that Magnus would try and slow his breathing and take in the way Alec filled him. 

 

Alec closed his eyes tighter and felt his whole body grow warm at that thought, his skin spike with dread. He wanted to cry, to scream this need for him out of his system.

 

“I’m not trying to avoid you,” Magnus breathed through the speaker, and Alec felt his heart beat hard enough that it started to hurt, he pressed his hand down his chest and listened, “Don’t ever think that,” there was a slight tremor to the tone of his voice that had Alec’ eyes swell. “I-I-Um, I missed you.” 

 

He didn’t know what had him in tears, was it the ‘I missed you’ or the trembling of Magnus’ voice saying it, he squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his palm to his mouth to prevent his choked sob from escaping.

 

He couldn’t believe what he had heard, he said he missed him, he missed him, he thought about him too then, god, he wanted to shout that he missed him too even before he left his loft, but he couldn’t trust his voice just yet, he was sure it would be as wrecked as he felt right now.

 

Magnus had no idea what effect he had on him, he could possibly ruin him with one word and it won’t matter, his heart was beating to a hundred and his tongue started hurting from the tight clutch of his teeth on it, tears spilling at the sides of his eyes heavily soaking his pillow.

 

“I’m not avoiding you, we’ll talk the whole time Alec, if you want to.”

 

Yes. he wanted to of course he did, was he kidding? Alec cleared his throat and tried to sound as composed as possible, he didn’t want to sound teary.

 

“Yes, yes, I want to, you know I do.” 

That earned him a soft chuckle from Magnus, he loved it, he was smiling himself now too and grinning like an idiot with tear stains on his face.

 

A fucking lovesick idiot.

 

“Alright, we’ll talk tomorrow then.” Magnus muttered softly.

 

“Yes definitely.” Alec pressed the phone even harder on his ear afraid that he would miss on whatever Magnus was going to say.

 

“Okay good night Alec.” Magnus answered with a slight pause.

 

Alec took in a breath and gripped the covers in a tight hold, sighing silently and smiling through his words, “Good night Magnus.”

 

Neither of them hang up, Alec couldn’t bring himself to do it, and Magnus obviously haven’t yet, and if he could stay on the phone the whole night listening to him just breath like this, he would gladly do it. 

 

It wasn’t until he heard knocking on the other side of the phone that he knew Magnus was going to hang up.

 

“Hey Magnus.” he quickly whispered, not even caring how longing he must have sounded.

 

“Yes.”

 

“I missed you too.” Alec breathed through the phone, his eyes fluttering shut of how good it felt to say that.

 

He heard how uneven Magnus’ breathing became, that subtle change in his intakes that he was now able to detect, those little details he grew to love about this man.

 

“Good night Alexander.” 

 

Once Magnus ended their call he was beaming, he couldn’t believe his own ears, and most of all he couldn’t believe how happy he was right now, he turned on his right side and stared aimlessly at the empty table, his heart pulsed slowly now and his body was slacking against the bed as if it was waiting for this kind of emotional relief so it would shut off, so he closed his eyes with a picture of that stunning man who was stealing his heart piece by piece.

  
  
  


Tuesday was hectic, working relentlessly trying to finish up his article before he had to leave, he didn’t get much time to think about anything pleasant today, he was fully immersed in his writing until he remembered, the delivery truck was coming around 6pm, damn it, he had half an hour to get home. 

 

He said a quick “see you at home” to Jace as he headed for the door and he arrived at their building just as the truck was pulling up out the front. Two delivery guys got out and began opening the back of the truck and started unloading the mattress, unassembled bed frame, bedside table and packaged shelving. 

 

Alec was expecting them to head for the elevator but they stopped in the small lobby. He looked at them. 

 

“Hey fellas, don’t you want to know my apartment number?” 

 

“Nah, we got instructed to unload in the lobby only. Sorry.” One said as he and the other man put the large carton containing the shelf pieces down next to the other things. Alec’s shoulders slumped. 

 

“Couldn’t you take it up for me? I can pay you extra in cash?” He looked at them hopefully.

 

“Sorry, no can do. Here, sign this?” He held out a clip board with a docket on it. 

 

Alec took the board and the pen that was attached to it by a piece of string and paused, the nib of the pen hovering over the paper. How the hell was he supposed to get all this stuff up to the apartment on his own?  He sighed and signed the docket, he didn’t have much of a choice. With a bit of luck, Jace might be back soon and he could help. 

 

He handed the paperwork back to the delivery guy and they left. Alec looked over at his stacked belongings before he sat on top of the bedside table, and mentally crossed his fingers that Jace would arrive soon. 

 

Twenty minutes later, much to Alec’s relief, he walked in the door. And he wasn’t alone. 

 

“So what are you doing down here? I thought you would of had all this up stairs and set up by now.” He said, grinning at him. 

 

“Ha ha very amusing.” Alec looked at Thomas and gave him a big smile. “Hey Thomas. How did this idiot talk you into coming?” 

 

Thomas’ face lit up with a grin and he laughed. “He didn’t have to, I thought you might need the help. And by the look of things, I was right.” 

 

“Yeah, thanks, I appreciate it. Okay, let’s get this stuff loaded into the elevator.”  

They got everything in, and the three of them wedged themselves in with it and then hauled it into the apartment. 

 

They set the bed up first and while Jace was holding one end of the frame, Alec heard his phone in his pocket. He dropped the screw driver and fished it out. 

 

His heart gave a leap in his chest when he saw Magnus’ name on the screen. He tapped on it and opened the text. 

 

**How is your day going gorgeous.**

 

Alec beamed at the words before him. No one has ever called him gorgeous before, and god now that Magnus did it made him hot all over his body.

 

**It was busy and now we are putting my furniture together**

 

**Your friends are helping you?**

 

**Yeah they are, it’s too hot in here, how is LA?**

 

Alec noticed the sharp look he was getting from Jace and he put his phone back in his pocket and finished securing the frame. Now the shelves were the only thing that had to be put together and he turned around to see that Thomas was working on them. He heard his phone again and took it out of his pocket. 

 

**Alec, you’ve just put some very inappropriate images in my head**

 

Alec felt a thrill run down his spine. Oh god. He decided that now might not be a great time to be so close to the others. 

 

“Hey, how about I order us some pizza for dinner?” He asked, trying to keep the excitement he was feeling out of his voice. He almost jumped when he heard another message come in. 

 

“Sounds great.” Jace agreed and Thomas nodded as he tightened a screw on the shelves.

 

Alec waited until he got out to the kitchen before he looked at his phone. 

 

**I bet that shirt is clinging to you just right**

Alec felt his whole body heating at the sight of the message. He wondered where this was going and he gave a furtive look towards the door of his room before he answered

 

**What kind of images?**

 

He received an answer almost instantly.

 

**You getting all sweaty, a sweaty handyman, a very sexy sweaty handyman**

 

Alec gave a giggle before he could stop himself. He liked this playful side of Magnus and he wanted to keep it going for as long as he could. 

 

**So do you think I should get rid of my sweaty shirt? Just wear my jeans and a tool belt?**

 

**Maybe lose the jeans as well**

 

Alec felt the crotch of his jeans tightening at the thought and before he answered again, he ordered the pizza. 

Thomas finished the shelves and he and Jace came out and grabbed a beer each from the fridge. They sat around talking until the pizza arrived. Alec thought about what his next message would be as he pretended to be interested in the conversation with the others.

 

**Sounds good. So you want to see me in just my belt and boxers?**

 

He held his breath waiting for what might come next.

 

**Just that tool belt, and I assure you it won’t be staying on for too long**

 

Alec squirmed in his chair at the thought. His jeans were getting really uncomfortable, and god Jace and Thomas were here. But, he really wanted to see where this was going with Magnus, how far he could push it, so he looked at his phone devilishly and typed away.

 

**Want you to take it off of me**

 

**Fuck, I’m so hard right now and you’re not even here**

 

Alec drowned out the soft moan that was threatening to work its way out of his mouth with a mouth full of beer and a large bite of pizza which resulted in him almost choking. At least the coughing disguised any embarrassing noises. Thomas stopped his conversation with Jace to look at him.

 

“Are you okay, Alec?” 

 

He managed to get himself under control enough to nod and give him a small smile. There was something deliciously bad about texting like this with Magnus while the others were around.  

 

He got another text before he got the chance to answer.

 

**I want to tease you until you can’t take it any longer and moan out my name.**

 

Oh god, he was going to kill him with this. Honestly he didn’t need any kind of teasing, just the thought of Magnus hard for him, thinking about him got him going, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t tease back.

 

**Tease me? How would you do that exactly.**

 

He was getting so wound up now, his pulse was thudding in his ears. He was still eating the same piece of pizza but he couldn’t taste anything.

 

**Too bad you’re not here right now, too bad I can’t get my hands on you**

 

Alec bit his bottom lip and sucked it slowly inside his mouth, he was melting away and fuck he needed to be alone, soon.

 

**What if you were?**

 

**I can’t get that thing you did to me out of my mind, and I want to do the same damn thing to you**

 

Well, they did a lot of things together, he needed clarification.

 

**What was it?**

 

**I want to eat you out like crazy**

 

Fuck, Alec felt his cock pulse against his jeans now, a bead of precome oozing out of him, he clenched his butt cheeks together and almost lost all kind of rational thoughts, he fucking remembered that, doing that to Magnus, it was beyond hot, driving him to the brink by his tongue, merely touching him. 

 

The thought of Magnus doing that to him had him up on his feet, gathering the boxes of pizza and thinking of a way to have the whole apartment to himself.

 

Because he knew, he was going to be loud as fuck. 

 

Alec stretched and stifled a yawn behind his hand. “Hey, it’s getting pretty late and we all have work tomorrow. I think I’ll make up my bed and get some sleep. Thanks for the help, Thomas.” 

 

Then a thought came to him. 

 

“Jace, why don’t you take my car and drive Thomas home? It’s late and it would save him taxi fare.” Alec hoped that he didn’t sound as strung out as he felt right then. 

“Oh sure, okay. Right, well, I’ll be back soon.” Jace said and Alec tried to stop himself from practically pushing them out the door. He thanked Thomas once more and handed Jace his keys. 

 

He let out a sigh of relief when the door closed behind them. He threw his blankets and pillow onto the bed and climbed onto it. He was really looking forward to getting a good night’s sleep for a change. Later, that is.

 

He took off his shirt and got under the covers, sighing loudly and brushing his hand on his hard crotch, he wanted to text Magnus back but the temptation to hear his voice while doing this was more than he could take, so he dialed his number and waited.

 

The first thing he heard after the call connected was a loud moan ripping its way out of Magnus’ throat, it was filthy and carnal; and it traveled directly to Alec’ cock which grew impossibly hard now.

 

“My god, what are you doing?” Alec whispered; heart jackhammering inside his chest, his mouth felt like cotton at the thought of Magnus replaying that night where he gotten himself off in front of Alec.

 

“Touching myself,” Magnus panted through the phone, moaning in earnest loudly, “Strip.”

 

“Fuck, wait..” Alec fumbled with his belt and fly and got out of his jeans and boxers in seconds, he plastred the phone on his ear and whimpered when he heard the slick noises emitting from Magnus’ side of the phone.

 

“I wanna touch you Magnus,” he started, taking hold of his cock and stroking it slowly and teasingly, he wanted this to last, he wanted to draw out the fire that Magnus was able to lit up inside of him, “Aah, can’t think of anything else..” he moaned when he gave a slight twist to his wrist, god he was a mess already.

 

“Those hands, so big and thick .. I can still feel how they held me apart while your tongue fucked me open, fuuuck I loved that.” 

 

Alec’ brain short circuited, suddenly his hand was violently moving, up and down his shaft, he muffled his wail with his forearm and squeezed the base to stop himself from spilling too fast. Magnus’ dirty talk was on another level of sexy, he was losing whatever was left of his sated mind.

 

“I wanna fucking hear you, don’t hold back, tell me how bad you want my cock right now.”

 

“Oh my god..” he screamed into the room, tightening up the grip on his length and jerking it rapidly, it was done with, he wouldn’t last much longer, “so fucking bad, I’m craving it, I miss feeling you inside of me..” 

 

His balls were aching by now and he was desperate to come, he missed him so much and it has only been a couple of days, he craved his touch and the way Magnus would take him apart and put him back together again only to wreck him a minute later.

 

“How does that feel huh?” Magnus moaned out, his voice weak and chaste, it sounded like an anguished plea, apparently he was on edge as well and he was begging for more. 

 

**“** So fucking full,” he drawled loudly, “And God, soo big,” he heard Magnus choke on a whimper, that made him growl in response, he was doing this to him, it made him want to just stroke mercilessly on his cock and come with a shout of Magnus’ name. “Magnus!!”

 

“Fuck yes, you are so good, I’m so close..” 

 

Magnus was breathing heavily now, his mouth moaning delicious sounds that had Alec gasping for air, if he closed his eyes and focused he could barely feel him next to him, heaving against his heated skin.

 

“Want to come with you, oh .. I want you more than anything else in this world.” he sobbed when he felt the usual tightening of his insides and the way his dick throbbed against his hand and that vein pump forcefully in anticipation.

 

“Yes!! Feels so good Alec, I’m coming …” Magnus’ voice shook as he moaned repeatedly, curses streaming out of his mouth unapologetically.

 

Alec’ orgasm ripped through him mid stroke, taking him off guard and making him whine in ardour, working his cock into completion, fast, hard and messy. Magnus’ name a mantra chanting through the silence of his room. Once spent he sighed and slumped down further into the bed.

 

“Fuck!!” 

 

He heard Magnus chuckle, and just then he could totally picture the look on his blissed out face, and he missed it emenssly.

 

“I’ll be doing just that once I’m back.” 

 

“There won’t be any complaining from me!” he retorted. 

 

“Once I’m back, yeah..” he heard Magnus pant out, voice laced with desire.

Now it was Alec’ turn to snicker, an idea lit up his insides once again.

 

“Once you’re here, i’m going to ride you.”

 

guess he was going to be the one with the treat to look forward to now.

 

“Jesus fuck, Rude!! You can’t just say that, I just got here.” Magnus groaned into the phone earning a satisfied smirk from Alec. he liked getting the upper hand.

 

“Think of it as a .. um .. a welcome back gift.” emphasising on the word gift to prove his point.

 

“You have no idea what you gotten yourself into..” 


	11. Deep In Thought

A week without Magnus, could things be any worse? 

 

Alec had woken early the next morning, feeling rested from his first night in a decent bed and the added benefits of their interesting conversation, and even though he didn’t normally get to see Magnus through the week, the realisation of knowing that he wasn’t at least in the same city, had him feeling slightly depressed. 

 

At least they had agreed to keep in contact each day while he was gone, so there was that to tide him over until he came back on Friday, but it wouldn’t be the same as actually having him here. Then again, their texts and phone call last night was something else.

 

By the time Jace and Alec had gotten to work, his mood had lifted a lot. The morning went by pretty fast as just before lunch, Thomas came over to their desks.

 

“Hey guys, wanna eat together? The deli around the corner does great club sandwiches.” He said, looking hopeful. Jace looked at Alec and nodded. 

 

Yeah, why not. 

 

“Sure, let’s go.” 

 

Thomas had been completely correct in his description of the food. Alec had ordered the chicken and bacon club while Thomas and Jace got the roast beef. The bread was thick and toasted and was at least three inches apart, packed to capacity with the filling. 

 

They sat out the front of the deli at one of the small tables and chairs they had and for the first ten or fifteen minutes, they were all way too occupied with eating to make conversation. A series of muffled noises and affirmative nods went around the table, Jace even managing to give Thomas a thumbs up for his lunch place choice. 

 

When they had all eaten enough to be able to slow down between mouthfuls, Thomas came up with a suggestion.

 

“Hey, do you guys like bowling?” 

 

Alec nodded, “Yeah, we do. It was about all there was to do back home when we were kids so we hung out at the alley most weekends. We used to be pretty good.”

 

“You were good, I was fantastic.” Jace said to him, barging him with his shoulder playfully. 

 

“Yeah right, dream on, pal.” Thomas laughed, watching their easy banter.

 

“Well how about I give you a chance to test those statements. Want to go bowling tonight?” He looked at Jace and Alec with a bright smile.

 

“Great, I’m in. It might take me a couple of frames to get back into the swing of things, but I’m pretty sure I can take this one down again.” Alec said, biting into the last of his sandwich.

 

“Bring it on, Lightwood. Perfection doesn’t need practice. I’ll kick your ass while you’re doing that swinging.” Jace bragged. 

 

Thomas chuckled. “Um, just for the record, I’ve been known to bowl a decent game as well, I played in a league for a few years, so there’s that.” 

 

Alec and Jace looked at each other and then back to him. While they had been boasting to each other about their skills, they hadn’t factored in that maybe Thomas might be good as well. Of course, Jace wasn’t going to back down.

 

“A contender, huh? Finally some healthy competition. Tonight just got even better. I get to kick two asses instead of one.” Alec almost choked on the last mouthful of food. Jace, he’d always had an over inflated opinion of himself.

 

As they walked back to the office, they agreed on a time and place. Alec was looking forward to the night. If nothing else, it would take his mind off how much he was actually missing Magnus, even though it had only been a couple of days. 

 

He wondered what business had pulled him from his grasp for a whole week. He got the feeling that Magnus didn’t go out of town all that often so it must of been important. 

 

The afternoon passed quickly and Alec and Jace headed home to get ready. They changed into jeans and t shirts before they took Alec’s car to the alley that was about a fifteen minute drive.

 

The familiar smell wafted around them as they entered the place. Music played as background to the sound of rumbling bowling balls and falling pins. Thomas was already there, standing near one of the lanes. 

 

Alec and Jace both got shoes and picked out balls before heading over to him. 

 

“So, are we all set to do this?” Thomas said, smiling at them.

 

“Yep, let’s get this done.” Jace said, putting his ball down ready. Alec put his next to it and they signed in for the scoring. 

 

Thomas went first and when he bowled a strike in the very first frame, Alec couldn’t help thinking that just maybe, Jace might be taught a lesson for once. Jace went next and matched his strike with one of his own, not looking rattled at all.

“Good luck, Alec.” Thomas said to him as he got up to take his turn. He gave him a friendly pat on the back as he left and Alec took his position. He lined up the shot and sent the ball rolling down the alley, hoping that he wasn’t as rusty as he thought he was. 

 

Just at the last minute, the ball seemed to curve just a little so that three pins were left standing. Yep, it had definitely been awhile since he’d done this.

 

He managed to get the spare and then turned to go back to the bench. Thomas was standing, ball him hand as he walked passed. He gave him a sympathetic smile.

 

“Well done,but I’m sure you’ll get better.” He said as he headed for the lane. 

 

After the fifth frame and seeing Jace and Thomas going head to head with the strikes, Alec began to wonder why he had bothered playing at all. He’d only gotten two strikes and a couple of other spares. Maybe it had been longer than he’d thought since he’d played before. 

When Jace lined up again, Thomas turned to him.

 

“I hate to say it, but Jace does bowl a pretty mean game.” 

 

“Yeah, I think he might of been secretly practicing somewhere. I feel like a beginner next to you guys.” Even though he was enjoying himself, he couldn’t keep the dejection out of his voice. 

 

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, and don’t worry about feeling like a beginner, there’s always a first time for everything.”  Thomas smiled softly at him and Alec felt his frustration seep away from him.

 

“You’re up, pal. And try not to swing that arm like a rusty gate again. I’m getting tired of holding up our end of things on my own.” 

 

Alec got up and took his ball, concentrating on the shot. Slightly rattled, he let the ball go before he had been planning to do and watching it veering down the varnished wooden lane taking a dog leg curve and he groaned but then it came back and hit the pins just right, sending all ten scattering. 

 

Wow, that was unexpected.

 

Jace let out a hoot and fist pumped the air, as Alec came back over. He looked over his shoulder and saw that Thomas was already beaming at him, he noticed a strange look fleeting across Thomas’ eyes that was sending his way. Then he patted his shoulder as he came beside him, 

 

“Good job. See, I knew you could do it.” 

 

Alec grinned happily and nodded, hopefully things were on the improve and he was getting back in his game. 

 

By the last frame, though, not surprisingly, it came down to a battle between Jace and Thomas. They had gone point for point and Thomas had once again, bowled a perfect frame. It was up to jace to at least do the same. 

 

Alec watched his friend took his time lining up the shot, his face a mask of concentration. He brought his arm back and let swung it forward, letting the ball go with a thud as it it the floor. They all watched as it thundered down nearly, dead centre to the pins. 

 

Jace had started to puff his chest out with forgone pride in his bowling skills, sure that he would 

make the shot once again. 

 

Alec and Thomas watched as the rolling black sphere, curved right at the last second and went left, clattering the all the pins, but one. 

 

“What the…..” Jace said, eyes wide with shock. Alec couldn’t help the snort of laughter that escaped him. Thomas was grinning beside him. 

 

“Things just got really interesting.”  He said, and they both stood up so they could get a closer view at Jace’s very last chance to redeem himself. 

 

“Hey, if you make the shot, I’ll buy dinner.” Thomas told him.

 

“You’re on. No worries.” Jace said back and he lined up again. 

 

The ball sped down the alley towards the lonely pin and Alec was positive that he was going to get the spare but somehow, it rolled by the pin, grazing it’s side just enough to make it wobble as they all held their breath, waiting for it to topple, but it never did. 

 

Jace made a noise of frustration and angst, fisting his hands in his blond hair. Alec put a hand

Over his mouth to stifle the laughter that he couldn’t stop from bubbling out of him. 

 

“So, what are we eating?” Thomas said, hands on his hips and looking expectantly at him. 

 

“I don’t know about the me and you, but i think Jace will be chowing down on his words.” Alec said, and Thomas turned to give him a huge grin, breaking out into peels of laughter. 

 

Jace shot them a sour look as he slumped back over to them.

 

“Ha ha, very funny.” he grumped at them. 

 

They went up to the counter and ordered burgers, fries and drinks. There was a seating area with a dozen tables just over from the lanes and they took a seat to wait for their food. 

 

Jace was still looking sour about losing to Thomas over one point. 

 

“We will definitely have to do this again. I really enjoyed it.” Thomas said brightly.

 

“Yeah, I bet you did. And next time, give me some notice so i can practise before hand. That way, maybe it’ll be you buying dinner instead.”  Jace told him. Thomas just gave a short chuckle and nodded his head.

 

“Okay, consider it done.” 

 

They had just started talking about work when Alec’s phone went off in his pocket. He looked at the creen and his heart gave a leap when he saw that it was Magnus. He got up quickly and left the table, walking away from the noise of the other bowlers.

 

He found a quiet spot and leaned back onto the wall there, his heart was thudding against his rib cage and he sheepishly smiled at the screen, whenever Magnus would call he’d get discomposed like this. 

 

“Hey.” He whispered.

 

“Alec,” Magnus’ soft chuckling voice came through his phone and Alec missed him even more now, “Where are you?”

 

“Out bowling, you? How’s the work going?”

 

Now he had heard his voice again, it started Alec wondering what the purpose of his trip had been. He hadn’t really said too much, but he hoped that he was relaxed enough to open up to him about it. He couldn’t hear anything else in the background so wherever he was, it was quiet. 

 

“I’m good.” it was a sharp and non negotiable, and Alec slummed back onto the wall,  “I think I might be back before I intended to.”

 

Alec felt himself brighten. “Really?”

 

“Yes, I won’t say when though.” Magnus teased.

 

Alec bit his bottom lip and closed his eyes, he loved this, these short and teasy calls he started getting from Magnus after he went away, and more so, he loved teasing him back.

 

“I can’t promise that I’ll be free if you don’t tell me when, and that would be a problem since i’m so excited for your surprise.” 

 

He heard Magnus suck in a breath and swear quietly under his breath, yes, he fucking loved teasing him back, Alec chewed slowly on his bottom lip again before he swiped his tongue wetting it, and that alone made him think of Magnus’ tongue on his lips and the way it would set them on fire, he wanted him back now actually, fuck, he couldn’t wait.

 

“Hey now, I’m sure nothing is better than surprising me, so, I’m not saying when.” Magnus uttered in that confident tone that had Alec’ knees wobble, “Get ready.” 

 

Then he hung up, leaving a dazed and giddy Alec staring at the wall in front of him. Holy shit, how did he manage to do that to him. Magnus might use words economically but they sure did make an impact. 

 

Alec hoped that he could gather his wits in the short space of time that it would take him to walk back to the table. He tried to make sure his face was as neutral as possible as he took his seat.

 

Their food had just been served and Alec picked up his burger and took a bite. 

 

“So, anyone interesting?” Jace said, feeding a fry into his mouth and giving Alec a look that told him he knew exactly who it was.

 

“Just Magnus.” Alec said, offhandedly.  He wondered how far Jace was going to take this in front of Thomas.

 

“Just Magnus? I would of thought that it was a bit more serious than that between you two.” 

 

Alec felt his face heating. Yeah, thanks Jace, trust him to practically out him in front of someone he didn’t know all that well.  He braved a look in Thomas’ direction and wondered what he was thinking right now, but he looked totally nonplussed about things.

 

“So is Magnus your boyfriend?” He asked, taking a bite of his burger. 

 

Alec hesitated. How did he answer that? Before, he would of vigorously denied such a remark, telling Thomas he didn’t know what he was talking about but since coming out to both Izzy and Jace, he felt a little easier about saying the words. He was about to tell Thomas something to that effect when Jace jumped in ahead of him.

 

“Yeah, my recently out of the closest best buddy here managed to find himself one of the most well known players in the city.” Alec shot him a stern look. Jace, on the other hand, looked way too pleased with himself and continued munching on his fries, “And he’s a nice looking one too.”

 

Alec scoffed, huh nice looking? 

 

“Hey man, it’s fine. Don’t sweat it, I was there once myself. Try explaining being bisexual to your parents when one is a minister in a local church and the other one does more charity work than Mother theresa.” Thomas said. 

 

Alec looked at him in surprise. He had just assumed that Thomas was straight, not hearing anything to the contrary from Jace, but from the was his big mouthed friend was looking right now, he didn’t know either.

 

Thomas looked amused by the whole thing, his pale blue eyes going back and forth between them.

 

“What? I thought you knew?” He said looking at Jace.

 

“Well, no, not really. I thought that maybe you were, you know….” Jace was looking flustered. 

 

As much as him saying something in front of Thomas, it was kind of good seeing Mr Self confident floundering a little. Thomas was obviously more at ease with the whole sexuality issue than he was, but knowing someone that was so casual about it, made him feel better.

 

“You can say it, Jace, you thought I was gay. Don’t worry, it took a while to convince my parents and family that I wasn’t.” Thomas said. 

 

“My parents still don’t know. We come from a small town and they are both teachers at the high school and ultra conservative. I managed to keep things to myself until recently.”  Alec confessed. It felt good to be able to talk to someone who understood about everything. 

 

“I wouldn’t sweat it too much, Alec. It’s a process, coming out to your parents and family. Who knows, they might take it better than you think. So you have a sister, right? What did she think?” 

 

“I can’t imagine any universe where me being gay would be okay with Mom and Dad but who knows, miracles happen, right? And actually, it was Izzy who said something to me first. She was fine with it, of course.” 

 

They finished their meal then, talking about the game, and Thomas still having a dig at Jace about the scoring, but he took it well. When they finished, Jace stood up.

 

“Well, time to settle the bet i suppose. Be back in a minute.” He said, taking out his wallet as he headed for the counter. 

 

“So, what’s the go with this Magnus guy? You didn’t actually say if he was your boyfriend or not.” Thomas said, sitting back casually in the chair. 

 

Alec had been hoping to avoid the question but it didn’t look like he was going to be able to. At least Jace wasn’t around to put his opinion in on the subject again. 

 

“Magnus is...I don’t think you could call him my boyfriend, really. We’ve only known each other for a couple of weeks so it’s kinda casual at the moment. I dunno, it’s complicated.”  Alec said, stumbling a little on his words. 

 

How did anyone describe anything where Magnus Bane was concerned, The man wasn’t a word, he was a sentence. 

 

Thomas nodded sagely across the table. Maybe he did get it, even if Alec hadn’t been terribly clear about things. Alec didn’t think it was really such a great idea to come right out and tell a work colleague, even one that was fairly casual about things, that he had made a pact to be in a sex only relationship with someone that obviously had way more experience in such matters than he did. 

 

Thomas looked like he was about to say something again when Jace returned. 

 

“Hey guys, listen, I just ran into an old friend and she wants to go get a drink, do you want to come too?” 

 

Alec looked over to see a tall leggy brunette who looked like she was dressed for anything but bowling. He thought about asking Jace how she came to be there  but decided he really didn’t want to know, and he didn’t know about Thomas, but he wasn’t really wasn’t in the mood to play third wheel to one of Jace’s meet cutes. 

 

“Nah, I think i should head for home and get some sleep. It is a work night.” He told him.

“Yeah, me too. I’ll catch a cab and see you guys tomorrow.” Thomas started to get his phone out of his pocket.

 

“It’s fine. I can drive you, I have my car.” Alec said.

 

“Oh okay, if it’s no trouble then, sure.” 

 

Jace told Alec not to wait up for him and then with a grin, went back to the girl while he and Thomas headed for the parking lot. 

They got in and Thomas gave Alec directions on how to get to his place. 

 

It was a quiet trip to begin with, both of them lost in their own thoughts. Alec knew that Thomas had been going to ask him more about Magnus but he still wasn’t really comfortable about talking about it. He decided that a preemptive question on his part was the way to avoid it. 

 

“So, are you seeing anyone?” He said as they pulled up at a red light. Thomas looked over to him.

 

“No, not at the moment. I got out of a relationship a  few months ago and I’m still smarting over that. We’d been together for just over a year so I thought I was in love, but,” He faltered and looked away before he cleared his throat, “Anyway, long story short i’m single and I don’t really go for casual hookups, not my cup of tea.”

 

“Really?”

 

“You can say that i’m a traditional guy, I like to get to know someone and see where it goes. I’m more into the long game than the fast and easy type.” 

 

Alec nodded in acknowledgment. He could kind of see the way Thomas handled relationships, even though he didn’t know the guy that well, he seemed the type that was more into a committed relationship where you went on dates, talked about things, got to know the person and then after you were more comfortable with them, then start to bring sex into it.

 

Completely the opposite of what Alec had with Magnus. 

 

Alec sighed.

 

Hearing Thomas talk about his past relationship in terms of a year, not just hard and fast weekends, was like seeing the other side of the coin. 

 

Not really though.

 

After all, Alec always hoped to fall in love, go on dates, get that rush when you get to say good night to your date and feel flustered and shy, wondering if it was okay to kiss them. But he got swept off his feet when it came to Magnus,  he hadn’t thought about any of it until now.

 

Alec couldn’t shake the thoughts of Magnus now that the idea had planted itself in his mind. He knew that if he kept it up, this was going to be a very quiet trip and he really didn’t want to make things awkward between him and Thomas.

 

The last thing he wanted was someone to start asking him about his and Magnus’ complicated relationship. So Alec did his best to make small talk for the remainder of the trip and ten minutes later, they reached Thomas’ apartment building.

 

“So, thanks for the lift, and I’ll see you tomorrow?” He said as he got out of the car.

 

“Yeah, no problem, see you then.” Alec said, and gave him a small wave, then Thomas stuck his head back in the window.

 

“You deserve to be happy Alec.”

 

With that Alec watched Thomas go inside his building, maybe Thomas had picked up on his sour mood and his miserable attempt of making small talk and  felt the need to reassure Alec, that he deserved to be happy.

 

Alec he pulled away and headed for home, his earlier light mood now falling into one of discontentment. 

  
  
  


No surprise that Jace wasn’t home when he got back and unlike other times when he had wanted him to be there to talk things over with, he was glad this time to be on his own. He 

Didn’t bother turning lights on, and just headed for his room, stripping off his clothes and getting into bed. 

 

Now he was alone in the dark, his thoughts on Magnus returned full force. Thomas’ words were echoing in his memory. Alec tried to picture what it might be like to be in a loving, romantic relationship with Magnus. 

 

His thoughts filled with images of him and Magnus going out for coffee, going to a movie, going out for dinner. A walk in the park, even a picnic, but he knew that probably Magnus was going to be opposed to them because of “the daylight hours”, he sighed again, so most of those ideas would be out of the question. 

 

Even something as simple as curling up together on a sofa, cuddled under a blanket watching some sappy old movie seemed unobtainable. 

 

He had no doubt that he could have all those things he’d thought about and more, if he was with any other guy. Practically any man was the total flip side to Magnus. He bet normal guys would have family pictures around their place and wouldn’t have a problem with talking to him about their likes and dislikes, family, passed relationships even. 

 

Magnus was like his apartment; elegant, sophisticated, sexy as hell, but also dark, closed off to the rest of the world, almost clinical in his demeanor. To be fair, he had gotten the tiniest of hints of something brighter when he’d told him he was missing him. 

 

Magnus wasn’t easy and he certainly wasn’t some old fashioned ideal of what having a boyfriend was supposed to be like, but as difficult as he was, it didn’t stop Alec from still feeling that he was falling for him. 

 

On a whim, he grabbed his phone from the bedside table and messaged him.

 

**Hope your night is going well. I miss you**

 

He pushed send and held his breath, hoping for an answer.

 

**Yes, it is now**

 

Alec let out a sigh. Not the message he’d hoped to get but at least he answered. He thought about texting back to keep the conversation going but decided not to. He was already feeling a little down, why prolong the agony. 

 

As he put his phone back and rolled over to try to get some sleep, he tried to push the dismissive few words out of his mind. 

 

God, when he’d moved here and met the guy, he certainly hadn’t signed up for this.

 

But that was the thing; he had signed up for it when he had agreed to Magnus’ terms. He wondered, not for the first time, how long they could go on the way things were. The last conscious thought Alec had before he fell asleep was he how long it would be before he cracked and poured his real feelings out to Magnus and spill out what he really wanted say. 

 

It would be a complete failure on his part to uphold the terms and conditions of what they had agreed on and like any breach of contract, he had no doubt that it would mean his instant dismissal. As hard as not having him in his life was, the thought of having Magnus only like this was becoming infinitely harder. 


	12. I'm In Love With All Your Little Things

Alec’s mood didn’t improve much over the coming days. Magnus hadn’t upheld his assurance that he would text Alec each day, and the last time he’d heard from him was the night they went bowling. 

 

By the time Friday had rolled around, Alec had slumped into a pit of anger and despair. He knew he was being petty about the whole thing; The guy didn’t owe him anything, it wasn’t like they were in a proper relationship or anything. But it still stung that he couldn’t of found a spare minute to message him and at least say hello. 

 

He wondered if he would be feeling like this if he hadn’t had that conversation with Thomas about relationships. 

 

Yeah, he probably would be. 

 

He was still brooding about things by lunchtime, and his bad mood must of been grating on Jace as well. 

 

“Okay, spill, I’m sick of you walking around looking like a thunder cloud.” He said as they sat at their favourite lunch spot and ate. 

 

Well, Jace was eating, Alec was pushing his salad around the plastic container with a fork. 

 

“I’m okay.” He said, but he didn't mean it and he certainly didn’t feel it. 

 

“Bullshit. What’s going on?” Jace said sternly. Alec should of known that he would of called him on it before much longer. He had barely said more than a half a dozen words to him since the bowling night. And he knew full well that he was going out of his way to avoid Thomas and his cheery demeanor. 

 

Alec was about to open his mouth to say something when the very person he’d been trying to dodge came up to them, beaming brightly as usual. 

 

Did this guy ever have a bad day? 

 

“Hey fellas, how’s it going?” 

  
  
  


The remaining time they had for lunch and the opportunity to talk was taken up in conversation with Thomas. Jace did most of the talking, Alec only giving single word replies every now and then. Thomas never faltered; if he noticed that Alec wasn’t quite himself, he didn’t show it. 

 

They were heading back to the office when Thomas told them of an event that weekend. 

 

“I just got given tickets to that music festival that starts tomorrow. What have you guys got on, how about we go?” 

 

Alec wanted to groan. The last thing he wanted to do was to be around a bunch of happy excited festival goers. He had been hoping to see Magnus again but he had no idea exactly when he was coming back.

 

Thanks to his lack of communication. That is.

 

“Yeah, sounds good, we’ll come, won’t we?” Jace said enthusiastically, emphasising the last two words and turning to look at Alec. 

 

Alec gave him a weak smile and a barely susceptible nod of his head. He’d tell Jace later that he wasn’t going. Wallowing in his own misery sounded much more appealing than being around happy people and pretending to have a good time. He didn’t think he’d have the strength for that. 

 

Luckily for Alec, the afternoon was busy so Jace didn’t have the time to spare to berate him about his lack of a suitable response to Thomas’ offer to go to the festival. The busy afternoon also prevented any further visits from Thomas as well, which was another good thing. 

 

Jace managed to hold his tongue until they got back home that night. Then he went full on boss mode. 

 

“Right, sit there, I’m cooking pasta for dinner and you, my friend, are going to have a beer or two and tell me what the hell is going on with you.” 

 

Alec rolled his eyes and thought about protesting but he knew Jace well enough to know that when he got like this, there was no stopping him until he confessed. 

 

Alec toed out of his shoes, opened another button or two on the neck of his shirt and then accepted the cold bottle that Jace pressed into his hand, before slumping down on to a kitchen chair, opposite the small kitchen. 

 

“Well? I’m waiting.” Jace said, glaring at him while he dug saucepans and ingredients out of cupboards. 

 

“It’s Magnus. I haven’t heard from him for a few days and he said he’d text me while he was away.” He sighed. 

 

“Okay, so did he make any guarantees that he would be keeping in touch?” 

 

“Yes...well, no, not exactly……” Alec searched his memory for the conversation they had had about it. To be fair, he’d been still on a high from the weekend they had spent together so his point of view was somewhat jaded. 

Jace fixed him with a stern look while he stirred the sauce on the stove. “ Then what was it, exactly? Did he say I promise I’ll call you?” 

 

Alec wanted to say yes he had, but even though his recollection was clouded, he knew that he hadn’t. He hadn’t known Magnus for very long, in fact he hardly knew him at all really, but he knew with absolute certainty that Magnus wouldn’t make a commitment like that. The thought sobered him even further.

 

“No. No, he said he’d text me but that was all.” 

 

“So you’re making yourself miserable over nothing. Brilliant.” 

 

Alec gave him a sour look. Even though he knew he was somewhat right, he wasn’t ready to give in yet. 

 

“I wouldn’t say over nothing. I did think that after the time we’d spent together that he would be a little more attentive.”  

 

“What is it between you two anyway? From what I’ve seen I wouldn’t of said you were dating.” 

 

“No, we aren’t. Not really.” 

 

“Then what’s the problem?” 

 

Alec found himself spilling everything to Jace, telling him all about their ‘deal’. He felt his chest losing the heavy feeling he’d been carrying all week. He hadn’t started off wanting to tell Jace the whole thing from the beginning, but he had to admit, it did feel good to be able to talk to someone about it. 

 

“Sounds like the perfect relationship to me. You have the hottest guy in the city, he owns the best night club in town, you get to hook up with him whenever you both want, no strings attached, no commitment issues, and from the way you drag your ass back each time you’ve been together, the sex must be pretty good. I don’t know why you’re so down about things.” Jace started plating their food.

 

He then stopped.

 

“How do you exactly feel about Magnus?” 

 

“I don’t know .. I really like him, More than I thought I would. He says so little and he doesn’t string me along that’s for sure, but there’s something about him that keeps pulling me back,” He stopped suddenly because his throat was cotton dry, and his pulse was racing, his insides flared with scorching heat he had no idea how to deal with all of this.

 

“I-I wanna get to know him better, and I miss him! Can’t stop thinking about him” he breathed heavily, swallowing like the air was knocked out of his lungs when he admitted it. 

 

“Fuck, I know it’s crazy, but not seeing him or knowing that he’s at least in the city has really gotten to me.” Alec groaned, taking his plate and and fork from Jace and it wasn’t until he’d taken his first mouthful that he saw the look on his face.

 

“What?” he frowned.

 

“I don’t believe this. You love him?” He asked, sounding exasperated and shaking his head, like falling in love with Magnus was some unimaginable thing.

 

Alec frown deepened.

 

“You’re in love with the boss man, aren’t you?” Jace insisted, his palm holding his fork in a tight grip.

 

Alec dropped his own fork with a clatter onto his plate, looking at Jace like he’d just said the most ridiculous thing in the world. 

 

He also ignored the lightbulb that had just winked on in his head.

 

He could feel his face heating at the revelation, so he dropped his head, picking up his fork to finish his meal, even though he wasn’t hungry anymore.

 

He kept his eyes on what remained of his meal before Jace decided it was the perfect time to break the silence.

 

“You can’t!!!” he half shouted, dropping his plate in the sink rather roughly, “You barely know him, it has been what two or three weeks?” 

 

Alec just shook his head vehemently, determined that he wasn’t going to give in to Jace and his accusations, no matter how close to the truth they were. 

 

“You’re not going to say anything?” Jace was giving him an incredulous look. 

 

Alec stood up from the table and pushed his chair back. He’d finally stealed himself enough to be able to look his friend in the eye. 

 

“I’m saying I’m beat and I’m going to bed. See you tomorrow.” 

 

Before Jace could come back at him with something scaithing, he headed for his room, thankful that he had a room to go to now and he wasn’t still sleeping on the sofa. Shutting himself in the bathroom would of been a tad dramatic and would of given Jace even more to reason to give him a hard time. 

 

He shut the door to his room, undressed, and turned off the light, getting into bed. He laid down staring at the ceiling wide awake, even though his mind and body felt weary from the day at work and the emotional strain he’d been carrying around for the last few days. 

 

He picked up his phone from where he’d put it on the bedside table and looked at the screen. 

 

No new messages. 

 

No surprises there. 

 

He looked at the generic screen saver and even that reminded him of Magnus by simply thinking of the fact that he didn’t even have a photo of him so he could at least look at his face in front of him instead of seeing him in his mind. 

 

He rolled his eyes and put the phone back on the table. What was he, some lovesick 16 year old? He needed to stop. He rolled over and tried to concentrate on getting some rest, but his mind was filled with Magnus and how he felt about him. Was Jace right? Was he in love with him?

 

It was another hour before he finally fell asleep taking over and his last conscious thought was of Magnus.

  
  


The next day got off to an early start. Alec had been sure that Jace would further their conversation from the night before but thankfully, he didn’t. They grabbed a quick cup of coffee before getting a cab to where the festival was being held, deciding that parking would probably be a nightmare. 

 

Thomas had messaged Jace and told him where they’d meet up as he still had the tickets. 

 

Alec didn’t really want to be there, but he also didn’t really want to be sitting at home seething about Magnus’ lack of communication. 

 

When they got to where the festival and saw the masses of people flowing through the gates, they were glad they had decided to come by cab. They found the gate that Thomas had told Jace he’d be at and saw him waiting for them. Thomas was his usual chirpy self. 

 

“Morning guys, lets take a look around before the bands start.” He suggested and Alec followed him and Jace as they joined the rest of the festival goers. 

 

By the time it was almost noon, Alec found that he was actually enjoying himself more than he thought he would. There was plenty of distractions and now the music had started, he had that to focus on. He almost missed the sound of his phone going off, and if it hadn’t been the small lull in the roar of the crowd, he probably would of. He dug it out of his pocket.

 

**Hi handsome, guess who’s back**

 

Alec shivered in spite of the warmth of the day. 

 

Magnus. 

 

A confusing mix of anger and relief washed through him.

 

**Have a good trip?**

 

He was sufficiently pissed off at him not to fall for his somewhat cute greeting. 

 

**It was busy. I want to see you though**

 

Yeah, right. In the middle of the day? 

 

**maybe tonight.**

 

There was a small lapse in time before he replied.

 

**No, now. I haven’t seen you in a week**

 

Alec couldn’t believe this guy. He hadn’t messaged him for days, and now he was back he expected him to come running? 

 

**Since when do you want to meet me in broad daylight? I’m out with friends**

 

**Since you’ve been on my mind for a week. Where are you?**

 

Alec really wanted to believe him but he was still angry with him. 

 

**Just out. See you tonight.**

 

He was royally pissed but that thudding in his heart kept confusing him, he wanted to see him, now that is, maybe yesterday even, because he missed the infuriating smug bastard so much that he didn’t care why he was upset anymore, so he typed another text and sent it quickly before he regretted it.

 

**Okay, if you want to see me, come to the arena where the music festival is being held. I’ll meet you out front.**

 

Alec shoved his phone back in his pocket, internally congratulating himself on being strong enough to withstand Magnus’ attempt to get him to do what he wanted. Now Magnus had to do what Alec wanted, he’ll let him have a taste of his own medicine.

 

But he knew he was hopeless and helpless when it came to Magnus.

 

There was a big enough break in time after that, that Alec was certain he had finally given up but then his ringtone sounded. 

 

He looked at the screen, just in case it was someone else, but Magnus’ name flashed across the screen. He moved a bit further away from the noise and he answered it.

 

“Hello?”

 

“I’m out the front in my car. Come now.”

 

Alec felt a prickle of arousal poll at his insides, his voice was goddamn sexy over the phone. And the fact that he did actually come to where he was, at fucking noon didn’t help the fuzziness that tool over him.

 

“Magnus, I ..” his skin was buzzing with excitement and that usual pull towards Magnus came back with full force.

 

“Come out to gate three and get in the car.”

 

“Wait, I’m with Jace and Thomas, I can’t just leave.”

 

”Are you kidding me right now?”

 

“No, I wanna see you Magnus, but the guys are-”

 

“You know what? fine.” 

 

The phone went dead and Alec was left stunned and staring at the blank screen. His heart was beating frantically in his chest, he started freaking out. He looked around at the crowd of people, including Jace and Thomas and sprinted back to them. 

 

“I have to go, Magnus is here.” He leaned right in to Jace’s ear and practically shouted it to him to be heard above the noise. Jace looked around them. 

 

“What? Where….”

 

“Out the front. I’ll see you later.” 

 

“Oh, okay.” Jace raised his eyebrows and gave him a grin as he went to go. He saw Thomas’s sour expression but ignored it as he started to make his way towards the exit. He needed to get to him before he would leave.

 

He made it out of the gate and looked around and saw the familiar large black car with its heavy tinted windows pulling up almost opposite to where he was standing. Alec took in a deep breath and walked towards it. He was only a few steps away when the door opened, waiting for him.

 

Alec slipped in the back seat and he nearly choked on his own breath, Magnus was casually lounging in the back seat gloriously sultry, in a mere second, Alec’ anger seeped away from him leaving pure want crawling under his skin, begging to unleash itself on Magnus.

 

“Take us somewhere private Raph.” Magnus smirked, and he turned his head towards him, Alec’s eyes landed on a black jeweled choker adorning his neck, teasingly tight on his adam’s apple, the choker was from some velvety fabric with rhinestones decorating its edges, and Alec swallowed thickly.

 

“Is that um .. “ Alec stuttered, he couldn’t for the life of him think what he’d do with himself now, he had been thinking about him since he went away, when did he ever stop anyway? 

 

And now he was here right next to him.

 

Looking like that.

 

Looking at him like that.

 

“A choker, yes .. Now kiss me.” he drawled, licking his lips taunting him.

 

He was about to surge in and take possession of those lovely pink petals but he remembered  the driver, and his cheeks flared up.

 

“The driver, where are we going?” his eyes locked on Magnus’ neck, the way the choker was razzing around his neck whenever he swallowed, when ever he took in a breath. It made his own breathing sag, how in the hell would anyone look as stunning as he did now?

 

“I’m going to take a walk, from the looks of things it’s going to be a long walk, call me when you’re done Magnus.” 

 

Wait, when did the car stop? 

 

And most importantly, was he staring this whole time?

 

“Yes you were, and I’m flattered, but now that we’re alone kiss me.” 

 

Fuck, Alec didn’t care about anything anymore now, he only needed his mouth on his. So he rushed forward heaving out a maddening breath capturing Magnus’ lips with his, swallowing down a filthy moan coming all the way from Magnus’ throat, he exhalled roughly through his nose against his cheek when he felt like he was suffocating. They were only kissing for two seconds, god, he was indeed taking his breath away.

 

Alec then opened his mouth, wide and messy, and pushed his tongue in magnus’ mouth battling for dominance.

 

He loved it, how carnal and primal this kiss was, how ragged there breaths got, and how much those slick wet noises were making them kiss even harder, with more abandon, mercilessly. Magnus’ hand was on his neck now, scratching the baby hairs of his hairline, before he clutched at the messy strands and tugged him forward.

 

Alec straddled him in a whim, sitting on his calves, his knees hitting the back seat and trapping Magnus’ hips between them, he dove right in and pushed his lips harder on Magnus’, gasping when Magnus’ hands untucked his shirt and his soft warm fingers skimmed their way up his spine.

 

“God I missed you.” he panted heavily, in between kisses, making his way down Magnus’ neck, biting the taut muscles there, he began unbuttoning Magnus’ shirt clumsy before his frustration got the best of him, he needed him naked now, there was no time for slowness now, he’d been dreaming about him more than he liked to admit and he wanted to taste that delicious skin now.

 

He took hold of his shirt and tore it in half, sending the buttons skating all over the car’s carpet, he shoved it back off his shoulders leaving Magnus’s naked torso exposed, he looked up at him then, and damn, his lips were kissed swollen, his eyes were blown wide with lust and hunger, breaths coming out in pants from his parted mouth, he was a fucking beautiful mess.

 

Alec flattened his hands on his pecs, feeling the firm muscle flex under his touch, before he glided down all the way to his abs, he held back a grown that was threatening to escape him and dipped his head down to suck in his left nipple.

 

“Fuck!”  Magnus breathed out, his voice strained and groggy. “Please get out of these clothes.” 

 

Alec made a quick work out of his jeans, boxers and shirt, as possibly as he could do it with the tight space they were in, the back seat of a car wasn’t that comfortable for this but he didn’t care, all he wanted was to be with him now and here.

 

He straddled his bare legs now, involuntarily grinding down his erection against Magnus’, he was aware of how hard they both were when the grinding went on, they were pushing onto one another rolling their hips messily trying to chase that high, bellies wet and glistening with their mixed precome, Alec’ knees and strong thighs trapping Magnus in between his body and the back seat. They were both too desperate, too frantic to even care or stop.

 

Alec pulled him into a kiss, as messy as their thrusts, gripping one hand tightly in his hair, the lust didn’t calm down, not even one bit, it only got hightned by their hopelessness, he yanked his hair back and lashed his teeth onto his neck where that choker tightened around it, he licked at the both of them, loving the feel of the fabric against his tongue, the contrast of the smoothness of Magnus’ skin and the slight roughness of the thin collar.

 

“Ride me, come on.” Magnus whimpered, digging his nails into Alec’s thighs.

 

“Fuck.” Magnus continued, hurriedly put on a condom and threw the empty packet away thrusting a bottle of lube in Alec’ hand and presenting two of his fingers along with it.

 

Alec lubed up those long fingers and sat up slightly leaning his weight on his knees now, his calves flat on the car seat and his hands gripping the headrest behind Magnus. Then he felt it, a wet finger pressed in gently against his rim making him gasp, he dropped his forehead on the headrest and pushed shamelessly down onto Magnus’ finger, rolling his hips and puffing out his hole.

 

“Another, go on stretch it open.” he whimpered when Magnus kept pumping a sole finger into him repeatedly, he needed more.

 

“I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” Magnus whispered against his throat and slowly made his way down to his chest, trapping his nipple between his teeth and sucking lusciously, “Relax baby.” 

 

Alec’ heart sped up, not because of the three fingers that were now stretching him open, but because of the way Magnus was whispering against his skin, calling him  _ baby _ , not wanting to hurt him or for him to hurt himself, that flare of love that was blooming in the pit of his chest rekindled now, he felt so safe between his arms, he never felt safer even in a position like this, open and vulnerable.

 

He remembered taking a shower with him, when they were both too tired to talk and too sore to move. That serenity that enveloped him, that warm feeling that he had foolishly mistaken it with a their post activities’ bliss.

 

He recalled waking up next to him and watching him sleep, with nothing more than fondness and adoration, he focused solely on his face, those freckles, those pink well framed lips, how puffy his cupid’s bow got from their frantic kissing, the way his special and unique eyes fascinated him even when they were closed and sleepy.

 

Alec recollected how he felt then, sitting across from him in the balcony, trying and miserably failing to know more about him, but to his dismay he never felt angry at him for not sharing, deep down Alec knew he was a lonely man, a sweet caring innocent lonely man hiding behind a tough facade, he knew something had gone terribly wrong with him that had him living in an loft all by himself, with a phone that barely rang, no family pictures whatsoever. 

 

Alec craved physical intimacy, even romantically emotional one, but for Magnus it was different, he felt like the man was deprived from any kind of intimacy, from the way he’d reach subconsciously for Alec when they were fast asleep, tugging him to himself wanting to feel at least one part of his body in contact with his, the way he’d let out broken sobs whenever Alec caressed his body while having sex.

 

It would sound ludacris that Alec had picked up on these details only from a month of knowing Magnus, but Alec somehow fell for that man, that beautiful weak man, with all his flaws and limitations, he fell hard and fast.

 

“Alexander.” Magnus whimpered, withdrawing his fingers from Alec’s now empty entrance making him keen and tug his head up. He looked at Magnus’ cloudy eyes, they were brimmed with tears and his cheeks were flushed a beautiful shade of pink that contrasted wonderfully against his tanned skin.

 

_ God I love you.  _ He thought _. _

 

He loved him, it felt overwhelming before, but now it just felt right.

 

He captured his lips in a searing kiss, - _ he loved him _ \- choking on the emotions that flooded his whole entire body from his admission. He felt the need to be connected to him again, to feel him inside of him, to feel completed by him.

 

He kissed him like a crazy starved man once more before he gripped his lubed cock with his hand and positioned himself on top of it, his other hand clutched at the assistant’ grip on the side of the car.

 

He kept mouthing at Magnus’ jaw, heaving out cold breaths while his hand was teasing Magnus’ cock against his rim, back and forth, the feel of his head clinging to the edges of his entrance was tantalizing. The mixture of love and lust and deprivation was engulfing him in a state of hunger that made his heart stop.

 

So he sank down onto him slowly, taking the head of his cock in before he let go of his member and gripped his ass spreading himself more, taking him in. he didn’t stop until Magnus’ was fully embedded inside of him, the intensity of how full he was feeling hit him hard, he lost his hold on both his hands, from his ass and the assistant’ grip then dropped them on his sides sitting with Magnus fully impaled in him.

 

“Wow, I have never felt this good before!” Magnus moaned loudly, clasping his hands on Alec’ hips, his mouth groaning curses, lips licking at his throat demanding and biting. 

 

A surge ran through Alec at that, he wanted to make him forget anything that felt good, or bad, and everything in between.

 

Anything that wasn’t him.

 

He kissed him, engrossing him in a heavenly torment of lips and tongue, until he pulled back millimetres away, breathing into his mouth, puffing out his lips dragging them slowly against Magnus’.

 

“I want you to forget everything else except us .. right now,” Alec’ lips brushing his wetly with every word he said, his tongue licking the inside of his bottom lip and the outline of his cupid’s bow, moaning more words directly onto his mouth before he started moving, “I wanna be good for you.” 

 

He pulled up on his knees slowly, enjoying the drag of Magnus’ thick heavy cock against his walls, the fullness he was experiencing, clutching at both the assistant grip and the headrest for support before thrusting down with a shout. 

 

“You’re so deep inside me right now, fuck.” he wailed, his eyes watered from the unbelievable stretch he felt when he sank back down again, his thighs were now shaking.

 

“You can stop baby, it’s okay.” Magnus reassured him tersely, his voice strained showing how much he didn’t want him to stop, his hands started soothing up and down his thighs. 

 

“No,” he almost whined, “I want you deeper, harder, wanna be good for you.” he twirled his hips around drinking in the fullness edging at his insides, driving him nuts.

 

“You are, you’re so good baby,” Magnus breathed against his mouth, sinking his teeth into his upper lip and drawing it out in a teasing clutch, “The fucking best.”

 

Alec glided up on his cock, slowly, breathing heavily into his mouth, dropping his forehead onto Magnus’ and jamming down again and again, in a steady rough pace. All they could hear was the slaps of their skin together, the heavy pants and desperate moans spilling out of their mouths.

 

“Yes just like that, fuck yourself on my cock.” 

 

Their bodies slotted perfectly, Alec’ thrusts were hard, sure and powerful, trapping Magnus underneath him, fucking him ruthlessly.

 

Everything felt better like this. Until he spoke.

 

“Come just on my cock Alec.” Magnus moaned, letting go of his hips to spread his cheeks wider tracing a teasing finger along his full rim.

 

Then everything felt out of this world amazing.

 

Alec whined at Magnus’ words and the impossible stretch he was feeling now and he sank down moaning louder when he struck that bundle of nerves inside of him, it felt like he was going to explode with want. It felt so fucking good when he nudged his prostate like that and there was no stopping him, he picked up his pace briskly, fucking himself on Magnus’ cock madly, pursuing that spark, and god it made him see stars.

 

“God!!!” he screamed when he felt his balls tightening, he never thought that he’d be so close like this without even touching his dick, it felt incredible.

 

“Yesss come on Alec faster.” Magnus was shivering like crazy, digging his nails in Alec’ ass and mouthing at his throat with no remoress.

 

They were both close as Alec got from the tight grip Magnus had on him and the pleading moans he was emitting, so he picked up his rhythm impossibly faster, thrusting up squeezing the member inside with his wall brutally before sinking down onto magnus’ thighs hitting his prostate dead on. 

  
  


An inhumane sound ripped its way from Alec’ throat when he felt his cock jerk, coming hard with white spurs of pure pleasure untouched, grinding down onto Magnus to ride away his high, unaware of Magnus’ teeth sinking into his shoulder to smother his scream before he came as well filling the condom while Alec was still pumping him.

 

Alec sagged heavily on top of Magnus, squashing him onto the seat, he was so lost in his haze he didn’t know if Magnus finished or not, so he pulled back to look at him.

 

“Did you come?” 

 

Magnus full on laughed, eyes squinting adorably and his smile lines ever so evident,  _ I love you,  _ he thought selfishly, he couldn’t say it out loud but he could damn well say it whenever he wanted inside his head.

 

_ I love you I love you I love you _

 

It kept replaying in his blissed out head.

 

“If it weren’t for this condom you would have felt it, I did baby.” 

 

There was it again, that word, it sounded so good coming from him,he felt good hearing it, addressed to him, it made his insides sear.

 

He kissed him softly, a sweet kiss, a slight drag of tingling lips that made him sigh with content. 

 

_ I love you, please be mine. _

 

Alec was still slumped against him when he felt Magnus pick up his phone and text someone.

 

“It’s Raphael, we need to head back.” He said softly, turning his head and softly kissing the side of his neck. Alec sighed a little. Their beautiful time together was drawing to a close and he hated it.

 

“I don’t wanna move. I’ve missed you all week and this feels too good.” Alec purred right in his ear and he felt Magnus shiver beneath him, his cock still embedded deeply inside him. Moving deliciously. He moaned and took his mouth once more. 

 

“We need to get dressed, Raph will be here any second baby.” 

 

Bursts of glorious warmth flooded through him and he felt happier in that moment than he had all week. He gave him another long kiss before he eased off of him, nearly groaning from the feeling of the loss of the fullness inside him.

 

Alec felt cramps take over the lower half of his body, he watched Magnus discard of the condom, and tug at his clothes aimlessly, he laughed, because they were both boneless, gloriously naked in a car, without a driver, in the middle of who knew where.

 

“Now you’re laughing, I can’t even move my body.” 

 

Alec threw his head back, laughing, never did he ever think that he was going to see Magnus like this, so helpless that he can’t even wear his own clothes.

 

Not that he could wear his own either. 

 

He was too worn out.

 

He wiped away a fleeting tear and looked back at Magnus to find him staring at him, his eyes fixed on him with awe and reverence, he gazed back at him, the air in the car charged with an unknown energy. Magnus’ gaze was different, it was unforthcoming and silent.

 

It was unreiving.

 

Alec opened his mouth to say something, but the spell broke then and there, Magnus’ eyes darted to his mouth as if he caught himself slipping away he cleared his throat and reached out to his clothes and started dressing quietly.

 

Eventually, so did Alec.

 

Raphael came back just as they finished dressing and they headed back towards the festival. 

 

Alec wasn’t ready to lose Magnus just yet and he thought of something to keep him with him. 

 

“Why don’t you join me and the others for the afternoon? We could get lunch together somewhere.” He asked Magnus hopefully. 

 

“No, I can’t, Alec.” 

 

Alec felt his happy mood slip a little. “Can’t, or won’t?”

 

“It just isn’t possible. I have to get back home. I came straight here from the airport.” 

 

Alec started to feel frustrated. “But couldn’t we just have lunch together? It’s been a week since I saw you last.” 

 

He could see something in Magnus’ expression that resembled conflict. Whatever was bothering him, he was struggling with it. 

 

“Alec, I can’t do it because I have an eye condition that prevents me from going out in the sun.” 

 

Alec sat up a little straighter against the back seat. He hadn’t been expecting that. The last thing he would have thought about was Magnus suffering from a medical condition regarding his eyes. Why wouldn’t he tell him though?

 

“Oh, okay, but can’t you wear sunglasses?” 

 

“I’m yet to find a pair that are suitable, I’m afraid. I find it easier to just stay out of the light as much as possible.”

 

“Is it painful when you go out in the sunlight? Do they hurt?”

 

“No, not exactly. I just don’t like it. They become, uncomfortable.” 

 

Alec felt his temper rising again. If he wasn’t in pain, then why couldn’t he just go out long enough to go inside somewhere to eat? How had he managed while he was away? Surely all his business hadn’t been conducted during the evenings.

 

Alec voiced what he’d been thinking out loud to him. 

 

“It’s true, not all my work could be done after sundown, I do have special contact lenses for such occasions but my eyes are extremely sensitive and i can’t wear them for long. They are with the rest of my luggage which got forwarded straight to the loft.”  Magnus explained. 

 

His words didn’t help Alec’s mood. If anything, it made things worse. He thought about the other times that he’d asked him out for coffee or lunch and had just gotten a flatout refusal with no further explanation. At least now he had that but now knowing that he also had the means to be able to go with him and do those things during the day but didn’t do it anyway, made him feel like he hadn’t been important enough to put on his contacts, even for just an hour or so. 

 

Alec stayed quiet for the rest of the trip but then his phone rang. 

“Hey, I don’t know what you guys are doing, and frankly I don’t want to know, but i just wanted to tell you if you were heading back to the festival, we aren’t there anymore. Thomas tapped out early and I met up with Kristy so we are heading to her place. So don’t count on me coming back home any time soon.” Jace said, talking quickly. 

 

“Yeah, sure. See you later then,” Alec pushed the end call button. “Hey, could you drop me at my place? Change of plans.”

 

“Of course, no problem. Just tell me you’re address.” 

 

Alec told Raphael where to go and they headed in the right direction. Neither of them spoke until they pulled up out the front of the apartment block. Alec sighed.

 

Everything seemed ten times harder now his feelings for Magnus had grown beyond just liking him for the sex. Things had started off fairly balanced on the emotional scales but somewhere, somehow, things changed for him, and now the scales were tipped very low on his side with everything he was feeling right now, and that included not wanting to be rejected again. But he knew he had to ask, had to try to balance things out again. 

 

“ So, I’m going to have the place to myself from now on, why don’t you come up and join me?.” He unconsciously held his breath, waiting for his answer.

 

“I’d really like that, Alexander, but I’m afraid I can’t.” 

 

That spark of hope that had momentarily flared in Alec died. His mood, that only a few seconds ago had been soaring, had now dropped like a stone.

“Why not? I thought we could continue this upstairs.” 

 

“I really want to, but I have to get home. My eyes are starting to bother me and my contacts are in my luggage - and I don’t want you to see m-?” Magnus stuttered and looked flustered, turning his head away from Alec. 

 

Seeing him almost scared and frightened like this was very new for Alec, and god it broke his heart.

 

What is it about when strong mysterious men show a hint of weakness that makes you painfully cave?

 

He wasn’t sure how to take it. He did the first thing that came to his mind.

 

Alec reached over and pulled him close, kissing him long and hard. He could feel his heart melting for him even further. God, what was he doing to himself? If there was ever a time to play the eternal optimist, it was now.

 

It was the only way to keep moving forward, hoping that Magnus might match his direction if not his pace. 

“I’ll talk to you soon, Magnus.” Alec said, his lips lingering on his, agonisingly wet and warm. 

 

When Alec did get out of the car, he watched him drive away. His heart ached because he really wanted to spend the rest of the day with him. He was upset about the thought of being too intense and clingy with Magnus but even It didn’t stop him from wanting him any less.

 

But the thing with his eyes bothered him.

 

His curiosity made him determined to try to understand more. 

 

He thought back to the night they were in the alley behind the club, the night they had decided on the terms of their deal with each other. It had been then that he now remembered seeing that hint of strange colour in Magnus’ eyes. At the time, he had put it down to a trick of the light, the flash of the neon sign that was near them on the wall, but now he wasn’t so sure. 

 

Maybe it wasn’t a case of his eyes causing him pain as Magnus said, but the way the light affected their colour that was the issue. Alec sighed as he headed inside his building and up to the apartment. 

 

He wanted to understand, he wanted Magnus to explain what was wrong with his eyes, and he just wished he would get an opportunity to tell Magnus that it didn’t matter to him, nothing did when he was fucking concerned, he didn't care what colour his eyes were, it wouldn’t make him look at him any different.

 

That he would love him anyway. 


	13. Make Me Forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, just wanted to say how glad we are that our fic has been read by so many of you and that you all love it very much. We certainly get a lot of fun writing it. It's been such a great response, thank you all so much.   
> A lot of you wanted Alec to step up his game where Magnus was concerned and didn't want him to be completely overshadowed by his strong personality. Well guess what? neither did we.   
> This is the last of the more 'lighter' side to the story as things get pretty intense from now on in. Hope you all like the new chapters as they go up and we look forward to reading your comments.

For Alec, the next few days after the festival were spent doing some serious thinking. He knew they were seeing each other for the mutual pleasure only, but his feelings for Magnus were beginning to take on the characteristics of a runaway train. 

 

He was terrified of losing control.

 

Every encounter he had with the man only served to make them grow more intimate and after they had been seeing each other for about three months, he gave up trying to fight it.

 

He made peace with the fact that Magnus was it for him, -God, it seemed so ridiculous to admit that but it was the truest thing he had ever believed- and he was most certainly not to Magnus.

 

He still kept it to himself, however, because even though Magnus Bane was still quite an riddle to him, he knew without doubt that if he confessed that he was in love with him, he’d probably never see him again. 

 

Something about Magnus had him wary of that.

 

Upon reflection, after they reached the six month mark of their  _ relationship _ , for want of a better word, Alec now realised how mental he had been, thinking that he could be with this gorgeous, stunning unapproachable man and not feel anything stronger than mutual attraction and lust for him. 

 

Nothing about him was unlovable, Alec got to witness the sweet and sympathetic side of him when one day after his body felt numb and he wanted to stretch his legs, so he strode over to the big balcony just to find a couple of stray kittens lapping away at two small dishes of milk and water, and that just warmed his heart.

 

He doubted that there were too many people in the world that had gotten close as he was to Magnus now, and quite frankly he hated that.

 

The word ‘close’ had a totally different meaning when it was used in conjunction with Magnus, however. In their situation, close meant having unlimited access to The 2nd Circle, being able to just stroll passed the mountain door men any night of the week without being questioned. It meant he didn’t pay for drinks when he was there, either. 

 

Not that he drank a lot anyway.

 

Alec used to feel guilty about it when he began spending more time at the club but when he looked around at the full house each and every weekend, he figured that a few bottles of beer probably wouldn’t make too big an impact on Magnus’ bottom line each week. Besides, it was kind of cool knowing that sleeping with the boss gave him VIP status. 

 

Close also meant that he got to spend a lot of time with Magnus at his loft as well, and he knew he would be guaranteed a good time. He had thought previously that just maybe, if they actually reached the six month milestone, that things might get a little stale between them, and that the sex would be good still, just not of the mind blowing, earth shattering variety anymore. 

 

Yeah, he’d gotten that wrong.

 

Over the months, they were insatiably inseparable, they fucked whenever they wanted, however they wanted, sex with Magnus became Alec’ drug of choice and he was happy to be addicted, he saw him nearly everyday, and Alec’s world expanded beyond his belief, he understood the difference between what a human being desired and what he actually needed. 

 

He had always been a romantic at heart, flowers and dates and slow under the candle light love making kind of a guy, but until Magnus, being shoved and fucked against the wall of a back alley in a club would have sounded crazy, absurd even.

 

But now, he loved it all, the quick desperate blow jobs in the private booths, the long drawn out sessions of stretching Magnus and slowly fucking him under the steaming hot shower, the ones that Alec gladly offered everytime Magnus seemed stressed.

 

The ones that Magnus loved and seemed to glow after them. Alec loved them too.

 

For Alec, every one of their encounters was different, the constant thing was the fluttering of Alec’s heart whenever he saw Magnus’ blissed out grin, and the blinding smile Magnus always gave him just before he fell asleep, even if it was a desperate quick fuck just to get off and relief stress after an exhausting day at the office, or if it was an aching need and thirst to touch him and be with him, to feel him and eagerly pretend that they  _ were  _ together in his selfish mind, close his eyes with his arms wrapped around  _ his _ Magnus protectively and never letting go.

  
  
  


Their time together wasn’t all about sex, they did spend quiet times just sitting talking over a glass of wine and a platter of cheese or even a meal. Alec tried to get more information out of him about his life and his family, but Magnus was the master of dodging questions and avoiding answers. 

 

Alec even went so far in telling him once that if he ever wanted to get out of the nightclub business, he would of made a great politician. Magnus had only laughed and nodded his head.

 

Most of their conversations were about Alec’s family and what it had been like to grow up in a small town where everyone knew everyone else and being gay was ten times as difficult. It was while they were having this discussion that Magnus revealed something about himself that Alec hadn’t been expecting. 

 

“I don’t know what it would of been like in a small town, but I can tell you, it isn’t any easier in a large city either.” Magnus had said to him. They were sitting on the balcony, sharing a bottle of wine.

 

Magnus had been sitting across from him at the small table and chairs, his satin robe loosely tied around his waist, a wide gap displaying his toned chest. Even though they had spent the previous few hours wearing each other out and Alec thought it wasn’t possible for him to be feel remotely aroused again so soon, he had to fight to keep his mind from wandering, once his eyes had locked onto that tantalising sight before him.

 

In spite of that, he had seen the serious look that had settled on Magnus’ face and he had sensed that he really needed to keep his thoughts focused.

 

“But I would of thought that being gay in a big city would be easier, more places to blend in.” 

 

“What made you think I was gay, Alexander?” 

 

Alec’s skin went to goosebumps when Magnus said his name, like that.

 

“I know you aren’t I just thought…..” He’d started but Magnus cut him off.

 

“You thought because i’m with you, I only prefered men. It’s the person I connect with, Alec, not the sex and something about you intrigued me.” He regarded Alec over the rim of his wine glass, looking at him like he could be daring him to comment on what he’d just revealed about himself. 

 

Alec was determined not to rise to the bait, however. 

 

“Yeah, I’m glad I do.” Was all he opted to reply and Magnus, as he was now used to, said no more on the subject, his economy of words coming into play yet again. But to Alec, it spoke volumes.

 

As they sat there on the night shrouded balcony, both lost in their own thoughts, Alec came to realise that thinking about it, it didn’t bother him at all that Magnus was bisexual, thing that piqued his interest more was what he’d said about being intrigued about him. He really liked the sound of that. It gave him a little more fuel to the fire that already lite up his heart.

 

That night and Magnus’ admission about his sexuality had been a rare occurrence, and after that, Magnus went back to his usual tight lipped manner when they got together. Most of the time, Alec dealt with it, but sometimes it got the better of him and he needed to vent.

 

He didn’t want to talk to Jace about it, as good a friend as he was, he doubted he’d have the understanding involved in giving him the right advice so one night when Magnus was tied up with the club, he went to see Izzy on one of her rare nights off. 

 

They sat in her tiny studio apartment on her beat up old leather sofa and shared a pizza and a few beers together. It was nice, and Alec realised how much he actually missed his sister’s company. They both led very different lives, and since Alec’s move to the city, things had  been a little nuts. Especially since he’d gotten with Magnus. His life had seemed to revolve around work and him. 

 

He opened up to her about his rebellious feelings and what their relationship had been like up until then, leaving out the finer details of their wild busy nights. There were some things that a sister really didn’t need to know about her brother and what he and his boyfriend, if he could even call him that, did in bed was one of them. 

 

“He doesn’t deserve you, you know.” Izzy said, when he’d stopped talking. 

 

“You have to say that, you’re my sister.”  Alec replied, taking another slice out of the box.

 

“Oh believe me, if I thought otherwise, I’d tell you, because I’m your sister. There must be a reason he’s so closed off about his personal life. Something not good, maybe, that he thinks you might not understand if he told you.”  

 

Alec considered the possibility. “Yeah, maybe. It makes the most sense, I guess. But we all have things we don’t like about ourselves, and apart from his telling me he’s a retired serial killer or something, I can’t think of anything that would make me want to walk away.” 

 

Izzy gave a small short of laughter and shook her head. 

 

“I think that from the way you look when you talk about him, even then you’d still want to be with him.” 

 

“Yeah, you’re probably right. How do you think I should handle it though?” 

 

Izzy looked thoughtful for a few minutes, her big brown eyes raised to the ceiling. 

 

“I’m afraid I’m not gonna be much help with this, big bro. Guys that want to tell me their life stories aren’t my usual demographic, I get enough of the sobs stories from working behind a bar and the ones I date usually only have a shelf life of a couple of weeks before I either get bored of them or the other way around. The way I see it, you have two choices, live with it or confront him about it and then learn to live with what comes next.” 

 

Alec knew he and Izzy were both totally different people when it came to relationships, but he knew he’d give her advice some thought. The sensible thing to do was probably to risk it all and confess his feelings and let the cards fall where they may, but Alec was so sure that it would be the end of them and even though it wasn’t the ideal situation, he was attached to him enough that he wasn’t ready to risk that happening. 

 

So he guessed that he just had to learn to live with the way things were. 

 

He did make the decision, however, that he needed to come up for air every now and then and be with Jace and now Thomas as well. They went to movies, concerts and other places together as much as they could around Alec’s nights with Magnus and Jace’s over active love life. 

 

The advantage to being with someone who wasn’t a day person, was that it freed up your time quite a bit so most of their get togethers were between sunup and sundown, which usually worked out well for all concerned. 

 

Within that first six months of them being together, Magnus had another business trip and Alec would of been lying if he’d of said that it pained him to think of them being apart for a whole week again. He wished that he could go with him but Magnus wasn’t the bring your boyfriend to work kind of guy. 

 

Not that he was his boyfriend or anything.

 

Alec decided he needed a distraction, and as luck or fate would have it, his parents’ wedding anniversary dinner came up at the same time. Normally, he would of dreaded the thought of spending time back in his small hometown with his straight laced parents but Izzy was going back as well so they collaborated and went back together, agreeing that three days was about the limit.

 

They travelled back together in Alec’s car, laughing and talking together the whole time. But the light mood ended as soon as they drove up the familiar tree lined street and pulled into the driveway of the meticulously manicured from garden of their childhood home. 

 

The second they walked back through the door, for Alec at least, he was a kid again and nothing had changed. Their old bedrooms hadn’t changed since they had spent their last night together under the same roof. It was like stepping back in time. 

 

Dinner hadn’t changed. Maryse and Robert still acted like they  were hosting a state dinner, the whole process a stiff formal feeling affair. They caught up with what they had been doing, sans any mention of one Magnus Bane, and Alec tried to ignore the looks he was getting from Izzy, who was silently smirking at him. 

 

The next day was spent setting up for the small gathering of people that had been invited to help celebrate Maryse and Robert’s 30th wedding anniversary. As Alec helped to set up the folding tables and and chairs out in the yard, he’d tried to envisage what it would be like if he and Magnus reached the same milestone. 

 

He’d never really thought about what a long term, committed relationship would be like, for the simple reason that he’d never thought he’d ever get to experience one. His and Magnus’ union would hardly be class them as being a couple, but that long buried romantic in him was still there enough to imagine the two of them smiling, happy, surrounded by close friends and relatives, on his side, maybe, celebrating at the club with food and drinks, laughing at amusing moments from their time together. Maybe there would even be a child or two in their lives. 

 

Alec gave a shiver, he’d never pictured himself as one half of a couple, let alone a father. He really was letting his imagination run away with him. And what would the sex be like then after all that time? Knowing Magnus, it would still be spectacular. 

 

“Are you alright, son?” 

 

His father’s voice snapped him out of his daydreams and he looked over to where he was setting up chairs. 

 

“Yeah, fine.” He said, giving him what he hoped had been a reassuring smile. 

 

“You just looked a million miles away, that’s all. Everything going alright with your job and with Jace?” 

 

“Yeah, yeah, everything’s great.”  He told him. He hated keeping secrets from his parents, especially his father, whom he’d always been a little closer to, but still distant enough that he had never told him about his sexual orientation. He doubted he’d understand. 

 

“Pleased to hear it. I’d hate to think you had let that big bad city corrupt you in any way.”  Robert said, and Alec knew that he had meant it as a joke but there was still that under current of truth in it. 

 

Thinking back on that conversation with his father, Alec realised now that it seemed to of been the starting point for the theme of that night, which turned out to be him. Shortly after the first of the guests started to arrive, he began to notice a trend. Most of his parents’ friends, which were made up of church and school faculty members, seemed to have unattached daughters. 

 

They weren’t all there, somewhere off pursuing careers in other towns and cities, others where travelling and a couple were even in relationships that their parents deemed inappropriate or not right for them. Izzy had picked up on it to begin with.

 

“Is it just me, or has this turned out to be this hick towns version of a speed dating night?” She had said to Alec, leaning in as she picked at a cheese platter that was on the table beside them. 

 

“Are you serious?” Alec said, taking a sip of wine and looking around. 

 

“Come on bro, don’t tell me you haven’t noticed the inordinate number of debutants that have been invited to this thing. Mom has made a point f introducing you to each and everyone.” 

 

“She has not. She’s been introducing me to their friends.” 

 

“Alec, how many people do you meet and then get the complete bio of the daughter?” Alec was about to disagree but she went on. “Oh Alec, have you met our Lucy? Didn’t you two go to school together? She’s a full time nurse at the hospital now, and even has her own little place right here in town.” Izzy used an exaggerated whiney voice that had made Alec splutter in his wine glass. 

 

“Oh Alec, you might know our daughter Sarah? She’s in the city as well, working as a legal secretary in one of the big firms. I have a picture here, see? I’m afraid she inherited my red hair, poor girl, but she missed out on the temper that goes with it.”  Izzy recited in yet another performance. 

 

He’d started to laugh at his sister’s comedy routine but as his brain began to think about what she had said in more detail, the laughter died in his throat. Suddenly, it wasn’t so funny anymore. 

 

He downed the rest of his glass of wine and went to pour himself another. 

 

Jesus Christ, Izzy was right, somehow his parents, and he was guessing his mother mostly, had turned the night into some kind of bride finding campaign. 

 

Things had only gotten worse from then. It seemed that each and every conversation he had with anyone involved some remark about his single status, and it was beginning to make him feel extremely uncomfortable.  After his mother even managed to somehow work it into her thank you speech later that night, Alec had had enough.

 

He’d waited until he saw his mother on her own and away from the rest of their guests before he confronted her about it. At first, she had denied it, but after Alec flat out refused to believe that she’d had no clue as to what he was talking about, she came clean and told him that yes, she’d purposefully asked them to the party. 

 

Alec had felt his temper rising, and he’d had just enough to drink to give him the courage needed to challenge her about it. Izzy must of spotted them because Alec was vaguely aware of her presence in his peripheral vision. He was silently thankful and it gave him the extra strength he needed. 

 

He told her to leave it alone, that he could handle his own dating issues but as always, Maryse wouldn’t be outdone and kept on at him about it. Izzy had come over to them and had put a steadying hand on her brother’s arm, but things had gone too far for it to have much of an impact. 

 

It hadn’t taken long for Alec to reach boiling point and he’d glared at his mother and told her that she was wasting her time, and that there wasn’t any woman here or anywhere else that he’d want to spent the rest of his life with and she should just forget the whole thing.

 

Maryse gave him a exasperated look and unfolded her arms and put her hands on his. “Why in the world not? Give me one good reason.” 

 

With that one sentence, Maryse Lightwood had managed to find the key to the closet that Alec had been hiding from his parents in for most of his life and he burst out of it in spectacular fashion.

 

“You want a reason, Mom? I’ll give you one, because I’m gay. I’m gay, and I’ve been seeing another man for the last three months.” 

 

The words were out before Alec could stop them. Maryse Lightwood started wide eyed at her son as if she’d just been given an electric shock. Her hands suddenly sprang from where she had been holding him. Alec had achieved what others before him had ever failed to do, render Maryse speechless. 

 

Everything had gone deadly silent around them and it wasn’t until then that Alec realised that he hadn’t just come out to his mother, but to the rest of the party as well. His father materialised next to his stunned wife, putting a supportive arm around her shoulders as she stared at him shaking her head. 

 

“Mom, I’m……” He started to say, this hadn’t been the way he’d ever wanted to do this, but what was done was done. His father gave him a look that threatened to bring him undone.

 

“This is neither the time or the place for this conversation, Alec, we’ll talk about this later.” He said, pulling his mother away, who by now had tears rolling down her cheeks and looked a little pale. 

 

“She’ll get over it, bro, they both will.” Izzy had told him, but even though Alec had blindly nodded his head, he highly doubted it. 

 

The low murmur of voices started back up and Izzy pressed a glass into his hand. 

 

“Here, I think you need this more than I do.” She said, and Alec have a shuddering sigh before turning his back to the rest of the party. 

 

Alec downed the remains of the drink and gave the glass back to Izzy. “I think i should be where people aren’t.” he said, quietly and he threaded his way through to the house, keenly aware of each and every eye in the place on him. 

 

He went up to his old room and fell onto the bed, and sat for a long while with his head in his hands. There was only one voice that he wanted to hear right now, he took out his phone trembling and pressed on Magnus’ number but the call just rang out, the metallic sounding dial tone echoing harsly in his ear. The unanswered call timed out and he didn’t bother to try again.

 

That just made things ten times worse. Alec fell back on the bed and curled up with his back to the door, tears now sliding down his face. 

  
  
  


The next morning he trudged down the stairs and into the kitchen to see his parents and Izzy sitting around the kitchen table sipping coffee and deadly silent. He poured his own cup and sat down next to Izzy.

 

What followed didn’t improve the mood any and ended with him going back to his room, dressing quickly, and packing his bag. He had been halfway to the door when he remembered that Izzy had come with him. She had hurried organized herself and gone with him, insisting on doing the driving. 

 

It had been a quiet ride home. Izzy hadn’t wanted to bring the subject back up, sensing that Alec had reached his limit by then. Alec had calmed down enough to drop Izzy at her place before heading home. 

 

Jace, of course, hadn’t been there, and he was sort of glad that he wasn’t. There was only one person he wanted right now, regardless of him being miles away. Fuck that it was still daylight or that Magnus wasn’t really the shoulder to cry on type but right now he didn’t care. 

 

He’d called him straight away and just hearing that deep rich voice calmed him down. He sounded sleepy but he didn’t grumble about the fact that Alec had in all likelihood, woken him up. Magnus told him that he was coming home later that day and he’d call when he got back to his loft. 

 

Alec had been in just enough of a mood for the words “I love you” to come slipping off his tongue as he said goodbye, as crazy as it may sound it would comfort  _ him,  _ just saying it out loud, but he managed to hold them back. He didn’t need anymore shit to deal with right now. 

 

He’d cased around their small apartment trying to keep busy until he got the call from Magnus and when he did, he grabbed his keys, almost running over Jace, who had been coming in the door at the same time, and with a hurried, “later” over his shoulder, he drove to Magnus’ loft. 

 

He hadn’t realised how much he had missed the guy until he had knocked on the door and saw him standing there in a black shirt and pants, the buttons opened to the waist. He hadn’t even said hello when he just shoved him back inside the loft, pining him hard against the wall. 

 

Magnus gave a muffled grunt as his back slammed into the hard surface, his mouth pressed into Alec’s hard, hands covering as much of him as he could. He needed to forget that he was hurting, that him being the way he was was something his own parents couldn’t accept about him. Within seconds, they had been breathless and hard, and fighting the buttons and zippers of their clothes. Magnus had grabbed him roughly by the shoulders and stripped him of his shirt, before pushing him face first into the wall that he’d previously been on.

 

“Yessssss.” Alec breathed, tears stinging his eyes, whether they were from pleasure or hurt, he didn’t want to know,  the words came out trembling as much as his legs were. His heart though reminding him by beating painfully inside his chest, that his parents knew, they knew, it was all coming down onto him, suffocating him, he wanted to feel something else but this.

 

Magnus pressed his hardness against him and Alec pushed back, desperation taking over him.

 

Magnus nipped and  mouthed his way up his neck until he reached his ear, filling it with his warm breath. “Wait lube” 

 

Alec shook his head though and when he felt Magnus about to pull away, his hand shot out and grabbed his arm.

 

“No, no lube, just fuck me.” 

 

He could sense Magnus’ muscles tense but Alec’s need to lose himself in the moment was too strong and he just wanted to feel the burning somewhere else. 

 

“A-Alec … Wait I- “ 

 

“FUCK! JUST DO IT!” he shouted, voice steady and demanding.

 

He felt wetness and gentle stretching for a hazy moment regardless of his outburst, it made his tears fall down his flushed cheeks, then Magnus positioned his hardness right at his entrance, just like wanted, easing into him, and Alec gritted his teeth and his hands fisted on the wall beside his head. 

 

He was pressed hard into the wall with each thrust he received a new sensation of pleasurable pain, it was giving him relief from his own thoughts on his disastrous weekend, effectually clearing everything from his head except the raw urgent need to come. 

  
  


He was struggling to breath now,the pain from the horror weekend with his parents and their friends, the look that had been on his mother’s face when he’d said the words out loud, the hurt look on his father’s face that had bitten into his soul, all mirrored the way he was feeling right now but at the same time, the burning intensity of it was leaving room for little else in his mind. He’d needed this to be able to forget what had happened, even if it was only for a short while, it was worth it. 

 

Their hard and fast fucking, had him racing towards orgasm, in record time. Magnus’ unoccupied hand left his hip, where his fingers were digging into the flesh there and went instead to the base of his throat, capturing him efficiently. 

 

Somehow, the soft yet firm touch heightened his need and Alec cried out, his eyes now squeezed shut to block out everything except his impending release. One hand left the wall and reached back to fist the back of Magnus’ silky dark hair, his fingers carding into its short spiky strands.

 

Like Magnus, he had the overwhelming need to pin him in place. 

 

Alec felt his orgasm ripping through him like a storm burst. His whole body shook with it and it kept happening, over and over, until he was sure he was either going to lose consciousness or fall to the floor, legless. He was sure everything was nudging his soul. 

 

His head was now spinning into nothingness. There were no more tears.

 

Thank god.

 

Alec felt Magnus, fall against his back, panting like he’d just run a 30k marathon. His own chest was mashed against the wall, constricting his ability to take too deep a breath and he was forced to use the very last ounce of strength he possessed to push off and turn slowly, so that he could now clutch the man that had just made him lose his mind completely in his arms. 

 

His chin rested on Magnus’ golden shoulder as he slowly began to open his heavy lids. Fuck if this didn’t feel like the best thing ever.  _ Jesus, I want this, so fucking much _ , he thought,  _ why do they think this is wrong when it feels so right? _

 

He felt tears sting his eyes again, and he forced them skyward, trying to stop their progress.

 

“I fucking missed you, baby.” Magnus breathed, his normally strong voice sounded as wrecked as he was. Alec gritted his teeth, and held him tighter. God in heaven, don’t you fucking ruin this and cry, he thought, Magnus’ words cutting him right to the bone making him even sadder.

 

“Yeah, me too.” He managed to get out, but there was a distinct waver to his voice that he hoped Magnus would take as a symptom of his effect on him. 

 

Alec had no idea how long they had stayed like that, clinging to each other and not wanting to be apart. For Alec, it had been pure heaven. The down side of it being that it allowed his imagination to run riot with images in his mind of the two of them confessing their love to each other and sharing tender, heartfelt kisses that had them hard and wanting each other all over again. 

 

Then the whole precious scene came crashing down when Magnus spoke next.

 

“What was that Alec? Before? What happened at your parents’ house?.”

 

Sensing a need for alcohol, after they had cleaned up and gotten dressed, Magnus opened a bottle of wine and brought it along with two glasses, out from the kitchen and they sat beside each other on the sofa, where the whole sorry tale had come pouring out of Alec. 

 

Magnus sat and listened to everything, thoughtfully sipping his wine and let Alec vent until he felt lighter somehow. Alec hadn’t really thought about what he’d expected Magnus to say afterwards, maybe some sage advice about giving it time and then maybe sitting down with his parents and trying to start a dialogue with with about it, but he’d been frank about not having any answers for him.

 

Yes, he wanted to be supportive of Alec, he’d told him, which had given fuel to that little flame of hope that he harboured deep within him, but he was at a loss as to what to tell him how to handle it, citing his lack of personal experience in the matter as the reason. 

 

Alec had really wanted to ask him what he’d meant but once again, didn’t want to spoil the small intimate moment they’d shared. It felt a little like another roadblock on the journey to try to discover a part of Magnus’ life.

 

Alec could tell however that Magnus did want to be supportive, but he just didn’t seem to have the skills to do it. Thinking of something his father had always told him felt wildly out of place right at that moment but it felt strangely fitting to him.

 

Whenever he’d found a task difficult and wanted to quit, Robert Lightwood would always tell him that anything worth doing was worth the effort required to complete it. Magnus, to him, felt worth the effort to keep going. To keep pushing and even if it felt like he was trying to demolish a wall with a hammer instead of a wrecking ball, he hoped that one day he would see some cracks appearing. 

 

In spite of having to go to work the next day, Magnus had encouraged him to stay, and even though he didn’t say too much, Alec could feel that he had indeed missed their time together, maybe as much as he had. 

 

They’d shared a meal that Magnus had ordered in as by then the sun had gone down and the city put on its light display for them from where they stood on the balcony. The conversation had been kept light after that and Alec found himself putting everything else out of his mind and just enjoying his company.

 

Maybe it was because he had been on his mind while he’d been gone, but that night after they’d slept together again, Magnus had seemed, dare he’d say the word, sappy, as they laid together, boneless and brainless. He had reached over and brushed the damp clumps of Alec’s hair from his sweaty forehead with a gentle touch. Alec had laid there and resisted the urge to move into his touch like a cat, not wanting to change anything about the soft moment. 

 

Much later, when Magnus had fallen into a soft sleep, Alec had laid beside him, heavy eyed and heavy limbed, and watched the gentle rise and fall of his back as he dozed, laying on his stomach. 

 

The light caramel colour of his skin, even in the pale moonlight which had been filtering through the small gap in the drapes, looked beautiful to him. The slight bunch of his shoulders, the small indentation of his spin, and the way his body narrowed down to his hips was too enticing not to touch. 

 

At first, Alec just trailed a finger tip along the smooth plains, hoping that his touch wouldn’t disturb him but when it didn’t, he became bolder and began to trace words onto its warm surface.

 

The first one had been “Magnus” and then his own name, both shortened version and then his full name. Magnus didn’t react at all, and he’d slept on. Then Alec had written “Alec and Magnus”, as if they were a couple and even though, of course his finger left no trace of what he’d written, he still found himself smiling at how their two names had looked together. Then, he thought of something else. Something that he wouldn’t of even dared to do if Magnus had been awake. 

 

He peered down at him, hesitating for only a few second before he began to form each word. 

 

I

Love

You.

 

There was something about writing the words that shot electricity up from his finger into the rest of his body before it dispersed into a tingly warmth right through him and Alec had pulled his finger back as if he’d actually felt the charge of it. 

 

He’d curled up against him after that, draping an arm over him, trying to make it seem casual, before he breathed in the glorious scent of him, and closed his own eyes.

 

Magnus had stirred a little after that and for a few minutes, Alec had been worried that he’d actually felt what he’d written and was about to pull away from him but he settled once again, even moving closer into his touch and Alec smiled quietly to himself in the dark, feeling as though he’d just gotten away with something special.

 

That small flickering flame within him flared a little brighter. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone liked this latest chapter and can't wait to see what you thought of it. We have been tossing up whether to write a chapter in Magnus' POV to give him a chance to tell his story. Please let us know if you would like to see that chapter or whether we should just keep going with Alec's perspective.   
> Please let us know in the comments. Thank you.


	14. Not Mine To Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a thank you to everyone who responded to our question about doing a chapter entirely from Magnus' POV. We will definitely be doing it very soon and we hope it answers a few questions for you. 
> 
> Also, thanks so much for the overall response we've had to our fic. Over 1000 kudos and over 20,000 hits is absolutely amazing and we are so very grateful to everyone for reading and leaving comments. We hope you enjoy the future chapters and continue to like Magnus and Alec's story.

Alec had left Magnus’ loft shortly before dawn. He’d hailed a cab and went back to the apartment, showered and changed clothes and gotten to the office with five minutes to spare. 

Jace had already been there, uncharacteristically early, considering he hadn’t been there all weekend. 

 

Alec began to work, but now he was away from any distractions and Magnus, everything about the previous weekend at his parents’ all came crashing back to him, the weight of it making his shoulders slump and his chest feel heavy. 

 

A cup of coffee in a foam cup materialised in front of him on his desk and he looked up to see Jace standing beside him.

 

“Try this, you look like something the cat dragged in.” He said, sitting down in his chair beside him. 

 

Alec took a tentative sip of the black steaming liquid and the sharp strong taste woke his taste buds up for a few vital seconds. He supposed he should let Jace know what had gone on with Maryse and Robert, he’d known them for nearly as long as he did, but the office wasn’t really the time or the place.

 

“We’ll talk later.” Jace told him, sensing the same thing and he turned back to his own computer screen and began working. 

 

The day dragged terribly for Alec, and anything that could go wrong did. He was tired from not sleeping the night before and his mind was completely occupied with his forced ‘coming out’ at his parents’ party.  It felt like he was walking through water all day, his limbs feeling sluggish and it was taking twice the effort to do anything. 

 

The temporary relief he had found with Magnus had long gone and even though he hadn’t expected it to resolve the entire issue, he had thought that maybe he would feel a little lighter about the whole thing than he did. 

 

He found that he wasn’t even looking at his phone at all today.

 

Or at least not for the usual reason.

 

Somehow, he made it to lunch time without collapsing onto his desk, thanks mostly to the super strength coffee that Jace had brought him twice now. It kept his brain firing but his body still felt totally spent. 

 

Alec kept waiting for a phone call that didn’t come. He’d been expecting one from his father, at least, letting him know about how they were both feeling but it had stayed silent all morning, making Alec’s coffee fueled brain overthink everything. 

 

Jace dragged him out at lunch time, stating that he needed fresh air and food, even though he protested about it, Alec went with him. If nothing else, the sunshine and general hustle and bustle of the city might be a distraction. 

 

They ordered food and sat at one of the outdoor tables with it. As usual, Jace plowed into his lunch with enthusiasm, while Alec bit into his salad sandwich but didn’t taste any of it, and chewed mechanically until it went down in a lump in his throat. 

 

“So, are you gonna spill about what happened with you or do I have to play 20 questions?” Jace finally said.

 

Alec gave him an overview of what transpired and watched as Jace’s eyes went wie when he came to the part where he’d blurted out to his mother and the rest of the party goers, that he was gay. 

 

Jace sat in stunned silence for a few minutes after that, processing what he’d just heard. Alec wasn’t surprised by his reaction, quite frankly, he was beginning to get used to the open mouthed wide eyed look now that seemed all too familiar to him. 

 

“Wow.” Jace finally said, taking a swig of his bottle of water. 

 

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say about it?” Alec said, feeling a little dissatisfied with his best friend’s single word reply. 

 

“Hey, no, man, I’m just trying to get my head around the fact that it happened. So, how were things left? Did you get to talk to them about it properly?” Jace asked him.

 

“Ha, if by talk you mean sit there at the table and listen to my mother telling me that i ruined their party and that she’d never be able to face anyone of their friends again after that. Oh and my absolute favourite remark, “you should get some help, you’re clearly confused from allowing that city to corrupt you into thinking that way.”  And you got an honourable mention, of course. My mother now thinks that it's partly your fault for enticing me down here in the first place.” 

 

“Is she serious? I’m not even gay, for Christ sakes, I’m like, the direct opposite of it. How the hell is it my fault? Your mother has always had it in for me, now she’s got a reason.”Jace

complained. 

 

Alec gave him a look.

 

“That’s what’s got under your skin? That Maryse thinks you made me gay? I think you’re missing the point, Jace.” Great. Now it looked like his best friend was going to be maddeningly unhelpful as well. 

 

“Hey guys, what’s up?” 

 

Thomas stood at their table, his usual bright smile beaming unwanted sunshine down on their gloom fest. Alec really wasn’t in the mood for this today and as much as he didn’t want to seem rude, he had just lifted his head to try and subtly as he could, tell Thomas that they needed to be alone when he saw the smile fade from his lips.

 

“Oh, I’ve interrupted something haven’t I? Sorry. I’ll catch you later then.” He started to turn but much to Alec’s despair, Jace had to open his mouth about things. 

 

“Alec came out to his parents and it didn’t go so good.” 

 

Alec had never wanted to throttle his best friend more in his life before. He sent him a look that he hoped would bore holes through to the back of his thick skull. 

 

Thomas gave Alec a concerned look and if he saw the way he had glared at Jace, he didn’t show it. “Gee, sorry, Alec. That must of been rough.” 

 

“Yeah, understatement of the year.” Alec mumbled, not looking at him but down at his half eaten sandwich. 

 

“I get it, you know. My own coming out didn’t go so well either. Hence the fact that I don’t see my folks much these days.” 

 

Alec had not intended to give Thomas anymore reason to keep talking, even though he was being sympathetic about things, but whether it was that or the hint of the chance that Thomas may be a kindred spirit, Alec found himself looking up into his large brown eyes and finding the one thing that he hadn’t with either Magnus or Jace, understanding.

 

“Listen, I don’t think you really want to talk about this here, why don’t you come over to my place tonight and we can talk then?” Thomas suggested. 

 

The allure of finally having someone who had looked to of been in a similar situation to him at some point was too strong for his wounded soul to ignore right now.

 

“Sure, okay.” Alec found himself saying, the words spilling out before he could stop them. 

 

“Great, I might catch a lift with you after work, yeah?” Thomas inquired, putting a hand on his back in a friendly manner.

 

“Yeah, fine.” Alec said, finding himself not trying to shrug off his touch as he might of wanted to any other time. Thomas walked away and into the cafe, leaving him and Jace to themselves again. Alec noticed that his friend had a strange look on his face.

 

“Hey Jace, I’m sorry, I know we were talking about all this but…….” He started to say, but Jace held up a hand and shook his head.

 

“Alec, it’s fine. I get it, really. You and Thomas have more in common with this sorta thing then we do, It’s okay, I’m just glad you have someone to talk to about this. Hey, anything to pull you out of that dark mood of yours, right?” He gave him a small smile and went back to his lunch. 

 

Alec found himself beginning to look forward to his and Thomas’ planned get together. He’d had hoped that maybe Magnus would get in contact with him, but he hadn’t and Alec put it down to him feeling awkward about not being able to offer any advice on the matter. At least, that’s what he hoped it was all about. 

 

Right on queue, Thomas arrived at his desk at 5.30 and after saying goodbye to Jace, they headed for the car park. They managed to keep the chat light while Alec drove them to Thomas’ apartment which suited him fine, he really didn’t want to get into it all when he was trying to concentrate on the traffic around him. 

 

Thomas’ apartment was in an older building but his home was well kept and neat. It was basically only a living room, kitchen, one bedroom and and a combined bathroom and laundry but for a single guy’s place, it had a homey feel. 

 

“Take a seat and I’ll get us a couple of beers.” Thomas said, waving towards the beaten up of sofa.

 

He shed the jacket he’d been wearing for the day and Alec got nearly a full view of the tattoos that illustrated his forearms. He’d never been into them himself, but Thomas’ were quite impressive and anyone that would be willingly let someone poke them with a needle multiple times for the sake of having what was essentially a piece of art on their body needed congratulating as far as he was concerned.

 

Alec lowered himself onto the scared surface, sinking into the worn leather comfortably. Thomas returned and handed him on of the bottles he was carrying and then sat beside him, turning sideways so that he was facing him. 

 

He held up the beer in front of him. “Here’s to acceptance, in whatever shape or form it takes.” Thomas toasted and Alec clinked his bottle to his before taking a mouthful. The sharp yeasty tang of it slid down his throat and began to unravel the knot that he’d carried around in his stomach ever since his trip home the weekend before. 

 

“How about I order dinner and then maybe, if you want, that is, we can talk.” Thomas asked him, taking his phone out of his pocket.

 

“Yeah, sounds good.” Alec replied and he really meant it too. 

 

Thomas ordered chinese take out and after it was delivered and the small wooden coffee table in front of them was littered with empty white boxes, Alec sat back against the sofa, completely sated. He hadn’t realised how hungry he was until he had smelt the food and his appetite had been very hit and miss over the last few days. 

 

“I have ice cream if want to eat your feelings a little more?” Thomas said, taking the remains of their dinner out to the kitchen.

 

“God, no thanks, I couldn’t eat another thing.” Alec chuckled, patting his slightly bulging stomach. Even if he could of fit it in, ice cream sounded way too cliché for his liking. Thomas returned, sitting next to him once more. 

 

Alec wondered if he was going to bring the subject up, but he kept quiet, clearly wanting Alec to be the one to start talking this time. It was going to be a challenge, Alec wasn’t one for spilling his feelings out to a near stranger, but Thomas didn’t really feel like that to him anymore. 

 

He, Jace and Thomas as spent more time together over the last few months and he found himself really liking the guy, in spite of his seemingly always jolly demeanor. He was easy to talk to and he was also a ‘what you see is what you get’ kind of person as well. If anything, Alec was a little envious that he could be that way. He’d never felt free enough to be who he wanted to be, until he’d met Magnus, that was. 

 

He began to tell Thomas of his turbulent trip to his parents’ house and the after effects of it, which he was still experiencing. Thomas never interrupted him, he just sat beside him and let him speak, nodding every now and then. 

 

“So, it has been a few days now, and I haven’t heard from either of them. I expected that from Mom, but i thought Dad might call. Clearly he’s siding with her on this one. As usual. I don’t know why I thought this would be different.” Alec said, bringing Thomas up to speed on everything that had happened.

“Maybe he’s just struggling a bit with the whole thing himself.” Thomas suggested.

 

“Yeah right. Even if that was true, and I highly doubt that, Dad would never go against mom anyway. He never has.” Alec said, leaning his head back on the top of the sofa cushion. 

 

“Well, it was a pretty big thing to get hit with out of the blue, you know. You can’t blame them for being a bit shell shocked.” 

 

“It’s not that, they just don’t want to believe they have a gay son, that’s all. As mom said, it goes against all their principals.” Repeating his mother’s words still stung Alec and he tried to ignore the jab of pain that poked him from behind his ribs somewhere.

 

“I think you’ll find that was the shock talking, Alec. It’s hard to make your brain do a one eighty like that. They’ve spent your life thinking that they knew everything about you, and now they find out that it they don’t. Well, not completely anyway.” 

 

“I know them, Thomas, they won’t come around, they won’t start waving rainbow flags in pride month and they certainly won’t accept that I’m seeing another man. I’ll be lucky if they talk to me ever again.”

 

As much as Alec hated the way he clashed with his parents over just about everything, the thought of them not being in his life at all left him feeling panicky and gave him an icy sensation deep inside him. It was a sobering thought. 

 

“You just have to give them time, man. Let it sink in and give them a chance to get used to the idea.” Thomas said. Alec looked at him, wondering what exactly his story was. He was always so open with him about things, but ‘coming out’ stories felt extremely personal to him and he didn’t want to push his luck.

 

Alec saw him take in a deep breath. “I know it’s not easy explaining your sexuality to parents when you’re trying to get your own head around it as well.Took me a little while to come to terms with being bi. It hit me between the eyes when i was about thirteen and I got hard over the captain of the football team while going out with my first ever girlfriend. Pretty confusing, right?” 

 

Alec was secretly glad that Thomas was telling him about this, maybe it would help him understand Magnus a little better as well. It made him think about if he struggled with it as well and if the lack of personal photos in the loft was a symptom of a bad experience.

 

“My father was, is, a minister in the suburb I grew up in, my mom is the quiet supportive wife that does a lot of charity work and helps run the church events. Dad has always been a pretty cruisy kind of guy,always trying to make his sermons about positive things,and he is always there for any of his parishioners anytime they need to talk about things, but I knew that telling him was still going to be hard.They had pretty strong beliefs about things. By the time I’d worked up enough guts to tell them, it was three years and two boyfriends later. 

`

“I’ll never forget it. It was a Sunday and of course, We’d been to the 10am service and he’d just delivered this sermon about loving your fellow man and giving people a second chance and how we were all human and made mistakes. I’d been seeing this guy in secret for a month and things had been going well and I had that giddy new relationship feeling going on so I suppose that, and the topic of that Sunday’s sermon sorta got to me and i decided that it was time that they knew about me.” 

 

Alec could feel himself bracing for what Thomas was about to tell him. He had no idea what his journey out of the closest had been like but he found himself hoping that it had been a positive experience for him. 

 

“I waited until we were home and had eaten lunch. My two younger sisters, Penny and Lucy were there as well, Pen was 11 at the time and Luce was 8. The thought of coming out to them had been consuming me all morning and after hearing Dad’s sermon, I took it as a sign that I should come clean with everybody. 

 

I had no idea how to start that sort of conversation so I decided that the direct approach was the way to go, and I remember being the most tense I’d ever been in my life before I opened my mouth and just said, Mom, Dad, I wanted you to know that I’m bisexual. Just like that. I could tell at first it wasn’t sinking in and they were looking at me like I’d just spoken a foreign language, and in a way I guess I had.”

 

Alec could feel his breath catching in his throat. His eyes were trained right on Thomas’ and he could tell that even now after all this time, it was still hard for him to talk about.  When he didn’t speak again, Alec couldn’t stop himself from saying, “So, what happened?”

 

“My mom was looking at me like she was trying to work out what it was that I’d just said and my Dad was looking everywhere but at me. My poor little sisters were wondering what the hell had just happened and looked like they were watching a tennis match the way their eyes were going back and forth between me and our parents.

 

Penny being that little bit older I think, sorta knew what I had just said because she had a smirk on her face that she was trying very hard to hide but not doing the best job of it.

Of course, the first thing Dad did when he had gotten over the initial shock of it, was to send the girls to their rooms and for the first time in their lives, they didn’t argue. They might not of understood it completely, but they knew this was pretty serious. When they had gone, Dad just looked at me and said, “Thomas, I think you are too young to be making these assumptions about yourself now. You’re still a child.” 

 

“That got my back up right from the word go. No 16 year old wants to be called a child. Mom was still totally lost. She looked at me and said, “Does this mean you have two girlfriends instead of one, Thomas?”  Alec couldn’t help the splutter of laughter that came out of his mouth and he felt his face heating.

 

“Shit, sorry, man. I know it’s not funny…..” But Thomas was smiling at him. 

 

“It’s okay, Alec. It was pretty funny. Not at the time, I might add, but now even I can laugh about it. The poor woman grew up in a town smaller than ours and had five other sisters. The concept of being gay, straight or anything else just wasn’t even a known thing to her then. You grew up, found a nice boy and got married, simple.

 

I can remember my Dad saying to her, “No, Margaret, it means Thomas likes boys as well as girls.” She sorta smiled after that and said something like, “Oh, well, that’s nice, dear. It’s perfectly fine to have friends of the opposite gender.” She still wasn’t getting it. The woman couldn’t even bring herself to say the word sex out loud, even though she’d had three kids herself.”

 

“So did she get what you meant eventually?” Alec asked him, now waiting in anticipation for his answer. 

 

“Ha, yeah, my Dad had to explain to her what it was that I meant, exactly. I don’t think I’d ever seen her go that red before. And all she said then was “oh.” I told them that I was old enough to know that about myself but I don’t think they believed me really. It wasn’t until Penny outed me about the guy I had been seeing to them that they finally got it, I think.”

 

“Wow, that must of been awkward.” Alec said.

 

“Yeah, it was a little. He went to my school and each afternoon before the girls walked up from theirs and we went home together, we’d meet behind one of the buildings. I guess we got a little carried away with each other this day and forgot the time and Penny came looking for me. I was lip locked with the guy with my hand down his pants. Not the best positions to be caught in.

 

Being a typical little sister, Penny made a big deal out of it the entire way home and by the time we got there, I’d reached boiling point over it and ended up yelling at her to shut up. My Dad came to see what the fuss was about and of course, Penny told him what had happened. 

 

The only thing I was grateful for was that she left the more colourful details out of it. Dad wasn’t very impressed but it was when he sat me down and said that for as long as I remained in the house, he didn’t want to hear about me being with another boy. That he didn’t want the girls exposed to that sort of thing. 

 

Two years later I graduated and got into college and left home and for the first time in my life, was able to finally be the real me.” 

 

“That must of been a relief. I didn’t even get to do that, I was still in denial of how I felt when I went to college. I had a minor crush on one of the guys in my class too but I was so worried about what would happen if it got back to my parents, I didn’t do anything about it. So, what are things like now for you with your Mom and Dad? Are they okay about it?”

 

“I’m sorry that you felt that way, Alec. It must of been hard for you. I seriously don't know how you managed to keep it to yourself for as long as you did. It was eating me alive by the time I was 16 so I think I would of been a basket case by 28. 

 

I wouldn’t call my parents okay with it, more resigned to it, really. I still haven’t taken a boyfriend back home with me yet, and I don’t know it i will. But you want to know the ironic part? Penny has just come out and told them she’s a lesbian. Can you believe it? I’m surprised i’m not getting the blame for putting those “queer vibes” out there for her to catch but I don't think they’re quite that nieve. She is in the last year of college and I got a phone call from her last week inviting me to go in next years pride parade with her. My Mom is going to flip.” Thomas was chuckling. 

 

At least his parents weren’t as dead against it as Alec’s was. He wondered if he’d ever get to that point with them. He doubted it. 

 

“Hey listen, just give your mom and Dad time, okay? As I said, it’s a pretty big thing to for them to get used to so, they will need some space. I’m sure they’ll come around eventually.” Thomas put a hand softly on his leg, and squeezed it gently. 

 

Alec felt a little tremor go through him but he ignored it, telling himself Thomas was just being friendly and comforting. Maybe a change of subject was in order.

 

“So, tell me about your tattoos. Are they they only ones you have?” Alec asked, shifting a little in his seat. 

 

“Yeah, I decided that if i was going to get enough guts to get one, then they should mean something to me. The arrow I got to remind me to stay focused on my direction in life and the roses represent my family. But the one on my back, I got for me.” He stood up and as Alec watched, he pulled off the T-shirt revelling a well toned chest and six pack. He turned around and Alec’s eyes went wide. 

 

Thomas’ entire back was a living canvas. A detailed larged bird, rising from flames soared skyward. Its wings covered his shoulder blades and Alec noticed that when he flexed his arms, the wings gave the illusion that it was about to take flight. The detail was incredible and Alec was tempted to get up and take a closer look and reach out a finger to touch the fine lines of it. 

 

“Oh, this must of taken hours. Was it painful?” He asked, still taking in every inch of it. 

 

“Yeah, it did and it took me a few visits and a sizable chunk of my bank account to get it done, but totally worth the pain. It reminds me that no matter how bad things can get, you can always rise from the ashes and begin again. Corny, I know, but I honestly believe it.” Thomas said, smiling over one shoulder before he pulled his shirt back on again. 

 

Alec felt something had shifted between them. He’d started off not really liking Thomas and the way he seemed to spend his day walking around with a smile on his face. No one could be that happy all the time. But after getting to know him a little more each time they had been together in the last six months, he was changing his mind. 

 

It felt a little disloyal to have another friend other than Jace, after all this time, but he felt there were things that he couldn’t talk to him about, namely Magnus and their special relationship and about his sexuality. Thomas might not have all the right answers about things, but at least he came from a similar background and had similar feelings in that area. He would have felt weird talking to Izzy as well, so it was kind of nice to have someone who understood how he was feeling. 

 

He was on the verge of saying something about Magnus when Thomas got in first. 

 

“So, are you inviting that guy you’ve been seeing to the work party on Friday?” He asked, dark brows arched. 

 

That was a good question. To be honest, Alec had forgotten about the work party at the club where Izzy was behind the bar with everything that had happened on the past weekend. He didn’t see why he wouldn’t invite him. It was a chance to go somewhere other than his club or the loft he lived in. Not to mention, it was also a good opportunity to let his coworkers know that he was gay without having to say it. 

 

“Yeah, I am. I haven’t asked him yet, but I will. If he hasn’t got to go to The 2nd Circle, that is.” 

 

“If I were him, I’d jump at the chance to be with my guy at something important to him.” Thomas commented, taking a mouthful of beer. 

 

Alec just smiled and nodded his head. He didn’t really want to say that he didn’t really think of the work function as important to him, but he got the meaning. And the more he thought of it, the more he realised that Thomas was right; it would be a pretty big buzz to show off his good looking well known boyfriend to everyone. 

 

He made a mental note to call Magnus when he got home. 

 

And made another to stop calling Magnus his boyfriend.

 

Alec made it back to the apartment by eleven and Jace was in bed already. He was glad in a way, because he really didn’t want to field the questions he knew he’d fire at him about what they had spoken about. It had been a pretty good night and he didn’t want it to turn into one of Jace’s interrogations. At least, not until he’d had a chance to think about it a little more.

 

He went into his room and took his phone out and called Magnus. He answered on the second ring.

 

“Alec, are you okay?”

 

“I’m good actually. I wanted to ask you something.”

 

“I’m listening.”

 

“Could you come with me to a work party at Pandemonium on Friday night?”  He found himself holding in his breath, waiting for his reply and the words, please say yes, please say yes, on repeat in his head. 

 

“I have a few things to do here at the club first, but I could meet you there at nine.” 

 

It wasn’t the enthusiastic of course, baby, I wouldn’t miss it, that he secretly had wanted to hear, but it was as close to a yes as Magnus was capable of giving.

 

“Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll see you then.” 

 

“Yes you will, good night Alec.” 

 

It irked Alec somewhat that Magnus still sounded distant towards him, but he had to remember that he was the only one in it that had strong feelings and Magnus was just acting according to their agreement. 

  
  


For the rest of the week, Alec found himself looking forward to the party. He found himself thinking about how his work colleagues would look when they say him together with the charismatic owner of the 2nd circle. It gave him a pleasant tingling sensation in his stomach each time he let the thought play in his mind. 

 

But by the time Friday came around, Alec’s light mood turned into nerves. Jace was doing his best to keep him calmed down but he was having a battle. Alec felt like he had a whole sky full of condors roosting in his insides by the time they were actually in the tazi and heading for the club. 

  
  


Pandemonium was in a converted warehouse in the wharf district.It’s entire front wall was clouded glass, allowing the silhouettes of the patrons to be seen from out front. With the coloured flashing lights from inside back lighting everything, it was like a riotous shadow puppet show. 

 

When they walked in, Alec was surprised to hear how well the glass tempered the music from inside. It was so loud, the sound was like a smack in the face as they made their way through the dappled lighting. 

 

The bar ran the entire length of one brick wall, and there had to be at least eight people, including Izzy, working behind it. He and Jace went up to it and she spotted them and waved, coming over, looking around frowning.

 

“Hey big brother, so, where’s the boyfriend?” She yelled over the heavy base of the current song that was playing.

 

“Not my boyfriend, but he’ll be here. He has a business to run, you know. Two beers, thanks.” Alec called back, leaning in so she could hear him. He pulled out a couple of notes but Izzy shoved them back.

 

“On the house. This place can afford a couple of freebies.” She said, grinning at them. 

 

Jace and Alec took their drinks and turned back around to watch the crowd. It looked like the paper had hired out the club for the night because there were only familiar faces in the crowd. 

 

A lot of the older people were sitting in a quieter seating area behind the DJ box but there were also a few on the illuminated dance floor as well. 

 

“Who would of thought that Harry could move like that?” 

 

Alec turned and saw Thomas had materialised beside him, close enough that his upper arm just brushed his own. 

 

“Ha, yeah, He’ll be feeling those moves in the morning.” Alec said, and they all laughed. 

 

“So, where’s Magnus?” Thomas said. 

 

“He has to come late but he said he’d be here.” Alec told him and just nodded and smiled. 

 

“Let’s get a table over there before they are all gone.” Jace suggested, pointed to the area to the right of the dance floor that was a sea of tall round tables and stools. They headed over and found one far enough away from the music that they didn’t have to yell quite so loud as before. 

 

The song changed and when the next one began Thomas gave a fist pump in the air.

 

“I love this, come on, you have to dance with me.” He said, putting a hand on Alec’s arm.

 

At first, Alec didn’t want to go but he had to admit, it was hard to keep still when this one played so he let Thomas drag him out to the floor and they began moving to the music. Alec had been a fairly self conscious dancer, a draw back when you went out with a guy that ran a nightclub, but Thomas’ enthusiasm was infectious and after a few minutes, he started to relax more and let himself go to enjoy the music as it played. 

 

They danced to two more before Alec decided to take a seat when a slow song began to flow through the sound system. Thomas gave him a disappointed pout but followed him off as well. 

 

Jace had disappeared from the table but they took their stools and had their drinks. 

 

Alec took his phone from his pocket to check the time and saw that it was just on nine. Magnus should be here any minute. He craned his neck to see over the heads near the doors but he didn’t see him yet. 

 

“I’m sure he’ll be here soon.” Thomas said to him, leaning closer. He hoped he was right. 

 

Alec found his eyes were going from the entrance to his phone and back again, the taste of the drinks numbing his tongue, and with each passing minute, he began to worry that Magnus wasn’t coming. 

 

After sitting there for twenty minutes and still not seeing him, Alec was beginning to get restless.

 

“Come on, let’s dance again. It’ll take your mind off things.” Thomas said, and he stood up and this time, he took his hand. Normally, Alec would of pulled away from this sort of personal touch, but he was too tipsy to resist. 

 

He let Thomas take him back out and they had only just gotten there when the song ended and a slower one began again. He was about to go back to the table but then Thomas put his arms out and took him around the waist, coming closer. Alec put his hands up on his shoulders in a near reflex reaction and nervously looked around them. 

 

“Hey, let’s give these people something to talk about in the lunchroom next week, eh?” Thomas grinned and he began swaying gently to the melody of the song. 

 

Alec moved with him, but he felt tense and wound up tighter than a cheap watch. He was more concerned with what Magnus would think if he walked in now than the other paper employees. 

 

He found himself beginning to feel a little angry about Magnus’ absence. Too bad if he didn’t like it, he should of been here by now anyway. 

 

Thomas pulled him in a little closer. He put his mouth close to his ear.

 

“If you were mine, I’d never stand you up, Alec. You deserve better.” He said, his voice a soft whisper, but loud enough to be heard over the music. Alec felt his skin tingle as Thomas’ lips brushed ever so lightly over his ear and he pulled back and away from him.

 

“I want to sit down.” He said feeling more and more dizzy and before Thomas had time to argue, he just walked off the floor and went back to the table. He downed the rest of his drink and went back to get another from Izzy. 

 

She placed it in from of him and he drank all of it straight away. He ignored the frown that creased her forehead. 

 

“Whoa, brother. Slow down before you hit the floor. You don't drink, remember?” She said. 

 

“Have you seen Magnus come in?” Alec asked her, he was still scanning the people near the doors helplessly, eyes not focusing on anything in particular.  

 

“Nope. Haven’t really seen him in person before anyway but I guess he’d be hard to miss. Something must of happened with work if he hasn’t come yet.” She said, shrugging her shoulders.

 

“Yeah, maybe.” Alec said, distractedly. Or maybe it was that he just didn’t put as much thought about this being important to him as he should of. Alec could feel the mix of disappointment, hurt and anger stewing in his gut and he took another drink and headed back to the table. He was almost there when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. 

 

He took it out and looked at the screen. 

 

**Sorry, something came up. Won’t be able to come.**

 

The words felt like a knife stabbing into his belly. His eyes began to sting and he immediately rubbed his lids vigorously. Suddenly the music was too loud and there were too many people around him. He looked up in near panic now, his eyes searching for a way out and he saw a green exit sign on a back wall and headed for it.######

 

“Hey, Alec, what’s……..” He heard Thomas’ voice as he rushed passed their table but he didn’t turn his head and he didn't stop, his throat felt like it was closing up and he needed air, right fucking now. 

 

He pulled the door open, thanking god that it wasn’t locked or alarmed and went outside. He was in a alley at the side of the club, rubbish and recycling bins either side of the door but nothing else. He bent forward, hands on his knees and taking in deep breaths. Fuck Magnus! He had to of known that he had been looking forward to being here with him tonight. 

 

He straightened up and began to pace back and forth in the dank alley. He wasn’t sure if it was his anger or disappointment that was winning the war for a place front and centre in his thought right now and he gave a frustrated yell, hearing the sound reverberate off the brick work on either side of the alley. 

 

He brought his foot back and kicked the dumpster that was full of flattened cardboard near him and found that the metal bin was extremely unforgiving to his toes. The sharp pain bit his foot, and echoed further up his ankle but he didn’t care. At least it was a distraction to the pain he felt him his heart. 

 

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” 

 

Alec looked up and saw a worried looking Thomas coming out of the door. He came over to him and put a hand on the slope of his shoulder, where it met his neck. 

 

The soft touch dissolved his anger but replaced it with the disappointed feeling and he was close to tears again. He turned his face away, hoping that Thomas wouldn’t see but he was too close not to.

 

“Hey, shh, Alec. It’s okay. Tell me what’s going on. Is it something to do with Magnus?” He said, quietly, moving his head so that he could look directly into Alec’s flushed sweaty face.

 

“He isn’t coming, Thomas. Something came up, that’s what he said. Just something came up. Fuck! I was an idiot for thinking he’d be here in the first place. I should have never asked him then I wouldn’t be feeling like this.” Alec said, trying to keep his voice from trembling but not having much success.

 

Thomas pulled him close and hugged him, rubbing his back with warm soothing circles. 

 

“What kind of a guy is this Magnus anyway?” He offered bitterly.

 

“It was more than likely to of been more that he just didn’t care enough to want to come. We’ve never actually been on a proper date, you know? It’s only the club or his place. Urgh, it’s so frustrating.” Alec growled. 

 

Thomas pulled him tighter, his head resting against Alec’s cheek. Even as agitated as he felt, it felt nice to be held like this, even if it was just by a friend trying to comfort him.

 

“The guy doesn’t deserve you, Alec. If that was really why he didn't come, the man wants his head examined. If I was your boyfriend, I’d be proud to go anywhere with you. We’d spent every chance we got going to restaurants and other places, just so I could show you off and say, hey, look what I have, aren't I lucky?” 

 

Alec felt himself smiling, even though he was still on the verge of crying. 

 

“Thanks.” He said, pulling back and looking into his clear blue eyes. Thomas’ face softened and his wide pink lips bowed just a little. He reached up a hand and placed it gently on Alec’s cheek, rubbing the pad of his thumb across the rise just under his watery eye. 

 

“I mean it, Alec. You’re such a nice guy, and that thoughtless bastard doesn’t know what he’s missing.” He said, his voice quiet but strong, his words full of meaning. 

 

“You’re just saying that to nice and to stop me making your shirt damp.” Alec said, but in his vulnerable state, the words felt like a balm on his wounded soul. Thomas looked right in his eyes.

 

“I’m saying it because it’s the truth, Alec. You should have more in your life, beautiful boy. I can give you that, give you everything you need. You wouldn't ever have to ask or hide yourself away from me. Let me show you Alec.” 

 

Suddenly the alleyway had disappeared and there was only the two of them standing there. Somehow, his hands had gone to Thomas’ waist and he could feel the firm warmth of him through the material of his shirt. 

 

Thomas moved his face closer to his and then he felt his lips brush his, once, then twice, the second time with more purpose and meaning.  It was then that Alec knew he had a decision to make and his instincts and his heart, as wounded as it was, made it for him. He pulled sharply back and stepped away from the man’s warm embrace; it felt like he was walking from a cozy warm room and straight into a blizzard but he’d snapped back to his senses.

 

“No, Thomas I-I- I can’t…” he said, shaking his head slowly.

 

“Yes you can, Alec, It would be so different with me, how you actually want it to be.” Thomas pleaded, starting to come towards him again. But Alec shook his head again and tensed his jaw.

 

“I-I can’t, because I’m in love with him, Thomas. I just can’t… I have to go.” Alec said, and he skirted a crestfallen Thomas to go back into the club and straight through to the front entrance. 

 

Alec half walked half stumbled due to his overindulgence in alcohol, back through the club, completely ignoring the looks he was getting. He vaguely heard Izzy call out to him but he just needed to get out of there as quickly as he could. 

 

He’d walked about ten blocks before he finally stopped, leaning one hand on a shop front bent forward to catch his breath. His mind was going a thousand miles an hour right now and he had to force himself to take deep breaths and calm down. 

 

He looked around him, establishing where he was so he could call a cab, he was still way too far from home to keep walking. The taxi arrived about twenty minutes later, and Alec slunk into the back seat, telling the driver the address. 

 

He refused to start thinking things over in the back of a grungy city cab and managed to keep it together until he finally made it home. He’d never been so pleased to see the place in all his life. 

 

The second he got inside and shut the door behind him, he fell onto the sofa and let everything that he’d put a stopper on go. Suddenly he felt like his bones had been replaced with lead pipe and he couldn’t move. 

 

Hot tears born of frustration, shock, hurt and surprise began coursing down his cheeks which only added to his disgruntled feelings. He hated feeling like this, but he was powerless to stop it tonight.

 

Fuck Magnus! 

 

Fuck Thomas! 

 

Why did life have to be so fucking difficult, all due to the fact that he had fallen in love with someone. His wits were too scattered to sort of his thoughts on Magnus and his no show to the club. He turned them instead, to Thomas and the revelation of his attraction towards him. 

 

He frowned as he tried to go over each and every instance of their times together to see if he could see where he had missed that the guy was into him but nothing seemed out of place to him at all. He was either monumentally nieve where it came to picking up signals, the most likely answer, or he really hadn’t been showing any signs of flirting with him at all. 

 

Yeah, there had been the times that Thomas had touched him or smiled at him but hey, the guy was like that. Wasn’t he?

 

Now he’s had a moment to think about it, he felt bad for running out on him the way he had. Thomas was a really nice guy and  didn’t deserve being left hanging in the wind like that but the mixture of surprise over his advances and the inner turmoil of Magnus ditching him hadn’t really allowed him to think very clearly at the time. 

 

Alec laid back on the bed and sighed. What a fucking night. He’s started off actually looking forward to it and now he wished that he’d never walked out that door. 

 

What was Magnus’ problem anyway? Something came up, ha. 

 

Yeah right. Sure it did. 

 

Alec didn’t know when he’d actually fallen asleep, but his eyes slowly opened around six the next morning. They felt like someone had thrown sand in them overnight and his head ached. 

 

Great start to the day. 

 

He got up and showered, feeling numb and trying not to let his brain begin to rehash last night’s fiasco. He just couldn’t deal with it again so soon. He needed a break. He went out and made coffee and checked his phone. There were several messages from Thomas and surprise surprise, none from Magnus. 

 

Why he allowed his finger to press the screen to read Thomas’ texts he didn’t know. For some reason, his subconscious wanted to torture him a little more. 

 

**Alec, I’m sorry. Please, don’t ignore me. We should talk**

 

**I meant what I said, Alec. But it’s up to you. It’s your choice.**

 

**I guess this means you don't want to talk to me again. I get it. If you change your mind, you know my number.**

 

Jesus, this guy was something else. Who gets ditched and then reaches out to the ditchee? 

 

Thomas was too good to be true. 

 

The thing was, if he let himself think about it, he was right. 

 

Being with Thomas would be a walk in the park compared to the rocky road straight through hell with Magnus. 

 

Thomas would be that guy that called to make sure you got home okay after you left his apartment. The guy that remembered stupid things like your first kiss, your six months anniversary and arrive at your doorstep on your birthday with balloons and flowers. It was cheesy as hell to think like that but there was something about the pure corniness of it all that was really appealing. 

 

The thing was though, Alec didn’t want cheesy, with it’s balloons and flowers, he wanted dark, mysterious, fire and lightning. 

 

He wanted Magnus. 

 

The knot that was residing in his gut pulled tighter at the thought of his name and Alec almost winced. Suddenly, his coffee tasted like it was going to poison him and he pushed away the rest of the contents of his cup. 

 

Jace came out of his room and looked at him cautiously. 

 

“Fuck, Alec, you look like hell. What happened last night?” 

 

“Nothing, I don't want to talk about it.” Alec said, his voice sounded dead to him, as if it wasn’t his own.

 

“Bullshit, you look like crap, man. Did you and Magnus have a fight? I didn’t see you all night, did you end up going back to his place again?” 

 

“I said, I don't want to talk about it, Jace.” 

 

“Whoa, sorry. Geez, maybe you should spend the day with Thomas and see if that puts you in a better mood..”

 

Of all the things Jace could of said to him, he had to of picked probably one of the worst things imaginable. Alec frayed emotions and throbbing head couldn’t deal with it.

 

“I SAID, SHUT THE FUCK UP, JACE!”  Alec flew up from the table, the chair falling back from the force and he snatched up his phone and headed for the door, reefing it open and slamming it behind him. In that second, the walls felt like they were closing in and Jace was doing the pushing. He needed air, space and a break. 

  
  


Jace, thankfully, had made himself scarce for the rest of the day, and by the time Alec dragged himself to the kitchen, he had numbed his turbulent feelings sufficiently to be able to function at least, or at least he tried to ignore them.

 

The trouble with ignoring something like that was, the knot that was tight in his gut only got tighter with each passing hour. that his bad feelings and thoughts were allowed to fester. By the end of the day with no word from Magnus, Alec felt like he was about to implode. In the end, he couldn’t stand it any longer and he headed for Magnus’ loft to finally get some answers and hopefully, some relief.

 

He didn't know how he was going to react to him coming without warning but by then he didn't care. Damn him and his rules. 

  
  


Magnus opened the door and acted like he was surprised to see him. But there was something not right with how he looked. For all the time that Alec had known Magnus, he’d never seen him looking scruffy. Even when they had spent hours in bed together, the guy’s after sex rumpled look was on point. 

Tonight though, was different. 

 

Magnus’ shirt was unbuttoned to his waist, showing a wide V of light caramel coloured skin. For the first time, he looked like he hadn’t shaved either and his dark hair wasn’t in its customary gelled spikes. His slim bare feet stuck out from the cuffs of his black pants. There was also a dullness to those normally beetle black eyes as well. Magnus was definitely not himself tonight either.

 

“Alec, what is going on?” Magnus’ usual richly toned voice had a distinct waver in it tonight and it was throwing Alec off completely. 

 

“I think we need to talk.” He said, forcing his voice to have a deep burred edge to it and he saw Magnus’ expression change when he heard it. 

 

“Alright, come in.” 

 

Alec walked passed him and tried not to let himself be affected by the smell of his sandalwood scent that was now as familiar to him as his own skin. 

 

He got into the living room and turned to face him. Magnus stood about six feet away from him,  looking at him like he was waiting for him to make the first move, his face not showing any hint of emotion whatsoever. 

 

“What happened last night? Why didn't you want to come to the club, and why didn’t you call me?” Alec spat out at him, his words tumbling out like they had been sitting on his tongue waiting for this moment.

 

“Does it matter now?” He said, almost casually. His off handed manner wasn’t helping Alec’s stewing feelings.

 

“Do I?” 

 

Magnus’ demeanor changed straight away. He was going into defense mode.

 

“I have a large club to run, things go wrong at the last minute. I can’t help that. I thought you would have realised that by now.” 

 

Alec felt a dull ache in his chest as he realised that Magnus had completely ignored his question. 

 

“You try anything and everything to get out of being with me in public hiding behind your ‘eyes’ or whatnot like I’m some dirty little secret or not fit to be seen with.”

 

“If you choose to believe that then that’s up to you. I’m not your boyfriend, Alec.” Alec sucked in a breath, his eyes threatened to flutter shut at that but he willed them not to, he needed to look at him, even though it was getting almost too painful to do so.  “I never have been. We’re together so we can take what we need from each other, that’s it. Nothing else.”

 

The cold, hard truth about their relationship that Magnus had just spelt out to him hit him in the face with the impact of a fist. The knot in his guts tightened so hard he almost cried out from the sharp pain it caused. And now, just to top things off, a cutting painful ache settled itself inside his chest where his heart had just been crushed.

 

“I’m not asking you for anything Magnus.” 

 

Alec turned his face away, his hands were shaking, and all of a sudden he felt nine years old again, scolded at by his own mother for hanging on to a toy he wanted so badly, fuck it's pointless, because Magnus was coldly staring at him.

 

“I have nothing to give.”

 

Alec looked at him wide eyed. It was a profound statement. Maybe the most truthful he’d been with him in the entire 6 months they’d known each other.

 

“I don’t believe that, Magnus.” he wanted to reach out to him and take hold of his shoulders and get his Magnus back to him. Because this guy wasn’t him.

 

“Believe what you want. I was probably not the best choice for you after all. It would be better for you to be with someone more capable of giving you what you want, someone to connect with emotionally more than physically. I doubt you’d have any trouble finding him. ”

 

Alec felt ice water replace his blood at his words.  _ Choice,  _ what the fuck?

 

“I don’t want that .. I don’t care who else is the- ..” 

 

“THIS..” Magnus pointed at his body with a piercing shout, “Is all I can give you, let it go Alec, go home, be happy.” 

 

Alec stared back at him, shocked by his words. Their reality hitting him across the face. 

 

This was it, it was all over.

 

Magnus no more.

 

He felt numb and empty, he wanted to leave.

 

“I was nothing more than a business arrangement after all. You might not be paying for my services, but it’s costing me way too much to be with you. I know there’s a living breathing human being inside you somewhere, someone who has real feelings, lets people in. I’ve seen him, Magnus. You should let him out, and let someone in.” 

 

Magnus looked back to him, his face not registering any sign of emotion, but for a few precious seconds, Alec saw his dark eyes grow shiny before he simply turned away from him and headed for his bedroom, the sharp sound of the door slamming shut made him flinch as it echoed around the loft.

 

Alec turned on his heel and headed for the door. The pain was real now. He had no idea how he had been able to put one foot in front of the other and walk away from the man he loved like that and not tell him of his true feelings, but he did it. 

 

He walked the entire way back home, ignoring the looks on the faces of the passers by at his pale face and streaming eyes. He was just one large hurt right now, a living breathing raw nerve exposed to the cold air. 

 

He made it back to the apartment and wondered how it was possible to go on living without a heart or the man who had taken it. So when he reached his bed hesitantly, his entire body shaking, he laid on his bed and took in a breath.

 

Then he broke.


	15. A Broken Mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We wanted to say thank you for the great amount of comments we received on our last chapter, We always take into consideration what our readers tell us and hopefuly you will like what we do with the next chapter. Please keep them coming in. We love getting feed back on our work.

Alec laid in his bed, his eyelids feeling like they had been lined with sandpaper. The watery light of early morning and the start of a new day just added to his pain. A new day, one that didn’t include Magnus Bane in his life. 

 

He’d hardly slept because he kept waking repeatedly, each time he’d closed his eyes, a replay of his conversation with Magnus showing in his torrid dreams, stuck in a loop, over and over again, coaxing out a fresh round of tears soaking up his pillow, he kept squeezing his lids shut helplessly trying to forget and will Magnus out of his mind, but he couldn’t.

 

Life seemed terribly unfair to him while he stayed awake with sore teary eyes in the late hours of the night, he was never a selfish person, he had always placed himself second and pushed back to give people what they needed, his parents, his siblings, hell his best friend even. He couldn’t believe how cruel life was to him when he actually wanted one thing and pursued it, It got ripped out of his hands without reverence.

 

Time felt like it was simultaneously dragging and fast forwarding as he lay there under the rumpled covers. He had no idea what time it was or how long he’d just been there when he heard a soft knock at the door. He knew it would be Jace.

 

He didn’t want anyone to see him broken like this.

 

A second knock sounded, and then the door crept open a little, “Alec? Are you okay? What happened…. Fuck, man, are you sick?” Jace’s head had peered around the door frame and then slowly, after seeing him, he came into the room.

 

“I’m okay, just go away.” Alec croaked, his throat felt like it was stuffed with cotton. God, he just wanted to be alone.

 

“Alec, you don't look okay. What the hell happened?”  Alec felt the bed dip as Jace sat down beside him. 

 

Why couldn’t he just leave him alone like he’d asked?

 

“Nothing, I’m alright. Just let me sleep okay?” 

 

“Alec, I’ve known you for too long to not know what something’s up. Did something happen with you and Magnus last night? I didn’t see either of you the entire time.” 

 

Alec felt his irritation mounting. “I don’t want to talk about it, Jace. Get out. I just want to sleep.” 

 

“Buddy, if something bad’s happened between you two…….”

 

“I SAID, GET OUT, JACE!” Alec yelled at him, glaring through red rimmed eyes with the remaining strength that he possessed. 

 

“No, you aren’t pushing me out of this again, Alec. You’re clearly hurting and I want to know why.” 

 

He gave him a stern look that Alec knew meant he had dug in his heels and there was no budging him. But Alec ignored his look of concern and went back to staring blindly out the window. He was in too much pain to fight him on this. 

 

“Come on, tell me what’s going on.” Jace said softly, trying to coax him into talking. 

 

Alec, at first, stayed silent, not wanting to put voice to the words that he knew were going to rip him wide open. But the thing for Alec was that if he told his best friend why he was feeling like his world was collapsing around his ears was going to make it even more true, it would hurt even more, and there was no going back from that.

 

“It’s all over. Between Magnus and I.” Alec trembled with wobbly lips, still not daring to look at Jace, he didn’t want him to pity him, he never liked being weak in front of others, but that still tender wound was aching inside of his chest, so he couldn’t stop the tears from flowing past his lids.

 

“Why, what happened? Did you guys have a fight?”

 

“I was really looking forward to seeing him at the work party last night and then he text me and told me he couldn’t come. I was so mad at him for it. He said later that it was because of something at the 2nd Circle but I still think that was bullshit. He just didn’t want to go.” 

 

Alec lost the battle with his emotions and as he lay there, facing the window, he felt the warm dampness coursing over the bridge of his nose. 

 

He didn’t even bother to wipe the wet stains off his face.

 

“Why wouldn’t he want to go with you? Maybe he was telling you the truth.” Jace offered.

 

Alec shook his head. “No, he has never wanted to go anywhere with me. We’ve never even gone on a proper date. Again, we don’t really have that sort of relationship.” 

 

“So what exactly is your relationship then, Alec? Has it changed since you told me about it before?”

 

Even though it was an innocent question, Jace had no idea how his words cut Alec to his core. The truth smacked him in the face as efficiently as a hand. 

 

“No, no it hasn’t. Not on Magnus’ side it hasn’t.” Alec still didn’t want to say the words out loud. He was delaying the inevitable, knowing what is was going to cost him.

 

Jace sighed and asked, “What about you?” 

 

Something broke open inside Alec from his words and he turned for the first time to look at his friend. His emotions spilt over right then, like a dam burst and he felt his face crumble, hot tears streaming down his cheeks sticking to his trembling lips.

 

“I love him, Jace. I tried not to but ...” He cried and his shoulders began to shake with sobs as his voice cracked on each and every word. “I know he doesn’t love me back but it fucking hurts.” he choked tugging at his clothes to steady his shaky hands. “I know it's foolish because I know nothing about him but I can’t help it, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

 

Jace reached out to him and pulled him into his arms.

 

Alec felt all his hurt, all his pain pouring out of him. If Jace hadn’t of been holding him, he felt like he would have shattered into a million pieces. 

 

He sobbed relentlessly on his best friend's shoulder hiccuping through his never ending tears, nothing had ever felt this bad, this painful. 

 

His mind kept replaying Magnus’ words, piercing his already beaten heart.

 

‘ _ Believe what you want. I was probably not the best choice for you after all.’  _

 

As if Alec would choose someone over him, as if someone would matter beside him, this confused Alec to no end, why would Magnus say that. 

 

‘i have nothing to give.’

 

He couldn’t hold back the broken sob that burst through him at the thought of that, his hands fisting Jace’ shirt tightly, desperately. He heard Jace mumble something to him but failed to actually recognize what he said, and very gently he was falling in bed and tucked in under the sheer blanket, Jace’ hand lightly brushing his hair.

 

Exhaustion from the lack of sleep and how emotionally drained he was had caught up with him, for a second he forgot it all and without realizing it he closed his eyes.

  
  


He must of dozed off, because he woke some time later, feeling numb and with a pounding headache. He needed aspirin and probably something to eat but he didn’t have the willpower to physically get out of bed and do anything about it. 

 

He had just rolled over onto his back, changing position for the first time in hours and feeling his cramped muscles protest, when there was a soft knock on the door again. The door cracked open, and Jace stuck his head in tentatively. 

 

“Hey man, do you want anything?” He asked, cautiously. 

 

“Can I get some aspirin?” He asked him, pulling himself up in the bed and wincing at the way his head felt like it was going to explode. He grimaced and rubbed his temples. 

 

He had no idea what time it was, but from the look of it was nearly sunset, the light from the bedroom window was beginning to fade. He rubbed his eyes and then frowned when he heard another voice from out in the living area. He threw back the covers and pulled on his pants from the night before that had laid crumpled on the floor beside the bed, and went out the door. 

 

The first person he saw was Izzy, sitting on the sofa, a cup in her hand, talking to Jace who was in the kitchen. When he walked in, they turned and Izzy immediately put down her cup and rushed across to him, enveloping him in her arms in a fierce bear hug.

 

“Oh Alec, it’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.” She said, her voice muffled from where she had her face buried against his chest. 

 

Alec reflexably put his arms around his sister and allowed her to hold him for a short while. After a few minutes of Izzy not showing any signs of letting him go, Alec took the initiative and pulled her gently back. He was both pleased and grateful for her attention but he had finally gotten a small tentative hold on his trampled emotions and he didn’t want to set himself off once again.

 

“Izzy, what are you doing here?” He asked her, hoping his voice didn’t sound as weak as he felt.

 

Izzy looked back over at where Jace was and then gave him a soft smile. “Jace called me, Alec. He was worried about you. And frankly, so was I when I saw you rush out of the club like that. What happened, Alec?” She looked up at him with large concerned eyes. 

 

“I really don’t want to go into it again, Iz.” Alec sighed and headed for the sofa. Jace came around with a glass of water and two small white tablets. He did his best to glare at his friend, but he was too drained to put too much effort into it. 

 

“Before you say anything, Izzy wanted to come. She called me to find out if I knew what had gone on. She came over straight away.” Jace explained. 

 

Alec swallowed the pills, praying that they would kick in soon and stop the throbbing behind his red eyes. 

 

“You didn’t need to, Izzy. I’m fine.”  Izzy gave him an incredulous look and let out a hard chuckle.

 

“Oh yeah, you're terrific. Look at you, Alec, you look like shit.”

 

“I think you’re exaggerating.” Alec said and then he realised that he was only wearing his pants. His chest was completely bare. Fuck, was he really that far gone? Apparently he was.

 

“I’ll just go grab a shirt.” He said, rising from the sofa, ignoring the way his head felt like it was about to fall off his neck. He took two steps and there was a knock at the door. 

 

Maybe Jace had ordered pizza.

 

Izzy went to get up but he stopped her. “I’ll get it.” Alec missed his sister beginning to open her mouth to say something and went to the door, pulling it open. 

 

There, in front of him, was the second last person he wanted to see right now. 

 

“Alec.” 

 

Thomas stood before him, carrying four steaming pizza boxes and balancing a bottle of soda on top.

 

“Hello, Thomas. I didn’t know you were invited to the pity party as well.”  he turned and this time, fixed Jace with a glare strong enough to break glass. 

 

Of all the people on this earth he didn’t want to see right now, Thomas was second from the top. 

 

“Hey, when you’re down, you need your friends around you. Stop being difficult.” Jace said, his hands folded defiantly over his chest. 

 

Alec stepped back and let him into the apartment. Thomas’ presence had just added another level of hardness to the evening and he wasn’t sure if he had the strength to deal with him as well. 

 

“I’ll go grab that shirt.” Alec said, when he couldn’t help but notice the way Thomas’ eyes roamed over his bare torso. 

 

The night went surprising better then Alec had thought it would. Everyone seemed to of been under strict instructions not to mention anything about Magnus or his absence from the party the night before. They all sat on the sofa together, eating pizza and watching some action movie that Jace had picked out. 

 

Alec hadn’t realised how hungry he was until he had eaten five slices of the delicious food. His headache had finally gone and he found himself actually relaxing, if he didn’t look in Thomas’ direction. 

 

Thomas was handling things very well though he wasn’t his usual happy self, Jace seemed to notice his usual lack of enthusiasm wasn’t there tonight, from the sideways glances he was throwing him that Alec saw, but he had enough sense not to say anything, thank god. 

 

Alec was glad for their small space, there was less chance of being alone with Thomas here and he made sure he didn’t put himself in that situation. 

 

There were a few times he caught him looking at him from the corner of his eye and it made something twinge inside him each time. He knew that eventually he’d have to deal with it, but just not now, not tonight. It was nice to not have to think about things for a second. 

 

The movie was almost over when Izzy's phone went off and she answered it, clearly not happy. When she ended the call, she got up and grabbed her bag.

 

“Sorry guys, but that was work. Someone just went home sick and they are flat out. I have to go.” She bent down and hugged her brother.

 

“You stay strong, alright? He doesn’t deserve you. Never did.” She whispered into Alec’s ear and Alec felt his eyes sting. 

 

Fuck not now. 

 

“Thanks Izzy.” He said, kissing her on the cheek before she got back up and headed for the door. 

 

“Thanks for a good night, guys, bye.” Izzy pulled the door open and then stopped short.

 

“Hello.” 

 

Alec’s blood ran cold the second he heard the familiar voice. He was on his feet and turned in its direction before he had comprehended that he’d done so.

 

“You have a nerve showing up here. I’d stay to kick your ass but I have to go to work. You should go, Magnus.” Izzy growled at him, her large dark eyes boring into the man’s face. He even had the good manners to look unsettled by it.

 

“I just want to talk to Alec.” He said curtly before turning back to face the rest of the room and its inhabitants. 

 

“What the hell do you want?” Jace barked at him. Clearly, Magnus had walked into enemy territory which gave Alec a small feeling of satisfaction. 

 

“I wanted to talk to Alexander.”  He replied still standing out in the hallway. 

 

“No, not possible. I think you should leave.” Jace said, walking towards him menacingly. As much as Alec was glad that Jace and Izzy were looking out for him, he didn't want things to get out of hand. That would just make everything ten times worse.

 

“Jace, it’s alright.”  He told him and he saw Jace reluctantly come to a stop but he was still glaring at the somewhat subdued figure in the doorway. 

 

This was a sight that not many people would of seen, Alec thought. A penitent Magnus. 

 

“Can we talk somewhere?” He asked Alec, fiddling with the cuffs of his shirt.“Please.”

 

Alec hated himself for recognising that it was the same one that he had seen him in when they had been together last. 

 

When he had told him to find someone else. The dull ache that had all but dissipated inside his chest started up again, like a partially healed wound being force open once more.

 

Alec had never felt so torn in his life before. His raw emotions were screaming at him to tell him to get lost, don’t come back, so he could begin to start healing. But his heart, even as crushed as it felt right now, was yearning for Magnus’ attention once more. He had no fucking idea what he should be doing right now, what the proper recourse should be which only added to his pain.

 

But he did know one thing for sure, he wasn’t ready for this right now.

 

“I don’t think so. Not right now.” Alec managed to get out, fighting with everything he had to keep his voice steady. 

 

He didn’t want Magnus to see how wrecked he actually was. 

 

“Please Alec I want to tell y-” Magnus started to say but then Thomas stood up, standing behind him and putting his hands protectively on his shoulders, massaging his bunched muscles. 

 

Alec knew he should of shrugged him off, after what had happened between them but there was something inside him that hoped it would cause Magnus at least a small amount of pain. Even though he doubted the cold insensitive bastard seemed incapable of feeling anything. 

He ignored the little voice of reason, his flayed out emotions getting the better of him. Then he saw it. The look of hurt that flashed through Magnus’ eyes. 

 

Alec then straightened his spine and squared his shoulders in defiance.

 

Magnus’ eyes went from Thomas’ hands to his face and something inside Alec hitched when he saw his expression. He had known Magnus long enough to see the glimpse of his changed demeanor; the crease in his brow, the hardness in his eyes and the clench of his jaw, the muscle tightening almost inperseptably. 

 

He didn’t like what he saw. 

 

But unlike all the emotions that he may have seen Magnus go through before this one was solely diminishing, he looked like a broken mess clutching to get himself together.

 

“So who’s your friend?”

 

Magnus’ rich voice sounded tight and strained and as much as he really wished Thomas would stop touching him like that, in his black mood all he could think of was, good. I hope this makes you suffer as much as you’ve made me suffer. 

 

Alec went to open his mouth to say his name, but Thomas jumped in ahead of him.

 

“I’m Thomas.”  He said, in a clipped tone. 

 

Thomas even went so far as to press his body against his back, as if he wanted him to know he was in his territory now and he was unwanted.

 

“Hmm.” Was all Magnus replied. 

 

He gave Alec a look that made his insides want to turn to dust, before he turned without another word and left. 

 

Jace slammed the door behind him and brushed off his hands, liked he was ridding them of dirt.

 

“That guy’s got some balls to turn up here like that after the way he treated you.” Jace said, coming back over and picking up the empty pizza boxes. 

 

Alec barely heard him. He was still standing there, Thomas was still holding his shoulders.

 

“Hey, are you okay?” His voice sounded like it was coming from a thousand miles away. 

 

Alec’s mind was a turbulent mess right now. Seeing Magnus stalk off the way he had after the look he gave him rendered him shell shocked. His first thought was, oh fuck, what have I done? Had he just broken something irreparably? Or was it that way to begin with. Jesus, he was so confused right now. He could feel his throat closing up.

  
  


“Hey, Alec. Look at me, are you alright?” Thomas’ hand had come up and he took his stubbly chin in his finger and tried to turn his face towards his own. 

 

Suddenly, Alec snapped back. The feel of his hand on his face made all the memories of their kiss the night before come flooding back to wash over him like a tidal wave. The air suddenly got very thin in here.

He couldn't breathe.

 

Alec blinked and pulled back sharply, like Thomas had just pinched him. “I’m fine. I mean no I’m not ... I need to go.” He stumbled over the words and he mechanically walked to his room and shut the door, leaning against the hard cold surface, dragging in as much air as he could.

 

A faint sound from down on the street somehow dragged him to the window. He peered out through the blinds and saw Magnus heading for his large black car that was parked out front. Raphael was standing beside it and as Magnus neared it, he saw the driver say something to him as Magnus came to a stop in front of him, shaking his head slowly. 

 

As Alec watched, Raphael spoke again before he took Magnus into his arms, holding the back of his head with one hand, pushing his face into his neck, his other hand brushing through the strands of his hair, Alec felt an unexplainable anger run through his veins and he pulled back from the window as if the scene had hurt his eyes. It seemed way too intimate a situation for him to be watching. 

 

A flame of jealousy flared within him before he could stop it and remind himself that he had no right to feel that way anymore. Not that he ever had, really. 

 

Magnus had never been his and his alone. 

 

Alec’s throat felt like it was coated in sand and he needed water more than he needed air right now. He took a deep breath, trying to rid his mind of what he’d just witnessed outside and went out the door.

 

The room was dark apart from the pale flickering light of the TV that was still on, the volume turned down. Thomas was sitting on the sofa alone and Alec halted.

 

“Where’s Jace?” He asked him.

 

“He went to bed but I said I’d stay until I knew you were okay. You looked pretty rattled earlier.” Thomas said. He looked down at his hands and then back up to Alec’s face.

 

“Alec, I know the timing is really shitty, but I think we should talk about what happened between us.” 

 

Alec felt like he’d just had twenty pound weights put on his shoulders. He really didn’t want to deal with this right now, but he knew if things were left unsaid that it was only going to make things worse between them. 

 

He went into the kitchen and got a bottle of water from the fridge and with a resigned sigh, sat down on the sofa, putting as much space between he and Thomas as possible. 

 

“I want to tell you that if I’ve made things harder for you, that wasn't my intention.” Thomas started. Clearly, he wanted to get this sorted out. 

 

“It’s okay Thomas, you had no idea what was happening with Magnus and I. Shit was confusing with he and I before last night.” Alec told him. 

 

“Yeah, but my timing was lousy. I’d had a fair bit to drink and I wasn’t thinking too clearly. ” He offered up a soft apologetic smile, but it fell from his lips the minute he saw Alec’s expression.

 

Thomas’ words had cut through him more than they probably should of. in his current state of mind, all Alec thought was, Christ, I was gonna be some drunken one night stand. Those twenty pound weights jumped to fifty pounds in an instant.

 

“Fuck, Alec, no. No, no. I didn’t mean it like that. That’s the last thing I want. You have to believe me, that wasn’t my intention.” He moved closer to him and reached out a hand, putting it on Alec’s knee. Alec’ pulse picked up a notch from his soft warm touch.

 

“I’m probably overreacting to everything right now anyway.” Alec confessed. 

 

In spite of his frayed nerves and the pain he still carried for Magnus, it was kind of nice to have someone reaching out to him in a caring manner.

 

“Alec, I don’t want you to think that I wanted some one night stand. I’m not into that whole scene.” 

 

And it was true, from day one Thomas had been all about having a connection with his significant other, a real base to build a relationship on, he admired that about him

 

“I’ve been attracted to you for a while now, more then that actually ..”  Thomas took his hand off his knee and rubbed the back of his neck, eyes darting everywhere, anywhere but at him. And Alec felt oddly out of place, he was never on the receiving end of a crush confession, nor was he on the giving side either.

 

“And I guess I’ve been biding my time, trying to see where things were between you and Magnus before I said anything. Seeing you so upset last night got to me.”  Thomas was looking into his eyes and Alec could see that he meant every word. He saw him shift closely to him, meanwhile his own nerves were through the roof.

 

“You’re amazing Alec, you’re innocent and funny and the most beautiful guy I have ever seen, I can’t stop myself from wanting you, with me, to show you what you’re actually worth, or at least try my best to do so.”

 

Alec’s heart stopped beating for a second, he had never heard someone talk about him this way, with so much admiration and awe, he felt his skin flare with warmth and appreciation. For a minute he felt praised, loved and cherished.  

 

Then he came to his senses, here he was, desperate for the warmth and happiness he longed to get from Magnus, basically falling for a guy that had the emotional range of a rock almost, and then this really nice guy comes into his life like a burst of fresh air and he couldn’t help thinking how much easier things would be with Thomas. 

 

Alec chose his words carefully. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing right now but he thought it was important for Thomas to know how he felt. 

 

“I really don't know what I feel right now, Thomas. I just need some time to process everything, and for all its worth you are a really nice guy too Thomas.” He said, hoping he would get what he meant. 

 

Thomas took his hand in his giving it a squeeze.

 

“Alec, I understand and I’d never push you into anything you don’t want. All I want is for you to be okay.” It was hard not to see the glint of softness in his big blue eyes, even in the pale blue light of the television. 

 

Alec smiled at him and nodded. Even though Magnus had crushed his heart and all but obliterated his deep feelings for him, they were still there but for now, the pain of his indifference was weighing them down and Alec knew he owed it to himself to see if he could find what he was looking for elsewhere. 

 

After being in the dark for so long, the light looked way too tempting to resist. 

 

“Okay.” He said, and even managed a weak smile for him. 

 

Thomas got to his feet and pulled Alec up beside him, still holding his hand. He brought the other one up and cupped it gently to his cheek and Alec felt those weights starting to fall from where they had been resting. 

 

“You deserve to feel happy, Alec. You’re a precious gem in this fucked up world.” He leaned in and gently brushed his lips to forehead, just once, before pulling back. “ I should go.” Thomas smiled and dropped his hands and headed for the door.

 

“Try to get some sleep, yeah? I’ll call you tomorrow.” He said, and he smiled warmly at him as he let himself out of the door. 

 

Alec sighed as he locked the door and turned off the TV. Suddenly he felt so tired he could hardly move. He went to his room and fell onto his bed, his limbs too heavy to be able to get undressed. 

 

He didn’t know where things with Thomas would end up or if anything would come from it but right now, it felt like something he needed and he was ready to let himself have it. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter and we want you to know that the long awaited Magnus' POV chapter will be up soon. We'd love to hear what you guys would like to see included in it. Please let us know. Hope you will enjoy it.


	16. Athazagoraphobia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read these notes before reading this chapter. Our tags have changed to reflect what could be in the chapter and some of the issues covered could be difficult for some people.   
>  Athazagoraphobia is the fear of being forgotten or ignored and the fear of forgetting. This is the long awaited Magnus POV chapter. Also please take note that as it is from his POV and his memory in certain cases, there is a lot of switching between past and present. We hope you like what we have come up with for this but as it is very angst filled and has some content which may be hard for some, please only read if you are comfortable with it.

  
  


It was dark in here. 

 

Very dark.

 

He liked the dark. It gave him a feeling of steadiness and control. Both of which he felt he had lost somewhat at this moment. 

 

He had left Alec’s apartment in a blinded haze of emotion. This wasn’t how he had hoped it would turn out. Getting from his door to back down to his car and into Raphael’s comforting arms was a blur to him. 

 

It didn’t matter, as much as what Raphael had actually said to him, he was having too many flashbacks to even listen.

 

In the whole chaotic mess that was Magnus’ life, Raphael had been the only constant thing in it. 

 

And right now, he knew he needed that more than he needed his next breath. 

 

Raphael had been there for him in good times and bad ever since they were kids together and was his only source of happiness for most of it.  

 

He wasn’t entirely sure if he was the same for Raphael. 

 

He was pretty sure that he brought more pain to him, than anyone else.

 

By then, the hand caressing his neck snapped him out of his trance, he knew he shouldn’t indulge in this so he stepped back and held his breath, Raphael was looking at him the same way he did when one of the several families that came in with a view to adopt, had rejected them, him more specifically, Raphael just stayed back for his sake.

 

He hated that prominent look so much, so he slid in the back seat wordlessly and crossed his legs.

 

They got back to the loft, in silence which he honestly appreciated.

  
  
  
  


He needed a drink, and the quiet, because his mind was anything but silent.

 

Magnus had gone straight to his liquor cabinet and poured himself a generous glass full of whisky. 

 

He looked across and saw Raphael standing there, arms crossed, brows creased in a frown.  

 

He knew what that meant. That murderous glare had put fear into many people over their years together. Combined with his dark features, he left no doubt about what his thoughts were. 

 

He was furious, and Magnus wasn’t having it. Raphael’s anger and judgement over anything Alec related wasn’t what he wanted to deal with right now. 

 

“I’ll call you tomorrow.” Magnus said sternly. 

 

He didn’t need a reply, didn’t want one either and he turned away from his friend. 

 

He just headed for the solace of his bedroom, holding his breath and everything he was feeling in until he had reached it’s dark familiar space. He slammed the sliding doors shut, hoping that the signal would be clear,  _ Raphael leave me alone _ .

 

Magnus went over to his bed and sat down heavily onto the side of the quilted surface, trying not to think about the last time he was in here with Alec, and how different he thought he would be, those lingering fingers still ghosting over his naked back. 

 

_ Alec _ .

 

He was trying not to feel the twist in his gut at the sound of his name even in his own thoughts. 

 

He started blindly into the darkened room waiting for the sound of his front door closing. His hand gripped the glass of whisky and he had to compel himself not to keep squeezing it in case it broke and shattered in his hand.

 

It was so still and quiet in the loft that he could almost hear the sound of his own heart beat as he waited, praying that it wouldn't be too much longer until Raphael left. A minute went by and then another, and then finally the blessed sound of the heavy front door being opened and then closed softly a second later came to him. 

 

For the first time in over two minutes, Magnus let out a a trembling breath.

 

He slid off the corner of the bed onto the hard floor, jarring his body right up his spine but not feeling anything from his hard decent. 

 

It was as if the closing of the door was the release of the trigger on everything he had been bottling up inside him since he had numbly walked away from Alec’s front door. 

 

No.

 

That wasn’t quite true. 

 

It was since the night before at Pandemonium that he’d been holding everything back, making his insides feel like they were being wound up tight as a coiled spring. 

 

But now, here, alone in the dark with nothing but his own thoughts, the spring finally had reached breaking point and he was almost completely overwhelmed by it all. 

 

He didn’t know what to feel first; the anger he felt about what he had seen take place the night before between Alec and the guy with the tattoos, Thomas, or the all too familiar feeling of rejection and loss over what he saw as the glaringly obvious end to what he had with Alec. 

 

Or he thought he had.

 

This had brought up so many memories.

 

As usual, he let anger take the lead and after downing what was left in his glass, and gritting his teeth to the point of pain, Magnus threw the empty glass against the nearest wall and heard it shatter as it impacted. 

 

Who cared he was alone now, a concept that was too familiar with.

 

So was pain.

 

His whole being was vibrating with it now; his shoulders shook and his jaw ached from where he was tensing it. The tears stinging his eyes forced him to close them but this very action brought up memories that he had long buried in the furthest reaches of his mind. 

 

Sitting there, alone, in the dark, with only his fevered thoughts, sent him right back to when he had been a young boy of 8 years of age and the night his father had walked out on them. He’d been in in his dark little room, staring at the closed door, listening to the wild raging argument between his parents.

 

Hearing them fight was nothing new to him but this time, something about the heightened volume of their voices was different and it had woken him up. He had sat on his narrow bed, pushed against the wall, clutching his raggy teddy bear to his face to stem the need to sob out loud. 

 

He could tell his mother had been drinking again, when did she stop anyway?

 

Now, all these years later, even though the memory of it was as if it had happened yesterday, Magnus had no idea what exactly had been said, only that it had been said in hatred, more hatred than he’d ever heard before. 

 

His mother had screamed at his father and little Magnus had jumped and stifled a cry with the thread bare surface of his only comfort as he heard the distinct sharp clap of a hand connecting to skin. 

 

His father had roared back at her then and she swore vehemently back at him before he screamed at her that he’d had enough and as much irony as the universe seemed to conduct, Magnus’ little ears picked up what was going to hurt him most.

 

_ I don’t even know if he’s mine, look at his eyes, look at him. _

 

The correlation of the whole scene, between his childhood memory and the reality of the one he was currently living in was scarily similar to this one yet so different when he heard the front door to their small apartment open and then close loudly, with enough force that the whole apartment seemed to shake.

 

Magnus remembered sitting there, holding his breath, afraid to even breath.

 

Where had his father gone?

 

Would he be coming back? 

 

He was  _ his _ father, he loved him, surely he would never leave him. Would he?

 

In the days and weeks that followed that night, it became apparent that any happiness that he’d had in his life had left right along with his father. 

 

Life with his mother became almost unbearable. 

 

He liked school, it was better than being at home with her. 

 

She spent their shared time together either ignoring him or finding fault in everything or anything he did or said. 

 

Her drinking only got worse from then on in and the job she held at the local supermarket got tossed aside so that she could spend her days on the couch with a bottle of whatever liquor was cheapest at the time. 

 

It was in these drunken periods that his mother liked to remind him that it was because of him that his father had left in the first place. That if he wasn’t such a freak, he wouldn’t of gone away and left them. She either didn’t know or didn't care that each time she told him this, it was picking needles that already torn up his little fragile heart. 

  
  
  


He was born with a weird set of eyes, yellow irises clear as ever in the daylight, although during the night blotches of a russet coppery tint hid them until they got significantly darker. 

 

He recalled one of the doctors his father took him to call them wolf eyes, he looked up smiling to his dad feeling cool that he had one of his favourite animals as sort of a nickname for his eyes, but the frown that decorated his dad’s face shut him down completely.

 

The worst thing was, his unstable emotions only made his eye condition worse and harder to conceal. He’d cry too much when his Mother would call him a freak, and teachers at school would start commenting on his bloodshot eyes, drawing more unwanted attention to them which gets him bullied more after class. His life became a never ending circle of pain and feelings of guilt at the thought had his mother was right about it being his fault for losing his father, so he never complained about getting beaten up at school, he deserved it.

  
  


There wasn’t a morning that he didn't wake up hoping that he would hear from his father or a night where he didn’t go to sleep praying that he would be there in the morning, or at least call him. 

 

He had loved his father, and he’d thought he’d loved him back. As the weeks turned into months, it became clearer to him that his father hadn’t loved him enough to put up with his mother’s cold hostile nature and stay for his sake, or at least take him with him.

 

It also became obvious that his mother despised him, she had spent most of the time blaming Magnus for driving her husband off and out of her life, that the only person that had been any sort of anchor for her had gone and left her floating adrift in a sea of her own self misery.

 

As he sat there in the dark consumed by his dark memories, he scrubbed his eyes with his palms, wiping away tears before they dripped down his face.

 

Those useless fucking eyes. He was powerless to do do anything about them but despise them.

 

He despised himself. And his brain made sure to remind him of why he did.

  
  


Their life descended rapidly and somehow, they survived each other until Magnus turned ten years old. By then, the welfare department had paid them several visits and had threatened to remove Magnus from the house if things didn't change, but somehow his mother managed to dodge them. 

 

Why? he didn't know. 

 

He felt that she hated him and had no idea why she’d want him to stay around. 

 

Magnus felt dread creep up on him at the memory of what had happened next, and couldn’t help tossing his head back on the bed behind him and let his tears fall.

 

It was winter, he was sleeping snuggled up in bed, he remembered his mother awkwardly picking him up out of his bed. He had no idea how long he’d been asleep for but he felt it was pretty late at night. They went out to the car and she put him in the backseat, telling him they were going for a little trip and he should go back to sleep until they got there. 

 

The car’s heater made it warm and soon Magnus had felt his eyes closing once more as the movement of the car lulled him to back to sleep. 

 

The next thing he was aware of, was his mother taking him out of the car, and he struggled awake, trying to take in where they were. 

 

Nothing looked familiar to him, it was nowhere he’d ever been before and he wasn’t sure if they were even in the same city anymore or if it was just another suburb. He remembered stumbling still half asleep across a car park towards a brightly lit gas station. 

 

All he could remember of it was that it was a large one with a diner at one end that at the late hour was empty. His mother sat him at one of the empty tables and told him to be a good boy,  _ stay put and wait here for me baby _ , the endearing word took him off guard and he eagerly nodded, wanting to get on his mother’s good side. 

 

Maybe she was going to buy him a new car toy.

 

He must have fallen back to sleep because when he woke again, he was still sitting at the bright orange table in the corner and the watery light of early morning was starting to show from outside the windows. 

 

At first, Magnus hadn’t been worried and he looked around for his mother. He couldn’t see her at all but he thought that maybe she might be in the bathroom or somewhere so he stayed there. 

 

Just like she asked him. 

 

Waiting. 

 

After a while though, he began to feel the first prickles of fear inside him. 

 

He got up and wandered up and down the aisles of food searching for her, tears flowing easily down his small cheeks. 

 

As much as she mistreated him, to his ten year old self, she called him baby, he was her baby, nothing else mattered. 

 

She was happy with him.

 

She called him  _ baby. _

 

He could feel the panic starting to mount up inside him when he had searched each and every space and she was nowhere to be found.

 

Maybe she had just gone out to get them breakfast of something. He sat back down at the table to wait, scrunching his thin little body up into a ball as far as he could. 

 

He didn't know how much longer he had sat there for before he heard footsteps and a young girl with a uniform on came around the corner of the diner and stopped before him. 

 

She frowned down at him and then looked around the empty restaurant. 

 

“Hey, sweetie, where’s your Mom?” She asked him bending down before him. 

It had been beaten into his brain by his mother to keep his eyes down when someone was facing him so they didn't see his eyes and as upset and scared as he was, he still obeyed that command. 

 

He just shook his head, too afraid to even speak the words that were on the back of his tongue, lips wobbling from the panic he was enduring.

 

The girl stood up and put her hands on her hips, looking towards the man that sat behind the cashier’s counter at the other end of the store.

 

“Bob, for Christ’s sakes, didn’t you notice that there’s a kid in here? Do you know where his mother went?” he said.

 

Magnus didn’t hear what the man said in reply, he was still too taken over by his fears to be able to take the words in. He just kept repeating.

 

_ Please come back, Mama, please come and get me. _

 

“I’ll get you something to eat, sweetie, okay? And then we’ll see about getting you home.” She  disappeared and a few minutes later, came back in with a cup of hot chocolate and a sandwich and placed it on the table in front of him. 

 

Magnus remembered how his belly had rumbled at the smell of the rich steaming drink and even though he was suddenly starving, his wobbly lip kept trembling and his throat felt like it was closing up from his fear to be able to get the food down, so he just sat there staring at it. 

 

He didn’t remember a lot of detail about what happened after that, he’d been out of his mind with fear and panic but then it all settled, his mother wasn’t coming back for him. 

 

Magnus bitterly laughed, the soft sheets under his head preventing him from banging his head to dull the pain in his chest, what a sad excuse of a human being he was, he drove away his own parents, the only people in the world who were supposed to love you unconditionally, to stick by you and take care of you.

 

His didn’t even want him.

 

Stopping his tears wasn’t an option any longer, he cried silently as he did all his life because that was the only kind of crying he was allowed to do.

 

No one knew how alone he constantly felt.

 

As for his young mind after the gas station, he retreated into himself further than he’d ever gone before. 

 

Child services were called and by the time they came, the day was almost over. Magnus vaguely remembered being led off out of the police station and into a car with a lady who wore a purple skirt that had yellow flowers on it. 

 

Why that had stuck with him after all these years, he had no idea. 

 

But he hated that skirt. As much as he did his eyes.

 

His first night alone was spent in a group home, he stuck to himself and tried to avoid any contact with the other kids as much as possible. 

 

How could one trust anyone after his own parents gave him up?

 

_ The kid with the yellow eyes. _

 

The world had done a decent job to welcome him in the group home as well.

 

Yet another reason to hate everything that led to his existence.

 

When days turned into weeks and then weeks to months, Magnus eventually resigned himself to his new life. 

 

Without a mother.

 

Without a father.

 

Knowing that both his parents were out there somewhere and just didn't want him, made it worse than the stories of some of the other kids who had ended up in the home because their parents had died. 

 

In his darker times, he thought about what they might be doing.

 

_ Maybe they had found new families with other kids that didn't have weird eyes _ .

 

_ Maybe they got rid of him and got back together. _

 

_ Maybe they were happier without him now. _

 

_ He wasn’t anyone’s reason of happiness. _

 

He kept telling himself.

  
  
  
  


By the time he had turned twelve, he’d been in and out of at least eight foster homes, none of which had worked out. 

 

He always ended up back at the group home, feeling rejected and resentful. 

 

No one wanted him, yet again.

 

Too big.

 

Too silent.

 

Too different.

 

At some point, he stopped showing how much he was effected by it, and kept a straight face.

 

Bullying never got better, but in that time, he’d learnt to defend himself, and most of the other old kids there left him alone. There were still the odd or new ones that tried to get him, and on more than one occasion, he’d end up with a black eye or sore ribs.

 

Even as he entered his teenage years, Magnus had been slightly built with little muscle and he had learned some tricks to keep people off of him, so he wasn’t completely helpless to defend himself.

 

It was in one of these years that he first met Raphael. 

 

The slightly older boy had become his saviour after that on more than one occasion. He became his one and only friend inside the home and they were rarely seen out of each other’s company, if Magnus got rejected for adoption Raphael would stay behind as well.

 

Magnus had harboured a deep seeded belief that nothing was permanent in his life anymore. That there wouldn’t be anyone out there that would care about him enough to actually give a damn and stick around. 

 

Meeting Raphael changed all that for him. 

 

He became the one tangible hope in his life, the one person who Magnus was happy to wake up to, Raphael probably had no clue how his presence saved his life. 

 

He’d grown a deep attachment to him, an equivalent fear of losing him as well.

 

Along with all his other issues, Magnus had had to contend with the fact that he was becoming increasingly aware of his attraction to other guys. He knew he liked girls as much as he did boys, which only added to his confusion about his sexuality, but he tired to keep his thoughts about the subject to himself. 

 

He didn't even tell Raphael. He had no idea what were his thoughts on the subject so he didn't want to risk losing him as well. 

 

Then something happened that changed all that, at least how he looked at things. 

 

Thinking of that made him smile, his face drenched with tears in his dark room, his legs gave out and straightened in front of him, he choked out a laugh at the memory of what Raphael had said to him back then.

 

It was late one night in the dormitory at the group home when he’d been dragged out of bed by the front of his pyjamas and he hit the floor hard on his hip. The pain radiated down his leg as he struggled awake and tried to fight whoever it was off but the boy that was dragging him across the cold floor had been much older than him and alot stronger.

 

They took him into a dark room and two others held his arms as his assailant began to call him names and threaten him. Nothing he hadn’t heard before but even in the low light, Magnus could tell he was in a world of trouble. The kid was solid and he tried to brace himself for the first punch, knowing that it was going to really hurt.

 

He saw the dark form of his fist pull back and he winced, waiting for the contact but then someone yelled from the doorway.

 

At first, he thought it was one of the male supervisors who worked at the home, because of how furious they sounded, but he recognised that deep voice and knew it was Raphael, coming to his rescue once again. He rushed at the other boy, grabbing him by the arm and pulled him away before the sound of a fist hitting into his gut filled the room. 

 

The two others that were holding him let go and fled out the door. Raphael was yelling at the boy, as he pounded into him and Magnus became concerned that he’d do serious damage to him, if he hadn’t already. 

 

“Raphael! Stop! You're killing him! He’s not worth it!” He had yelled at him, and had put a hand out to touch his bunched shoulder, that was primed for yet another punch. 

 

Raphael shrugged his hand off, breathing hard, looking down at the crumpled form at their feet. 

 

He straightened and wiped sweat from his brow, his nostrils flaring.

 

“Go, get the fuck out of here and don't let me see you anywhere near him again.” He spat at the other boy and they both watched as he dragged himself out the door, wiping blood from his face. 

 

“Are you alright?” Raphael asked him, turning to him, his voice now calm and soft. 

 

Before Magnus had time to react, Raphael took him into his arms and held him tight.  

 

The feeling of security and comfort warmed his insides, banishing the icy coldness of fear that had filled him.

 

“Yes, of course. I was fine.” Magnus reassured him, bringing his own arms up to wrap them around his thick set frame. 

 

“You were far from fine, Magnus.” he took hold of his wrist and brought it close to his eyes to inspect it, the room was pretty dark but the bruise forming around his wrist was obvious enough to have Raphael flaming with rage all over again, “I’m going to kill them.”

 

Raphael’s voice was deep and gut like scary, he pulled back from him to look into his eyes. 

 

There was something about the moment that had Magnus speechless, Raphael was not by any means a sentiment guy, but he held him in the dark so carefully, so tenderly, like he was afraid he was going to shatter.

 

“Thanks for rescuing me. Again.” Magnus said to him, smiling. 

 

Raphael took his shoulders in his hands and pulled back from him. His hands moved to rest on either side of his face setting Magnus’ cheeks on fire.  

 

“I’d do anything for you, idiota, Mataría por ti mi amor.” 

 

Magnus’ breath hitched in his throat from the softness of his voice. He had no idea what he had said to him, but the caress of his tone warmed his insides. There was something about the way he was looking at him when he said that, his 17 year old self wasn’t ready to let go of at the time, nor did he understand the weight of those words for someone like Raphael.

 

“Yeah, I know.” He stammered and blushed.

 

_ I’d do anything for you _

 

It made him so happy, made his soul strangely full, like he wasn’t missing anything in the world, like the happiest boy alive.

 

It was an intimate moment between them, unlike anything Magnus had ever experienced before, And very Raphael unlike.

 

For the first time in a long time, he had a feeling of emotional stability. 

  
  


A quiet understanding grew between them after that and Magnus never had to fear anyone, he knew everything about the older boy and Raphael knew everything about him, he’d tend to hold Magnus’ broad shoulder as if he was a child whenever they pass by families holding their kids.

 

_ We’re each other's families. _

 

There were times when panic attacks started taking over Magnus right when he was sound asleep and Raphael always made sure he’d be close by, he’d take Magnus’ palm and hold it were his own heart was, squeezing it tightly.

 

“I’m here, you’re not Alone, feel my heart beat and count Magnus.” 

 

It never failed to calm him back to sleep.

  
  


It was shortly after this that he was placed in yet another foster home. Being away from Raphael sunk him back into severe depression and his old fears about being abandoned took over. 

 

The family was very nice, things weren’t too bad, he wore nice clothes, went to a great school, had nice things but he was aching for his only comfort, Raphael wasn’t there, nightmares occurred more often then.

 

Panic attack or not he needed  _ his _ heartbeat to anchor himself with, his own wouldn’t do.

  
  


It was then that he met the first girl he had ever fallen in love with. She went to the school that he attended and was friendly and sweet to him from the first day. There had a quiet strength about her that reminded Magnus of Raphael and that probably had been the reason he allowed himself to have deeper feelings for her than he normal would let himself. 

 

After a month, he’d finally gotten the courage to ask her out and for two months, when she said she liked him since the day he first got in school he couldn’t wait to tell Raphael.

 

Things between them were going great until an afternoon study date at her house ended up with them rolling around the floor together, locked in each other’s arms. They’d been so caught up in each other, neither of them had heard the door open, and her mother walked in. 

 

Magnus was told to get out and stay away from her or else his foster parents would be contacted. The next day at school, he tried to talk to her but she told him with tears in her eyes, that she’d been forbidden to have anything more to do with him or she would lose any hope of getting into the college she’d been wanting to attend after they graduated the next year. 

 

Magnus was heart broken and even though he knew it was risky, he’d tried several times to talk to her but it was no use. 

 

He knew things were new between them, a barely six month old relationship, for him it felt like he knew her all his life, she was a breeze of fresh air and with her he felt like he was indestructible, so he hoped, with his foolish little mind that she would fight for him, she said she loved him, he said it back feverly his heart swelled to the point it felt like exploding.

 

That meant she wouldn’t give him up so easily. Wouldn’t it?

 

In the end, Magnus realised that she wasn’t coming back to him and that her future career and college was more important to her than he was. 

 

He wasn’t enough to fight for, again, as silly as all of this would seem to anyone else it wasn’t to him. 

 

He wouldn’t expect anybody to understand anyway, people were too perfect to understand how fucked up he really was.

 

It pained him so much to think that she didn’t think that she could have both, if she only loved him enough, or if she even did.

 

It had cut a deep scar in his already butchered heart.

 

Without his best friend, he spiraled down and into himself, deeper than ever before. Depression got the best of him so his once good grades failed, he stopped talking to anyone beyond single word replies and he spent his days when he wasn't at school crying on his bed in his room. 

 

Naturally, his foster parents were deeply concerned and tried everything to get him to come around but nothing worked and in the end, it all became too hard for them and even though he was only months away from his 18th birthday and graduation, he ended up back in the group home. 

 

He hadn’t been expecting to see Raphael when he got there, sure that he’d be long gone as his birthday was long gone but there he was, standing at the door way as he got out of the car. 

 

Magnus broke in tears as he saw him and ran into his arms, allowing Raphael’s strong arms to enfold him and give him the comfort that he had been craving. 

 

“Shush, I’m here” he whispered into his neck, “You’re safe.”

 

He tried to believe that.

  
  
  


He has been broken enough already to just sink lower into his everlasting depression, everything seemed dark and distant, he rarely talked back or ate, although Raphael tried, but Magnus was not leaving his bed.

 

He stuck with him through it, he rushed to him when he heard his breathing increase and knew he was about to have a panic attack, he lulled him to sleep and fed him when the hunger was too much to bare.

 

He was the best thing that ever happened to him, and a low voice inside his head kept telling him that he didn’t deserve him.

 

After awhile he got out of that heavy dark place, Raphael Kept promising him that after a couple of months he’ll be eighteen finally and they could leave and be together, that they’d get jobs, finish school and that he’d buy Magnus anything he wants just to see his pretty smile. 

 

He couldn’t wait.

 

But there was one thing that he had made up his mind about and that was that he’d never give his heart to anyone ever again. 

 

He was dispensable, and trusting others not to dispose of him after they finish with him was only foolish to believe now. 

And he wasn’t a fool by any means.

 

It all led to pain and heart break, and he was through with feeling like that. 

 

It had started with his father leaving him, then his mother and finally his first love, each painful incident resulting in irreparable damage to his spirit and cementing the belief that he was unworthy of happiness. 

 

He had Raphael and that was enough for him. 

  
  


Not long after that Magnus had gotten to graduate and then get accepted to college where he was encouraged to do a business course, studies never were a hassle to him, his life though was.

 

Raphael managed to get a full scholarship to study engineering at the same school and fulfilled his promise of living together, it was by no means an easy first year with no money to start with but Raphael took care of him, took jobs left and right so that Magnus never had to work, he was handling things to the point where Magnus never felt like they were struggling.

 

Things got better throughout the second year, they had a system to follow, they were inseparable and finally happy.

 

It was in their third year that Magnus received a letter about the death of his father. 

 

It came as a complete shock, that part of his life locked away in his mind, so that letter brought it back to him.

 

He would of been lying if he had said that he hadn't wondered what had happened to him after he had walked out on him and his mother. 

 

Not that it changed the way he felt about him. Or both of them.

 

Apparently, he had given himself a fresh start and began a construction company which grew into a very successful business. He’d remarried but had no other children, his wife had passed away from illness four years ago. 

 

Magnus had been sitting in the college grounds as he was reading the letter that had come from a lawyer’s office in another state. 

 

Magnus’ heart picked up and he could feel his hand sweat from the thought that he was finally hearing from him after all these years.

 

He had been diagnosed with a life threatening illness and he had been advised to get his affairs in order, hence the letter he was now reading. 

 

Magnus scanned the formal letter, unsettled by the fact that after all these years, his father hadn’t even bothered to contact him at all except through a lawyer, and now only after his death. He had grown numb to the reasons why he had left after this length of time, but a simple letter of explanation would of been decent enough. Obviously, that was never going to happen now. His father’s life had been summed up in a few paragraphs of a formal legal letter. 

 

He had to stop several times and take in deep breaths, it was hard to read all of this after so long but he persevered and got through it.

 

To sum things up, the lawyers were stating that he was leaving him his estate. 

 

Magnus’ hands shook as he was reading it, stating how much that actually was. The number was in six figures and he felt his heart almost stop.

 

He vaguely remembered finding Raphael, his mind and body numb with shock. He had told him at first that he was going to write them and tell them that he didn't want the money, he didn't want anything from the man that had abandoned him.

 

“Take the fucking money, Magnus. The guy owes you something for not being there when you needed him.” Raphael had told him.

 

He shook his head, still too overwhelmed by it to be able to process it just yet. 

 

Raphael got him calmed down enough to stop him from completely rejecting his inheritance and after all the legalities were finalised, the money was put in trust for him until his twenty third birthday.

 

At least that would give him some breathing room to be able to decide what he was going to do about it. 

 

Magnus and Raphael both eventually graduated college with honors and he was then faced with the reality of what to do with it. 

 

After many hours of discussions between he and Raphael, Magnus chose to use the money to start his own business.

 

After the past four years of being dragged into various nightclubs by his friend, he decided that he wanted to open one of his own. Somewhere completely different to anything else around. 

 

Somewhere he felt comfortable being in, where his eyes wouldn't be an issue. 

 

So began eighteen months of planning, renovating and fitting out the 2nd circle.

 

From night one, Magnus felt like home within its walls. The dark interior with its minimal lighting and sultry atmosphere suited him down to the ground and he became the person he was today. 

 

More confident in himself than ever before, taking command of his business and his personal life with a strength that had even surprised him at times. 

 

He’d wanted Raphael to be a partner in the business but he’d refused at first, saying that he didn't want to risk their relationship by mixing it with business. But Magnus assured him that would never happen, everything between them was forever, work wouldn’t change that, nothing would.

 

So he agreed.

 

More than a partner, Raphael was a soft place to fall when things got difficult,Magnus knew that deep inside of him. 

 

Throughout all the hassle of the club, He enjoyed the feeling of being in control, that nothing happened at the club or in his life that he didn't authorise first. 

 

That included his sex life as well. 

 

As his renown grew, he had no shortage of willing partners to do with as he pleased and he was able to satisfy his carnal needs with ease.

 

There were a few incidents of the other person developing more of an attachment to him than he wanted from them but as soon as he picked up on the signals that told him of this, he ended things straight away, before he began to get sucked down the rabbit hole of emotions.

 

He knew too well where that led him.

 

It was when Magnus felt at the top of his game where his sex life was concerned, that he realised that Raphael’s attitude towards anything related to that side of his life resulted in him growing detached. He noticed it more when he spoke to him about it. The reasons behind Raphael’s coldness in that area was left unspoken about and Magnus tried to keep any talk of it to a minimum. He knew that if Raphael wanted to talk about it, he would so it remained between them.

 

Magnus got up from his bedroom floor and began to pace, his butt was getting numb from the hardwood floor and now he needed to move, to also work this part, the hardest one he had to process, out of his system. 

 

He ran his hands through his dark hair, fisting the longer strands on top and pulling them almost painfully, trying to offset the ache in his gut all this was causing him. 

 

Now it was time to look back six months previously to see where he had made the slip, been taken off guard, and allowed himself to feel more for the man than he had set out to do. 

 

In his mind, he was right back to that first night he saw him, dancing awkwardly with his friend on the floor.

 

Fuck, he was so handsome and he didn't know if it was that air of innocence that wafted around him that had drawn him in or just the fact that he was the most beautiful man he had ever seen.

 

Whatever it was, there was something about Alec Lightwood that had intrigued him and the fact that he was trying to resist Magnus just made him want him more. 

 

Yes, there had been a risk with him being so inexperienced, but to Magnus’ way of thinking, Alec was less likely to be demanding and want more than he was willing to give.

 

He also liked the way he moulded to his way of achieving pleasure, not wanting to take over and spoil things for him. His submissiveness had been his biggest draw card in the beginning but now after knowing him, and experiencing his more dominant side as well, he knew Alec was a perfect mixture of both. 

 

That first night had been incredible and Alec had quickly become his drug of choice. There was nothing about the guy that he didn't find irresistible; his full lipped mouth, the broad, strong chest, covered in the soft dark hair that felt like heaven against his own. 

 

The way his body had accepted his, the way that they meshed and slowly came apart so beautifully together that they had forgot what was happening around them in those blissful hours they had in each other’s company.

 

It had been because of this that he now knew he had ignored the usual signs that Alec was getting too close to him. 

 

Raphael hadn’t, however, and had tried to warn him on several occasions in the last couple of months that he was sailing very close to the wind where Alec was concerned. 

 

Raphael had always been stiff and standoffish where his sexual partners were concerned, when Magnus finally talked to him about it Raphael came out to him as asexual, something Magnus accepted in his best friend who had embraced his own bisexuality before. 

 

With the others, Raphael had acted disinterested but with Alec, he seemed down right resentful of him. 

 

But for the first time in forever, Magnus ignored his best friend. 

 

Looking back now, Magnus realised that things had turned a corner for him on the weekend that Alec had spent with him that he had woken, unawares to Alec, and had felt him tracing his finger tip over the exposed skin of his back. At first, he thought it was just random movements of swirls and flourishes but he quickly realised that it was actual letters and words he was tracing. 

 

He had laid in the darkened room, silently enjoying the sensation of it and then he felt him trace I love you over his skin and the warmth that it sparked inside shocked him. 

 

He found that it had left him with a long lost emotion he had never thought he’d feel again. 

 

Hope. 

 

Hope that maybe, just maybe, things with this man would be different, that there was a chance, even a remote one, that their relationship would change into something deeper. 

 

Because there was a spark between them that he had never felt before but was wary of pursuing.

  
  


That feeling of longing was prickling under his skin, he felt it burning him from the inside that whole day of Alec’s work party, he went through god knows how many outfits before he was pleased with the way he looked. 

 

Alec was no longer associated with simply gaining sexual relief or a no strings attached deal, to him, he had grown to be much more than that.

 

At first Magnus was scared of letting his guard down, this man was just too beautiful but he urged himself to leave it at just that, a beautiful man who would find pleasure in being with him. 

 

But then, that beautiful man developed into someone honest, brilliant, sensitive, sweet and considerate that treated Magnus like he was the moon and stars.

 

Magnus had never met anyone like him before, the way he acted so unassuming, as if he was trying to disappear in the background, hunching down with his hands behind his back but looking strangely confident and turning heads without even realising it.

 

He knew this was the night he would change things between them, because Alec was now so much more to him; intelligent handsome Alexander. Pretty was what he’d called him the first time he seen him at his club when he’d been making his way to the dance floor for his ceremonial dance, to his dismay, that was the last time he did it.

 

This change of heart wasn’t a sudden thing, Magnus knew something had changed with him when he called to let him know about the trip he was taking and Alec had been with someone else.

 

Thomas. The new friend from work.

 

The two of them had been out bed shopping apparently. He’d felt his heart spasm and he couldn’t for the life of him stop his mind from questioning,  _ why didn’t he ask you to go? _

 

Though the answer was in the back of his head. 

 

_ Why would he asshole? _

  
  


Striding back and forth in his silent bedroom, he thought of how much he loved the darkness. No one knew how much of a loner he truly was. When Raphael wasn’t at home when they used to live together, he remembered staring at the tv for the longest time without actually turning it on, until tears would start bursting out of him. He would sob silently under the shower for no reason whatsoever. It always happened, sometimes daily, completely at random. It got to the point where he believed he was going insane.

 

Sex was a coping mechanism for him; he would indulge himself in the feeling of letting go, and of the temporary euphoria the orgasms provided, but he always felt worse after. Getting what he wanted became hollow victories. So, along the way he made a rule, he would never hook up with someone if he was down, if he felt sad. It just wasn’t worth it and only compounded the problem.

 

With Alec, however, things were entirely different. He made him feel instantly better, the way he looked at him and kissed up his neck after they’d been tangled in bed together. He always felt his breath on him, and he loved it, he sometimes longed for it, he was so perfectly innocent even in his mischief, he could be the guy of someone’s dreams.

 

He was the guy of his dreams.

 

And he knew with each and every evening they spent together Magnus was falling hard.

 

Apparently when you were falling for someone special, you became deaf and dumb. 

 

Magnus kept slipping, at first it was the night Alec asked him about his family, he knew he should’ve stopped it then, but he wanted him so much, wanted Alec so fucking much he ignored the alarm bells that were going off inside his head. 

 

Anyone else would of been unceremoniously dumped like a hot rock.

 

Much to his surprise, Alec accused him of wanting to break everything off when he said that he was leaving for a week for a trip. The first thing that came to Magnus’ head then was,  _ did this man not know how fucking addicting he is?  _ Then it hit him, no he didn’t know, no one had ever told him, he had never been with anyone before. Magnus couldn’t seem to help giving in to his feelings and for the first time in so long, he’d let go and told him he missed him, because he had, so fucking much.

 

A sudden sharp pain shot up his body, this time the pain was external not internal, so he looked down through teary eyes and realised that he had stepped on broken glass. Strangely, it wasn’t as bad as the dull ache in his chest, but it had more impact on him, so he cried louder, no more silent tears, he gasped and clutched at his chest, he felt it ripping to shreds and wanted Alec to gather him in his arms and tell him that he was there for him, that he would never leave him.

 

But why would he? He wondered through gasped breaths, he was nothing but a heartless son of a bitch to him the whole time, whenever he wanted to get closer he made sure to push him away. 

 

He didn’t deserve his thoughtfulness. 

 

He didn’t deserve the fact that Alec went to him to tell him that he came out to his parents and he was selfish enough to mindlessly wonder how was that like, to come out to your own parents, and how he would never know what it would feel like.

  
  


So when he made up his mind that night of the party to put all those feelings of insecurity aside and finally tell Alec exactly how he felt about him, he’d never felt so nervous in his life before. He was about to do something he’d been stopping himself from doing in a very long time and he felt as frightened and excited all at the same time. 

  
  


He got to the club a few minutes late, after taking way more time than necessary to pick out what he wanted to wear, so most of the guests were filling the place, and his nerves momentarily got the better of him and he paused getting out of the car. A steadying deep breath later, and he set foot on the side walk out the front of the club. 

 

He remembered Alec tracing those precious letters on his back and instantly felt lighter, braver.

 

_ Okay, here goes nothing. _

 

This wasn't his first time at Pandemonium, he’d done some covert scouting of the place when he’d decided to open his own club, just to get a vibe of what people wanted. He might of been biased, but as he walked in the darkened interior, he still didn't think it had that special atmosphere that the 2nd Circle had. 

 

He looked around the crowded club hoping to see the one face that made his heart thud. Now he was really here and about to do this, he was actually shaking. 

 

Magnus moved through the crowds, getting the odd look of recognition from the party goers. They must of been wondering what the hell Magnus Bane was doing in a rival club. A small smile curved his lips as he searched for Alec; if they thought him just being there was crazy, wait until they saw him wrapped around one of their colleagues. 

 

Magnus caught a glimpse of a familiar dark head, and made his way to the edge of the dance floor. As he approached, he saw Alec dancing with another guy in the middle of the crowd. 

 

So, this must be Thomas, the shopping companion and friend from the festival. 

 

He felt his hands fisting hard beside him but be centred himself before he did anything rash, Alec had assured him they were just friends so these emotions were unnecessary. But something about the way Thomas was moving in on him, touching him, was rubbing him the wrong way. That and the fact that it was a slow dance as well didn’t help things. 

 

He saw Thomas lean in and say something to him, close to his ear, and he felt his anger rising. What the hell had he just said to him? And why the fuck was he touching him like that?

 

Why was Alec putting up with this? Why wasn’t Thomas’ behaviour towards him worrying him as much as it was him?

 

Magnus had felt his whole axis shift.

 

Suddenly, the reason he had gone there that night seemed redundant. He got out his phone and sent Alec a quick text, making up an excuse as to why he wasn’t there. 

 

This was hurting him in ways he didn’t even consider, opening up old wounds he never intended to touch again.

 

Magnus was about to turn to leave the club, but indulged himself in a final glance at Alec and saw him rising from his seat at the table.

 

Then, Alec suddenly walked off the floor and towards an exit door. 

 

Thomas was following him.

 

What the hell?

 

Magnus frowned and followed them, watching them both go out disappearing from his sight for a few minutes while he worked his way between the people. 

 

For reasons that he still didn’t understand, Magnus followed them, wending his way to the door.

 

Magnus stilled his pacing in his bedroom and hugged his arms around his torso, bracing himself for the impact of what he had seen that night. He unconsciously held his breath, time in the dark room felt like it was standing still. 

  
  


When he had finally made it to the door and he’d pulled it open to go out but what he’d seen froze him to the spot.

 

Thomas was standing before Alec, who was visibly upset, one hand on his waist, the other on the side of his neck. He was speaking softly to him, saying things Magnus couldn’t hear from the noise inside the club. He began to move his face closer to him, and Magnus felt his whole body stiffen as he realised he was about to kiss Alec.

 

Surely Alec will pull away. 

 

_ Please pull away, don’t break my heart. _

 

Magnus’ blood ran cold and then he felt numb, anguish stilled his heartbeat and he craved to be anywhere but in that spot, he didn’t want to see this but he couldn’t move, he just stood there, without batting an eyelid, once the guy leaned in completely, his lips pressed to his Alec, he stumbled back inside the noisy club. 

 

He began taking deep racking breaths.

 

He wanted to be mad at Alec for allowing this but he knew it was towards himself that he needed to direct his anger. 

 

This was all on him, he had been the one to let himself feel more than he should for another person. 

 

It was no different to when he had fallen for that girl and had let his heart get crushed. He’d learnt nothing, it seemed, he was throwing himself under the bus once again. 

 

He felt his heart beginning to tighten inside his chest and before he realized, he was heading back across the club, towards the front doors. 

 

Was this what Alec really wanted? 

 

Who he really wanted?  

 

His mind was a jumble of thoughts and the only thing he could think of was getting out if this place.

 

So he could process what he’d just seen. 

 

His mind kept throwing up images of that fucking guy’s face inches from Alec’s lips and by the time he had reached his waiting car, anger had all but consumed him. 

 

This was even painful to remember. 

 

Magnus cried out into the darkness of his room. The sound ripping from him was inhuman and full of pain. He crumpled to the floor, his bleeding foot and stumbling body unable to hold him up any longer as he thought of that whole terrible mess. 

 

A fresh wave of hot tears coursed down his cheeks as he cried mournfully on the floor. Everything that he had experienced before now, all the pain caused from his father leaving, his mother abandoning him, his first love breaking up with him, it was nothing compared to what this was like. 

 

He knew what was waiting for him if this didn’t work out but he willingly gave into it. 

 

Love.

 

He felt like his insides were being shredded to pieces, like there was some demon inside him with sharp claws trying to get free. 

 

He cried loudly into the empty room, filling it with his pain and angst.

  
  


Yesterday, he was still seething when Alec came to his loft. He made up some excuse about being tied up at work and not getting there, ice practically dripped from each word and even though he was very tempted to tell him what he had witnessed at the club he stopped himself, not letting his hurt pride and anger override everything he said. 

 

Alec’s parting words cut Magnus to the quick. 

 

_ You might not be paying for my services, but it’s costing me way too much to be with you. _

 

Raphael had insisted on staying with him as he drank and stewed in his own bile. Eventually, he unloaded everything to Raphael and even told him of his feelings towards Alec. Even though he had still felt hurt and angry, there was a small amount of relief in unburdening himself to his friend. 

 

“You seem to have a knack for picking impossible relationships. Alec has some balls talking to you like that but you brought this on yourself, you know that, right?” He’d told Magnus. “You are letting your dick do your thinking for you, come on Magnus.”

 

He was right, of course. Raphael made entirely too much sense for his liking, but not all of it was true. 

 

He’d let his guard down and let his heart do the thinking this time.

 

Those last words Alec said to him kept replaying in his head, the more he’d thought about it the more it would seem clearer to him that he needed to apologize to Alec. He felt he owed him that much. By the next evening, Magnus had decided to go to Alec’s apartment and talk with him. 

 

At least one way or the other, he would know for sure where he stood.

 

He remembered standing a good five minutes outside the door before he got enough guts to actually knock. He’d raised his hand to do so, when the door had flown open and Izzy had been there. 

 

Everything that happened from the second the door was opened to the painful moments of standing there stupidly watching Alec leaning into another guy’s embrace seeking protection from Magnus went in a blur and suddenly he opened his eyes when Raphael’s hands held him tight while he murmured in his ear.

 

“You’re with me now. Calm down for me alright?”

 

He’d lost him, that was for sure now, he wasn’t imagining it all, he’d chosen to be with Thomas, and he didn’t want him anymore. 

 

Maybe it was all because he had guarded his heart so fiercely, and he’d pushed him away with his secrets and cold behaviour. 

 

Or Maybe it wasn’t any other reason behind it other then him. Just him. Being the way he was, an easy lay, a body to warm your sheets with but you wouldn’t have to deal with how fucked up he was after that.

 

The fact that even his parents resented him, denied him the love he was suppose to get unconditionally, so how would another give it to him by choice?

 

He looked around the room from where his face was pressed to the cold floor boards. 

 

This will be it for him.

 

Loneliness.

 

All the things that had given him comfort, they would feel like a prison, one he was now locked into and as far as he could see, one he wouldn't be escaping from any time soon. 

 

Somehow he was on his feet and a blinding rage took over. He screamed and yelled as he grabbed anything and everything he could, hurling it around the room, breaking anything that was in the line of his sight. Within minutes, he was surrounded by chaos, a reflection of what he was feeling inside his mind. 

 

Suddenly the door swung open and Raphael came bursting in like he was waiting right behind it for him to break down.  

 

Magnus fell and his body slumped on the floor in the middle of his trashed bedroom. 

 

He could hear him speaking to him, whispering something but it sounded like it was coming from a long distance away. He’d retreated far inside himself and he had no intentions of returning anytime soon. 

 

“Fuck Magnus, what did you do to yourself. God!”  Raphael said to him as he crouched beside him, gathering him into his arms. 

 

But Magnus didn’t reply. 

 

He was beyond being capable of saying anything anymore. He was in a familiar place right now, that darkness inside his head, the one he used to go to when he’d been damaged beyond recognition and right now, it was the only place he wanted to be. 

 

“Answer me god dammit! I’m going to fucking end that asshole for this.” he growled angrily picking him up bridal style from the floor and taking him to the sofa away from all the broken and shattered glass .

 

“Come on, don’t do this to me mi corazón, please.” 

 

Magnus was able to hear the quivering of Raphael’s voice and actually feel his tears drip onto his face. 

 

He was crying, he knew he only brought pain and suffering upon him.

 

“Magnus, answer me please!!”

 

His body wouldn’t move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope you liked what you have just read and we want to give you the translations for the spanish used in it.   
> Mataria por ti mi amore - I would kill for you my love.
> 
> Mi corazon - my heart. 
> 
> Please let us know what you think and we hope you want to keep following Magnus and Alec's story in our fic.


	17. Couldn't Care Less

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope you enjoy this next chapter and want you to know that it is back to Alec's POV. Also, we want you to know that we aren't taken sides with this at all. We wanted to give Magnus a chance to show his side of the story so that his background could give some insight as to why he is the way he is, but it's predominately from Alec's POV.  
> We are so grateful for all your great comments and we hope you like this next chapter.

Thomas’ hand around his shoulder had felt like acid at that moment, he had never felt more confused before now, what was he trying to prove or to say? 

 

If Thomas had had an agenda in that moment, it hadn’t worked, Magnus simply left, and if that didn’t beat his heart to the ground then what did? 

 

He couldn't believe that he had just walked away after seeing Thomas’s less than subtle display, something he could of cheerfully killed him over, after what he’d pulled in the alleyway behind the club. 

 

For some reason, he had expected Magnus to put up more of a fight for him, try harder to make up for his no show at the club. 

 

But he hadn’t. 

 

He’d just walked away, an action which hurt worse than if he had said something hurtful to him. 

 

It left him confused as to how, after six months of being with him, he still felt like he knew so little about him. 

 

But that wasn’t from lack of trying to find out. 

 

If nothing else, Magnus was consistent in keeping himself to himself. 

 

He just would of thought that after that long and being that intimate with another person, he would of trusted him enough to share more about himself.

 

Apparently not. 

 

No one could accuse Magnus Bane of being an open book, more like Fort knox. 

 

Now that he was alone to his thoughts, Alec looked back at all his fuckups, all his misfortunes during his short uneventful life, none of them made him feel the way he was feeling right now, not even the moments when he felt trapped by his own self, unable to be free in front of his own parents, his friends, unable to be with whom he wanted. 

 

Not even then when he thought he’d be closeted for the rest of his life, that he’d have to marry some righteous girl that his father and mother deemed fit for him and to their family because there was no way in hell he would choose one himself.

 

This pain now, nothing came close to it.

 

Maybe it was the rejection that shocked him, but deep down inside he knew it wasn’t that, Magnus could barge right in and haul him up into his arms and ask him to leave everything behind and run away to the depths of hell with him and he would foolishly follow him. 

 

No it wasn’t the rejection, nor the fact that he didn't feel anything for him. 

 

It was the fact that he’d have to learn how to live without him, after he had become the special air he now breathed. 

 

It was that he had to figure out how to keep his pain hidden where it was safe, inside of him and learn how to live with it, he didn’t want anyone to pity him.

 

That is when he decided to bury all of that and stop digging after it.

 

Whether it was because of Thomas and Jace’ support when Magnus had come to the apartment or because of the desire to preserve his own sanity he now decided that he was over the man, Alec made up his mind that he wasn’t going to sit around wallowing in the hurt and anger.  

 

From the very next day, Alec acted like it was just another day, giving Jace a cheery morning greeting before they headed off to work together. 

 

He ignored Jace’s sideways looks, and to his credit, Jace didn’t take things further and say anything to him about it. He seemed happy to let Alec deal with things in his own way. 

 

Thomas had come straight up to him when he had reached his desk, in that half timid way that you do when you know that you’re about to ask about something painful. 

 

“Hey, are you okay?” He said, almost visibly wincing as he said it. 

 

“Yeah, I’m fine, why wouldn't I be?” Alec told him with a big smile on his face, as he booted up his computer and settled into his chair. 

 

He ignored the look that passed between Thomas and Jace. 

 

“I was actually thinking the three of us should go out tonight, after work for a few drinks, what do you guys think?” 

 

“Ah, yeah, sure, if that’s what you want to do.” Thomas said, looking towards Jace with raised eyebrows. 

 

Jace nodded in agreement.  

 

Alec knew that they were probably agreeing with him just to humour him, but he pushed the thought from his mind. 

 

“Okay, see you then.” He said, smiling back at him. 

 

They met up at lunch time to discuss where they would go. 

 

Alec threw himself into work for the day, making sure his mind was fully occupied all day, not giving it any chance to dwell on things that would only inflame the existing ache that he carried in his chest. It was his own pain to deal with, no one else’.

 

It was done with and Magnus wasn’t worth it, he didn’t care.

 

He knew that if he let himself go for even a second, the anger he felt inside would grow into a blind fury.

And being the usual unobtainable person he always seemed to be. 

 

They had chosen a nearby club to go to because the crave of alcohol was too much to bare, he wasn’t a drinker but he felt a urgent need for it.

 

Even though it was a work night, the place was pretty busy. 

 

The three of them sat at a table, chatting, laughing and drinking, and it felt good to be enjoying the company of his friends again. 

 

Well, that’s what he was convincing himself he was doing anyway. 

 

As it grew later, Jace and Thomas tried to talk him into going to get something to eat, but Alec was determined to stay at the club and then before he realised it, it was nearly eleven and his head was spinning from how drunk he was and also from the lack of food. 

 

Alec found that deciding to drink too much to forget things had the opposite effect where it came to his emotions, with the strong drinks only heightening the deep seated anger he was trying to keep at bay. 

 

The more he drank, the more he felt it trying to take over, trying to consume him.

 

Which resulted in a few angry outbursts at his friends and also at strangers that Jace and Thomas tried to solve. 

 

He didn't remember how they’d gotten home, but he had vague images of Jace pouring him into bed and taking off his shoes. 

  
  


The last thing he remembered before he closed his damp eyes was how much he missed the feel of Magnus’ bare skin against his.

  
  
  
  
  


He woke the next morning, a dull thud hammering in his brain, and he headed for the shower to try to wash away the effects of too much alcohol and not enough food, but his head didn't die down until he had downed a couple of aspirin and two cups of coffee. 

 

Jace, thank god, had enough sense not to say anything about his obvious suffering. By lunchtime, and after getting something substantial to eat, Alec felt more or less himself again. 

 

As the headache had dulled, he noticed unwanted thoughts trying to creep back into his mind, threatening to fill his chest and he scrambled for an idea that would keep it at bay. 

 

“Hey, how about we go out for dinner after work? There’s that new italian place not far from here that’s supposed to be good.” Alec suggested to Jace as they walked back to the office after lunch. 

 

“Yeah okay, sounds good.” Jace agreed, nodding. 

 

Alec felt bad about not asking Thomas to go with them, but as much as he enjoyed his company, after what had happened between them, and Thomas making known how he felt about him, he didn't want to give the guy the impression that he wanted more than friendship from him. 

 

He knew he should probably talk to him about it, but such conversations were too hard at the moment and while Thomas wasn't bringing it up at all, he decided he’d let it go until he did. 

 

The new restaurant was as good as it was hyped up to be and the best part about it was it was licensed so once again, Alec made sure he always had a drink within hand’s reach, but he made sure he kept more of a lid on things than the night before. 

 

But by the time they had finished their meal, he had a pleasant buzz making him feel relaxed enough to not want to go home right away. 

 

They neared a cozy looking bar and Alec turned to Jace. 

 

“Hey, let’s have a couple before we head home.” He said to him, Jace looked a little reproachful. 

 

“Okay, as long as it’s only a couple. We do have work tomorrow.” He replied, following Alec through the door. 

 

They found a table to the back of the place and Alec volunteered to go get the drinks from the bar. 

 

He placed their order and stood waiting for the guy to fill it. 

 

The bar was pleasant enough, dull lighting, keeping the mood subtle and low key, the booths that lined the walls half filled with office worker types, probably there to take the edge off their busy days. 

 

He didn't notice the guy that came up beside him until he spoke.

 

“Hey there, I know this is really clique but I haven't seen you around here before.” 

 

Alec turned to see a reasonably good looking guy in a suit smiling at him as he sat at one of the stools, nursing what looked like a glass of scotch on the rocks. 

 

“Ha, well the clique answer is that’s because I haven't been here before.” 

 

The man gave a small laugh. 

 

He held out a hand. “I’m Ethan. Regular inhabitant of this place.”

 

Alec took his hand and shook it, “Alec. Newby.” 

 

Ethan laughed again. Alec liked the way his eyes brightened with his laughter.

 

The same Magnus’s eyes would. 

 

He shook the last thought out of his head and looked back at Ethan.

 

The guy had a strong featured face with a head of dark blond hair, cut into a neat fashionable style that screamed lawyer or accountant or at the very least, some kind of office worker to him. 

 

“So, Alec, are you flying solo tonight or are you going to break my heart and tell me you’re with someone.” Ethan said, smiling. He might of been slightly tipsy, but Alec got the message.

 

“Well, I’m afraid I am actually with someone.” He said, pretending to sound apologetic. He saw Ethan’s face fall a little. “But he’s just a friend. My oldest friend to be exact.”  

 

The twinkle came back to the other man’s eyes at that information. 

 

“That’s very interesting, so what do you do with yourself when you aren’t going into bars and capturing the attention of the locals?” He asked him. 

 

This was fun. 

 

Alec liked the pleasant sort of feeling he was getting by openly allowing Ethan to continue to flirt with him. 

 

He’d had enough to drink to let his mind come to the conclusion that it wouldn’t do any harm to play along, maybe it would take his mind off of things. 

 

He gave the guy the bare minimum of information about himself to keep him interested and found himself taking the stool beside him, his and Jace’s drinks standing idoly in front of him. 

 

They chatted for another few minutes, Alec learning that his initial hunch about Ethan’s occupation was correct and that he worked in a law firm around the corner. 

 

After they shared a few anecdotes about their respective work environments, Ethan reached out a subtly hand to run a finger tip down the back of Alec’s hand where it was resting on the bar. 

 

“So, if you aren’t attached, maybe we could take this somewhere a little less public. I’m sure your friend wouldn't mind grabbing a cab home.” the touch to the back of his hand had Alec filled with a near overwhelming sense of guilt and panic and he pulled his hand away as if the other man’s touch had burnt him. 

 

He knew it was crazy to feel the way he was, but he couldn't seem to help it and he just couldn’t play this game anymore.

 

His entire being was now filled with dread.

 

_ what was that?  _

 

His sweat felt suddenly too cold on his scorching skin. 

 

“Did I do something……” Ethan started to say, but Alec shook his head vigorously, taking the two glasses from the bar with shaky hands. 

 

“No, sorry. Look, to use another clique, it’s not you, it’s me. Sorry, I should get back to my friend.” Alec’ insides tightened in in him increasingly.

 

What kind of a trick his mind was playing on him now?  

 

Ethan looked more than a little disappointed but he smiled back at him.

 

“It’s all good, Alec. Have a good night.”  Alec just returned his smile and with a small nod, headed back to Jace. He sat down near Jace but his butt had just hit the worn seat when he stood up again. 

 

“I don’t feel so good Jace lets go please.”

 

He picked up the drink and downed it. Jace picking up on his sudden change in mood, emptied his own glass then tossed a few bills and followed Alec out the bar. 

 

Everything was blurry around him, he was dizzy and he couldn’t think of anything but his bed at the moment.

 

Once they were home, he skipped the shower and taking off his clothes all together and dropped face first on his bed.

 

He swore he could actually smell Magnus on his sheets, even though he had never spent the night in his bed but that was probably his imagination, or his half drunk brain.

 

Thoughts of Magnus came flooding back to him, full force, and he knew he was going to spend a restless night maybe dream about the tall figure with the most captivating smile that stood at a distance from him. 

 

That thought seemed to mirror the way he was distant in real life, cold even, a person who didn't want to divulge anything about his past, his family, himself, not wanting to go anywhere with him, only to his apartment so he could make him lose himself in the heat of his body. 

 

How the hell had he fallen for someone like that in the first place?

 

And the sad part of it all was that, he still was and very much so. 

 

Even though he’d walked away from him, even though he’d treated him the way he had. Somehow, he couldn't stop thinking that there was more to him than he was letting in on.

 

The more he thought about him, the more he felt his anger rising. Damn it, whatever Magnus’ deal was, he’d fucking hurt him. 

 

Badly.

 

He crawled up his mattress and gripped his pillow hard, he smelled like a cheap bar and too much alcohol, and probably looked worse, and he wanted to sleep and forget about all of  _ that. _

 

No.

 

Fuck the sex only bullshit, no one would react to a simple touch the way Magnus did to him for no reason, the way he hummed into their kisses, how Magnus’ eyes lingered while looking directly at his, as if he was seeing right into his soul.  

 

No one could be that heartless not to feel anything after that. It just wasn’t possible. 

 

Was it?

  
  


For the next few days, Alec was determined to keep his mind occupied with anything and everything that would distract him. 

 

He was almost manic in his determination to keep his mind busy. 

 

After Jace refused to go out to a club again the next night, Alec cornered him into going to an indoor rock climbing place, this time, Thomas going along with them as well. 

 

The way the two of them kept looking at each other whenever they thought Alec wasn’t watching, made him wonder if Thomas had only agreed to come to be another back up if  his resolve unfolded and lashed letting his anger rule over him again. 

 

But Alec had a firm grip on his feelings, or at least, he thought he had, and was certain he was going to get through this. 

 

After another night at the movies, where he and Jace sat through what had been billed as a grade A gore fest but only resulted in the two of them giggling like school girls at the less then scary horror scenes and bad acting, Jace refused to spend another week night out with him, stating that he was worried that he’d start to fall asleep at his desk.

 

This left only Thomas, and Alec was trying to think up a way to ask him to go out with him after work that night without it sounding like he was asking for a date, when he came up to his desk. 

 

“Hey Alec, listen, I have somewhere to go tonight and I thought it might interest you. Want to come with me?” He asked him.  

 

Alec had no idea what that might entail, but the thought of either going out alone or sitting around his place filled him with dread, so he nodded. 

 

“Yeah sure. What time?” 

 

“Six. I’ll meet you by the lifts.” Thomas said, laying his hand briefly on his shoulder where he had rested it the night Magnus had come to his door. 

 

His hand had made the merest of contact with him but he could feel it burning like fire on his skin all the same. 

 

He suppressed the urge to flinch.

 

It was probably a completely innocent gesture, but Alec found himself questioning everything where Thomas was concerned. 

 

As usual, Thomas was right on time and it wasn’t until they were in his car and heading further into the city that Alec thought to ask about their destination. 

 

“So are you going to tell me what we’re doing or is it going to remain a secret?” He said as they stop started in the early evening traffic.  

 

Thomas turned to him and gave him one of his bright smiles. 

 

“I’m going to get a new tattoo.” He revealed. 

 

“And you needed me to hold your hand?  I would of thought that after getting all the other ones you have, you wouldn't need moral support.” 

 

“You’re right, I don’t but I thought I might be able to talk you into joining me.” 

 

Alec never snorted so loud in his life. 

 

“Are you nuts? No way, man.”

 

“Aw, come on, you can’t tell me you’ve never thought about it. It’s not as bad as you think, believe me.” 

 

Alec shook his head. “Thomas, I practically need oxygen when I get a paper cut and you want me to let some dude dig a needle into my skin? No thanks.” 

 

Thomas gave a laugh. “I think that bicep of yours would look hot with a tat on it.” 

 

Alec ignored the under tone of his remark but remained stoic. “Na ha, nope, not going to happen.” He said, keeping his eyes on the traffic in front of them. 

 

Another five minutes later, they were pulling up out the front of a row of stores that were all mostly closed down except one. 

 

The tattoo studio was well lit, a graffiti like design involving a sinister looking skull and red roses covered the majority of the front window, the eyes somehow lit from the back. 

 

Thomas parked the car and got out, waiting for him on the sidewalk. 

 

Alec looked doubtfully at the place. 

 

“Are you coming in? Because this isn't really the best end of the neighbourhood to be sitting alone in a car and believe me, it's a lot less scary in there.” Thomas said to him, with a nod towards the glass door with it’s flashing ‘open’ sign.  “Besides, Wraith is a busy guy, I don't want to miss my appointment.” 

 

Alec got out of the car and followed him into the store. Wraith? Did he say the guy’s name was Wraith? He was beginning to question the sensibility of his decision to come blindly with Thomas tonight, but he knew he wouldn’t put him in harm’s way. 

 

Alec had never set foot inside a tattoo studio before and probably like a lot of people, he had preconceived ideas of what they might be like. 

 

But this place didn’t come close. 

 

Apart from the black walls covered in a gallery of framed drawings and photos, he could of been walking into a waiting room of some kind. 

 

Thomas walked up to the counter where a girl with long dark hair and a painful looking array of piercings was standing. Her arms were almost completely covered in bright tattoos. 

 

She smiled at him as he approached and gave his name. 

 

Alec was still looking around at the hundreds of different designs that graced the walls when Thomas called his name and he followed him behind a large dark oriental looking screen to where there were four stations with plastic covered chairs, a stool and a tray with what must of been the tattoo gun on a hook beside it.  

 

Thomas stopped at the chair that was directly behind the screen where a huge bald headed guy was working at a desk. 

 

He stood up and towered over Alec as he shook Thomas’ hand in a friendly gesture. 

 

“Alec, this is Wraith, he does all my work.” He introduced. 

 

Alec’s hand almost disappeared inside his as he shook it. “Hey, how’s it going?” He said, smiling. 

 

Alec could hardly see an inch of uninked skin from his neck down, and that included his upper chest where it showed from below his black T-shirt that sported the name of the studio. 

 

Wraith was a walking illustration. 

 

“Yeah, good.” Alec said, trying not to stare too much. 

 

“So, has he talked you into getting one?” Wraith asked him as he started setting up his station as Thomas took off his shirt and got on the chair. 

 

“Ha, yeah, but it didn't work.” Alec assured him and he sat down on a chair that Wraith waved a hand towards. 

 

“Never say never, man.” He said and he showed Thomas the stencil of the design that he must of pre organised with him. 

 

Alec watched as Wraith donned a pair of black latex gloves and pulled open a draw to extract a long packet which he opened to reveal what must of been the needle that went into the top of the gun. 

 

Thomas gave a chuckle. 

 

“Don’t worry Alec, It’s not as bad as it looks.”

 

“I’ll take your word for it.” He replied and after Wraith cleaned the patch of skin on his back where he wanted the tattoo to go, he transferred the stencil and picked up the gun. 

 

“Ready?” He asked Thomas, before the gun began to buzz loudly in his hand. 

 

“Go for it.” Thomas said and Wraith bent his head over him and began his work. 

 

Alec winced as he watched the rapidly moving needle tip begin to moved slowly over his friend’s skin but Thomas looked like he could be at a day spa. 

 

He watched Wraith pause for a minute to wipe the excess ink and a small amount of blood from the design before he started back to work again, a picture of concentration. 

 

After a few minutes, Alec began to look at more of the framed pictures. Somewhere printed looking while others were obviously hand drawn. 

 

They all varied in the amount of detail and he wondered who had gotten what design permanently engraved on their bodies. 

 

There were photos as well of people proudly showing off their new pieces of art. 

 

Some were quite beautiful and they must of taken hours to have done. 

 

In the far corner of the studio, there was a desk that was littered with paper and several pencil containers, a small cork notice board was on the wall above it, and also covered in what must've been tattooed in various stages of completion. 

 

Alec was about to look away when something caught his eye. 

 

He could only see part of it from where another piece of paper was covering it but for reasons he couldn't name, he felt drawn to it. 

 

He was on his feet and walking over to it before he was fully aware of what he was doing.

 

He leaned down, reaching out a hand to move the paper blocking his full view.  

 

The design was simple yet stunning. 

 

Alec couldn't keep his eyes off it, it was the head of a large black cat, the face drawn expertly enough that it almost had dimension. But the thing that seemed to draw him in more than anything, was the two large golden slits looking back at him. 

 

They were mesmerizing. 

 

“So, found something you like?” Thomas’ voice came to him from across the room, almost dream like. 

 

Alec didn't move. 

 

“It’s beautiful.” He half whispered, reaching out to trace his finger around the outline of the feline’s eyes, that design was making his skin itch and all of a sudden he felt a weird sense of sadness take over him, he felt his heart ache with each and every pump.

 

“Tell you what, if you get that tattoo, I’ll pay for it.” Thomas offered and unknown to Alec, he looked back at Wraith, giving him a wink, certain he would say no immediately. 

 

“Um, I … I don’t know this one is just-”

 

“Actually that one is still unfinished but if you’d like to get it I’m sure we I can give you an appointment once it's ready.” Wraith said pointing at the drawing in his hand. 

 

Alec was having trouble tearing his eyes away from the drawing. 

 

“Your friend needs to think long and hard about this, Thomas, I don’t like doing spur of the moment choices. I don’t want to be the one responsible for a lifetime regret later on.”  Wraith said right near Thomas’s ear. Alec didn't think he was supposed to of heard it but the words got through to him enough to halt the gun hoe line of thinking he’d been on. 

 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll um give it some thought and get back to you.” He ended up saying before he finally replaced the drawing and sat back down. 

 

The buzz of the tattoo gun filled the room once more and he sat back, deep in thought as he waited for Thomas. 

 

Suddenly, the anger he had all but let consume him turned into a leaden weight in his heart. 

 

Somehow it pooled there and turned into misery. 

 

He finally deflated. 

 

It took so much energy to maintain that level of anger and now after that drawing, had for some reason made him think of Magnus, how much he thought it embodied his grace, it got him wondering exactly what the reasons he had for doing what he did. 

 

Was he really the heartless, cold thief of hearts he had shown himself to be? He wanted to think about it, try to wrestle with the whys and wherefores of the past six months but a bone deep weariness had settled into his heart. 

 

Another half an hour later, and Thomas had gained yet another piece of artwork on his body. 

 

After paying for Wraith’s services, they headed for the car with a lonely thought in his buzzy head.

 

“Thomas, can we go get a drink?” Alec asked him. Right at that moment, he just wanted to feel the burn of some strong alcohol and find some distraction from his own thoughts. 

 

“Yeah, sure. Where do you want to go?” He asked him as they got in the car. 

 

The answer seemed to fall from his tongue without his bidding. “2nd Circle.”  

 

Thomas raised his eyebrows and gave him a dubious look.  

 

“Are you sure about that? What if….”

 

“I know, but the odds of seeing him there are pretty slim. He won't be expecting me to be there anyway. I only want to have a couple of drinks and then go home.” Alec said, as Thomas pointed the car in the club’s direction. 

 

As he thought, the place was nearly filled to capacity when they got there. 

 

Apparently, Magnus must not have told the door men of their break up because he was ushered in the second they came up to them. 

 

Thomas told him to try to find a table and he'd get drinks and Alec headed for the lounge area away from the dance floor. 

 

There was a booth free in a shadowy corner and he slid into it, resting his head back on the red leather seat. 

 

Being here almost felt like coming home after an extended absence, even though it hadn't been all that long ago. It was bittersweet because everything in here screamed Magnus to him, it almost smelled like him.

 

Thomas found him and took the opposite seat. Alec took his first mouthful from his glass and felt like he had just swallowed fire. 

 

Resisting the urge to look around the club.

 

The liquor blazed a trail down his throat and into his stomach, and he hoped that it would numb his pain. 

 

Even though he was the very last person he wanted to see in this place, more or less actually, and even though he tried not to but Alec found himself scanning the crowd for Magnus eventually. 

 

He had no idea what he’d do if he did see him, or what he'd say, and there was a confusing mix of relief and disappointment when he failed to spot him. 

 

The couple of drinks turned into half a dozen and by the end of his seventh, Alec was well on his way to giving himself a nice case of couldn't give a damn.  

 

He and Thomas chatted about a variety of subjects but if someone had of asked Alec what the last thing was the guy had said, he wouldn't of been able to answer. 

 

The alcohol was doing its job at turning off his brain, a little too well. 

 

“Maybe we should go. You look like you’ve had enough.” Thomas said when he finished his own drink. 

 

Alec frowned, eyes peeking through his lashes looking for that familiar figure.

 

“Just one more, for the road.” Alec said blinking away from the club looking at Thomas, his words beginning to slur. 

 

Thomas gave him a pitying look and reached out to take his hand in his. 

 

“Alec, I don't think he's coming tonight. And even if he was, do you honestly think that it's a good idea for you to talk to him right now? Like this?” 

 

The anger that had faded earlier, suddenly flared up and Alec shook his head, pulling his hand roughly away from Thomas’. 

 

“I dont give a shit if that heartless asshole was here or not. I came to prove a point, Thomas.” He said and he got to his feet, swaying. 

 

“And what would that be?” 

 

“That I could be here and not feel anything.” he choked out, trying so hard to steady himself. “That it all would just stop.”

 

“Really, and how’s that working for you, hum?” Thomas folded his arms over his chest and gave him a pointed stare. Alec felt his momentary burst of defiance and bravado crumble down. 

 

He was tired, he was so drawn to this fucking place it now made him sick.

 

“I’m going home, I just need to sleep.” He didn’t want to do this with him right now. 

 

Suddenly all the reasons he had wanted to come here tonight felt like the worst mistake ever. 

 

Alec turned, lurching forward as he began to head for the doors, tripping on his way but Thomas came quickly around to grab his arm to steady him. 

 

“Okay, big guy, let me give you a hand and I’ll take you home.” He said as he guided him through the other patrons. 

 

Alec sniffed through his drunken haze and went to pull his arm out of his grip.

 

“I don’t need your help, or anyone’s. I’m fine.” He slurred and almost fell flat on his face in the process. Thomas took his arm again and stopped his near disastrous  show of defiant independence. 

 

“Yeah, sure you don’t. Lets go.” 

 

The time between leaving the club and getting to his front door was almost lost to Alec. Because the next minute he was fumbling for his keys. 

 

Thomas put a warm hand on his and took them from him, inserting the key into the lock, a task well beyond Alec’s capabilities right at that moment. 

 

He pushed open the door and guided him inside, pointing him to his bedroom. 

 

“You need a hand to get ready for bed?” He asked him as he folded Alec’s tall frame onto the side of his bed, before turning on the lamp. 

 

“No, no, I’m good. It’s alllllllll good.” Alec mumbled through numb lips, his first words coming out a little more forcefully than he had meant them to be, but then the harshness lessened, “I’m perfect,” his body felt itchy, he wanted to scrub it clean and just forget, “I don’t know if I can do this, be like this … can’t.” 

 

All he wanted right now was the sweet oblivion of sleep so he could forget, even if it was only for a few hours, how god damn sad he was. 

 

“Oh Alec!” Thomas crouched down in front of him and took his hand in his. 

 

“Alec, I know you probably won’t remember me saying  this to you but I’m going to anyway. You need to stop killing yourself over this. Drowning in your sorrows and filling your time with anything and everything isn’t going to give you closure. Drinking your pain away, this isn’t you. I know it will be hard, but you should go see him, talk to him, get things sorted out.” 

 

Alec didn’t trust his voice not to break so he just nodded his head, looking down at his pillow not trusting himself to look into Thomas’s eyes. 

 

Thomas pulled his hand from his and just walked out of his room, and Alec steeled himself long enough to wait until he heard the door close before he allowed the tension he felt in his body to be released. 

 

He fell back on the bed, wanting to let everything he felt to have it’s way and take over. He couldn’t stop it anymore. 

 

The alcohol hadn’t had the desired effect that he’d hoped it would make him forget everything, but if anything, it had heightened it. 

 

He tried not to think about the touch of Thomas’s hand in his, and how he missed that simple act of contact With Magnus. 

 

That, even that felt so fucking different, it was making him cry.

 

How he yearned for the feel of the man’s hands, the feel of his heated skin against the pads of his fingers. 

 

The anguished broken muffled cry was out of him before he could stop it and he moved up on his bed, curling himself as small as he could make his body be. 

 

What he would give to hear his voice right now, even if it was full of indifference and anger. 

 

He pulled his phone from his pocket and began dialing his number, silent tears wetting his cheeks. 

 

The call rang and rang, but wasn’t answered.

 

Alec felt his chest ache all over again, he bit his lip to stop it from trembling.

 

He’d probably blocked his calls, anyway. Now he’d even be denied a final chance to hear that deep honey rich tone that never failed to affect him. 

 

He let the phone fall from his hand and onto the floor as he lay in the dark, letting his heartbreak pour from his body in a seemingly unending river of tears until the alcohol finally had some use and allowed him to drift into an uneasy sleep. 

 

He woke the next morning with the feeling that his head was about to split open. Yet again.

 

The blinds on the window were still wide open and the bright morning sun was filling the room and felt like acid in his eyes. 

He winced, screwing up his face as he tried to turn away in a manner that it wouldn’t make his head feel like it was about to explode but the light was omnipresent and impossible to avoid. 

 

He needed aspirin and coffee and he needed them now. 

 

This felt like some twisted déjà-vu.

 

It took some effort, but he managed to get into an upright position and into the shower where the water sounded like someone dropping marbles onto a piece of metal to his throbbing brain but he endured it long enough to get out and get dressed. 

 

Thankfully, it was Sunday and he didn’t have to face the thought of having to go to work and deal with Jace and Thomas. 

 

He had no idea where Jace was but that was the least of his worries. He made the coffee and downed two small tablets before taking his cup and sitting on the sofa. 

 

Thomas had been wrong about one thing; he did remember what he had said about talking to Magnus. 

 

He was right. 

 

He needed to face him and get this whole mess finalised, he couldn't keep living like this. 

 

Not knowing anything, feeling useless and without purpose.

 

He needed to move on.

 

He wasn’t the first one to survive a broken heart and he certainly wouldn’t be the last.

 

Alec managed to occupy himself until late that afternoon and then trying to ready himself as much as he could, headed for the 2nd Circle. 

 

It was early and there wasn’t many people yet, something he’d been counting on. 

 

He hoped that it would give Magnus time to be able to talk before things got too busy. 

 

It was strange being there when the place was so empty. It was a vast contrast to how it looked the night before when he and Thomas had been there.  

 

He looked around the big space but apart from the workers readying things for tonight, he couldn’t see him anywhere. 

 

He must be in his office.

 

Heart pounding, he headed for the door that was discreetly placed in a dark corner. 

 

He was only a few feet from it when it opened and Alec halted, his breath freezing in his throat. 

 

But instead of Magnus, Raphael exited from the door. 

 

He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Alec. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” 

 

Raphael was clearly not happy. His dark features looking stormy as he stood before him. 

 

“I need to talk to Magnus.” Alec said, wanting to keep things as curt as possible. 

 

He really didn't want to get into it with his best friend right now, plus Raphael scared him to death.

 

“Do you? I have to say, you certainly have balls showing up here to do that.”  Raphael spat at him. 

 

Alec felt prickles of anger beginning to cover his skin. 

 

“Raphael, this is between me and Magnus, where is he?” 

 

“See, that’s where you’re wrong. You have no idea what Magnus means to me. You included me in this the moment you hurt him.” 

 

The short hard bark of laughter came out of him before he could stop it.

 

“Hurt him? Is he capable of getting hurt, of having feelings even? I don’t think so man.” Alec couldn't believe he was hearing this. 

 

Raphael was on him like a shot. He grabbed the front of his shirt in his hand, eyes blazing. 

 

“You truly have no idea, do you? You don’t fucking deserve him.” 

 

Alec couldn't take anymore of this, he shook Raphael’s hands off of him and shoved him roughly, breathing heavily.

 

“I sure as hell don’t deserve someone as heartless as he is.” he was panting dangerously fast now. 

 

“To destroy me like this and simply walk away without looking back.” He felt his heart throb and his stomach twist in knots, this wasn’t happening, he was doing well hiding all of it inside, he didn’t want to cry in front of Magnus’ best friend but he was so close to it he had to spin around and hold his breath.

 

Raphael didn’t stop at that though, he seemed to have an agenda and was determined to carry it through. 

 

“Listen Alec, I don’t care what goes down between you guys or whatever it is that you have been spending six months doing that had you so out of it not to notice that  _ that _ Magnus is simply a fucking bravado to protect himself. He had a rough life and I’ve always been there to get him back together, but..”  

 

Raphael turned back to the office and opened the door, ushering him in side. At first, Alec followed him with wide eyes,  _ what was wrong with Magnus, was he hurt?  _ His mind raced uncontrollably.

 

“Whatever went down that night at Pandemonium you need to fix it.”

 

Alec felt confused by what he had just said, his mind blanked for a second.

 

Had he actually shown up at the work party? Now more than anything, he needed to set the record straight with him and he needed to get that point across to Raphael. 

 

“Wow, wow hold on…” Alec tried to get control of his racing thoughts and his rapidly beating heart. “He was there that night? He came?”

 

“Didn’t you just hear what I said? Or are you just that stupid?” 

 

Alec was totally oblivious to what Raphael had just said, his mind now sorting through that night and what had happened between him and Thomas. He felt a sheen of sweat covering his forehead as images of the party filled his head; the slow dance with Thomas, the way he had been pressed against him, the way he whispered down his ear, and then the horror was complete as he thought about how he had gone outside and Thomas had followed him, kissing him in the alley. 

 

_ Dear god, what had he seen? _

 

Suddenly, his legs didn’t want to hold him up and he collapsed into the nearest chair, eyes wide and face pale. 

 

“Hey, are you alright?” Raphael asked, concerned. 

 

“Are you sure he was there? That night?” 

 

At this point Raphael just looked bored as hell of his insistent question.

 

“I drove him there, so yes he was.”

 

This was somewhat of a game changer. He had been working under the premise that Magnus hadn’t been there at all. 

 

But why had he told him otherwise? Had he seen something that had made him change his mind? 

 

Alec started to feel guilt for what he might of witnessed but lingering thoughts about the last six months, in spite of what Raphael had told him remained, and his mind recalled the night he saw him kissing that random girl at the club in front of him. 

 

Yes, Magnus might of gotten the wrong idea but he wasn’t totally innocent in all of this, for whatever the reason behind it. 

 

He didn’t remember any rule of exclusivity between them, though he recalled hurting when Magnus kissed that girl back when they first met deliberately but he doubted Magnus would mind if he saw Alec in a similar situation.

 

_ Would he? _

 

“You need to see him, to help me snap him out of it, then if you want to leave, believe me I’d be the happiest man alive.” Raphael said, sitting on the edge of Magnus’ large wooden desk. 

 

Now Alec looked up and fixed Raphael with a searing look. 

 

He’d been days trying to convince himself that he would just let Magnus go, in spite of still loving him, he was willing to let him walk away and if he was lucky, then some day maybe his damaged soul would be healed enough to let him feel something for another person and they could maybe try again. 

 

But now he was at a crossroads; would he take the other path and walk away from all this, probably saving himself from more heartache and pain or would he go to Magnus and gamble again with his faith?

 

He pursed his mouth in defiance and felt his body burn with anticipation.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? Should Alec go see Magnus and what will he be confronted with if he does? Let us know what you think. Thanks so much for reading.


	18. Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, finally! Sorry this has taken us so long to post but we hope you find that the wait was worth it.   
> This chapter does come with a warning, however. The last part in particular is pretty heavy angst and talks about depression and its effects on Magnus. If you have a problem with reading anything like this, we suggest you skip it.   
> But we want you all to know that there will be better times ahead for our boys, things will get better for them.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy this chapter and we look forward to your comments.

 

Alec was about to open his mouth to say more but there was a knock at the closed door and Raphael answered it. He couldn’t see who it was and hear exactly what they were saying, but the male voice sounded urgent. 

 

**“** I have to deal with something out here, I’ll be back.” Raphael told him and went out through the small gap of the open door, closing it behind him.  

 

It was surprising how well the sound was deadened from inside the office which he supposed was the point. But their raised voices could still be heard if not understood. 

 

Alec’s mind was in utter disarray right now. 

 

He had gone there with a goal in his mind about how he felt about everything and now, after talking to Raphael and getting only a few hints about what might be going on with Magnus, he was completely at odds with himself. 

 

His mind raced for a solution, wanting guidance from someone, anyone that might be able to offer it, he was scared of what he might come up with if he thought about everything too much. 

 

because deep down inside he wanted to go but something inside kept pulling him away, but surely he can get a neutral opinion somewhere. 

 

Izzy. 

 

He could talk to Izzy. 

 

He dug out his phone and pressed her number, praying that she would be free to answer him. 

 

The phone rang three times before she picked up.

 

“Hey, what’s goin’ on?” Her voice sounded light but there was still a small touch of enquiring concern about it.  

 

It wasn’t normal for Alec to be calling his sister like this unless something was up and she knew it. 

 

“Izzy, I need to talk to you about something?” Alec said, his tongue wetting his lower lip, his eyes darting every other second towards the door nervously.

 

**“** What’s wrong, Alec?” Her voice had lost everything but the concern now, and Alec could tell he had her full attention. 

 

“Something is going on with Magnus, and I don’t know what to do.” he stated.

“Alec, what’s going on? What do you mean something’s wrong with Magnus, wrong how?” She urged him. 

 

“I honestly don’t know, his friend said that he wasn’t well and I-”

 

_ I’m terrified of seeing him again.  _

 

He wanted to say, but he swallowed thickly and waited for her to reply. 

“Where are you right now?”

 

“I don’t know what to do, Izzy. Raphael said he’s sick but I don’t know why or what’s exactly wrong with him. I’m not sure what I was thinking when I came here but ….” Alec let the words tumble out of him in a panicked rush. 

 

He began to pace the office nervously. 

 

“I want to go see him but I’m not sure if I can handle it.”

  
  


Hearing himself say the words, however, brought a clarity he had lacked only moments before he called and before Izzy could say anything further, he had made up his mind. 

 

“I’m going to go see him.” Alec said, his voice resolute and determined. 

 

“Yeah, this is the first sane thing you said in a week, Alec. Leaving things unfinished is never good.” Izzy agreed. 

 

“Yeah yeah, thanks for the help.” He said, smiling softly into the phone, hearing Izzy give small chuckle.

  
“Fat lot of good I did, Alec, I didn’t do much. But hey, good luck, ha?” She said. 

 

They said their goodbyes and Alec ended the call, shoving his phone back into his pocket and striding to the door and towards the sound of the still raised voices. 

 

He was a step from reaching for the door when it opened and Raphael reappeared, looking harried and preoccupied. 

 

He didn’t speak but gave him a pointed look, raising his brows and tilting his head, as if he was sulkingly asking him what he decided.

 

“I want to see him.” 

 

“Come with me.”  Raphael went over to the desk and opened a draw, digging out a set of keys. 

 

They went out to Magnus’ large black car in silence and began their journey to the loft, each lost in his own thoughts. 

 

Alec was beginning to wonder what he’d be confronted with when they reached their destination but be just stared blindly out the heavily tinted windows and kept quiet. 

 

The tension was almost palpable between them and growing by the minute, Raphael was a fierce friend and his face was set in a near angry scowl. 

 

He could tell he wasn’t happy about any of this but he was going along with it anyway, almost like he had to. 

 

They reached the underground parking garage of the loft and Raphael slotted the car into the appropriate space, turning off the engine but not making a move to get out. 

 

Alec looked over to him and saw his hands gripping the wheel tightly. He felt a prickle of fear run over his skin but didn’t say or do anything. 

 

He wasn’t scared of Raphael’s physical strength being used against him, weirdly enough he was sure the guy would never do that, but the strength with which he showed with regards to how he wanted to protect Magnus from anything and everything, did. 

 

“You need to listen to me before we get up there.” Raphael said, looking straight ahead, not budging to look at him, he could feel his own worry engulf him and he was by now terrified of what was going on up there.  

 

Immediately Alec went on high alert. 

 

Every fibre of his being tensed and the real twinges of fear twisted inside him. 

 

Fear for what was going on with Magnus up there, because thinking about him being anything other than his composed, graceful, enigmatic self was not something he wanted to entertain.

 

“I want you to keep silent when we get in there, let me go to him first, do the talking. Don’t do anything until I say so, understand?” 

 

Alec wanted to scream after this, to yell at him and demand answers, what is going on with him? Why didn’t Magnus tell him about any of this before? Why is it borderline terrifying to get up there? 

 

Why does everything has to be so complicated? 

 

His throat dried and itched now, he can’t ask this now, he didn’t trust his voice not to betray him so he swallowed and nodded, fingers twitching from how worried he was. 

 

Not to mention that Raphael still scared the living shit out of him.

 

They rode the elevator to the loft in heavy silence, Alec taking as many deep breaths as he could without looking like he was doing it. 

 

The old familiarity of doing just this was enveloping him like a hug from an old friend. 

 

He’d missed this, just the simple action of a lift ride towards the man he had grown to love. The thrill of what always waited for him behind that door. It was surprising to him about how he had grown to feel that Magnus’ loft had become a place of comfort, a place to be  _ him. _

 

Somewhere to feel free and be happy. 

 

With everything that had gone on in the last few days, it was like it had all been turned on it head for him and a twinge of nervousness sparked inside him over what he might confront as he entered the familiar space. 

 

Raphael looked like he was a bundle of nerves. He shifted his feet and was opening and closing his hands into fists as he stared straight ahead at the steel doors. 

 

They walked down the short distance to the door of the apartment and Raphael dug the keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door. 

 

Alec felt himself bracing for whatever happened next. 

 

The place was silent, well, not completely silent. He could hear the faint sound of voices coming from the living room and recognised it as being something on TV. 

 

It was dark no lights were on except a faint flicker of blue light from the large screen. 

 

He followed Raphael down towards it but kept his distance, he turned into the opening of the living area. 

 

He froze. 

 

He couldn’t see Magnus but there was a rumpled lump under a blanket on the sofa that faced the TV. 

 

Alec’s breath was knocked out of his lungs at the sight of him, He’d never seen him like this before and the contrast was so surreal he had to blink a few times to make himself believe what he was experiencing right now. 

 

Magnus looked to be a shell of his usual self. His always perfect hair was a ruffled mess and the deep shadow of his unshaven beard covered his jaw. Those big deep brown eyes looked hollow, somehow and empty. 

 

It was as if his inner self had left and now Alec was seeing the outer shell of what was left behind.  

 

His eyes were red and brimmed with unshed tears, he looked lost in those clothes he was wearing unlike the tight fitting attires he always went for. 

 

Raphael hadn’t moved from his side and he wondered why but then Magnus’ eyes fell on them both and Alec resisted the near dire urge to rush to him and take him in his arms. 

 

He saw his eyes flicker to his but it was then when they widened, a rush of panic passed through them then he looked back at Raphael in horror blinking rapidly.

 

“Raph?” 

 

Magnus’ voice sounded so foreign to Alec now. That single word was so unlike how he was used to hearing it, if he had closed his eyes, he could of said it came from a different person altogether. 

 

he sounded wounded, broken even, not the confident Magnus Bane he grew to know, not the sultry voice that ignited fire in him, and certainly not that sweet voice that usually turned his insides into a puddle of fluff.

 

Dear god.

 

He watched as Raphael rushed over to him kneeling before him and placing a soft hand on what must of been his shoulder, his fingers obviously moving delicately under the blanket.

 

“Yeah, I'm here, love, how are you?” Raphael spoke softly to him, his touch was so tender, Alec blushed just looking at it, like a caress. He suddenly felt like an intruder. 

 

The change in his demeanor was startling as well, he went from being frustrated and tense to someone on the verge of tears, caring, so loving. 

 

The look of outright concern and worry on his face was evident, Alec felt his heart squeeze from it. 

 

He really did care about him. 

 

“Talk to me Magnus, what do you need?”

 

He slowly rose and Alec watched in stunned silence as Magnus emerged from under the blanket. 

 

The sight of that usually perfect man was frightening.

 

Somehow he looked like he caved inward, in those baggy clothes, a shadow his usual self. 

 

Magnus lifted his arms up to encircle Raphael’s neck, rising from the sofa, the blanket falling from his shoulders. 

 

Alec felt like he was dreaming and surreal events were unfolding in front of him as Raphael guided him towards the bedroom doors. 

 

He wanted to say something but he remembered Raphael’s orders about being quiet, although he didn’t know what he’d say to this, he just knew that he shouldn’t speak. 

 

He was floundering here, totally out of his depth and scared out of his wits. 

 

Mainly scared for Magnus, what happened to him for heaven’s sake?

 

He saw them disappear into Magnus’ room and he let out a breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding. What had caused this drastic and total change in this once strong confident man? Was it his fault? Was it because of everything that had happened between them? He felt confusion and worry roiling up inside him as his heart rate quickened. 

 

Raphael emerged from the bedroom and Alec felt a flood of questions wanting to burst from him. 

 

He started to put voice to them but Raphael held up a hand to stop him to stop him until he closed the door behind him so Magnus didn’t hear. 

 

“Jesus, Raphael, what’s going on? Why is he like this? Is he sick? Was this because of our fight?” Alec let the pent up questions pour from his lips in little more than a loud whisper, his heart thudding in his chest as a worried panic began to tie his gut in knots. 

 

Raphael took a sideways look at the closed bedroom door and motioned for him to head for the living room. Alec followed, and saw the crumpled blanket still on the sofa which sent a twinge of pain spiking through him. 

 

“He’s not sick, Alec.” Raphael glared at him, “But he isn’t well either. This isn’t the first time he’s gotten like this, and this isn’t the first time I’ve handled this, but it’s certainly the worst episode of it.” Raphael told him.

 

“Episode of what, exactly?” Alec was feeling frustrated with his vague explanation.

 

“He has depression, and it gets really bad.” 

 

Alec was astounded. He was like most people, he’d had his own days of feeling blue over things but he’d worked his way out of it but he’d never seen anyone so affected. 

 

It was terrifying. 

 

He couldn’t wrap his head around it all.

 

Magnus had always been the presence in any room. A beacon that had practically demanded attention, and exuded strength and confidence. He had been the type of person that you saw and thought, ‘I really wished I was that confident in myself.’ 

 

How did someone who was like that go be being a waif like being, weak looking and huddled under a blanket? 

 

“What do you mean depression?” he was shouting by now, going half crazy after what he had just witnessed and heard “I know him he’s happy he’s- he’s good,” Alec was shaking by now, “What do you mean depre- He is not depressed, fuck, I know him..” he trailed off.

 

Raphael scowled at him and held up a hand. Alec’s voice had risen way beyond the loud whisper without him realising it bordering on shouting.

**“** No, Alec, you don’t know the first thing about him and if you don’t keep your voice down, I swear I’ll kick your ass out.” 

 

“Don’t threaten me, Raphael, I do fucking know him and this isn’t him. What the hell got him like this?” He fired back at him, feeling his frustrated anger rising.

 

“No, Alec, you don’t, you have no fucking idea.” Raphael’s face was a thunder cloud. His dark eyes flashed.

 

“Then tell me, if he needs help then fuck why isn’t he at the hospital.” he was beyond furious, he had never felt like this before, he needed answers, and Raphael was dodging his questions.

 

“Raphael, please tell me what happened to him, or at least what triggered it.”

 

Alec had leaned in towards him without thinking, getting in the other man’s face. 

 

Raphael gritted his teeth and made a deep sound in his throat and grabbed him by the arm and towed him towards the kitchen, taking a quick look towards Magnus’ bedroom door. 

 

“You don’t get it, do you? And no, the hospital isn't the place for him, it would only make things worse.” 

 

Alec wanted to tear his hair out in frustration. “Then tell me what the fuck is going on here? How can I….” He was interrupted by the chirping of Raphael’s phone in his pocket and he held up a finger while he answered it. 

 

Alec frowned at his turned back as he spoke sharply to someone on the other end. 

 

He wanted definitive answers and he wanted them now. 

 

Raphael ended his call and turned back to him. He was about to opened his mouth start with the questions again but Raphael jumped in ahead of him.

 

“Look, there’s a problem at the club and as you can see I’m the only one who can handle it. I have to leave, can I trust you with him?”

 

Alec heart picked up and his hands trembled “What do you mean? Do you think I’m going to hurt him?” he questioned in utter disbelief.

 

Raphael fixed him with a pointed glare and rolled his shoulders tiredly, he looked back at his phone and closed his eyes in frustration, Alec may have heard a faint  _ fuck _ coming from him but he was too mad to care.

 

“I  _ meant  _ can you be here for him, in case he wakes up? He needs to eat so make him a sandwich or there’s some soup as well. Try to get something into him while I’m gone.” Raphael said, taking his keys out of his pocket in readiness to leave. 

 

“Of course you can trust me with him, Jesus. Don’t worry.” Alec grumbled, even more angry that this man whom he thought was just a good friend to Magnus was treating him like he was stupid. 

 

“I’ll never not worry about him.” Raphael said his voice deep and hurt. 

 

He turned and strode past him, heading for the front door. He paused before he left the room. 

 

“You should take my number, in case you need to contact me for...anything.” Raphael said. 

 

Alec didn’t like the connotation of what he might mean by that but he agreed and he entered it into his phone.  

 

The sound of the closing door echoed in the quiet apartment and Alec stood alone in the kitchen, the silence pressing down on him from all sides. He was at a total loss about what to think and what was the right thing to do. Being alone brought a realness to the situation that had only been hinted at before. 

 

The first thing that came to mind was to get Magnus to a hospital as soon as possible, get him help somewhere, keep him safe. 

 

Just get his Magnus back.

 

But now, after Raphael left he felt out of his depth and he was sinking fast, despite his reassurance that he could handle things. 

 

He had no experience with anything like this and had no idea how to go forward. He sat at one of the tall stools at the counter and leaned his elbows on it, scrubbing his face in his hands. 

 

How had Magnus reached this point? What had triggered all this in the first place? Had it been the trouble between them? Now he could add guilt to the roil of emotions that was swimming inside him. 

 

He thought about the Magnus that he’d seen only a short time before; strong, carefree, proud. It was hard to put that image and the one he had been confronted with when he walked in the door a few minutes ago together and say that it was the same person. 

 

Raphael had said that this wasn’t the first time he had gotten like this, and the thought got him wondering what he’d meant. This was the trouble with not knowing anything about Magnus beyond the bedroom, not knowing his past. 

 

What had he suffered in his life before now that had been the origins of all this? It made him even more determined to find out, regardless of whether they got back together or not. 

 

Who had hurt him like this and made him suffer? 

 

He wanted to rip their head off.

 

Alec suddenly couldn’t sit still anymore and he got up and with a sigh, headed for the living room. 

 

He walked around the carefully decorated space, looking at the various pieces of art and objects Magnus had around the room. 

 

Everything looked so familiar to him and once again, he realised how much he had missed coming here since their argument. 

 

He went over to the rumpled blanket and picked it up and was about to fold it but ending up holding it to his face and taking in the faint scent that filled him with a flood of memories that all but brought him undone. 

 

He needed to talk to someone, someone or else he’d go insane. He felt like he was floundering in a sea of emotions with no sign of a lifeline of any kind. 

 

He pressed on Izzy’s number on his phone in a matter of seconds. 

 

“Hey, Alec, what’s going on? This must be my lucky night to hear from you twice.” 

 

Izzy’s cheery voice came over the phone to him and just having that connection made him feel a little more settled. 

 

Alec let out a relieved breath and then proceeded to fill his sister in about his situation with Magnus. He wasn’t really sure exactly what he wanted from his conversation with her, maybe reassurance, maybe permission to feel the way he still did about him, and maybe, even though it was in a far corner of his mind, permission to just walk away from all this and put the last six months of his life behind him.

 

Maybe then he’d forget, and move on.

 

Izzy listened patiently to everything he had to say before she spoke again. 

 

“So there’s only one thing that you need to decide, Alec.” 

 

“And what’s that?” Her reply took him by surprise. 

 

“Do you love Magnus enough to deal with whatever shit he’s dealing with?” 

 

Alec took a minute to think about what his sister had just said. After everything that had happened in the past few days and how hurt he was with him over things, that under current of strong emotion was suffocating him with despair. 

 

There was only one truthful answer he could give her. 

 

“God believe me I want to, but I know nothing about him Iz, how can I help him?” he thought about the way he seemed to communicate with Raphael just by looking at him and the obvious bond they’d shared, his heart tugged. “You should have seen how he was with Raphael,” his voice shook, this was all too much for him.

 

“Alec?” he heard his sister sigh heavily.

 

“I don’t think he needs me.”   

 

He was ashamed from even admitting this to himself but he was jealous, he was jealous of the ease that surrounded them both when they looked at each other in that moment, angry at how Magnus looked terrified of him and sought comfort in Raphael, envious of the fact that he couldn't have that with Magnus, and so fucking angry at himself for loving him in spite of it all. 

 

Since Magnus’ supposed no show at the club that night he hadn’t allowed himself to honestly think about his true feelings for him but he knew deep down inside, that it was how he really felt.

“But I love him, Izzy.” 

  
  


“Then there’s your answer, bro. Even though things are probably going to get worse before they get better, you need to be there for him, in whatever capacity he needs you to be, believe me he does need you. And then, when he gets better, you two need to have that serious conversation about your relationship. No more hiding things, dodging the truth, warts and all. You both need to hear it and then go from there, whether it’s together or separately.” 

 

Alec found himself nodding, even though he knew Izzy couldn't see him. 

 

She was right. 

 

for both their sakes and their sanity, they needed to talk, but for now he had to help Magnus get through whatever darkness he had found himself in.

 

“Thanks, Iz. I’ll keep you posted, okay?” Alec said and then hung up. 

 

No matter what, he was going to see this thing through and help him get better because there was nothing in this world for him worse than his Magnus in pain. 

 

For no other reason than that seeing the man he loved hurting and in such a dark place made him ache inside and he wanted nothing more than to find that version of Magnus that he knew and bring him back if only to get a proper explanation out of him about this. 

  
  


For half an hour after Raphael left the apartment, Alec paced the living room. Each time he turned in the direction of Magnus’ bedroom doors, he paused, wondering if he should at least go in and check on him. There hadn’t been a sound from there for the whole time and Alec presumed he was asleep.  

 

Another fifteen minutes later, and Alec decided that he’d follow Raphael’s advice and make Magnus something to eat, or talk to him for that matter, at least it would keep him occupied on something other than what might be causing him to be the way he was. 

 

He went into the kitchen and reasoned that something simple like a sandwich would be the best. Besides, he wasn’t exactly a great cook and he didn’t want to add indigestion to Magnus’ list of worries. 

 

He found cold meat, cheese, tomato, lettuce and mayonaise in the well stocked fridge and put the sandwich onto a plate before grabbing a bottle of cold water to go with it. He went over to the closed door and nudged it open as softly as he could. 

 

The room was as dark as the rest of the apartment but there was a small soft light coming from a bedside lamp that was on the unoccupied side of the bed. 

 

His side, or at least, it used to be. 

 

Something small twisted in his gut and he ignored it. 

 

The only sight of Magnus was the merest glimpse of dark hair that was poking out at the top of the rumpled bed clothes. A lumpy mound that was the rest of him was the only other sign that he was even in the room. 

 

Somehow, that lump looked smaller. 

 

Alec walked softly around to his side of the bed and placed the sandwich and water on the bedside table. He knelt down, not wanting to disturb him by sitting on the bed. He reached out a hesitant hand and laid it on the top of the formless pile of quilt. 

 

“Magnus? I brought you something to eat.” He said softly and kept his eyes trained on the small section of forehead that was visible. There was no sign that he had heard him.

 

“Magnus? Are you hungry?” Alec tried again, putting a gentle hand on the shoulder shaped mound under the quilt. 

 

Still no response from the sleeping form and he didn’t want to push it with him. 

 

Waking Magnus over a sandwich when he was sleeping and hopefully free of any demons he was currently wrestling with. Not that he knew how the hell to handle all this but he figured at least in sleep he’d have a momentary reprieve. 

 

He looked down at Magnus, huddled under the quilt like a frightened child and tried once again to get his head around how such a strong person could be reduced to this by his own thoughts.

 

Fuck, Magnus, why couldn’t you tell me about yourself? 

 

Alec didn’t know that if having the knowledge would of saved him, but he would of liked the opportunity to try. 

 

Now, he had no idea whether he’d ever get the chance to find out.

 

Alec sighed and put a hand unconsciously over his heart that gave a squeeze of sadness as he turned and headed quietly for the door. 

 

Maybe Raphael would be willing to part with some information when he returned. 

 

But when he did come back almost an hour later, the harried and worn expression on his face didn't look like he was in the mood to be quizzed about Magnus’ past. 

 

“Everything alright?” He asked Alec quietly and he walked softly to the bedroom doors and peeked inside. 

 

“Yeah, I made him a sandwich but he didn’t stir so I just left it.” Alec told him. 

 

Raphael closed the doors again and came over to sit on the sofa at the far end to him. He rubbed his temples, creases of worry lining his forehead. 

 

“He needs more help than you can give him, Raphael.” Alec said, trying to keep his voice low. 

 

“Please, not this again. I’m too tired to deal with anymore bullshit tonight. You should go now if you want.” Raphael said. 

 

“I'm not going anywhere and it’s not bullshit. Look at you, Raphael. You’re on the edge yourself. You said it yourself that this was as bad as you’ve ever seen him. Can’t you see that he needs professional help this time?” 

 

Raphael’s insistence of burying his head in the sand about Magnus’ condition was adding frustration to Alec’s list turbulent emotions. 

 

“I’ve been there for him in the past, and I’ll be there for him this time as well, I don’t want him locked up somewhere away,” Raphael fixed him with a pointed stare, but then looked away from him, his next few words said quietly, and Alec didn’t think that he had been meant to hear them, but he had. “Away from me.” 

 

He felt a grab in his chest but he ignored it; this was a fight for another time. 

 

“And what? You’re going to miraculously cure him of this? Wake up to yourself. This is beyond either of us.” 

 

“You’re half right about that, Alec. You have no idea and you never will.”  Raphael snarled through gritted teeth. His dulled eyes flashed momentarily with fire.  

 

Alec wasn't going to let raphael best him over this just because he knew more about Magnus than he did. 

 

“Then fucking tell me what’s going on with him, why he’s like this.” Alec said, leaning forward angrily. 

 

“If Magnus had wanted you to know anything beyond his age and address, he would of told you by now.” 

 

Raphael’s words were a blow to his already bruised heart. That was it, wasn’t it? At least, that was at least part of the problem between them. Magnus’ inability to share anything about himself or his past. 

 

Alec shook his head and stood up, he was too angry and way too stressed out to hear anything like this right now. 

 

“I’m calling an ambulance. This has to stop.” He took out his phone and Raphael held his gaze from the other end of the sofa, head tilted upwards. His next words were said in a low voice, even and calm but the underlying current of anger was clearly apparent. 

 

“That is not your call to make. You are not his family, or friend,” He said with clenched jaw, “And you are most definitely not his boyfriend.”  

 

The tension in the room increased and Alec stared back at him, what he had said had all the impact of a blow to his body. His hand that held the phone seemed to open on its own and it clattered to the floor. 

 

There was a soft click behind them and they both turned to see the doors of Magnus’ room sliding closed. Fuck, How much of that had he just seen?

 

Raphael muttered something under his breath and got up. 

 

“I hope we haven't just made things ten times worse.” He seethed as he headed for the bedroom. 

 

Alec had to admit, he did feel bad about the possibility of causing Magnus anymore stress or worry then what he had already. 

 

That was the last thing he wanted to do. He stood up, making to follow Raphael into the room but he held up a hand to stop him.

 

“Don't even think about it. You've done enough. Go home.” He said in a deep whisper. 

 

“I’m not going anywhere until I know he’s alright.” Alec replied, folding his arms over his chest, just as determined. 

 

He wasn't going to think about that last remark. When Magnus would come out of this and things settled down, he’d get the truth about things out of him.

 

Raphael disappeared behind the doors and Alec went back to the sofa, sitting down heavily. It was late, The last time he had seen the time on his phone it had been after eleven. He hadn't been sleeping well since the night of the party and it was starting to catch up with him. Suddenly, he felt more weary than he had in days. 

 

He folded his legs up onto the seat and grabbed the blanket that Magnus had been using earlier and wrapped it around him. That faint but familiar scent made him want to break down and let his tears flow but he fought it off, wanting to stay strong, for Magnus’ sake if nothing else. 

 

He must of fallen asleep at some stage because the next thing he remembered was his eyes flying open and his ears filled with mournful cries coming from Magnus’ room. 

 

He sat up, looking in the direction of his room, the sound ripping through him like a knife, slicing at his soul. It was so terrible to hear such pain in anyone’s voice but when it was someone you loved so fiercely, the effect was ten times worse. 

 

He heard the faint sounds of Raphael’s voice, saying something soothing to him, trying to calm his anguish. It was taking all that he could stand not to get up and go into him but he didn't want to add to the problem. 

 

Alec hunkered down on the sofa, squeezing his eyes shut as his heart broke over and over again at the sound, tears leaking from them and rolling down the sides of his nose. Jesus, could this get any worse? How much more agony did the guy have to go through? 

 

A flash of silver on the floor made him blink and focus. His phone, he’d forgotten about it. He rolled forward, reaching out to grab it and saw that there was another object just out of his reach, near the leg of the coffee table in front of the sofa. 

 

Alec extended his arm as far as he could and grabbed it. His fingers went around the cold metal and glass surface and he realised that it was Magnus’ phone.  

 

He looked at the screen and turned it on, surprised that it was unlocked. 

 

He knew he probably shouldn't be snooping in it, but the temptation to gain even the slightest hint of facts that Magnus was hiding from him was too much to ignore. 

 

Alec looked in the photo app, hoping to get some insight but there were no personal pictures, just work related ones. 

 

Magnus wasn’t a selfie taker, no surprise there. 

 

There were few apps on the screen but he did find one that said notes, expecting it to be full of business reminders. What he found, made his breath hitch. 

 

Before he began to read the words on the screen, he looked over the back of the sofa towards the bedroom doors. Things had gotten quiet again and he hoped that Raphael would stay put, at least until he was able to finish reading. 

 

Alec began the first entry, noting that the date at the beginning was from three years previous.

  
  
  


_ Raphael's being weird around Tim again, I don't get it.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I'm tired and I don't want to tell him, he'll throw a fit again. But i'm so fucking sad. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Tim's rush helps, he's good at keeping me out of my own head. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ There is this void inside of me and it’s slowly killing me. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I miss her. Hate that I do after what she has done to me. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I can't sleep.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ My eyes hurt, contacts are irritating them more, I hate them. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Raph is driving me crazy. He'll never understand what it feels like to be me, he was loved, they died, mine left me, didn't want me. Nobody wants me. _ _   
_ _   
_ __ Raph is implying that I'm lying to myself, self sabotaging he called it. I don't really care about myself that much. I care about him, I make him sad.

  
  


Alec was numb. 

 

He had to consciously remind himself to take his next breath. 

 

Dear god, reading this glimpse into the very private life of Magnus Bane was like walking through a dark tunnel with a faulty flash light; the beam only giving brief hints of where he was. It was enough to shed some light on things and yet, the somewhat cryptic notes raised more questions than answers. 

  
  


_ I'm happy, today I made him smile. It has been so long. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I don't want to feel like a burden anymore, I'm a 25 year old useless man. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I'm being punished for something. I want to know what i did wrong to deserve this. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I can't stop thinking about them. I can still see their faces. I want to forget, to be happy, but they wouldn't let me, their memory wouldn't let me. They ruined me. I can't forget, I even forgot what happiness feels like. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I want to die, can't be brave can't be anything anyone needs, Raph would be better off without me.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ How did I get here?  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Someone needs to lock me up somewhere, and Tim is too clingy, can't forget anymore when I'm with him. That rush is gone. He'll never understand. _ _   
_ _   
_ __ I think Raph thinks I might kill myself, he never leaves my side since that night.

  
  


Alec realised he was shaking and large teardrops were falling down to splash on his hands. 

 

Who were these people he was talking about? 

 

They were significant to Magnus, whoever they were. 

  
  


_ Found a new high, she's an excellent distraction, her name is Abby. Finally my mind can rest. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ She's amazing. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Raph is somewhat civil with Abby. It makes me feel better, he is the one that matters, Abby couldn't care less about me. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ She fucks the haunting thoughts out of my brain, I'm grateful, I'm sleeping better at night, no nightmares when she's around. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ They are engraved in me, I can't fight it anymore, I feel so weak. Abby didn't last that long, it was freeing nonetheless. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Sometimes I can't figures him out. Raphael. Sometimes he seems sadder then I am. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ They said online, doing a detox would help you with your depression, I'm gonna try. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ A week later, I still want to die. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Sometimes I wonder how it feels like to be okay.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I hate these notes but they are mine and I'm free when I write them.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I notice how people look at me at first, I'm not that impressive. They eventually find out. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Life goes on I'm drowning with each and everyday and I'm scared. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Whenever I look at the mirror, those eyes make me remember why they left me. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ No more notes. I’m so tired. _ _   
_ _   
_ _   
_ _   
_ _ Alec. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ This feels familiar, the ache inside my chest. Its back. _ _   
_ _   
_ __ He has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen, I can't think about anything else.

 

_   
_ Alec’s hitching breath stopped altogether at the sight of his own name. 

 

Seeing what he had written about him filled him with a pained happiness. 

 

Oh god, why hadn’t he ever said any of this to him before?

 

_   
_ _ Raphael is mad at me. I don't like it when he's upset with me. _

 

_ Alexander. What a name, what a man. _

 

_ He's so innocent, my heart aches more than usual, I hate it. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Episodes are getting worse when I'm alone, can't keep Raph with me the whole time.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I can't sleep, it has been 48 hours, I'm exhausted, help. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Don't give up on me just yet, I'll do better. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Can't get him out of my mind, I think of nothing but him even when he’s around. He is not a rush, he’s everything. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ It hurts how much I want to tell him about them, but why would he want me after he finds out, I'm damaged.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ He's perfect, that long neck, those hazels, I hope he'll be happy.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ He's so beautiful I can't breathe.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Raph doesn't approve of Alec, because he likes him he said. I know what he means, I'm bad for him he deserves better.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ He's so selfless it's crazy, everything about him is tearing me apart. I don't want to hurt him. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I'm floating when he's sleeping next to me he's warm. He's always touching me, I can't help but reach out for him even when I’m asleep. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ He makes me forget and remember, I don't want to hurt him. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Raph is lonely, I have been spending all my time away from him, I forgot I'm all he has. _ _   
_ _   
_ __ Do I tell him how priceless he is, do I tell him how beautiful he is?

  
  


Alec let out a strangled moan, almost blinded by tears, he could hardly believe what he was seeing. He felt so conflicted right now and it was ripping him apart from the inside out.

_   
_ _   
_ __ I miss his big caring heart, I don't want him to hate me but I don't know how to be something other than this. I'm stuck.

 

_   
_ _ I'm trying, told him I missed him, it hurts more because I'm losing my heart, he won't even know what to do with it, I'm not sure he wants it.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I want to be better, do better, for him. I can't hurt him.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I miss him, now that I'm away, I miss him more when he's inside me, it doesn’t make any sense but I’m in pain ... I'm losing. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Raph is acting weird lately, he's distant, I need him and he needs me, I don't know how to live without him, I want to know what I did wrong. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Yes he's mad at me, after we picked Alec up from the festival he wouldn't talk to me, wouldn’t even look at me. I think it wasn't a good idea to have sex in the car. _ __   
  


_ Alec is everything I want to be, and everything I can’t have. _

_   
_ _ He doesn't seem to care about my eyes, that doesn't mean I'll show them to him.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I don't want him to leave. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Raphael hasn't been well, he doesn't talk to me, he's never at the loft anymore.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ It's killing me, I only seem to fuck up anything that's good in my miserable life. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Alec wants to know more, I'm not afraid to tell him, I'm afraid of what he'll do when he finds out. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I can't be alone.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I want him like I have never wanted anything before. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I can't remember my life before him whenever he touches me. He doesn't know what he's doing to me. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I'm falling. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I wish there was another version of me, then maybe, maybe I would be worthy of Alec. I really don't think there would be any. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I don't know how to open up without losing myself. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Oh Alec, if only you knew. _ _   
_ _   
_ __ I'm hurting.... I need to sleep.

 

Alec looked towards the closed bedroom doors, shoulders shaking, chest hitching, a complete slobbery aching mess, his eyes were blurry with tears but he was determined to finishing these notes.

 

_ Nothing works anymore, sex surely doesn't any longer..  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I don't want anyone but him but I can't be with him. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ They didn't love me, nobody does, why would he?  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ There are bruises on my thighs, where his fingers were, their pain takes my pain away. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I just want someone to love me, to stick around and not leave me, I can be good. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I want us to be more, Bare with me I need to get myself together. _ __   
  


_ These notes are way too honest, I pity myself when I read one of them. -note to self: stop talking about yourself too much Magnus.-  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ We were too exhausted after that we fell asleep with him inside me, I'm amazed how good that made me feel. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ His looks disarm me, I'm not worthy. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ His fingers on my back, I'm dreaming am I?  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I'm telling him how I feel, he invited me to a party, so his people will see him with me, he's not ashamed of me then? He won't leave me?  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ People will see us together, his friends, they'll hate me. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Raph is going to take me there, he's still upset with me I don't know why but it unsettles me, I want him to tell me he loves me like he always does.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _   
_ _   
_ _ I- .... _ _   
_ _   
_ _ He has never been mine, why do I do this to myself? _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Why did I go?  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I'm seconds away from breaking this phone. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Raph is angry, I don't know how I feel.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I want to see him one last time and apologize, he said he saw goodness in me, no, he's too pure he sees goodness in everything, nothing about me is good. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I feel like I'm dying. _ _   
_ _   
_ __ Raph told me not to go, again, I never listen.

 

_ He had his arm around him… nothing hurts more than this. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I hope he makes him happy.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _   
_ _   
_ _   
_ _ I can't stop crying, what is wrong with me, I'm losing my mind... _ __   
  


_   
_ _ I want my mom back. _

_   
_ __   
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	19. The Only Thing I Want is You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! our next chapter has been finished. So sorry to all our readers that have been waiting so long for it to get here. My wonderful co author and editor has been unwell and it didnt feel right to go on without her so it took a little longer than expected.   
> Hopefully now things are back on track we can get these chapters to you on a more regular basis. Hope you all enjoy this latest installment and dont forget to let us know what you think about it.

In all of Alec’s memories, he couldn't think of a night as bad as the one he had just endured when he woke on Magnus’ sofa the next morning. 

 

By his sleep deprived thoughts, he figured that he’d only gotten about two hours, if that, for the entire night. 

 

After reading those heartbreaking notes he thought the night wouldn’t get any worse. But it had, It had been a real nightmare, and he’d been awake for it. Hearing Magnus in that much pain, gasping for breath and crying out in the darkness time and time again throughout the night had been soul destroying. 

 

The worst part had been feeling so useless, so incompetent, so impudent through the whole thing. It seemed that every time that he had gotten a chance to close his eyes to rest a little, Magnus would wake up sobbing again, filling the apartment with his anguished moans, so full of heartache and pain that it physically hurt Alec to hear them. 

 

Raphael had slept beside him in bed, having gone through this with him on other occasions and knowing what he was in for. 

 

Not that it helped Alec in any way, and he doubted that even if he had been knowledgeable about such things, it would of been any easier to deal with. 

 

Magnus would wake sobbing and screaming, like a terrified child, his whole body shaking and writhing in the bed, his skin covered in a damp sheen of sweat. Alec would rush to the bedroom and stand by the door, as Raphael talked him down with comforting words and soft endearments with a hand on his heart, holding him. 

 

It was agony seeing him like this. 

 

He had been mad at him for the way he had been acting since everything between them went down hill, but Alec knew he wouldn't wish this sort of thing on his worst enemy. 

 

Each time, it robbed him of a piece of his soul, and when Raphael would finally get him settled down and lulled back into a fitful sleep, Alec would go back to the sofa, bury his head into the pillow and cry his eyes out. 

 

He lost count at how many times that happened, and after a while, he was so fearful of yet another episode, that he was too scared to close his eyes, even though he was beyond exhausted. 

 

In those dark hours of wakefulness, Alec found his mind filled with possibilities about how what he had read on Magnus’ phone and what was happening to him were connected. Those very candid notes might be the reason he was suffering like this but it wasn’t the full reason behind it. The only good thing about it was that he had finally gotten a glimpse of the fact that he truly did have strong feelings for him, but it was small comfort right now. 

 

It had been an hour before dawn that he finally fell into a weary sleep, simply unable to keep his eyes open any longer. 

 

He had woken in a panic, though, sitting up on the sofa, starting to rise to his feet before he was even properly awake before he realised that the apartment was still quiet and that he hadn't heard anything coming from Magnus’ room. 

 

The cries had been all in his head, an echo of his raw emotions. 

 

He allowed himself to lay there to think once again about everything he had read on Magnus’ phone the night before. He hadn't told Raphael, and certainly not Magnus what he’d discovered but it had made some of the puzzle pieces that he’d been missing fit into place. 

 

Now was neither the time nor the place to bring the subject of Magnus’ childhood and earlier years up. 

 

It didn't tell him the full story, but it gave Alec an insight of what it might entail and a reason behind why he was suffering so much now. 

 

Parents, they had no idea how they could completely screw up a child’s entire life by their thoughtless actions. Thinking that oh, he's too young, he won't remember anything was the biggest mistake they could make. 

 

Alec knew this first hand. 

 

He dragged himself off the sofa and into the kitchen to make coffee to try to kick start his still wrung out brain. 

 

He had no idea what the day would bring, and he took out his own phone and texted Jace, telling him that he wouldn't be into work for the day and to tell the boss. He turned to phone off after that. He didn't want to have to answer any questions from his friend right now, even if it was out of concern. 

 

He was way too beat for that. 

 

He was lost in his own thoughts when Raphael entered the kitchen as well. 

 

Alec had no idea how he looked himself, didn't want to know really, but Raphael looked like death warmed up. 

 

His usual tanned skin was pale and sallow. Dark smudges encircled his eyes, giving them a hollow appearance. A dark shadow covered his lower jaw and top lip making his pale face stand out even more. 

 

“Morning.” Raphael said as he reached for the coffee and a cup. “I'm surprised that you’re still here. I was sure that I’d come out this morning and find you long gone.”

 

Alec gave him a raised eyebrow look.

 

“That’s how much you know then. Is he…?” He began to asked. 

 

“He’s sleeping. I managed to talk him into taking something to calm him down a few hours ago. Normally he fights me on giving him anything but…..,” Raphael shook his head sadly, “This time has been so much worse.”

 

“He needs professional help, Raphael. Even you must see that. Letting him go through another night like that is just cruel.” 

 

Raphael looked at him and frowned. “What, and you think that I want to let him suffer the way he is? Last time I suggested he get help, he stopped talking to me for two weeks and it made him so agitated I couldn't say it again.” 

 

“So much worse? Fuck, what could be worse than this? Dear god, I’ve never seen anyone go through so much in one night my life before. There comes a time when even going against another person's wishes, even though they beg and plead and kick and scream, becomes a necessity. Raphael, this is such a time. For his own good, for his own sanity, we have to get him help.” 

 

Alec might of been dead on his feet, his mind barely able to remember his own name, but of this he was certain. 

 

Magnus needed help, more help then they could offer him. 

 

Raphael stood before him, at first, not saying a word, just looking down at his half drunk coffee, As Alec watched, the cup began to shake and his hand let go of the handle, letting the cup fall to the floor, smashing at his bare feet as his shoulders began to shake with sobs. 

 

Raphael had reached breaking point as well. He had been through this several times in the past and had rode it out with Magnus, being there for him in every way that he could. 

 

But everyone had a limit of their endurance and Raphael had reached his. He cared so much and he couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“It kills me to see him like this, but I don’t know if I have the strength to make a call that will take him away from me, even if it is for his own good.” He sobbed, wiping his eyes. 

 

Seeing him so broken down just emphasised how invested he was in Magnus, Alec felt for him and he knew he shouldn’t push him any longer, and that the message has been received.

 

They silently looked at each other and in a few seconds, it became obvious to both of them what the next step should be.

  
  


After showering and getting something to eat, even though neither of them was in the mood for food, they discussed what their next course of action should be. 

 

Raphael told him that he had looked into treatment centres a while ago and had the name of a really good one just outside the city. The doctors there were some of the best in the country and it was frequented by some very well known celebrities. 

 

Magnus would be assured of the best of care.

 

They decided to let Magnus sleep for a while longer before calling the centre about admitting him. For the next two hours, Alec repeatedly talked himself into and out of the merits of what they had decided to do. 

 

On one hand, he felt like he was betraying Magnus, forcing him into a course of action that he knew he didn't want. The thought of even telling him about it was twisting his guts into a knot that was threatening to strangle him from the inside out. 

 

But, at the end of the day, or should he say, the end of the worst night he had ever had, thinking about seeing someone he cared deeply for go through that type of personal hell all over again, was just too much to bare.

 

His gut, even if it was twisted up, told him that Magnus needed professional help. 

 

Somewhere for him to get a handle on his inner demons that were fighting with him over his sanity, and as it looked to Alec, they were gaining the upper hand. 

 

Magnus suffered from severe depression, that was clear enough, and he had to accept it.

 

But Alec’s heart was torn; he couldn't lose him, even if he was beyond frustrating to deal with sometimes and at the moment, he had no idea if he even wanted him around anymore. But that was a discussion for another time, right now, all that mattered was getting him better. 

 

Somehow, Raphael decided that it was better that they call the centre and get them to come first, before telling Magnus. Alec had his doubts, he felt that it was a sneaky way of doing things. 

 

Raphael went around the apartment, checking the heavy shutters and making sure that the place was still dark, only leaving the kitchen window open to the mid morning sun. 

 

“Alec, believe me, with Magnus, best to beg for forgiveness than ask permission.” Raphael told him as he punched in the number. Alec knew that he knew him better than anyone else so he let him make the call. 

 

They had taken in coffee and toast to Magnus shortly before, and hoped that eating breakfast would keep him distracted long enough to make the call. 

 

They really should have known better. 

 

Raphael had gone into the kitchen to make the call, hoping it was far enough away from the bedroom so that Magnus wouldn't hear him talking or what he was saying. 

 

Yet, another mistake. 

 

Raphael had just hung up the phone when the door to the kitchen flew open and Magnus stood before them, wild eyed, pale, shaking, dressed only in his black silk pyjama pants. 

 

“Who were you talking to?” He yelled, his eyes darting rapidly from Raphael’s face to his phone. 

 

“Magnus, I know that you didn't want this but…” Raphael started to say, holding his hands up in surrender but Magnus launched at him with a speed that took all of them by surprise. 

 

He forced him back against the fridge, shoving hard enough that the contents rattled alarmingly. 

 

“I told you I’m not going anywhere, I don't need fucking doctors, probing me, poking me, doping me up to the fucking eyeballs so I can't even remember who the hell I am and what day of the week it is!” He roared into Raphael’s face, his hands -even though they were shaking, along with the rest of his body- were bunched in the front of his shirt. 

 

“Magnus, that’s not going to happen, it won't be like that…” Raphael tried to reason with him, but Magnus was beyond reason at that moment. 

 

“The hell it is!! How? When did you become a doctor, anyway? You know that for sure do you? What is it, Raphael, finally sick of my shit? If that’s the way you feel then get the fuck out, I don't need you here.” He glared at Raphael, and Alec couldn’t help feeling invisible the entire time, Magnus was solely focused on Raphael, he was either blocking Alec out or just choosing to ignore the fact that he was even standing there. 

 

“Magnus, come on, it wasn’t just Raphael who thought that you needed help, it was me too. Can’t you see that it’s gone beyond being able to deal with it alone? It’s for your own good.” Alec reached out a hand and put it lightly on his arm, but Magnus roughly brushed it off. 

 

The only indication that he he knew that he had touched him was a slight flinch, he never turned his head in his direction to even give him an angry glare or anything else. He just kept his eyes on his friend. 

 

“I thought you were on my side, Raphael. You’ve always been there for me in the past, what’s changed?” Magnus said.

 

“I am on your side, please, you have to believe me, that’s why I’m doing this. Magnus, you’re depressed, severely.” Raphael said, taking a step closer to him, but Magnus backed off, Alec couldn’t see his face he was standing by his side, he could only notice his left hand shaking and the back of his shoulders tensing.

 

“I think I’m the one that should decide what happens in my life, Raphael. Those rights had been taken away from me for years, I don't intend to relinquish them now. Not to some two faced wannabe that is just waiting to get me out of the picture so he can take over everything I have.” 

 

Raphael looked like he’d just been slapped in the face. He looked in shock, It was a few minutes until he could even reply. 

 

“That was so hurtful, Magnus. I have never wanted to take anything away from you, you should know that.” The tremor in his voice was very evident as he fought to stay in control of his emotions, “I never wanted anything but you.” 

 

Alec felt Raphael’s words jab him, hard. It was clear by the way Magnus was still looking angrily at him that their true meaning was lost to him. 

 

Not so with Alec. 

 

It was probably been that way for a long time. 

 

Alec shook his head. He wasn’t going to think too much about all this right now, there were bigger issues to deal with.

 

It was clear that Magnus was feeling extremely threatened by this and had only felt right when he was in control of things. Being told that decisions had been made with regards to his personal life without his knowledge was a huge red flag and his biting words specifically aimed in Raphael’s and his directions, were designed to hurt. 

 

He was lashing out, like a cornered tiger, wanting to regain back the control he felt he’d lost while he was feeling very vulnerable. 

 

“You just want to dump me somewhere, don’t you?” Magnus’ voice trembled, “In some hell hole so you don't have to deal with me anymore, just like he did, and she did, and be like everyone else in my life, put me in the too hard basket and leave.” 

 

The pain that his words carried in them was great and Alec felt their meaning hit him hard. He wanted to say that they weren't like his mother or whoever else had done the wrong thing by him but once again, he didn't want Magnus knowing that he was aware of anything about his past. 

 

Even though Magnus seemed hell bent on keeping him out of this, ignoring him completely, it was getting too much to stand by and let him keep firing back at Raphael, blaming him for everything.

 

“Magnus, you need help. You can't go on like this, you’re not crazy, you’re just sick and the centre will help you diagnose what is it that you are feeling and deal with...whatever it is that you need to deal with.” Alec said, trying to keep the pain out of his voice that he was feeling. 

 

He needed to stay strong for him.  

 

It had been on the tip of his tongue to say that the centre could help him with whatever was going on about his mother or his past in general, but he didn't want to reveal that he knew anything about it. 

 

The truth was, he didn’t, but it wasn't hard to put two and two together and come to the conclusion that what Magnus was going through was for the most part had its roots in his past. He hated thinking that the recent trouble between them had been the trigger for this latest episode. 

 

He couldn't help feeling guilty about it but after going through just the one night of hell with Magnus, it didn't seem important to trying to lay blame on either him or Magnus. 

 

“I’m telling you both now, I’m not going anywhere, so you can just call off your hit squad and tell them not to waste their time and mine.” Magnus fired at Raphael, still clutching his shirt. 

 

Alec went to open his mouth to say something, but he froze. Magnus suddenly turned to look at Alec for the first time since he came into the kitchen, he was looking back into a pair of bright golden eyes that were practically lighting up his entire face and expressing the fear and anger he was feeling simultaneously. They were incredible, unique and so beautiful, mesmerizing to the point where Alec couldn't look away. 

 

“What are you..Fuck!” Magnus started and then realised what he had captured his attention and he immediately looked down and let go of Raphael’s shirt. That momentary flash of the usual feisty Magnus, the version of himself that Alec had been so used to, was gone again and before him was a stranger. 

 

Alec took a step closer to him and put hand lightly on his arm. 

 

“Don’t you see, Alec, this is why I can’t go to any treatment place, they would see  _ me _ and I’d turn into a fr...” 

 

“Don’t say that! Don’t you dare say it.” Raphael half shouted, cutting Magnus off immediately. 

 

As much as Alec wanted to take in the wonder of those eyes and ask a thousand questions about them, and scold Magnus for trying to hide them from him this entire time, he knew that he needed to convince Magnus that in spite of his objections, his mental health was more important at this time. 

 

Luckily, Raphael eased off from the fridge and cupped Magnus’ face, and succeeding in shedding any ounce of tension in Magnus’ body, though Alec still detected the twitching of his fingers, oh he was still upset.

 

“Magnus, you don't have to worry about that. This is a private clinic, very discreet and used to dealing with well known clients. We can tell them you have a eye issue that requires you to wear sunglasses and have low lighting in your room.”

 

“It won’t work I don't care how well run the place is. I’m not putting myself through that.” Magnus said to him but his voice had lost a little of that fierceness from earlier.

 

Alec took his hand and looked into his eyes, trying to act like he'd seen them countless times.

 

“Magnus, If Raphael says this place will be okay then you have to believe him. You can't keep running away from this. He can only do so much for you but it’s beyond him now. You have to do this, for yourself, if not for anyone else.” 

 

For the first time in the six months that he’d known him, Alec saw defeat on Magnus’ face. In one way it was a relief to know that he wasn't going to resist getting help any longer but in another way, it was heartbreaking to see such a once strong figure bow down and look defeated. 

 

All he wanted to do right then was to take him in his arms and hold him tight, tell him that it was all going to be alright, that he was never going to be alone again, that he had fallen irrevocably in love with him, that now, nothing will make him stay away as long as Magnus had him. 

 

But he didn't know if Magnus would refuse his embrace and that would of sent a knife straight to his heart. 

 

Within the next hour, the doctor and two assistants arrived from the clinic. they both sat either side of Magnus, but Raphael held his hand tight as the doctor spoke to him, offering as much informations as they could. 

 

After gathering together some clothes and other personal items, Magnus let them take him to the centre, an hour out of the city and set in lush park like grounds. The main building had once been a stately home and it had been very well restored and maintained. It looked more like a spa then any sort of medical treatment. 

 

Raphael and Alec had gone with him, and Alec had to remind himself not to stare at the few well known faces he saw as they wandered the grounds or sat in the large comfortable lounge area. This really was a high class place and he felt a little more at ease about leaving Magnus there. Raphael had certainly done his homework on this. 

 

The head of the facility gave them a tour of the whole place and then showed them to Magnus’ room. The place looked like a five star resort suite, with a huge bed, small lounge area, bathroom and balcony that opened up to look over the beautiful gardens outside. 

 

“Wow, this is some place, Magnus. It’ll be like being on vacation while you get better.” Alec said, looking around. 

 

“We’ll see.” Was all he replied. He hadn't said much at all the whole time, answering any questions put to him with short answers and a flat tone to his voice. 

 

Alec tried not to think about how sad he sounded and how even though he needed to be here, he still felt guilty about being a party to putting him there. 

 

Magnus had been looking out the window but he turned and even though he was wearing his dark glasses, Alec could sense the panic was starting to rise in him.

 

“I don't want to be here. I want to be in my own home.” his body started to shake, voice breaking heavily. 

 

“I’ll be better soon, I know I will. I don't want to be here all alone with strangers.” Magnus said, his voice heavy with emotion. 

 

He looked right at Raphael and Alec saw him starting to go to his friend. 

 

Magnus clung to Raphael as if his life depended on it. Fresh tears rolled down his cheeks as he lay his face on his shoulder. 

 

“Don’t leave me here, Raphael, please. I’m begging you, don’t let me go.” He sobbed and Raphael made a small sad sound as he began to weep himself.

 

It was so gut wrenching to witness it. 

 

Alec felt his stomach knotting up. 

 

The director simply stood back and said nothing, perhaps he was used to scenes like this. 

 

Alec could feel his own eyes prickling and he had to put a hand over his mouth to suppress his own tears from emerging. God this was so hard, the hardest thing he'd ever had to do.

 

“Don't leave me here by myself, Raphael, please? I'll be fine, I promise.” Magnus wept, still holding Raphael tightly. 

 

“Maybe it would be better to let Magnus be in his own home. This wasn't his idea after all. He doesn’t do well alone, I shouldnt of…” Raphael started to say. Alec could see things escalating and as hard as it was to do this, he knew that Magnus needed to be there, for his own good. 

 

“I assure you, Mr Santiago, Mr Bane will be well looked after here. He is in the right place to get better. We will take very good care of him and you can visit him every day if you wish. Both of you.” The director said, turning to Alec. 

 

“Raphael, don’t do this, I don't know these people, I don't trust them.” Magnus cried and Alec could see how much this was hurting Raphael. 

 

He looked like he was about to break and grab Magnus by the hand and rush him back outside the door. 

 

Alec walked over to where they stood and put a hand on Magnus, feeling his body shaking under the silk robe he was wearing. “Magnus, you've dealt with it for too long on your own and it’s not good for you to do that. Wouldn't it be good to feel that weight lift from your shoulders? to be better. We’ll be here for you, Raphael and I, We’ll visit all the time.” Alec tried to assure him while using all the strength he had not to break out into tears. 

 

Magnus raised his head and looked at Alec, sniffing back sobs. Even though the lens of his glasses were dark, Alec could still see those eyes behind them from being this close. 

 

“No you won’t, it will be like all the other times, and you’ll walk out the door and I’ll lose  _ you _ again.” 

 

He knew, Alec knew what Magnus meant by that, and it made tears flow down his cheeks of how much he wanted to blur out that he loved him, so damn much, and nothing would make him leave.

 

“You won’t lose me ” he stuttered, his heart slamming against his ribcage, eyelashes wet with tears, “I wouldn’t be able to go on without you anyway.” 

 

Magnus let go of Raphael and wrapped himself around Alec instead. Alec felt fresh new tears rolling down as he did. God, how he'd missed feeling his body on his like this, even under these circumstances, it felt so good to feel his familiar warmth. 

 

He held him tight and put his face right next to Magnus’ ear.

 

“You’ll be okay,  I promise. This is all for the best, you’ll see. I’ll come every day. No one’s abandoning you, Magnus. We’re here for you always.” He whispered softly to him. 

 

Magnus made a small sound and he felt him tighten his grip. After he had practically ignored him earlier, this gush of emotion from him was unexpected. 

 

But there was no way he was going to push him away, not now they had gotten him so close to getting him help. 

 

Whether is was the time and the place for it or not, Alec couldn’t stop himself from letting his hand travel to the back of Magnus’ neck, feeling the warmth of his soft skin and then letting his fingers find the silky strands of his dark hair. 

 

He’d been so starved of this closeness he needed it so badly right now. He felt Magnus press a little tighter to him, a small sigh leaving him as he did. It spoke volumes to Alec and renewed his hopes, that Magnus still felt something for him. 

  
  


It was hard saying goodbye to him when it was time for them to leave. He stood back while Magnus threw his arms around Raphael and hugged him fiercely, all his angry words temporarily forgotten. 

 

“I’ll be back tomorrow, I swear” Raphael told him as he gave him a final hug. 

 

“I know, I trust you.” Magnus told him as he turned his attention to Alec. 

 

Of all the times that they had parted company, including their final goodbye after Magnus had come to the apartment that night, this was by far the most difficult. 

 

Alec found himself wanting to carry out Raphael’s previous idea of taking him home with them, caring for him in his own home but common sense told him that he was where he needed to be right now, but instead he surged forward and clung to Magnus breathing in his beautiful scent. 

 

“I’ll be back too. Right after work.” Alec said as they held each other tight. He didn't care if it was going to midnight before he got back home, he was going to prove to Magnus that he was there for him no matter what. 

 

“I’m so sorry Alec.” Magnus replied, and even managed a small smile.

 

“Get better, I know you can.” Alec said softly, not trusting his voice to be any louder.

 

The hardest thing in the world was to get in the car and leave Magnus behind, even if he was in the capable hands of the clinic staff. 

 

For the first twenty minutes, both of them stayed silent, lost in their own thoughts. This was going to be a very long, tough week. 

  
  


Alec decided to abide by the doctor’s wishes and held back from the temptation of making the trip to the clinic after work each night. He had explained that because of the nature of their ‘connection’ to each other, Magnus didn’t need and more emotional turmoil at the moment. It was hard, but he wanted Magnus to get better and he was willing to do whatever he could to make that happen.

 

Raphael, of course, made the drive each night and then called Alec to give him reports on how it had gone. 

 

By Thursday, Magnus had settled into the clinic better and seemed calmer than before. Alec couldn't wait for the next day when he could go see him for himself. 

 

Jace had been so understanding about everything when he had arrived home and poured his heart out to him. He had even called Izzy and talked to her about it. She had offered her support and made no judgement on what he should or shouldn’t be doing. After feeling a little alone in all this, it was nice to know that he had people on his side for support. 

 

Alec had been really looking forward to his visit with Magnus but when he actually got in the car to make the drive out to the private clinic, he felt apprehension at seeing him again. 

 

He wasn’t sure what to expect when he got there or what Magnus would say, if anything, to him. Would he say anything about what put him in such a dark place? Or would he completely ignore the subject? 

 

He thought about what he would say to him if he did want to talk to him about things, about his past. He wasn’t sure how he would handle that. 

 

It surprised him to see how much calmer and rested Magnus looked when he did get there. He still had a slightly haunted look and he was still pale and had obviously lost some weight or at least his face did but his manner was much more settled then before. 

 

Magnus was in the living area when he arrived and they went up to his room to talk. He had been wearing his dark glasses but when they reached the room and he shut the door, he took then off; for the first time purposefully revealing the golden irises. 

 

He was still not quite comfortable about it, but to Alec it was a small gesture of allowing him into the part of his life he had kept hidden from him.

 

“You’re eyes are beautiful, Magnus, you should know that.” Alec said softly when they sat in the easy chairs in the room.

 

“No, they make me look like a freak.” He said, still bending his head. 

 

“No, they make you unique. I think they’re beautiful.” They were sitting close enough that Alec was able to reach out and put a hand over his where it was resting on the padded arm. 

 

Magnus looked up at him and gave him a weak smile.

 

“Thank you, Alec. I don't deserve it, but thank you.” 

 

“Magnus, you deserve so much more. You’re a great guy, you deserve to be happy.”

 

“I’m glad you think that, even after the way I’ve treated you the last six months.”

 

“Magnus, we’re grown adults, we went into it knowing what was expected from each other. If anyone is at fault here, its me. I was naive about everything, thinking that I could have that sort of relationship right off the bat and be okay about it. You were clear about how you wanted it to be, I was the one screwing things up, trying to force you into feeling things and doing things I didn't know you weren't capable of.”

 

“I had no right to expect that of you, Alec, I should of put a stop to it from the minute I started developing…” Magnus awkwardly paused, his hand trembling underneath Alec’s, “But I let my emotions cloud my better judgement. I’ve done it before with others but I’ll be damned if I could turn you away. Maybe by making it as hard as I could for you to stay with me was my way of trying to force your hand and make you walk away. It wasn't fair.” 

 

The revelation of what Magnus had said shocked Alec. He wasn't sure what he should take from that statement; the fact that he had purposely tried to make him leave or that he gave him small snippets of himself because there was a place inside him that didn't want to lose him, in spite of the way he was used to dealing with such feelings. 

 

“Magnus, I never wanted to leave you, to walk away from you because you were a complex person. I wanted you to open up to me, to let me in on what is hiding beneath your facade.” 

 

Magnus looked up at him with shiny eyes. He got the impression that he didn't hear those words said to him very often, but fuck he wanted to know Magnus, all of him.

 

“I….I don’t know what to say….. Things are so….” He started.

 

“It’s okay. I don't want you to think about this, you have a lot  to deal with. When you're feeling better, then we can maybe talk about it. But I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to be around for you, okay? I’m not going anywhere.” 

 

Magnus let out a soft sigh and smiled at him, taking his hand and lacing his fingers with his. Just this small action said so much to Alec and he could feel it warming his insides and fueling the fires of affection in him once again. 

 

They spent the next hour talking about the clinic and discussing what the food and the staff were like. 

 

Magnus didn’t say anything about what exactly he was being treated for, and Alec didn’t ask, he wasn’t going to push it with him. 

 

They were on delicate ground at the moment, and they both knew it. 

 

After another half hour, visiting time was over and Alec had to reluctantly go. 

 

“Thanks for coming , Alec. I enjoyed seeing you.” Magnus told him as he walked him through the lobby. 

 

Alec looked at him shyly, his heart flared with happiness because this was as enjoyable for Magnus as it was for him. “I enjoyed it too. I’ll see you next Friday.” 

 

“Maybe, it can be a few days? If you aren't busy, that is.”  

 

Alec felt a burst of heat flooding his insides. 

 

He wanted to see him sooner, god, it was good to hear that. He walked up to him and embraced him, feeling the familiar touch of Magnus’ arms around him. 

 

He missed that so so much. 

 

His phone rang from the inside of his pocket and he let go of Magnus to answer it. He hadn’t bothered looking at the screen t see who it was.  

 

“Hello?”

 

“Alec, hey.” 

 

Thomas’s voice wasn’t what he had been expecting to hear and it was loud enough that he knew from the look on his face, that Magnus had heard him. The timing of this call wasn’t great at all because he saw Magnus stiffen and retreat to the window on the other side of the room with a sad look on his face.

 

“Hi, how’s it going?” Alec said, trying not to sound like he didn’t want to talk to him. 

 

“Good. I just wanted to see how you were doing. I haven't seen you much at work and the times I did you looked pretty preoccupied. Is everything okay?” 

 

Alec knew that Thomas wasn’t saying what he was to fish for information, he was probably genuinely concerned about him. 

 

Things were left a little up in the air between them since he and Magnus’ break up. He’d spent a little time with him just after but it hasn't felt right. 

 

As nice as Thomas was, and as mad as he was with Magnus, he was still in love with him, just very hurt and very confused, and not at all into Thomas.

 

He knew he wanted more but since that night behind the club, he hadn't tried to kiss him again and he appreciated it, especially right now when things were so tenuous with Magnus. 

 

“Things are complicated, Thomas.” He sighed.

 

“I’m good with complicated, you can always tell me, you know..” 

 

From across the room, Alec saw a woman in a uniform approaching Magnus. She said something to him and he looked back at him, sadly. He was beginning to turn to go with her.

  
  


“The thing is, it's not really my story to tell. I’d feel like I was betraying a trust if I said anything.”  Alec was panicking, Magnus was leaving the room and he couldn’t just be rude and hang up the phone on his friend, but he made sure that Magnus heard what he said to Thomas.

 

He didn’t want this to be the thing that would break that delicate bond they had at the moment. But the look on Magnus’ face made him feel like it already did.

 

“Okay, fair enough. I just wanted to let you know that i’m here for you, if you need someone to talk to or whatever.” 

 

“Thanks, and I appreciate that.” Alec’s tongue felt heavy inside his mouth, this evening was going great until he got this call and now he hadn’t even gotten to say a proper goodbye to Magnus and it felt like things had been left unsaid between them. 

 

He so very badly wanted to explain that the phone call meant nothing to him, at least not what Magnus might be thinking it had meant but he had to stand there and mouth “bye” to him as he followed the nurse down the hallway. 

 

Magnus gave him a small wave but the happiness he had seen in his face only minutes earlier had faded and it cut Alec deeply. 


	20. The Unquestionable Mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally, here is the next chapter. Thank you to all our readers for their patience. We hope that the wait is worth it. We will try to get the next chapters out sooner and that you keep reading. Hope you all enjoy this chapter and please let us know what you think about it.

 

Magnus sat in the lobby of the clinic waiting for Raphael to come and pick him up, he was excited and scared at the same time. 

 

It was hard to believe that it had been three months since he had walked in that door, exhausted, destroyed, terrified and just so so sad. 

 

He remembered how he had felt so heart broken and utterly betrayed by Raphael’s actions; He had felt so angry, so hurt but deep down, he knew that he needed help, more help than anyone could give him, although the thought of talking about his past with anyone other than Raphael, terrified him. 

 

He wasn’t sure exactly what it was that frightened him so much about it; having someone judge him for not having a family or even worse, feeling sorry for him. 

 

Or maybe it was just putting his thoughts into words for the first time, what and how he was feeling. 

 

Nothing about coming here had made him feel better, at the beginning. 

 

Magnus thought about that first session he’d had with his doctor and how he had just stared at him, the poor guy had tried his best to get him to say something, but Magnus had been determined to remain silent. 

 

The group sessions had been worse. 

 

No way was he sharing anything with those other people. 

 

The only thing he had gotten out of them was that it had made him realise that he wasn’t the only one in here that had issues.

 

Strangely enough, that had been the first step in a much longer journey, one that he was still on but now he was much further down the road than he’d ever been before.

 

He’d lived for Raphael’s and Alec’s visits, looking forward to them each week. They were his link back to his life that he felt like he’d been dragged away from, even if it had been a toxic one. 

 

Raphael talked mostly about the club and what had been going on there, Magnus guessed it was his way of avoiding any sensitive subjects and he had been okay with that. He had to admit, that he was more than a little jealous that everything had seemed to be functioning neatly without him. 

 

Had he become redundant already? But after a few weeks, Raphael’s rosy reports were starting to sound a little too rosy and he began to suspect that his friend had been sanitising them to try to save him any worry. 

 

Even though it had been hard, and a lot of that night had been lost in a fog of pain, he did remember how Alec had been there for him in that final night before he had been brought to the clinic. 

 

Although it had been a horrible time, having him there, feeling his presence, while Raphael’s strong arms around him, holding him as he shook with heart broken sobs, had been a comfort, he wished they were Alec’s. 

 

So he imagined that they were, and as if Alec had been trying to give him some of his own inner strength to him all the way from the other room, and it had helped, even if it had only been in the smallest of ways. 

 

It had also done something else, something that Magnus only realised after he had been at the clinic for a while, and that he had found a small spark of hope that maybe, just maybe Alec cared for him, and that he wasn’t unlovable after all. That he seemed willing to accept him for who he was, emotional scars and all. It was a concept that warmed his heart and  made him doubt why he needed to be in therapy. 

 

So he resisted it at first, fiercely.

 

It wasn’t until Alec had visited him and had gotten that phone call from Thomas that he had finally given in and began to talk to his therapist. 

 

Coming to terms with the fact that he had deep feelings for Alec was hard enough to get his head around and then he heard him talking to his boyfriend, it had totally shattered the illusion he’d had and that the reality of it was that Alec had looked like he’d moved on from the wreck of their no strings relationship and was now only coming to be with him out of some sort of misguided sense of pity. 

 

It had been enough to make Magnus’ emotional cup finally flow over, but he managed to hold it together until he got back to his room.

 

He cried loudly into his pillow for an hour before he’d been physically too exhausted to keep it up. 

 

Normally, he would of ranted and raved for a while, had a drink or two and then gotten over it but with his emotions worn paper thin, something he would've considered to be a bump in the road, had turned into a huge mountain, too big to go over and to wide to go around. 

 

It was then that Magnus knew he had to start talking to his doctor and try to sort his head , heart and mind out. 

 

It had been extremely hard at first, and he had only given him the barest of details about his life before he became a club owner but slowly, he found the more he spoke about it, the more he revealed about himself, the more the fog inside his head began to clear.

 

For the first few weeks, Magnus had been wearing his dark glasses. He didn't have the strength to deal with the stares and hushed comments made from behind hands that usually accompanied the moments when his eyes were there for everyone to see. 

 

But along with getting his deepest darkest thoughts out in the open, the memories of his parents, he found that he started to feel less uncomfortable about showing his doctor, at least, his unusual eyes. 

 

The man insisted that he take them off after he had seen him for the first week anyway. 

 

Magnus found, in the end, that most people didn’t take much notice, well, not at the clinic, anyway, they were too wrapped up in their own reasons for being there. 

 

His doctor had pointed out to him that he wasn’t the only one with an unusual eye colour and that in a world where very little was considered strange or weird, it was a small thing to have. 

 

He had even joked about the fact that his own teenage son had taken to wearing red contact lenses and wearing all dark clothing, Magnus had even smiled when he said that the boy would of loved to have his shade of yellow, that it was a part of who he was and that it shouldn't be thought of in a negative way and should be embraced.

Of course, this led to harder discussions about his parents.

 

The first thing that he and his therapist had worked on was him blaming himself for his father leaving and his mother abandoning him. It had taken some time for Magnus to believe it when he was told that it hadn't been his fault that they had done what they had. 

 

“You were child, Magnus. A child that young can’t be held responsible for how they were born. And as hard as it is to hear it, your parents weren’t the ones at fault either. Yes, they should be held accountable for their actions with regards to them leaving you the way they did, but as for how your eyes came to be, they had no say in the matter, just as you didn't.”

 

The statement had been a bitter pill to swallow, and one that Magnus struggled with, what he had said made sense but he still had his doubts about his parents not wanting him to have a hard life. He didn't think that they had ever put that much thought into it. 

 

It was about then, that Magnus began thinking about his mother for the first time in years. 

 

He would of been lying to himself if he had of said that he had never thought of her at all in the time between her leaving him at that diner until now, but when he found his thoughts trailing off in her direction, he had always distracted himself and refused to let them take hold.

 

It might of been childish to hang on to the belief that she had been the source of everything that was wrong in his life, but that’s the way he had felt for years now and changing his way of thinking wasn't going to happen over night. 

 

As he went further with his therapy, Magnus had begun to form a plan in his head, one he didn't want to tell anyone one about, not his doctors, Raphael or Alec. 

 

He was going to deal with it alone, it was something he knew that he needed to do. 

 

If he learnt anything in the time he was at the clinic, it was that dealing with a life long problem was at times two steps forward and three back. 

 

He would feel that he was getting somewhere only to have a bad day and feel like he had gone backwards. It was at times, frustrating but his doctors assured him that it was all part of the process and that he would eventually have more good days than bad. 

It seemed a far off dream, especially after the night Magnus’s sleep had been plagued with troubled dreams and he had woken in the middle of the night, crying, panting, a lather of sweat and all he wanted was to hear a familiar voice. 

 

A nurse had come into him and even though it had been forbidden to have a phone, he managed to talk her into letting him make a call to Raphael, and he had talked him down over the next hour, and eventually, the near blinding panic that had welled up inside him, slowly died and he was able to sleep again. Before he drifted off, the last thing he thought about was the tremor in Raphael’s voice when he was calming him down.

 

One thing he had reconciled himself with in his time at the clinic was that he knew without a doubt that he wanted a real relationship with Alec. He cared for him, deeply and if he ever got the chance to show him how much he would be glad to take it.

 

But he wanted a proper relationship, not one where he took and didn't give and Alec was dragged along by false expectations and a misguided sense of hope that things might become different over time. It would take time to repair the damage, but he was willing to put in the effort. 

 

Magnus was grateful for one thing, that therapy had taught him to open himself up to others, and not be afraid of telling those that were close to him how he really felt or if something was bothering him. 

 

He’d always been like it with Raphael, the only person on the planet he had ever felt comfortable telling anything to, but even he hadn’t been privy to certain things. At the time, Magnus had tried to justify his actions by telling himself he was doing it to save Raphael any drama or unpleasantness, but in truth, it was because usually if it was bad enough not to tell him, then it was something he himself didn't want to deal with either. 

 

He’d been ‘stockpiling’ issues for too long now, and he suspected that this was one of the reasons he fell into that deep dark pit of of despair and sadness that he did on several occasions. 

 

He would of been lying if he hadn’t said to himself that he was afraid of it happening again, but now that he had been given the help that he’d been resisting for so long, he felt that at least he had the tools to try to pull himself out if it. It was like being given a rope ladder, he just hoped that he had the strength to use it if he needed it. 

 

He had opened right up to his therapist, in the end, and relieving himself of that old baggage, had felt better than he had ever hoped it would. But there was one thing that he didn't reveal, to him and nor did he intend to tell Raphael or Alec. 

 

When the club had grown into a successful business and he didn't have the financial worries of his past anymore, Magnus had done something he had been thinking of for a long time. 

 

He hired a private detective to find his mother.

 

It had taken a while, and he had instructed the man to contact him directly, and he wasn't to talk to anyone else about it. 

 

Especially Raphael. 

 

The first time he had called him and told him that he had found her came as a shock. 

 

It was forcing him to deal with his past, a past that he had left way behind him and never wanted to revisit, but there had always been that small part of him, that still wanted to know what had happened to her. Maybe there was still a part of him, no matter how repressed, that held that scared little boy that had spent a lot of years, pining and fretting for a mother that had abandoned him at a diner and clearly didn't want him, that thought he was a freak and that in all likelihood, blamed him for everything that had gone wrong in her life. 

 

The detective had given him photos and an address but he had never tried to contact her, didn't want to either, and had kept him updated on her current situation and how her life was going. 

 

It wasn't good, that was for sure. 

 

But now, Magnus knew that if he wanted to put his past behind him and put an end to everything that had been slowly poisoning him for all these years, then he had to finally face the woman that gave birth to him so he could finally get closure.

 

Raphael came in through the doors, and he looked up at him, smiling. 

 

“Finally! Get me out of here.” Magnus said to him as he walked over to him and he hugged him hard. 

 

“I missed you.” Raphael said, hugging him back just as hard, smiling. 

 

They stepped outside the clinic and got into the car, it felt like taking a deep breath after a long time. The day was cool and clear and the sun on his face through the windscreen felt wonderful. 

 

They laughed and joked about random things and it was great to have such a light conversation. 

 

“I don't want you to worry about anything, you’re just going to take it easy for another few weeks, the club is fine. I’ve got it handled.” Raphael told him.

 

“I’m not worried, Raph, I know you do. There’s no need to fuss over me.” Magnus replied, but he was smiling at him.

 

When they arrived at Magnus’s apartment, Alec was there waiting for them. His broad smile lit up Magnus’s insides and he was so glad that he had been waiting for him. 

 

Alec walked up to him and wrapped him in his arms. Something twinged deep inside Magnus and it felt like he was truly home now, and that for the first time in a long while, he could just allow himself to feel Alec’s warmth and strength around him. He’d been denying himself this simple luxury for so long now, afraid of feeling anything more than raw sexual attraction. But things could be different now and he realised how much he had been missing feeling that special ‘Alec’ heat filling him up.  

 

“Welcome back, Magnus.” Alec said when they let go of each other and stood back smiling. 

 

“Thank you.” He said, standing uncertainty by his own front door. 

 

“So, tell me what you;d like and I’ll get it for you.” Alec chimed in, beckoning him inside, “Something to eat, a drink, maybe you'd like to rest a while or…..” Alec sounded like he was just getting wound up, but Magnus shook his head and held up a hand.

 

“Alec, stop fussing. I’m more than capable of looking after myself. I think I’ve put the two of you through enough, haven’t I?” 

 

“It’s okay … ” Alec began.

 

Raphael must of been concerned that Alec’s over attentiveness would make Magnus anxious, and he took Magnus’s hand and led him inside.

 

“Come on, let’s get you settled and then we can worry about what you might need.”

 

Magnus could see where the two of them were heading with all this; they would want to bundle him up and fuss over him, and he knew that his plans completely contradicted theirs. He wasn’t ungrateful for their obvious concern for his wellbeing but he knew he wanted to carry out what he’d been planning for a while now and he also knew that they wouldn't take it well. But, they needed to be told, no matter what the reaction would be. 

“I’m going away for a few days, starting from tomorrow. I can’t tell you why or where, but just know that this wasn’t a spur of the moment decision and that it’s something I need to do to help me get better.”

 

“Absolutely not!” Raphael shouted, while Alec whispered a hushed  _ what,  _ looking slightly scared.

 

Of course he knew he shouldn't be doing anything of the sort to them after everything they’re doing for him, but Magnus was adamant. He had put this off for far too long now, and it had almost gotten him this time. 

  
  


After more protests, he allowed Alec to  make him a cup of tea and they sat and talked for a while before he told him that he should go, which he did reluctantly, assuring him that he’d be in contact as soon as he got to where he was going.

 

Raphael, however, had no intention of being dismissed and stayed longer, trying every trick in the book to get Magnus to tell him where he was going and why. But it did no good and Magnus refused to budge on the matter. 

 

Magnus began to pack a bag with a few changes of clothes, and Raphael began to ramp up his argument about him going.

 

“Magnus, you shouldn't be doing this straight out of the clinic. You need time to rest, to get used to being in your life again.” He said, his face full of worry.

 

“Raphael, I need to do this, I’m sorry, but I’m going ahead with it. It’s for the best believe me.” Magnus said, trying to ease his tension, Raphael took his hands in his. 

 

“Magnus, I can’t run the risk of losing you. I came too close to it and I never want to feel like that again. Please, don't do this.” 

 

The look in his eyes practically searched out his soul to try to get him to stop what he was planning to do nearly broke Magnus’s resolve. He hated doing this to him, but he had made up his mind that he would carry it through. He had been putting it off for so long and now was the first time that he felt strong enough to do it. 

 

Magnus led Raphael to his bed and pulled him down to sit beside him. 

 

“Raphael, I know you're worried about me and believe me, I hate that I’m doing this to you when you’ve been so wonderful to me for all this time. But, if you want to see me get truly well again, to finally be a whole person, then you’ll let me do this. I’ll only be away for a short time and I’ll call you the second I get there. And don’t get any ideas about having me followed.” He added, giving him a pointed look.

 

“Magnus, I would never…” Raphael started to protest his innocence in the matter but Magnus knew better. 

 

“I know you only too well, Raphael Santiago, and the moment I walk out that door you would of been on the phone getting me tailed. I know this is hard, but you just have to trust me when I tell you that I’ll be fine and this is for the best. Okay?” 

 

Raphael looked as if he was about to launch into another round of arguing but instead, he let his shoulders slump into a resigned sigh and he nodded his head. 

 

“Okay cariño, if this is really something you need to do so badly, then I trust you.”  

  
  
  
  


It was a short plane ride to where his mother was and he walked out of the small airport to a waiting cab. He had asked the detective to book him a room when he contacted him the night before, and he went straight to the hotel. 

 

He called Raphael then, making sure that he knew he had arrived safely and that he was fine. He was glad that he didn't try to find out where he was and that he trusted him to carry out his plans. 

 

Magnus had decided that he would go to see his mother the next day, and use the time beforehand to look around town. 

 

As Magnus walked the unfamiliar streets, he couldn't help thinking that if he had been there for any other reason, that he might really enjoy it. A Lot of the shop fronts were old and had been restored to their former glory and it gave the town a quaint, homely feel. 

 

He could almost imagine what it would look like with snow on the ground and christmas lights in the windows. Visions of him walking hand in hand with Alec, checking out the antique shop or the gift stores filled his head and he couldn't help smiling softly to himself. 

 

Maybe one day, it could be a reality. 

 

That night, he ate in the small restaurant at the hotel and then went to bed, and tried to settled his mind for what might come the next day. 

 

He had tossed up the idea of telling the detective to contact her and ask her if she was okay with him visiting, but he didn't want to think about what would happen if she refused. He could have tried to call her, but once again, he felt like this needed to be said face to face. 

 

After a restless night and a early breakfast, Magnus steeled himself as much as he could, and took a cab to her address. He was sure that the ride would only be a short one, given the size of the township, but it gave him a few minutes to think about what was about to happen.

 

He had very little memory of the woman he was about to meet again after over two decades. He had no photos, no momentos or relics of any kind of his brief childhood with her. The only thing that had stuck to him for all these years had been how unsettled things had been, especially, after his father had left. 

 

One of the things that had affected him the most when the detective had shown him her photo that he had taken of her from a distance, was, that he didn't recognise her in the slightest. It had troubled him so much, he felt that he should of been able to recognise his own mother, no matter how long it had been since he had seen her. But he didn't. 

 

The small house was on one of the last streets of town. Clearly, from the look of the other houses in the area, people weren't very house proud around here. Yards were neglected, gardens overground, toys were strewn around. The cab pulled up to the last house in the street; a small boxy looking building whose wooden walls looked like had once been a pale blue but now were almost white from the lack of upkeep. 

 

The front yard looked relatively neat, compared to the neighbours, and a few mangy looking plants grew either side of the front path. He instructed the cab driver to stay out the front until he gave him the signal to leave. If she refused to see him, then he didn't want to have to walk back to the hotel. 

 

Magnus did his best to control his nerves as he walked up the front path and the two steps onto the small from porch. An old battered armchair and a small table stood under a window. He was shaking as he knocked on the door, the paint peeling off it in a multitude of places. 

 

It was very quiet here and his ears were trained to any sound that might be coming from inside the house. But he heard nothing.  He knocked again, this time using a little more force, then took a step back and waited. At first, he thought that he had wasted his time, that she wasn't home, but then he heard floorboards creaking from inside the house.

 

Oh god, it's going to happen. He was about to meet the woman that had given birth to him. 

 

A flash of that lady in the yellow skirt crossed his mind in that moment, but he shook it out of his head.

 

The door rattled and then gave a squeal of protest as it swung open. 

 

Magnus felt his breath die in his throat. 

 

“Look, if your sellin’ anythin’ I'm not interested, okay? And I ain’t religious so you can fuck off and go bother someone else.” 

 

The woman standing before him looked drawn and haggard. Magnus wasn't very sure of her exact age but he thought that she should of been around her mid forties, but the woman in front of him looked much older than that. 

 

Her unkempt shoulder length hair had streaks of grey through it and she looked very thin, birdlike. She wore a thin printed dress and was clutching a oversized jacket around her small shoulders. 

 

She was looking at him like she was expecting an answer, and Magnus realised that he hadn't said anything. 

 

“Sana? Are you...Sana Yazir?”  He finally asked her. He still hadn't taken a breath that he could remember. 

 

She eyed him suspiciously, looking at him from head to toe, clearly not knowing who he was either. 

 

“Who wants to know?” It was clearly said in defiance. 

 

“My name is Magnus. Magnus Bane. I think, I mean I know, that you’re my … ” 

 

At first, her pale worn face began to frown and she looked like she was about to disagree with what he had just said, but then her large dark eyes went wide and she visibly blanched even more. One hand went to her throat and he could see it was shaking. 

 

“Mag…...Magnus? My...m..my son, Magnus? But I thought …….I don't fucking believe this.” Her voice quivered. 

 

When Magnus had seen the photo for the first time, there was a part of him that had hoped that a mistake had been made, that this absolute stranger couldn't possibly be the woman who had walked away from him all those years ago. He had stared at the image before him, hoping that this waif like creature wasn't his actual flesh and blood. 

 

But she was, and she had all but just confirmed it. 

 

“Y-yes, Ms.Yazir, it’s me. Magnus.” He couldn't bring himself to call her mother, the term too intimate a connection for someone he didn't even know. 

 

“How did you…. How did you find me? I don't… come in, come in.” She stammered and after a quick look up and down the street from the doorway, she widened the door and he stepped inside.

 

The door opened up into a small living room, the furniture looked like it had seen better days, and a small flat screen that had been muted, was on in one corner. A small space heater was opposite a worn leather recliner that had a rug crumpled on the seat. 

 

Sana led him through the room and into a kitchen that was no more than a couple of cupboards, a single sink and a stove. There was a small table and chairs with old cracked vinyl on the seats and she pulled one out for Magnus and he sat cautiously, hearing the material crunch under his backside. The air was filled with the smell of stale oil, coffee and cigarette smoke. 

 

“So, you want a coffee?” Sana asked him, and she looked both nervous and expectantly at him. 

 

“Yes, thank you.” He replied, and he didn't want to deny her hospitality. He got the idea that she didn't get many visitors. 

 

Sana shuffled over to the cupboard and took down two mugs and then filled the electric kettle and flicked it on.

 

“So, what brings you here after all these years? I would of thought you didn't want nothin’ more to do with me after...well, after all this time.” She said, not looking at him but spooning instant coffee into the mugs. 

 

“Thats.. That’s not entirely true. I’ve thought of you often over the years.” It wasn't a complete lie. 

 

He had, just not very fondly.

 

She gave a wheezy snort of laughter, “Yeah, right. I bet. Well, if you’ve come after an early inheritance then you’re gonna be disappointed. What ya see is what I got, which ain't much.” Sana said to him, almost matter of factly. 

 

“Is that what you think? That I just wanted money off of you?” Magnus couldn't help the sound of disbelief in his voice. 

 

“Well why else would you bother with me after all this time, eh? I got nothin’ boy, just my weekly welfare check and that’s it.” She said, bringing the two mugs over to the table and then getting a carton of milk from the fridge that was making whirring, clicking noises.

 

Magnus had been worried about how he would start off the conversation he needed to have with his mother; he hadn’t wanted to upset her, not after all this time apart, but things needed to be said. He also hadn't expected some big hearts and flowers reunion either, but getting accused of coming back just to ask for money from her was making his temper rise.

 

“Sana, you left me at a diner in a strange town, alone, and never looked back. You clearly didn't give a fuck about me or what would happen to me when you walked away. You just left. Do you know what that does to a little kid?” 

 

He’d been wearing his glasses that had the heavy tinted lens, but in his anger, he took them off, and he hadn't thought about what he did until he saw the look on her face.

 

They still terrified her. 

 

“You never got that fixed then” she said, taking a cigarette out of a crumpled packet on the table and lighting it with shaking hands. 

 

“No, Sana. It’s taken me a lot of time, pain and energy but I’ve come to accept them. They are part of me and who I am.” It wasn't until that exact moment that he knew that he actually meant it. He had spent a lifetime hiding many things , his unique eye colour included, well no more. 

No more hiding. 

 

“Whatever. Good for you.” Sana Yazir just sat opposite him, smoking. There was no hint of an explanation as to why she had done what she had all those years ago and had put an end to any sort of normal childhood he could of had. 

 

It wasn't good enough. 

 

Magnus had come here to get answers, to finally hear the words, no matter how hard they might be to hear, so he could finally put his past in his rear view mirror and get on with the rest of his life. 

 

“I want to know why, why you dumped me at that place and didn't give a shit about doing it.” He said, fixing her tired looking brown eyes with his. 

 

She shifted nervously on her chair and took a mouthful of coffee before saying anything. 

 

“I couldn't handle it anymore, okay? I was a dumb fucking kid, seventeen years old when i got knocked up by your father. I didn't have a friggin’ clue what to do with a kid. My parents kicked me out as soon as they found out. We moved into that little apartment together and when you were born I couldn't handle it. He was better with you than I was, but then he got in with some bad people and it all started goin’ to shit.” 

 

Sana stood up and went to drawer and got something out. He returned to the table and Magnus at first thought that she had just gotten another cigarette but after she lit it, he could tell that it wasn't tobacco. 

 

“Things got real bad with your father and me about then and he’d just gotten a job on a construction site. He started treatin’ me like I was a piece of trash, that I did try to go out to work or nothin’ before he finally left I started sellin’ drugs behind his back cause he never gave me any money, and before I knew it, you had grown up into this little kid. By then I was drinkin’ pretty heavy and the drugs had fucked me up pretty bad too. I just couldn't handle it anymore. I still only young. I didn't know any better.”

 

So that was it, he’d been a mistake from the second he'd been conceived. Somehow, he had always known that, It wasn't hard to work out. He was passed getting hurt by the thought of it.  But she had abandoned him for the sake of her next hit and the next bottle of whatever it was she drowned her sorrows in. A hit was more important than her own flesh and blood. 

 

“You never wondered what happened to me? Never wanted to come looking for me?” Magnus asked her, his voice low and hurt.

 

He hated this, he hated feeling like this after all this time. That he still wanted this worn down, damaged creature in front of him that fate had made his mother, to have thought about him and care about his welfare, even in the smallest of ways. 

 

“I told ya, I was screwed up from whatever shit I was high on at the time. I got arrested a couple of months after I left you and they made me got through a detox programme. It lasted a year or two but then I got hooked again. I’ve been clean now for two years I only smoke weed from time to time. I figured that you'd hate me enough that you wouldn't want nothin’ to do with me anyway. That you’d be better off without me anyway.” She said, looking out the grubby window beside the back door. 

 

“I was a kid, Sana. I needed my mother. Or, I thought I did. Maybe you were right.” Magnus gave a resigned sigh. Knowing what she had been like then, he was beginning to think that maybe she had done him a favour. 

 

“So, where you okay?” It was the first slightly motherly thing she had said that he could ever remember her saying to him. 

 

“I survived. It wasn't all bad, but it wasn't all good either.”  He said, flatly. 

 

“You ever get married or anything?”  She asked.

 

“No, I haven’t.” It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her that it was because of his fucked up upbringing that he had never had a proper relationship but what would be the point. It wouldn't make any difference now. 

 

He doubted that she would care or that she was even capable of caring, god knows how much damage drugs and alcohol had done to her. 

 

“You turned out pretty good lookin’. You should get yourself a girl.” She said, lighting another cigarette.

 

Did he tell her? That he wasn't just attracted to women? No, she didn't need to know that. She didn't deserve to know too much about him at all. She had forfeited that right the night she dumped him at the diner. 

 

“I think it’s time that I left. I just wanted to tell you that I no longer blame you for anything, Sana. What happened to me when I was a kid no longer matters to me. Yes, I had a lot of resentment to you and I think about all the nights I cried myself to sleep wishing I had my mother with me and how alone I felt. But I'm not alone anymore, and I can go on with my life and leave everything else in the past where it belongs.”

 

He wanted to cry, to drop right there and sob his pain out of his eyes, he wanted here to pick him up and take him in her arms, to hug him as if he was still a child and whisper how much she loved him in his ears, then maybe he can feel whole again. But that would never happen, so he looked at her dead in the eyes, his gaze steady as his heart beated. 

 

“I’m sorry that I was a burden to you and that my life made yours hard, but I guess neither of us got what we wanted. I grew up in spite of it but you seemed to have been crippled by it. I won't be back here, you can go on with your life without me, like you wanted.”

 

Magnus stood up and then, without looking back, started walking to the door. He heard the chair scrape on the floor behind him.

 

“Why didn't you ever call me mama?” She said, still in the kitchen. 

 

Once again, Sana Yazir wasn't going after him, but at least, this time, it was him walking away.

 

He stopped and turned. “Because you have to deserve that title. You don’t. Good bye, Sana.” 

 

He was almost to the end of the street before he stopped and took in a deep breath; he hadn't even realised he’d been holding it.

 

As much as he told himself he didn't care, he still found himself turning back towards the house, that small child still inside him hoping to see his mother coming running after him, begging him for forgiveness or at the very least watching him walk out of her life for the final time. But there was no sign of her. No sad face at a window, no resigned figure at the front door, nothing. 

 

It hadn't been the complete closure he’d wanted, but then again, he wasn't sure exactly what he’d been expecting anyway. He felt like he should of been hurt, angry, raging about her lack of empathy for what she had done to him as a kid, but he felt none of it. He didn't care what she thought anymore. He had said what he’d come to say, more or less, and like the growing mid morning sunlight, he could feel himself growing lighter, he was hurting still but lighter nonetheless.

 

He found a cab and as he headed back to the motel, he took out his phone and called Alec. 

 

He answered it straight away, his voice had a hint of panic and concern but most certainly excitement. “Magnus, are you alright?” 

 

Suddenly, everything that had happened hit him and Magnus began to shake. His eyes prickled and tears began to run down his cheeks, as if his body was trying to rid itself of the unpleasantness, the bitterness of being rejected yet again by his mother and god the path she has chosen for herself. 

 

“Magnus! what’s happened, talk to me.” Alec’s voice was saying, and he could hear the desperation in it. 

 

He needed someone to care for him the way Sana never did. He needed to let go, of everything that held him back.

 

He cried into the phone.

 

“Alexander…” 


End file.
